An Enticing Debt to Pay

by Annie West

  She’d make something special, something intricate enough to stop her thoughts straying to England and Jonas.

  Naturally it didn’t work. It hadn’t worked all week, since she’d arrived to visit her mother, now living in a tiny apartment in this large, anonymous Italian city.

  She juggled the basket more securely on her arm, inhaling the scent of basil. Instantly an image sideswiped her—of Jonas tasting her home-made pesto. Of the way pleasure crinkled the corners of his eyes and his rare smile made her stomach somersault.

  Ravenna blinked, hating the scratchy heat blinding her vision. She’d done the right thing, leaving that morning. What else could she have done? Stayed on as Jonas’ mistress till he was ready to move on to a woman who could give him all he wanted? She’d already broken her heart, falling for a man who she couldn’t have. Having an affair with him would have shattered it to irreparable smithereens.

  The stark horror on his face when she’d admitted she was barren was something she carried with her every moment.

  Her mouth flattened. Had she really hoped she’d reveal the truth and he wouldn’t care? Not Jonas. Not the man who’d made it his mission to fill the void in his life with what he’d always dreamed of: a family of his own.

  Ravenna knew about his past and guessed at his parents’ neglect. She’d heard the tension in his voice as he made light of loneliness and isolation. She’d felt the tremor of guilt rack his body for tragedy he’d been unable to prevent. She’d seen his passion for the estate that was more family to him than his parents had ever been. She understood his need to belong there and create what he’d never had.

  Ravenna tried to take solace from the fact that he’d cared about her. Enough to want marriage.

  But that made it all worse. Better if they’d never grown close, never shared—

  She shook her head. She couldn’t bring herself to wish that. Even now she couldn’t regret loving him.

  Every limb was heavy as she turned into the old apartment building and dragged herself up the stairs. Crossing the tiny landing at the top, she took a deep breath and worked to twist her mouth into a semblance of a smile.

  ‘I’m back.’ She pushed open the door and stepped inside. ‘I stopped at your favourite pasticciera for a treat.’ Money was tight but—

  ‘Ravenna.’ The deep voice curled around her, spiralling deep to fill the aching emptiness inside. She froze as the wound in her heart that she’d tried unsuccessfully to cauterise reopened.

  He was here, filling the tiny hall.

  Searing grey eyes fractured her shell of composure. His dark hair had a rumpled look as if he’d tugged his hands through it. In jeans and a casual, open-necked shirt he looked devastatingly attractive and potently male.

  ‘Jonas!’ Was that her voice, that yearning gasp?

  ‘Here, let me.’ He dived to rescue the wicker basket that dangled from her nerveless fingers.

  The brush of his hand on hers sent her blood racing and brought her numbed brain back to life.

  Ravenna snapped her mouth shut, her brain fumbling to take in the fact he was here, not a figment of her needy imagination. ‘Where’s my mother?’

  ‘She’s gone out for a while. Don’t worry, she’s fine. She just thought to give us time alone.’

  Why? What had he said to convince her mother to leave? Questions burned in Ravenna’s brain but she couldn’t wrap her tongue around the words. Everything was an effort. Her chest ached and she realised belatedly she’d forgotten to breathe.

  ‘Why are you here, Jonas?’

  ‘Shall we?’ He gestured to the cramped living room.

  Instinctively Ravenna shook her head. ‘I can’t do this, Jonas. I don’t want to talk.’

  Something flared in his eyes, turning them the colour of a summer storm. ‘Neither do I.’ Tingling spread out from her feminine core at the look on his face. ‘But we need to. Please, Ravenna.’

  How could she walk away? She’d done it once. She didn’t have the fortitude to do it again. But did she have the self-control to face him?

  ‘In the kitchen.’ If she kept herself occupied maybe she’d be able to hear him out without revealing her feelings.

  Her legs trembled as she led the way into the tiny alcove that passed for a kitchen. It shrank to minuscule as his wide shoulders filled the doorway and her heart faltered. This close she smelled his citrus and warm male scent and a pang of longing shafted through her.

  ‘Ravenna?’

  She avoided his searching look and lifted the basket from him before scooting back to the corner bench. She busied herself unloading fresh food.

  ‘Why are you here, Jonas?’

  ‘Won’t you even look at me?’ Her pulse pattered faster and she turned to wash her hands.

  ‘Just say what you have to say, Jonas.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  She faltered as she flattened garlic with a knife.

  ‘You have nothing to apologise for,’ she said finally, her voice scratchy. ‘You were honest. That’s all I could ask.’

  Her hands moved with the ease of long practice as she assembled the rest of the ingredients, peeling and chopping an onion with barely a fumble. Thank goodness for routine! She could pretend to focus on that rather than the man just a few paces away.

  She wanted to cup his strained face in her palms and nuzzle that strong neck, feel again the heat of his embrace.

  Ravenna blinked. Better if she could thrust him out of the door. But nothing would shift him until he was ready. She remembered his formidable power, how he’d held her weight easily that last night as he took them both to ecstasy. Heat razed her last crumbling defences and she dropped the knife on the bench with a clatter.

  ‘I can’t do this.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘Can you go now?’ She couldn’t look up, instead bracing herself on the bench so she wouldn’t slump to the floor.

  ‘No.’ The word came from so close it furred the nape of her neck. ‘I won’t leave.’

  ‘What?’ Her head swung up. His face was so close she could count the tiny lines raying out from his eyes.

  ‘I love you, Ravenna. I’m not leaving.’

  She pressed the heel of her hand to her chest, trying to draw in enough air to stop the spots wheeling in her vision.

  ‘You...?’

  ‘I love you.’ His eyes shimmered and she felt the warm caress of his breath on her upturned face. ‘Ti amo, Ravenna.’

  ‘That’s not possible. You didn’t—’

  He brushed a curl back behind her ear and her heart contracted at the tender gesture. Heat traced down her throat then dived, arrowing straight to her heart.

  ‘I didn’t say it earlier because I didn’t realise.’

  Ravenna shook her head, unable to summon the words to contradict him. It wasn’t love he felt.

  ‘I know that makes me a stupid, slow-witted fool.’ His wry half-smile made her unwilling heart flip. ‘But you see, sweetheart, I’ve never been in love before. I don’t have any experience to draw on.’ His voice hit a deep register, trawling along her bones and insinuating its way into her soul.

  Trying not to hear the tension in his voice, she shook her head. ‘It’s not love. It’s lust.’

  ‘Is that all it was for you?’

  ‘No, I—’ She swallowed hard, watching lightning sheet across those fathomless eyes. ‘You’re feeling regret, that’s all. You feel sorry for me.’

  ‘Sorry? I’d like to wring your neck for walking out on me like that.’ But there was no fire in his words, just pain. ‘Do you know how worried I’ve been? Anything could have happened to you.’

  Dumbfounded she stared into his hard-chiselled face. ‘I can look after myself.’

  His eyes bored into hers and the world quaked.

  ‘I know,’ he
said at last. ‘That’s what I’m afraid of. That you don’t need me the way I need you.’

  ‘Jonas?’ Finally she let herself register what she’d been trying to avoid—the pain drawing his features tight. Without planning it she fitted her palm against his jaw. He clamped it to the roughened silk of his skin, and she shivered as a blast of pleasure hit her at the contact.

  ‘Do you know how I’ve tortured myself thinking I’d never persuade you to come back? I’m a wreck.’

  He didn’t look a wreck. He looked more decadently delicious than any pastry she’d ever concocted.

  ‘I love you.’ Touching his face, she felt his mouth shape the words, making them real. ‘I lust after you, Ravenna, that’s a given. But I love you too. I’ve loved you for weeks, months, I think, but I didn’t realise till the ball.’

  Her heart pounded on her ribs and she swayed, mesmerised by what she saw in Jonas’ eyes. Could it be true?

  ‘And I think you love me too.’ His voice was raw with tension.

  ‘Of course I do.’ That was the worst of it.

  Jonas gathered her close in possessive arms and Ravenna wanted to cry out at the poignant pleasure of it. ‘But that doesn’t change anything.’ She braced herself against his hard chest as he leant in. ‘Jonas! Please!’

  He nuzzled her neck and Ravenna’s world slid out of focus.

  ‘Jonas, you need to listen.’

  ‘I’m listening,’ he murmured against her ear, then bit her lobe, sending pleasure streaking through her. ‘And it changes everything. The way you invented objections back in England, I couldn’t be sure you really cared.’

  ‘I care.’ The words slipped out unbidden. She cradled his head as he trailed fiery kisses down her throat and she arched back against his arm, letting herself steal one more desperate moment in his embrace. ‘I tried not to but I couldn’t help myself.’

  ‘Even after I’d been such a bastard.’ It wasn’t a question. He held her so tight their heartbeats melded.

  The wonder of it, having him here, having him say he loved her, was too much. Her emotions were all over the place. Hot tears leaked down her cheeks. Through the months of tests and treatment she hadn’t cried but now—

  ‘Don’t cry, my love.’ Jonas brushed them away with unsteady hands. ‘I’ll make it up to you, I swear it.’

  ‘You can’t.’ She tried to tug out of his embrace but he wouldn’t let her. ‘Please, I can’t think when you hold me.’

  Jonas traced his thumb over her bottom lip. ‘I’ll remember that next time I want to win an argument.’

  ‘There won’t be any arguments. We—’

  ‘Of course there will be. You’re a passionate, headstrong woman.’ His tone turned the words into a compliment. ‘And I’m used to getting my own way. So forget right now about telling me we won’t stay together. I died a thousand deaths not knowing where you were.’ He threaded his fingers through her hair, holding her so she had no choice but to meet his eyes. ‘It took far too long to locate you. I’m not letting you go.’

  ‘You’re forgetting one thing.’ It was the hardest thing she’d ever faced, looking into Jonas’ fiercely tender expression and knowing she had to pull back.

  ‘If you’re talking about children, stop right there. If it’s a choice between children and you, there’s no contest. It’s you I want.’

  For one perfect moment Ravenna stared into his face and knew he genuinely believed that. Wonder filled her, a joy that turned the dingy little kitchen into a grand, sunlit chamber, its pock-marked ceiling into a Tiepolo masterpiece.

  She hugged that incandescent moment to herself a little longer then swallowed hard.

  ‘I know you believe that, Jonas. And I love you for it.’

  His embrace tightened and she’d never felt safer or more treasured. Finally she moved to pry his hands loose.

  ‘But I can’t do that to you. I know how important family is to you.’ It was the dream that had sustained him since childhood. ‘One day you’ll regret tying yourself to me and I can’t bear to watch that happen.’

  ‘You are my family, Ravenna. You’re all I need. How could I give you up?’

  She shook her head. ‘I won’t strip you of your dreams, Jonas.’

  His darkening gaze meshed with hers and she felt she looked right into his heart.

  ‘They were dreams, Ravenna, concocted by a needy kid. I’m a man now and I know what I want, what I need. I need you. Always. For ever.’ He swallowed hard and her heart went out to him. She felt the same way.

  ‘As for kids, we can adopt, or grow old together without them, you, me and a gaggle of dogs and horses.’ He shook his head. ‘How many people have the chance to be with the one they love, Ravenna? Don’t throw what we have away. Don’t ask me to. I can’t do it.’

  For the first time Ravenna dared admit a sliver of hope.

  ‘It’s a gaggle of geese, not dogs,’ she whispered when she found her voice.

  His smile snatched her breath. ‘We can have those too. Anything you want.’ His smile faltered. ‘Just don’t send me away.’

  ‘I can’t, Jonas. I can’t let you do this.’ She felt stretched thin by the effort to keep strong.

  ‘You want to see me as a lonely recluse, is that it?’

  ‘You wouldn’t be lonely long.’ A knife pierced her at the thought of Helena offering Jonas comfort.

  ‘I suppose you’re right.’ He gave an exaggerated sigh. ‘Not with Silvia living in Deveson Hall’s Dower House.’

  ‘The Dower House? That’s impossible. You hate her!’

  ‘But if I offer her a home you’ll visit her, won’t you?’ He nodded. ‘Yes, I’m that desperate, Ravenna. Besides, she brought you up to be the woman you are, so presumably there’s more to her than I thought.’ He drew a deep breath. ‘It may take me a while but I thought I should try to start again with her, if I can do it without the past tripping me up.’

  Ravenna shook her head, pride in him stirring. Jonas truly was remarkable. He’d do that for her?

  ‘I can’t believe she agreed.’

  ‘She’d do anything to see you happy, love. That made us unexpected allies.’

  The idea boggled Ravenna’s mind. ‘She thought this would mend things between us?’

  ‘It’s a start, isn’t it?’ His eyes searched hers, his expression serious. ‘None of us can know the future, Ravenna, but I know this—I wouldn’t be complete without you. I want you as my wife.’ He stopped her protest with a finger to her lips. ‘You can work as a chef instead of being chatelaine of the Hall. You can shock the county by wearing soft furnishings instead of buying clothes. You can do whatever you like so long as you promise to stay with me.’ He hefted in a huge breath. ‘I love you, Ravenna Ruggiero. My life could never be complete without you.’

  Her heart was bursting. Ravenna swiped her cheek with the heel of her hand. ‘That’s not fair,’ she gulped through a knot of emotion. ‘How can I say no to that?’

  His blinding smile cracked the last of her defences.

  ‘Say yes. Say you’ll marry me.’

  ‘I’ll agree to live with you.’ Despite the flood of happiness, caution weighed. One day he’d realise what he gave up in taking a barren wife.

  ‘Agreed. Live with me now and in a month we’ll marry.’

  Despite her battered feelings, Ravenna choked back a smile. ‘Don’t be impossible.’ Jonas leaned in and kissed her throat, her jaw, working his way to her mouth until she gave in. ‘Make it five years.’ Had she really said that?

  ‘Two months,’ he shot back, his eyes gleaming.

  ‘Four years.’ Surely by then he’d realise his mistake and she would have a store of memories to sustain her.

  ‘Three months.’ Jonas slid his hand down her side, brushing the side of her breast, then l
etting it rest on the swell of her hip.

  Ravenna’s breathing hitched and her brain spun dizzily. ‘Three years.’

  ‘Oh, love, you drive a hard bargain.’ He leaned in, eyes glittering, and kissed her softly on the lips.

  Ravenna couldn’t resist Jonas at the best of times. When he told her he loved her with every second breath she didn’t have the will power to withstand him. Happiness had crept up on her and now it filled her with a blaze of optimism that finally overcame gnawing doubt.

  She took his proud, patrician face in her trembling hands and kissed him back with all the urgent passion and deep, abiding love she could no longer deny.

  ‘Don’t look so worried, love,’ Jonas said later as she sat, cuddled close on his lap. ‘We have each other. That’s all that matters. And as for the rest—’ he shrugged ‘—we’ll take each day as it comes.’

  He paused, his lips twitching. ‘Now about those three years. I have a counter offer...’

  EPILOGUE

  RAVENNA SAT IN the shade of a chestnut tree and watched Jonas, blindfolded, tumble to the ground, pulled by eager young hands. Chiara and Josh giggled as their dad groaned theatrically then reached to tickle them. There were screams as they and Vivien’s son, Ben, tried to elude him but the five-year-olds were no match for Jonas’ long reach.

  Gleeful squeals of ‘Mamma! Help!’ filled the glade and with a grin Ravenna moved to get up.

  ‘No, don’t move.’ Her mother was already on her feet. ‘You look so comfortable. Stay.’

  Ravenna subsided, content to bask in the pleasure of watching her family. She’d held out against Jonas as long as she could, eventually agreeing to marry him a year to the day after he’d arrived at the apartment in Italy. He’d used every wile to persuade her and she’d loved every minute of his loving persuasion.

  He’d even followed through with his offer of a home for her mother. To their credit Mamma and Jonas were doing their best to put the past behind them and just recently her mother had moved into the Dower House permanently instead of using it as a base for short-term visits.

  Jonas had mellowed too, as if the love they shared gave him the strength to accept the complexities of his parents’ failed relationship and admit the possibility Piers and Mamma had, whatever their faults, genuinely cared for each other.