Never Too Soon

by Tamika Christy

  Bill didn’t move, lest he lose his life. Catie’s hands shook ferociously. Bill’s tears mixed with the blood trickling down his chest.

  “You tortured me as a kid. Why, Bill?” She clutched the knife harder. “Because somebody did it to you? Did somebody come into your room at night and rape you? Is that why you decided to hurt an innocent little girl who just wanted to go to school and dress her dolls? A little girl who thought you were a nice man who made her mama happy? A little girl who baked cookies for you, only for you to repay her by sticking your dirty fat fingers inside of her while she cried? Is that why?”

  As quickly as Catie had brandished the knife, she pulled it away. Bill slid to the floor holding his neck and staring at her in horror.

  “You’re not worth it. Not worth my time or my freedom, and you’re not worth my peace of mind. You lost then, and you lose now. Your life will always be hell, and mine is just beginning.”

  Catie knelt down to face him. She now knew that for as awful as he was, what happened to her wasn’t her fault. She knew what she had to do. It was one of the hardest things she would ever do in her life, but she needed to be free. Free to love and free to parent the beautiful soul growing inside her. Free to love Antoine and allow him to love her. She needed to be free and in order to do that, she had to release her anger and relieve him of his power.

  “I forgive you, Bill,” she said to the pathetic man balled up on the floor. “You have twenty-four hours to pack your shit and get out of my mother’s house.”

  At home in Piedmont, Catie took a shower and changed her clothes. She drained spaghetti and took the garlic bread from the oven. She had made a critical breakthrough and she was feeling good. She still had a long way to go, but she was ready to regain control of her life, one day at a time.

  She and Antoine had made mistakes, but Dr. Rhonda had encouraged Catie to think about whether she really wanted to end their relationship. It would be hard to peel back the layers of their long silence, but by compromising and communicating, she would be able to decide once and for all if Antoine was worth it. If they were worth it.

  Shortly after dinner was ready, Antoine arrived home with an expression that Catie didn’t recognize. He sat down at the table without greeting her and she immediately knew that something was off. He stared at her for a long time, tapping his finger on the table.

  She stood directly in front of him and folded her arms across her chest. What the hell could be bothering him now? Catie opened her mouth to speak, but Antoine beat her to it.

  “When were you going to tell me your mother was alive?”

  All of her plans flew out of the window. How did he know? When did he find out? She sat down, feeling weak, her head spinning.

  “I planned to tell you.” Her voice sounded like straw. She grabbed her stomach. Ouch. It felt like all her problems were ripping their way out of her.

  He got in her face. “What kind of person pretends their mother is dead? Huh? What kind of person?” He was yelling. She’d never seen him this way. He was always so calm and forgiving. His fists were balled and his face was contorted. She wasn’t afraid, but she was uncomfortable. Ouch!

  How could she have done this to him? He and Wanda always took special care with Catie on Mother’s Day, and they even celebrated Leah’s birthday each year in memory of her. Antoine had never questioned all the stories Catie told about her mom being dead. Why would he? She wasn’t even sure why she lied. It just came out one day and it made her past seemed simpler, so she stuck with it.

  “Antoine, I didn’t know how to tell you. I was scared.” She bent over as far as she could, cradling her stomach.

  He snorted, a look of disgust on his face. “Scared? You’re not scared of anything. Not the Great Caitlin Murphy. You walk around with a chip on your shoulder the size of South America, and now you want to claim you were scared? I’m not buying it. You are a straight-up fraud.”

  The rage that swelled inside her made her voice stronger. “Antoine, give me a break. Do you think this was my plan? It just happened. People assumed she was dead, and I went with it. I know it was bad that I lied, but I was scared to tell you. To tell anyone.” The pain was getting more intense. She did her breathing exercises.

  “Wow.” He laughed sarcastically. “So you can tell me that you’ve slept with half of North America, but you can’t tell me the person who gave birth to you is alive?”

  Antoine never brought up her sordid past of prostitution and bad decisions. It was an unspoken vow that he had just broken.

  “Antoine, please. I’m sorry.” Catie sobbed.

  “I can’t do this anymore.” Antoine backed away from her. “I learned how to live with your extravagant tastes and stubbornness. I let you control what I wear and eat. I allowed you to make me look stupid in front of your clients and friends. But lying to me about something like this is different. This is bullshit!” He punched the wall. “Ouch. Fuck!”

  “Antoine!”

  “What! What, Catie?” He circled the kitchen table. “You told me your mother was dead. That is beyond unacceptable, Catie. Beyond!”

  Catie couldn’t stand the hypocrisy for another minute. “Antoine, seriously? Are you going to sit here and act all self-righteous while you have been fooling around with some trampy masseuse?” Her accusation didn’t come out as strong as she would have liked. She knew it was wrong to deflect and throw daggers, but the old Catie was all about defending herself, no matter what.

  His slack face confirmed her worst fears, but she plowed ahead, despite the increasing pain. “Yeah, I know all about it. How could you do that to me while I’m carrying our baby, Antoine? No, I didn’t tell you about my mother, and I’m sorry, but I didn’t disrespect our relationship either.”

  Everyone knows it’s never a good idea to throw stones when you live in a glass house, and this crystal mansion was toppling.

  “Wow.” Antoine sat down again. “I have tried to be everything I can to you. In every way. All I wanted to do was to provide for you and our baby and make both of y’all happier than you could imagine. That’s all. I’m simple. I don’t need a lot of stuff. I just need to make my woman happy, and I can’t even do that.” He put his head in his hands.

  “I guess not.”

  He stood up. “Fine. I’m out.”

  “Antoine!” Catie screamed as something insider her burst. “ANTOINE!”

  He turned around. “Oh my God!”

  TWENTY FIVE

  Phone to her ear, Anaya watched the sunset from her office window as she listened to Ava talk breathlessly about Joe’s new job. Most of her staff had gone for the day, so the office was quiet. Anaya was still relishing in the board’s final approval of the development agreement. She looked up and was surprised to hear Natalie shuffling papers at her desk. Overtime wasn’t allowed unless absolutely necessary, and there was nothing about Natalie’s job responsibilities that required overtime. Not unless someone had added snooping to her job description without telling Anaya.

  “Oh, and Marie says not to forget the sparkling Evian.”

  “She texted me three times about it already.” Anaya sighed. Uncle Allen was away on a business trip, and a raccoon had come through Marie’s dog door a couple of days ago. Now Marie and her yorkie Pinot refused to go home until Allen was back. The joys of family.

  She heard someone clear their throat and looked over to see Natalie peeking into her office. Hopefully whatever Natalie wanted would be better than raccoon invaders and grocery store runs.

  “Listen, Ava, I have to go, but I’ll see you tonight. Bye.”

  She hung up and turned to her assistant, who was in full violation of the dress code in a tight leather skirt and low-cut blouse. Natalie had been peeking in and out of Anaya’s office all day. That morning, Jayde had stopped by to tell Anaya about rumors swirling around that Wendy was out to get Anaya and that Anaya’s job was on the line. Somehow, the whole office already knew about it, but it would take more than petty disdain to
get rid of Anaya. Anaya knew her job, the board respected her and, at the moment, Wendy needed her. But she wasn’t going to share any of that with nosey Natalie.

  “Natalie, tomorrow when you get in, send a PDF of the Endless Opportunities for Youth report to the director at New Beginnings, make sure staff is set up for training for the new system upgrade, and please send a reminder email to those who need to attend. Also get the mailings for the library grant proposal out, and please schedule an appointment for me to tour the new library. I’ve promised Tina for weeks that I would be up there soon.”

  Natalie nodded from the doorway but didn’t budge.

  Anaya raised her eyebrows. “How can I help you, Natalie?” No matter what Anaya said, she couldn’t give Natalie what she wanted. The Senate Intelligence Committee couldn’t give Natalie what she wanted. Natalie’s thirst for gossip was insatiable.

  Natalie took that question as an invitation to sit down. “I didn’t really want anything. I’m glad the board finally approved the development agreement. That was a big deal.”

  “Yes it was,” Anaya agreed. She and the task force would be having celebratory drinks in a few weeks.

  “You were the star of the show. Wendy tried to pretend she was in your corner, but we all know she’s a hater.”

  “Was there anything I can help you with, Natalie?”

  “I was just wondering if you were okay. You haven’t been yourself lately.” She crossed her legs and leaned forward.

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Come on, boss lady. You are different. I’ve been working for you for a long time, and this is not you.”

  “I’m fine except that I have a ton of work to do, as I’m sure you know. So if you don’t need anything, can you close the door behind you please?”

  “Man, it’s just so crazy,” Natalie said, completely ignoring Anaya’s request and continuing the conversation. “Are you planning to leave the county?”

  Anaya was ready to physically kick Natalie from the room when she looked up to see Jeff standing hesitantly at her door. He looked handsome in a navy suit and no tie. Sometimes she wished he would shave that beard just to break the spell he had over her. Damn him.

  Anaya sat up straighter in her seat and mindlessly fixed her hair. Natalie looked back and forth between her and Jeff with curiosity.

  “Hey,” Jeff said lightly. “I rang the bell at the reception desk, but no one answered.”

  “Oh.” Natalie giggled and looked at her wrist. “Deena is gone for the day. Most of the guys don’t work past five around here.” She gave Jeff the once-over and looked at Anaya again. Anaya hid her feelings behind a mask of professionalism and a barely there smile.

  “Come in.” Anaya waved Jeff inside her office. “Natalie, you’ve worked a long day. You can head home.”

  Natalie stood slowly. She watched the dynamics for a few seconds more before asking, “Can I get anybody coffee or water?” She looked back and forth between the two of them. “Or wine?” She laughed.

  “No, thank you, Natalie,” Anaya said. She tried to hide her irritation, but it wasn’t working. This would come up in her review again this year.

  Natalie reached the door, and Jeff stepped inside.

  “Open or closed, boss lady?”

  “Closed.”

  “Closed? Are you sure?” She raised her eyebrows as if Anaya should reconsider her answer.

  “Yes, closed.”

  Natalie sniffed and closed the door, and Anaya was left in her small office, lit in rose by the setting sun, with Jeff. He sat down in Natalie’s recently vacated chair.

  Anaya was responsible for a multi million-dollar budget. She managed personnel issues, labor negotiations, and constituent problems, but somehow, her personal life had become too much for her. She knew how many floors to add to the multicultural center downtown, and how to revitalize an entire neighborhood, but had no idea what to do with the man sitting across from her. Why did he have to come back into her life, and why was he so damn handsome? She tapped her pen on her desk, hoping to distract herself from his cologne.

  “How are you, pretty lady?”

  She stopped tapping the pen and tilted her head to the side. That was a loaded question. The pretty lady is tired, irritated, and confused.

  “I’m okay. I’m glad we are finally finished with the heavy lifting of the project.”

  “Yes,” Jeff nodded. “I was holding my breath when the supes were voting on the final agreement.”

  “But they voted for it,” Anaya reminded him. “And the RFP went out and our primary contractor is local and committed to seventy percent hire even though he’s required to only do fifty.” Once Wendy was out of the way, everything about the project had gone better than she could have hoped.

  “You were amazing through all of this,” he said. “You could have just let Wendy take the reins, but you fought for what you knew was right and a deserving, local contractor got the job. You changed a lot of people’s lives forever, you know that?” Jeff was suddenly serious.

  She waved a hand. “I don’t know about all that. I’m just happy things were done the right way.”

  “Me too,” he agreed. “So, how are you doing?” She didn’t recognize his expression. Admiration? Pity? Lust?

  She looked away and then back up at him. Now was not the time to tell him anything. “Oh, I’m okay, Jeff. Nothing I can’t handle.”

  “You aren’t okay. Don’t forget I know you. Now that the agreement is signed, I know there’s something else bothering you. I can sense it. I’ve sensed it from the day we started working together.” He stood up and walked around the desk until he was standing right next to her. Too close.

  “Yes, you know me.” She sighed and slid her chair back a little to put some space between them. “You won’t let me forget.”

  “Does that bother you?” He sat on the edge of her desk and put a hand on her arm. Way too close.

  “No,” she managed weakly.

  “I don’t know everything that is happening with you, but I know it’s been bananas around here.” He gazed intensely into her eyes. “You take care of a lot of people, but you gotta remember to take care of you. That’s one thing about you that hasn’t changed. Your nurturing spirit won’t allow you to be selfish enough to take time for yourself even when you need it. I’m not here to take anything from you. I just want to know what I can do to make things better.”

  She smiled at him gratefully, then looked away and studied her hands. “That’s nice of you. I appreciate that. More than you know.”

  “I love you,” he said, and she looked up in shock. His eyes held her. “I wanted to tell you since the day I saw you at lunch. I can’t stop thinking about you, and my life is incomplete without you.”

  Hold up. She stood up and took a step back, shoulders hitting the wall. She leaned against it for support. What kind of trickery was this? Coming to her office pretending to be supportive, then bam. He loved her?

  “Jeff . . .”

  “Let me finish.” He held up a hand. “I also know you need something else right now. And that’s what I will be. I will be whatever you need.”

  She shook her head, trying to process it all. First, he was her friend, then he was in love, and now he was just her friend again? She didn’t know what to say.

  “You are a special lady.” He reached for her hands, and she cautiously let him take them. His hands were warm and a little rough. “You are wise beyond your years. But you also have to learn to put yourself first sometimes. At some point, you are going to do what makes you happy. Not what makes everybody else happy.”

  “I don’t know what I feel anymore.” She was bursting at the seams with uncertainty and fear. Fear of letting go, fear of holding on, fear of moving on, and fear of being herself. The naval base project had eaten all her time as she tried to do the best she could for the citizens she served. Now she was thinking about finding a new job and a new place to live. Her home was a disaster thanks t
o Ava, whom she loved dearly but couldn’t live with. And her issues with Carl brought tears to her eyes regularly. Ever since they started dating, she had assumed he would be the one when she was ready for marriage. He was everything she had always wanted and more. Now they weren’t even talking.

  And what about Jeff? She had denied her feelings for Jeff as long as she could, but something was there. But what was it? Was she happy to finally get to know him in a way she never had before? Was it the undeniable physical attraction? His charm and intellect? She wasn’t sure what it was, but she found herself thinking about him when she shouldn’t, and wanting to talk to him when she should be talking to Carl.

  But she loved Carl. He was her man, her companion, the person she had devoted her time and heart too. The person who supported her more than anyone. Maybe she didn’t have real feelings for Jeff. Maybe the feelings were left over from the past, some kind of side effect of the rough ending of their relationship, and it would go away soon.

  She started to cry. Jeff stroked her hair, and she surrendered to his arms even as his touch made her cry harder. In between sobs, she tried to pull it together. Her cluttered desk was evidence of her busy days and late nights. When she calmed down, he lifted her chin so she would look at him.

  “Maybe it’s time to start thinking about you.”

  “You might be right,” she whispered.

  “I will always do what’s best for you, and right now, you need me to be your friend, and that’s what I will be. Nothing more, nothing less. No pressure. I promise.”

  “Thank you, Jeff.”

  He wiped a tear away and kissed her on the top of the head.

  “You are beautiful even when you are snotty and in distress.” He handed her a tissue. She laughed uneasily.

  Suddenly the door opened, and Anaya practically jumped away from Jeff.

  Natalie stuck her head around the door. “Boss lady, Carl is here.”

  Holy hell. Anaya had told Natalie a thousand times to wait for a response after knocking, and after a thousand times, Natalie still didn’t listen.