Penumbra

by Dan Ackerman

  Oggie crawled on top of him. He stilled Arden’s movement with his thighs. He didn’t give up tickling, though.

  “Oggie, stop!”

  Oggie’s stopped. He wet his lips.

  “You’re gonna make me pee,” Arden panted.

  Oggie waggled his eyebrows.

  “Ew.”

  “Hey, some people like it,” Oggie reminded. “I mean…it’s not my preference but I’m pretty adaptable.”

  “Not mine either.”

  “That’s another thing we were supposed to do…” Oggie brushed his fingertips over Arden’s throat.

  “We’ll probably have time to get a lemon slush and have sex. Maybe even a few things in between.”

  “I’d also like to go for a walk together. Very public. I want you to absolutely spoil me in public. People have been spreading the most awful rumors.”

  “Such as?”

  “That you only liked me when I was the only man around.”

  “Oh.”

  “Which is stupid, because then they go and follow it up saying they think you’re sleeping with Xio Benevides.”

  “I’m not.”

  “I don’t care if you are, I just don’t want anyone thinking you like her better than me.”

  “I like you better than a lot of people, Xio included.”

  Oggie settled back, seated on Arden’s legs. “You like Darcy better than me.”

  “Darcy is a baby, that’s different.”

  “But if we were both dying and you could only sa—”

  Arden shook his head. “That’s a ridiculous question.”

  “But if you had to.”

  “I never have to. I’m Autarch. I can have whatever I want. And you’re a grown man, so stop being jealous of a literal child.”

  “Maybe I’m just jealous you see her more than me.”

  “Well, if you can convince Rhys to carry you around in a little backpack, that might solve the problem.”

  Oggie narrowed his eyes.

  Arden took his hands. “Come here.”

  Oggie didn’t.

  Arden tugged on the front of his pajamas. “Come here, Oggie.”

  Oggie settled against him. He placed his cheek against Arden’s chest.

  “I’m glad you told me what was wrong. I’ll do better. We can do whatever you want today.”

  Hands knotted in Arden’s shirt. His chest muffled the ugly whimper that pushed out from Oggie’s mouth.

  “Hey.”

  Oggie sat up and pulled away. He sat at the edge of the bed, facing away from Arden. “No, sorry.” He wiped his eyes.

  Arden pushed himself up. “No, it’s…”

  “I’m fine,” Oggie insisted. He wiped his eyes again, then his nose.

  “What’s the matter?”

  Oggie shook his head.

  Arden scooted closer.

  “It’s nothing, it’s really stupid. Just never mind.” Oggie sniffled once more then forced a smile. “Let’s get ready, hmm? I want you to show me off like I’m the prettiest boy in Eden.”

  Arden slid over to him. He put a leg on either side of Oggie and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He nuzzled against his throat. “What if I showed you off like you’re the most beautiful boy on Eden and I’m madly in love with you?”

  Oggie didn’t smile or laugh. He pulled one of Arden’s arms across his chest and hugged it tightly. He swallowed.

  “You can tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Just promise you like me, shug.”

  “I promise.”

  “Really promise.”

  Arden squeezed him with his arms and legs. He kissed his cheek. “I really promise.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Oggie sniffed. “I didn’t…You know. I.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “When I was little and waiting for someone to come home, you know, I thought. I thought I’d grow up and someone would love me enough to come home. And I grew up and I realized that’s not how it works. It’s not. I know that. I’m not a little kid anymore.”

  Arden hadn’t considered that. Burying himself in work to sate his guilt and he hadn’t bothered to think about Oggie, one of the truest examples of what the peers had done to the people of Eden.

  “I try so hard to wait up for you and I try to make sure I get up to say goodbye in the morning, but I can’t.” Oggie’s voice thickened. “I’m just waiting again.”

  “It won’t be like that anymore.”

  Oggie leaned against him.

  Arden squeezed him.

  They stayed like that for a while. Until Arden’s throat loosened and Oggie stopped sniffling.

  When Oggie finally pulled away to use the bathroom, Arden fetched his tablet and hurried to set a series of alarms and reminders for himself. No more leaving without saying goodbye, no more falling asleep after five minutes of conversation.

  Oggie deserved better.

  They did everything Oggie wanted that day. Arden didn’t even have to make a show of doting on him publicly, he did it naturally. He couldn’t take his eyes off the other man, he didn’t want to talk to anyone else, and he’d have given him the entire space station if he’d mentioned wanting it.

  Oggie had circles under his eyes that Arden hadn’t noticed before.

  They walked the Solar Deck and Goshawk Alley together. They didn’t actually buy anything at any of the stores.

  In fact, Arden didn’t buy anything other than a pair of lemon slushes.

  Oggie seemed content to have nothing but Arden’s attention. He made a particular show of having Arden wrapped around his finger to certain people, including Xio Benevides.

  Arden assumed he had a list of people who thought Arden no longer enchanted with Oggie’s company. Arden played along. He wondered if he hadn’t given enough consideration to people’s casual comments about him finding someone to settle down with eventually. He hadn’t paid attention to anything anyone had said unless it had to do with work.

  Over dinner with a group that Oggie had picked out, Arden tuned into a hushed conversation at another table.

  More peers complaining.

  He tried not to look at them.

  He couldn’t make everyone happy and he wasn’t foolish enough to try. At least three people a week petitioned him to have Bull released from lockup. Arden had charged him with assault, as well as inciting violence.

  Workers went everywhere in pairs these days.

  So did peers.

  The Terrans traveled in clusters, but that had more to do with their culture than class tension.

  A few people had gotten into fights, although according to Rhys and his other sources among the workers, almost all the incidents represented escalations of long-standing personal tensions between certain peers and workers.

  Three peer-worker couples had stepped out together officially. These, too, were long-standing affairs.

  It had shocked Winslow to find out one of his oldest friends had carried on an affair with a worker for over forty years. The class differences hadn’t worried him, but it had hurt his feelings to know his friend hadn’t told him sooner.

  Arden grabbed Oggie’s hand, seized with a new concern.

  “Oh!” Oggie startled. “Shug, what?”

  “Can we make a stop on the way home?”

  “Sure. Course. Where?”

  “I should check on Winnie.”

  Oggie nodded. He returned to the person he’d been talking to. “Uh. What was I saying?”

  Riley Hmong said, “You said you’d gotten a new job?”

  “Oh! Right. Yes,” Oggie said. “They’d been interviewing people left and right but couldn’t find anyone they liked. Arden practically begged me to take the position.”

  Arden knew better than to contradict him. He took his hand, kissed his knuckles, and added, “You know how I get when I want something.”

  “Oh, who knows what would happen if you ever heard the word no?”

&
nbsp; “I’d probably die of shock.”

  Oggie grinned and it looked genuine enough, making the corner of his eyes crinkle like most of his smiles didn’t. He gave Arden a kiss and that felt genuine as well. Gentle and not as showy as the kisses he usually doled out in public.

  Hands linked, they walked to Winslow’s after dinner.

  Halfway there, Oggie started to grow less genuine and act like more of the vapid trophy he played in front of other people.

  Arden had thought that the façade would drop but he hadn’t taken Oggie out enough for that to happen.

  When they stepped off the lift to Winslow’s hall, Oggie stopped. “What if I met you at home, shug?”

  Arden, a few steps ahead, looked back. “What do you mean?”

  “I.” Oggie glanced down the hall. He stared directly at the door of apartment 207. “I haven’t been here in years.”

  When he checked on Winslow for Arden, they always met somewhere public.

  Arden came to stand beside him. “You don’t have to come.”

  “It isn’t anything about your uncle.”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Last time I was here I ran from here all the way to deck eight. This girl had paid me to…well…anyway, she brought me up here, to uh. To do it. And I just…once I saw that door. That fucking door…” Oggie sighed. “Booked it. Had to give that girl back her money, too.”

  “If you need to go, that’s fine.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I’ll see you soon.”

  Oggie pressed the lift button. Then he grabbed Arden’s sleeve. “Maybe. Maybe go get him. Bring him back for a nightcap or something. I do like him!”

  “Alright.”

  Oggie nodded. He stepped onto the lift.

  As the doors closed, Arden saw him pull his jacket close around himself. He hurried to Winslow’s apartment and let himself inside. “Win!”

  A small yelp indicated Winslow’s location within the apartment.

  Arden went to find him. “Win, hi, get your shoes.”

  “What?”

  “Get your shoes.”

  “I haven’t seen you in months.”

  “I know, that’s why I’m here now.”

  Winslow shook his head. “Has it ever occurred to you that I might have other plans?”

  “Have you got other plans?”

  “Of course, I haven’t got plans, it’s nearly bedtime.”

  Arden looked him over. “No pajamas yet. Come on. Come back for a drink.”

  “A drink.”

  “A nightcap. Please. We were going to come say hi, but Oggie…Please, Winnie.”

  Winslow sighed. He sat on the bed. “Get me the brown ones.”

  Arden went to his closet. He saw two pairs of brown shoes, then another three at the back. “Which brown ones?”

  “Oh, any brown ones, I suppose.”

  Arden grabbed the first pair.

  “Oh, no, not those.”

  “Winnie.”

  “They’re not brown, they’re butterscotch. Brown, Arden.”

  Arden went in and got the pair of shoes that could only be called brown and never by any other color. He unlaced them and placed them in front of his uncle. He sat cross-legged on the bed and waited.

  “You’re still living with that boy?”

  “You know I am. You saw him last week for lunch,” Arden reminded tartly. He had to add, “He’s not a boy. He’s twenty-six.”

  “Practically a child,” Winslow scolded.

  “He’s older than I was when I became Autarch.”

  Winslow huffed but that had more to do with bending over to put on his shoes.

  Arden sighed. He looked at his hands. “Win, do you really think I’m doing something bad with him?”

  “I think…” Winslow placed his hands on his knees and pushed himself up. He puffed.

  Arden climbed off the bed and knelt in front of his uncle. He tied the laces for him.

  “Oh, you don’t…” Winslow sighed. “Thank you.”

  Arden stood. He offered his hand to Winslow to help him stand. “You didn’t answer. You think I shouldn’t be with Oggie.”

  “I’m concerned. You’re not…Arden. You. You have your struggles. And he has his. I don’t see how it would work out.”

  “Well. It will be work. I think that’s usually how things work out.”

  Winslow shook his head at him.

  “I know you think I’m such a spoiled little boy…”

  “It’s not just that. What would your mothers think of this?”

  Arden kept his hold on his uncle’s hand as they walked to the lift. He took his time to think, too. “Mama…I think Mama would like Oggie. Don’t you? I think she’d finally have someone she could dress up. I think she would have loved to buy him the glitteriest, frilliest things and I think he would have loved to try them on for her.”

  Winslow made a wet, sniffling noise.

  “I think they’d have gone to the movies together and he would have made her these fruity, fancy drinks and they would have just ripped those movies apart. I think she would have loved him. I think she would have been really happy for me.”

  Winslow’s bent, knobby fingers tightened on Arden’s. “Maybe you’re right.”

  Arden surreptitiously dabbed his eyes with his sleeve. “I hope so. But I didn’t come here to talk about me! What have you been up to? I haven’t seen you in ages.”

  That provoked a rambling recap of the last few months, complete with all the best society gossip, toned down to be a little politer than how Winslow had heard it, of course.

  Oggie greeted them with steaming mugs. “I made hot toddies. I think they’re so nice to finish off a night. Nobody ever wants one, so I don’t get to make them that often. They should be alright, though.”

  “I’m sure they’re perfect.”

  Winslow took a seat on the couch.

  Arden and Oggie sat on the loveseat but kept themselves apart from each other.

  They all sat with drinks clasped in their hands, now and then checking if they had cooled enough to sip.

  “Uncle Winnie was telling me that he didn’t like that last movie either. What was it?”

  “Together in Time,” Winslow said.

  “Oh, I haven’t seen that one yet. Was it atrocious?” Oggie asked.

  “Absolute drivel,” Winslow confirmed. “No plot at all to speak of.” He sipped his drink and his eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s good!”

  Oggie gave a tight, nervous smile. His cheeks darkened.

  “Oggie makes the best drinks on Eden,” Arden bragged.

  “Chas Markson is better,” Oggie said. “And Delia St. Clair.”

  “Never heard of them,” Arden said.

  “They work the popup circuit, so you…” Oggie trailed off. He sipped his drink and didn’t look at Arden.

  “One of these days you’re going to have to actually tell me what that means.”

  “Doesn’t matter, I haven’t been in ages. You haven’t tried that yet.” Oggie pointed to his drink.

  Arden looked at his glass, which he’d already half-emptied.

  “You’ll have to tell me if it’s any good.”

  “Try it yourself.”

  “You know I don’t drink,” Oggie reminded with a sulk.

  Arden made a show of taking a sip. “It’s delicious.”

  “Feels genuine when you do it like that.”

  Winslow glanced between them.

  Oggie tittered awkwardly, set down his drink, and paced over to the bar. He touched a lot of things and made noise doing it, but as far as Arden could see, he didn’t actually do anything. He went from the bar to the bathroom.

  “Is he alright?” Winslow asked.

  “Not usually,” Arden answered. “Cole’s writing a new book of poems.”

  The change of topics effectively distracted Winslow until Oggie returned.

  When he came back, he’d washed his face and changed into a paj
ama set. He maintained a polite quiet for the rest of Winslow’s visit. He also refilled his drink twice.

  Arden knew better than to say anything in front of Winslow. When he came home from walking Winslow to his apartment, he found Oggie curled up in bed, nested in the covers.

  Too still and quiet to be asleep.

  The room had a faint sour smell.

  Arden scooted next to him. “You feeling okay?”

  “I threw up.”

  “You call for someone to clean up already?”

  “No.”

  Arden got out of bed, stripped off his clothes, and mopped up the small puddle of vomit next to the bed with a towel. He tossed it in the hamper, then brought Oggie a glass of water and made him rinse his mouth when he refused to get up and brush his teeth. Finally, he scooted under the covers next to him.

  He couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t feel patronizing or to ask that wasn’t invasive.

  He put an arm around Oggie’s waist, separated by what felt like six inches of blankets and sheets.

  He woke two hours later than he usually did the next morning. He’d already informed Rhys of his intentions. The response he’d received from his Chamberlain seemed relieved rather than disappointed, which he hadn’t expected.

  Maybe he’d been working everyone too hard, not just himself.

  He gently poked and prodded at Oggie until he woke up.

  Oggie scowled up at him. “What time is it?”

  “Time for breakfast.”

  Oggie groaned.

  “I’ve got to be showered and fed in the next hour, so if you plan on seeing me before dinner, you’d better get up.”

  Oggie rolled deeper into the blankets.

  Ten minutes into Arden’s shower, he pulled back the shower curtain.

  On instinct, Arden moved to cover himself. “Oh.” He relaxed and resumed washing. “What?”

  “You’re supposed to be at work right now.”

  “I did some rearranging.”

  “You said it would take two weeks.”

  Arden shrugged. “Brush your teeth before you come in, I couldn’t get you to do it last night.”

  “I remember.”

  Arden drew the curtain.

  Oggie joined him after a few minutes. He stood, arms crossed, at the end of the shower.

  Arden flicked a bit of water at him. “Stop pouting.”