Penumbra

by Dan Ackerman

  “Just as fake as us sleeping together.”

  “That kiss didn’t look fake. You got carried into the Public Chamber the other day, was that fake, too?”

  “Yes.”

  “Arden.”

  “It was! My uncle’s up to something, we’re trying to figure out what it is. Morris has to believe he’s got, uh, influence over me through Oggie. Otherwise, he’ll try something else.”

  “I don’t like it,” Rhys sulked.

  Arden blew a raspberry.

  “Be careful.”

  Arden pushed the tablet back toward him. “Are you going to be ready for Council tomorrow?”

  “Mhm.”

  “You plan on coming to check on Engineering Three with me?”

  “Unless you’re telling me not to.”

  “Might as well jump right back into it.” Arden poked his head into Oggie’s room. “I’m heading out.”

  “What for?” Oggie called from the bathroom.

  “Work, Og.”

  “Come in here for a second.”

  Arden went into the bathroom. “What?”

  Oggie pulled back the shower curtain half-way. “I’m sorry I made a fool of myself like that. I just…you know, coming out of the guestroom felt a little suspicious if we’re sleeping together.”

  “Oh, I’d make you sleep in your own room anyway if we were, I’ve heard you snoring.”

  “You awful beast!”

  Arden smiled at him.

  Oggie reached out a hand.

  Arden took it and gave a reassuring squeeze. “See you for dinner.”

  “Bye, sugar.”

  “And hey.”

  “Hmm?”

  “Play nice with Rhys.”

  “Absolutely no promises on that.” Oggie closed the shower curtain.

  Arden smiled about that all the way to Engineering.

  It took a few days to readjust to having Rhys by his side. The Council seemed actively relieved to see him at meetings again, with a few exceptions.

  Cole smiled at him and asked him how he’d been, which Arden resented a little. Rhys had, after all, broken his heart.

  It was nice, though, to have someone to talk to again, someone who understood Eden as well, or better, than he did.

  By the end of the week, Rhys reported that a few of Oggie’s coworkers had taken to harassing him. Over what, Rhys didn’t say, but Arden had them reassigned and went down to Crystal to personally chew out the supervisor for letting it go unaddressed.

  Mara watched him chew out the supervisor, her face cold and unreadable. When it was over, she said, “Must be nice.”

  “What?”

  “Og has it made these days. New clothes, fancy apartment, someone to watch his back, and all he needs to do is blow you. Must be nice to have friends in high places.” She said it like an accusation.

  Arden had to remind himself not to bristle. “Maybe you’d know if you weren’t so fucking mean all the time, Mara.”

  She glared.

  “Is someone giving you trouble?”

  “No one has the balls.”

  He believed that.

  As if she resented having to ask, she inquired, “How is Oggie?”

  “You see him at work, don’t you?” He knew they didn’t always work the same shifts, but Oggie mentioned having seen his sister pretty frequently. Once or twice a week, he had a story about something the two of them had gotten up to at work.

  She shrugged. “Yeah, but he’s a liar. He says he’s fine.”

  Arden debated what he should share. “Come over and see him.”

  “Has he been drinking?”

  “Uh. Yes.”

  “Good.”

  “Sorry?”

  “If he’s not drinking, he’ll get up to something worse,” she said.

  “Come over for dinner.”

  “I’m working.”

  “We’re up late.”

  She scowled. “Whatever. I’ll think about it.”

  Oggie came home that night, stood in front of the couch, and demanded, “What did you do?”

  “Hmm?” Arden glanced up.

  “Tylia is pissed at me.”

  He set down his tablet. “Is she giving you a hard time?”

  “No, she was super extra nice, which is absolutely terrifying. What did you do?” Oggie asked.

  “I. Did I overstep? You wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.”

  Oggie crossed his arms.

  Arden took his hand. “And you were coming home so upset!”

  “Can’t believe you got involved,” he mumbled.

  “I…” Fuck, he wanted to cry or throw up. He’d go back to a shot of Twelve every morning if these were the feelings he’d been staving off.

  “I’m not mad, sugar!” Oggie added quickly. He sat and put his arms around Arden. “Just surprised.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m not the sort that gets looked out for.”

  Arden squeezed him. “Well, that’s what friends do.”

  “Careful, sugar, I might fall in love,” he teased.

  Arden giggled.

  “What do you want to drink?” He pulled out of Arden’s arms and headed towards the bar.

  “You’re making me fat, you know.”

  Oggie laughed. “What!”

  “A lot of extra calories in those drinks.”

  “Sugar, you look perfect. I can still count all your ribs and everything.”

  Arden snorted. He approached the bar. “Sure, ribs. The sexiest thing since lacey undies.”

  “Oh, no lacey stuff for me.”

  “No?”

  “Straps,” Oggie declared with a shimmy of his shoulders. “Buckles.” He bit his lower lip.

  “Oggie,” Arden half-scolded.

  He grinned. “All tied up so I can give those ribs a good count. Or how about the notches in your spine…”

  Arden didn’t know if he was serious or not. Pointing out how unbecomingly thin he’d made himself didn’t seem like flirting but Oggie looked strangely hungry when he’d said it. He didn’t know if he wanted Oggie to mean it.

  Oggie didn’t look like he knew either. He stared at Arden for a moment, then started making a pitcher of drinks in a hurry. “Mara said she’d be gracing us with her bright and cheery company tonight. Your idea?”

  “She’s your sister.”

  “Hmm. I’m really going to have to fake it. She knows what it looks like when I’m sleeping with someone.”

  “Pointers?” Arden asked.

  “Yeah, treat me like shit and talk to me like I’m an idiot.”

  “Yikes.”

  “Yikes,” Oggie agreed. He took a sip of his drink. He handed Arden a glass. “A little strong, but you’ll need it.”

  “Mara isn’t that bad.”

  “No, but I’m going to tell you my sexual history, so you won’t act surprised when she brings things up to embarrass me.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I’d rather have you hear it from me in any case.”

  Arden tried his drink and made a face.

  “I knew you wouldn’t like it…” Oggie sighed.

  “No, just, it’s sour! I wasn’t expecting it. It’s nice.” He took another sip to prove his point.

  They made themselves comfortable on the couch and for two hours, told stories back and forth about what they’d done, where they’d done it, and occasionally with whom. Oggie had started listing things off clinically and Arden had felt the need to chime in, to tell the funniest sex story he had.

  He’d wanted to make him laugh, not hear him rattle off exes and exploits.

  His retelling of Kenji Saito throwing up on his dick had lightened the mood and in exchange, Oggie had offered the story of how he’d literally run away the first time he’d seen someone else naked.

  “It was just…there, ugh, just all red and angry-looking. Throbbing.” Oggie shuddered. “I didn’t even try with anyone for a whole year after that.”

&n
bsp; By the time Mara arrived, they were drunk, and anything she said to get a rise out of either of them provoked a giggle fit.

  Eventually, they got her drunk, too, and she lightened up. She wasn’t nice, but she wasn’t so aggressive.

  Oggie stayed glued to Arden’s side the whole time. Complimenting him, playing with his hair, kissing his fingers and throat and wrist. He’d squeeze Arden’s thigh and make insinuations about what they’d do later.

  Mara let it be known that she found the display disgusting.

  When she left, Oggie stayed glued to Arden but got less handsy.

  Arden got him a glass of water and put him to bed.

  “Sugar?” Oggie held on to his hand but spoke into his pillow.

  “Hmm.”

  “You want to stay?”

  “I don’t know, tell me again about the time you shit all over your boyfriend’s bed. That was attractive.”

  “I was fifteen! How good were you at fucking when you were fifteen?” Oggie demanded petulantly. “He was old enough to know better, I don’t even feel bad. He couldn’t have given a fellow a heads up?”

  Arden sniggered. “Get some sleep, Og.”

  “Maybe I’ll come puke on your dick later.”

  Arden gave him a playful smack. “Good night.”

  He couldn’t go to bed. He lingered in Oggie’s doorway, watching him twist and burrow until he got comfortable. When Oggie hadn’t moved for a few minutes, when Arden could hear his quiet, steady breaths turn into gentle snores, he left and curled up in his own bed.

  He dreamed of stupid things, petty worries leftover from his childhood and dredged up by too much drinking. He stood alone on Terra’s dust, surrounded by hungry cannibals. He didn’t know if Terra had cannibals, but people had made movies about it and he’d always been overly influenced by movies. He fought and ran, clawed his way out of people’s grasps, twisted in their arms, and ran some more.

  This dream had worried Mama. She’d brought him to talk to a therapist about it, who’d simply called Arden an ‘anxious, sensitive child’ and prescribed a series of mindfulness exercises.

  The next night, when he couldn’t shake the dreams, he got up and woke Oggie, and made him watch a light-hearted movie with him.

  Oggie fell asleep during the movie, bunched up on the couch with his head on Arden’s thigh, but the weight reassured Arden as surely as the fluffy, serene images on his tablet.

  “Sugar, you’ve got to breathe,” Oggie scolded.

  “I am breathing,” Arden lied through gritted teeth.

  Oggie said, “I can feel you not breathing.”

  “It hurts.”

  Oggie eased up. “Hurts like we should stop or hurts like it’s mild discomfort and you’re a big baby?”

  “Like I’m a baby,” Arden admitted.

  “Last one. Roll over.”

  Arden rolled onto his stomach and Oggie twisted him into another stretch he promised would help with Arden’s back.

  “I worked for three years doing PT in the med center on deck seven,” he’d told Arden. Then he’d taken it upon himself to torture Arden with a series of stretches.

  When Oggie finally released Arden, he had to admit his back did feel better. Much better. He’d slept funny, or done something during practice, he didn’t know, but the stretches had worked. He’d heard it got easier to do these sorts of things as he got older and thirty-six wasn’t as far off as it had been.

  He lay on the floor, his arms folded beneath his chin. “Why don’t you work in PT anymore?”

  “Mmm. I might have gotten fired.”

  “For what?”

  Oggie declined to answer.

  “For what, Og? I can just look it up.”

  “I might have been stealing things, but you know, they never proved it.”

  Arden snorted.

  Oggie kissed the back of his head. “You’re tense all over, sugar. I can fix that, too.” He smoothed his hands down Arden’s back, his fingertips warm through the thin fabric of Arden’s undershirt.

  Arden nearly said yes.

  Oggie dug a knuckle into Arden’s back so hard that Arden whimpered, high and breathy.

  It felt terrible and blissful all at once.

  Oggie did it again.

  Arden rolled away. His skin felt empty where Oggie had touched him, cold where it should have been warm, and raw and yearning all at once. He wanted that pressure back. He shouldn’t have.

  Oggie watched him, green eyes trained on Arden, lips slightly parted.

  “Ow,” Arden said pointedly past the lump in his throat.

  “Didn’t you like it just a little bit?” Oggie asked.

  “It hurt.”

  The bright, hungry look in his eyes faded. He dropped his gaze. “Sorry, sugar,” he whispered, sounding more disappointed than apologetic.

  Arden pushed himself up and scooted closer to Oggie. He nudged his leg with his knee. “My back feels better.”

  He cheered a little and smiled at Arden. “I told you to trust me.”

  “It’d be a lot easier if I didn’t think you liked hurting me,” Arden accused gently. He’d meant to keep that thought in.

  Oggie blinked a few times. “I…It’s. Not like that. I don’t want to hurt you, not…Never mind.” He started to stand up.

  Arden put a hand on his arm. “Not never mind. Go ahead.”

  “I’d never do anything that…that really hurt you. You know. Not the kind that lasts. It’s just, I don’t know, sometimes I just, I just want to do something. Just to see what would happen, or just to…to feel it.”

  Arden didn’t understand that at all.

  “I don’t know, Arden, I don’t. I’m nothing put spare parts zipped up in a nice exterior.”

  “Well, maybe ask next time.”

  Oggie pressed his lips together, then chuckled. “Sure. I’ll ask,” he agreed without sounding sincere at all. He sounded sad and doubtful, and something else Arden couldn’t name. “Your back really feels better?”

  “Mhm.”

  He smiled.

  Arden smiled back.

  They sat there smiling at each other.

  They’d gotten good at pretending uncomfortable moments like these never happened. Sometimes Arden wondered if those moments were even that uncomfortable. Sure, he didn’t exactly know how to navigate them, but he didn’t feel bad about them.

  He usually didn’t feel bad around Oggie. Confused or mildly concerned, but that seemed to be a given for anyone who knew him.

  Arden proposed, “Let’s go out.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, uh, I know the Bakers and Zira and Cathie are probably going out tonight. They’re always on my case about going with them.”

  “I don’t want to go to work on my night off,” Oggie protested weakly.

  “So pick a different club. I know you’re going somewhere when you’re out late.”

  “You wouldn’t want to go to that kind of place.”

  “Try me.”

  “And you’d attract a lot of attention…”

  “So?”

  “So, they’re, uh…”

  “Are you doing something illegal?”

  “Usually.”

  Arden gave him a little push. “You know what I meant.”

  “I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, shug. Please, don’t make me tell you.”

  He looked desperate, so Arden agreed, “Alright. Then will you come out tonight with me?”

  Oggie whined, “Shug!”

  “What! Come on, we’ll have fun, and if we don’t, we can leave.”

  “Promise?”

  “I promise.”

  “Fine,” he sulked.

  Arden poked him in the ribs and went off to look through his closet. He brought his tablet along so he could get details of where they’d be from Cole, who must have jumped up and down with excitement judging by how many exclamation points he put in his messages.

  He dressed up, not fancy, but ex
tra nice. Silver shoes, tight black pants, a metallic black top, and the shaggy, silver coat he’d taken from Cathie. Well-made and well-fitting clothes, except for the jacket, but that worked, an outfit put together with care. He did his hair, twisting it up into a bun and shoving in a lot of shiny little pins to keep it in place.

  He skipped the makeup. He hadn’t touched the stuff in years and didn’t trust himself not to mess it up.

  Plus, he thought as he surveyed himself in the mirror, he looked pretty good anyway. Not so pinched and gaunt these days.

  He smiled at his reflection. His mouth wasn’t too thin. It balanced out the wideness of his eyes. He had a nice smile when he meant it. A fuller mouth would have looked out of place on his face.

  He looked good, he decided again.

  He smiled at Oggie when they met up in the living room. “You look great!” he declared.

  “Look at you dressed up, shug.” Oggie looked perfect. He would have looked great in an old sack but dressed up in luxe clothes and his hair carefully disheveled he looked radiant.

  For once, though, Arden didn’t feel shabby in comparison. He was glad to have someone so special on his arm, even if it was fake.

  Cole grinned when he saw Arden, but his face fell when he saw Oggie. He kissed Arden’s cheek and said, “Glad you came out tonight!”

  Arden let go of Oggie to give Cole a squeeze.

  He hugged everyone, the whole group that had turned out tonight. He even hugged Zira. When he finished greeting everyone, he turned back to Oggie.

  He looked sort of scared.

  Arden took his hand and brought him in closer to the group.

  Everyone looked them over.

  Evaluating them.

  Checking for weaknesses, in their own ways. He knew the look on each of them.

  “Drinks?” he offered.

  They held up their glasses.

  “What do you want, shug?” Oggie asked.

  “I’ll get—”

  “Don’t be silly,” Oggie said. He kissed Arden on the cheek and whispered, “Don’t you fucking leave me alone with these people.”

  Arden nodded and let him go. He turned back to find his friends all watching him. “What?”

  “We didn’t know you were bringing anyone,” Mace mentioned.

  “Well, we’re…uh. Well, he’s my…Why shouldn’t I have brought him?” Arden demanded.

  “No one said you shouldn’t have,” Cole soothed. “We’re a little surprised.”