Never Been Nerdy

by C.M. Kars

  “No! I’m not sick,” she knocks on the pressed wood surface for good luck.

  “I... I haven’t gotten my period in a month.”

  Chapter 12

  I’m Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny when she’s trying to explain to Joe Pesci that her biological clock is ticking in that crazy floral leotard she’s got on. Scratch that, I’m Vinny Gambini, unable to deal with one more piece of shit to the steaming pile I already have.

  I should be happy. That’s what friends do. But my face is all frozen and whatever words that want to come out of my mouth aren’t safe to let out to play with the other kids.

  Sera’s pregnant. PREGNANT. What the hell? How did that happen? Shit, you know how that happened¸ DiNovro.

  Is she ready for this?

  Am I???

  The answer to that is no. Everything is happening too fast, lightning fast. I don’t need this right now, Christ, I can’t afford the distraction.

  Life doesn’t stop because you’re busy, Katie.

  Yeah, well, maybe it should.

  “Katie?” Sera asks, moving forward to pinch the skin on the top of my hand.

  “Ouch!” I pull my hand back, and soothe the skin. “I’m processing, damn it! Processing takes time!”

  “You’re not allowed to process! You’re supposed to be making feel better! I... I don’t know what do...” Sera sounds utterly miserable. But hell, this whole thing could’ve been avoided if they had taken precautions!

  I pull in a breath, then stare down at my sushi like it has all the answers. The only answer it has is to feed my hunger, but right now, I’d probably upchuck if I swallow anything down.

  Today is going to be one of those days.

  “Maybe you’re stressed and with the move and all... Maybe you’re just late. That could happen, right?”

  Sera nods, just not like she believes me. “Yeah... I guess that could happen. But I’ve always been so regular...”

  I clear my throat, drink some more water. I’m suddenly very thirsty. “Look, you said so yourself, you lost a lot of weight quite fast, right? Maybe that has something to do with it.”

  Sera gives me that absent nod again and I sort of want to throttle her.

  “What if I am, though? What if I am...p-p-pregnant?”

  Something in my brain snaps like an elastic band. “Fine, drink my glass and yours. Chug it now. Chug it, Delos.”

  Sera’s eyes have popped wide and she moves too fast and ends up knocking the rim of her glass against her tooth. She does drink her water though, sucking it back in a few swallows.

  “I’m going to the pharmacy. Hang tight. For the love of God, would you stop looking so awful and sad? We’re going to get through this.”

  Sera dips her chin, then grabs my glass and starts chugging. The waiter comes fast to our table, wringing his hands. “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

  Turns out I make it back in five. I forgot there was a pharmacy just around the corner and I didn’t have to lose my parking spot or anything. Maybe the day is looking up.

  When I sit back down I see Sera’s eating some sushi and texting on her phone with one hand. It’s slow-going.

  “You have it?” she asks, whispering like we’re discussing a drug transaction.

  I nod, getting into character. “It’s going to cost ya.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Eat up, buttercup.” Sera pushes the plate with all our sushi over to me. She’s only eaten about six pieces. Stomach shrink much?

  I nom, not realizing how hungry I was despite the emotional trauma of Sera’s news.

  “How’s Dean?”

  I choke on one stray piece of rice rolling around in my trap and somehow dislodge it with a startled cough. My God, I don’t want to die! No matter how much I complain!

  “What the hell, K? I just asked a simple question and you’re about to pull the death card on me!” Sera says, fist over her heart. Sometimes, I wonder if I matter that much to her – especially now that she has Hunter and Matty.

  Maybe no one needs me after all.

  “Dean’s fine.”

  “Really? ‘Cause he told me you guys went for hot dogs the night before and he brought you lunch, and seriously, how are things just fine! They should be bodacious! Radical! Totally tubular!” When she’s done her little rant, she slurps some more water that I guess the waiter re-filled for her.

  Jerks. Want us to get full on good ol’ H-2-O instead of eating so they can charge us for leftover pieces.

  I grab another piece and chew on it. “I’m not sure what you want to hear.”

  And why the hell is he calling you when he can call me? I’m the available one!

  Sera shrugs, grabbing another piece of sushi with her chopsticks. “I want to hear how things are going. How did you bring up the whole I’m sorry for being a class-A bitch thing back in high school? How did he take it? He’s all huge like Thor, but I think on the inside he’s a real softie, and he has a good heart. You know what? That’s it. Dean is Thor. Oh, I feel so much better now.”

  She picks up her phone and does something. “What are you doing now?” I ask.

  “Changing his contact name to Thor Odinson. I’ll get a laugh every time he calls or texts. And I need some smiles lately.”

  “Sera, get serious for a second, would you?” Ah, fuck it. “Why is Dean texting you?”

  She grins. “Because I’m cooler than cool.”

  That has to be a reference and my brain just can’t deal with it right now.

  “C’mon! Why is he texting you? I’m the one who’s supposed to be grovelling, and you both are laughing at me behind my back! What the fuck is that?!”

  Sera sets her phone on the table and leans back on her side of the booth, as far away from me as possible. She interlocks her fingers and settles them on her belly. I wonder if she even knows she’s doing that.

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m doing, Katie. I’m laughing at you behind your back. Because I would do something like that. What the frak is going on in your head?”

  Fireworks erupt behind my eyes and I want to scream. My hands curl into fists, and I’ve wrapped them so tight around my chopsticks that they splinter in my hands.

  “I don’t like my best friend talking to the guy I’m going to fuck.”

  What are you doing?! Stop talking! STOP!!!

  Sera’s eyes get dangerous – the first time I’ve ever seen them that way. The dark green lights up and the way she narrows them to slits makes me question my belief that I can take her in a fight. She’s become unpredictable – and that’s dangerous.

  “I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just say that to me. I don’t know what’s going on with you, Katie, but it’s not me that you’re pissed off at.”

  I grunt like I’ve been shot, and pull in a gasp of air that makes me sound like I almost drowned.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, appalled to hear my voice crack. My voice never cracks. “I’m sorry I said that. It was stupid and senseless. I’m sorry, Sera.”

  Sera dips her chin with more authority this time but keeps me locked in her stare. Right here, right now, Sera Delos is a badass, and I don’t think she even knows it.

  I deflate like a week-old helium balloon. “My mom’s rehearsal dinner is this Friday. I’m dreading it. End of story.”

  Sera frowns. “I hate it when you do that. I hate when you don’t tell me what’s wrong and then I say mean things. Ugh, K, why didn’t you say anything?”

  My turn to shrug, but the whole action feels useless. “I don’t like talking about it. I don’t like how I’m not over this shit yet.”

  Sera pulls in a deep breath. “I can’t believe I get to say this, after all these years. Are you ready, ‘cause I’m so ready.” She looks at me and just contains her smile. “You keep talking shit like that and I’m going to beat you in the face with a chair.”

  I tap my chin. “I don’t recall ever saying anything nearly as violent to you.”

  Full-blown-Sera smile. “You threa
tened to stab me with a fork a few of months ago.”

  “Yeah, I did say that, didn’t I?”

  Sera nods. “C’mon, K. You know you can tell me anything and everything and I’ll listen with my awesome ears and give you the best advice I can give. And no matter what, I’m sticking around, okay?”

  The back of my throat starts to burn, and my eyes start getting all warm before the tears come spilling out. I’m a grown up; I shouldn’t be crying. I’m stronger than this – I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m not sensitive.

  Girly hormones, that’s the cause of it. I’m gonna get my period and it feels like the world is ending and every piece of chocolate has ceased to exist.

  “Okay.” I sip some more water and wave to our waiter to come over. Sera squawks that it’s her turn to pay the bill, but really, she’s got so much going on and now with Matty to take care of, it’s the very least I can do.

  “I’m storing this in my memory databanks to pay you back one way or another, Katie. Just letting you know that I haven’t forgotten any of this.” She taps her temple like she’s just input some data into her brain fortress. Hell, her memory is so scary good, I know better than to not believe her.

  “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about Dean.”

  While she’s gathering up her purse, I swear there’s some malevolent force that takes hold of me and uses my mouth to say, “I think you should break up with Hunter.”

  Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fucking FUCK came out of your mouth?

  “Yeah, like that’s going to happen,” she laughs, but when she sees the seriousness of my face, well, it kind of peters out like the sound of a dying engine. “Why are you telling me this?”

  Danger, danger. Her eyes are ten times more dangerous than they were.

  “I want you to know that there are other options out there for you.” Even if you couldn’t see it when the rest of us could. “Other options that aren’t sick and won’t make you worried about their health every second of the day; there are other options out there that won’t make you be a mom before you’ve decided on it.”

  Sera shakes her head, and makes her way out of the booth. She looks back at me with equal parts curiosity and something like annoyance. Great. She’s not going to take me seriously.

  Russia, I tried. MacLaine is it for her.

  “C’mon, you and I got a date with the ladies’ room.” She tilts her head to the little alcove on the side of the restaurant. Picking up my bill, I follow her.

  Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. You’re an idiot, DiNovro.

  ***

  My heart’s thumping too fast, and whatever blood I have in my body is making its presence known through the veins at my temples. Boom, boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Oh, look, I’m holding my breath.

  I pace the tiny length of the two-stall bathroom, my heels making a crazy amount of noise with the echo. I know Sera’s done peeing on the stick.

  “Now is not the time to keep me in suspense, Delos,” I growl, pacing forward, swivelling on my heel, and coming back the way I came.

  Click, click, click.

  Christ, why do I wear these stupid shoes, anyway? They’re so obnoxious-sounding.

  The stall door opens and my best friend’s face looks like someone burned all her books while she was tied down and made her watch.

  “Sera?”

  Her hand comes up and shows me the stick. I zero in my focus on the little indicator and my heart stops.

  Nothing is ever going to be the same. Shit, I’m not ready for this.

  “I don’t want you telling anyone, okay? Let’s just keep this between us two for now. Who knows? Maybe I’ll miscarry or something. The first pregnancy usually doesn’t happen or whatever. I can’t believe I just said that.” She covers her face with her hands.

  “I should be happy,” she says, voice muffled. “But I’m so scared, and I’m not ready to have a baby. I’m not. I should’ve been more careful! Why wasn’t I more careful?”

  I grab her by the shoulders and shake her hard enough that her head bobs on her neck.

  “We are not going to be having a breakdown today. That’s not going to happen. Start breathing and don’t you dare fucking cry. We’re going to get through this, Sera. I promise.” I squeeze my hands around her shoulders, trying to make her believe me. Her eyes are wide and her nose is bright red, and her lips are mashed together to keep them from trembling.

  “I’m okay,” she says after one hell of a sniffle. “I’m not going to cry. I’m not. I’m going to deal with this like a mature adult – later. I’m going to go back to work and do all the shit that needs to be done. Then I’m going home before Hunt and Matty get back and I’m going to eat all the ice cream in the freezer and watch Pacific Rim.”

  “That’s my girl,” I say, moving in for a hug. Sera stiffens up for all of two seconds before returning my hug, and squeezing my ribs hard enough to bruise. I don’t care. What are friends for?

  “Can you come by tonight?” Her eyes get big as an idea hits her. “You could sleepover! I’ll make Hunter sleep with Matty in his room and you and I will get the king.”

  My brain reminds me that I probably won’t be done work until eight, then I was going to treat myself to a bubble bath tonight and about a half bottle of wine.

  Bye-bye night of relaxation; Sera needs me.

  “Sure, broski. I’ll be over as soon as I’m done work.”

  Sera nods and lets me drive her back to work. She kisses me on the cheek on her way out and I have a startling realization – that’s the most action I’ve seen in weeks.

  Enough of waiting for Dean to come to me.

  I’m going to go see Dean.

  Chapter 13

  “Howdy,” Dean says when he opens his apartment door for me.

  Of course the jackass is wearing nothing but sweats that hang real low, showing me those sex lines that have to be more than just muscle and ligament. Maybe they’re smothered in some sort of Katie-nip because I can’t seem to pull my eyes away. Not to mention his whole apartment smells heavenly.

  What the hell is he cooking? I bet it’s not from a box and can’t be cooked in a microwave.

  “Hi, Dean.”

  Get yourself invited inside so you can scoff. Then boot over to Sera’s place for some dessert.

  “Wanna invite me in?” I say, pushing past him and feeling his Superman bicep graze across my chest. Yup, now the girls are alert.

  “Hello, boys,” I say to the furry kids, and kneel down to give them each some scratches under their chins and behind their ears.

  “Typical,” Dean says from behind me, shutting and locking his door. “Of course they love you, you’re the only female they’ve been around in the history of their lives.”

  “Don’t be jealous, Dean. It doesn’t suit you.” Hell, every kind of look suits him. He’s gorgeous. The funny thing is, I don’t think he knows just how gorgeous he is.

  “Potter, Pongo, Kal!” Dean calls, and one by one three heads move around me and go to their master.

  So that’s how it’s going to be, is it?

  “Go to your cages!” Dean orders, and I didn’t know I had a thing for guys giving orders until now.

  A shiver streaks its way up my spine as I get myself upright, and turn around to look at all of him. Holy hell, he’s smoking hot. Whatever I saw in him ten years ago has been completely lost now in the face of this Viking in front of me.

  The very size of his frame makes him a focal point wherever he goes and I know if we were to ever be together again, like we were, well, I’d never see the spotlight again. I’d be the one they’d look to as second best, just by sheer physicality alone, and that pisses me the fuck off.

  Dean lifts one corner of his mouth like he’s heard what I said in my head. He moves some hair behind his ear and the entire movement does amazing things to his muscles, as they twitch to do his bidding.

  Fuck, I’d love to do his bidding.

  I’d also like to kiss and li
ck the hint of a six pack he’s got, and I’d really like to try banging against the wall because he looks like he’d have no problem at all bearing my weight. He’d be a dream fuck, all animalistic and raw male energy that I’ve been searching for and never got. I’ve had a lot of sex since losing my virginity, and not one has had me wanting more after a night’s play.

  I think Dean could change that for me. And that’s terrifying in and of itself.

  “So, what brings you here to my neck of the woods, especially around the holy hour of supper time?”

  “Watcha cooking?” I sniff the air and smell tomato sauce with a shot of basil, even bread broiling in the oven with what smells like olive oil.

  My stomach lets out an anguished wail at not being invited for dinner.

  “Homemade marinara that I bet an Italian would kill to have the recipe for,” he says, kissing the tips of three fingers. “I would invite you over for supper but you know, we’re not friends and as you’ve stated, you just want to fuck me and say sayonara.”

  My mouth pops open, and my chin drops to my chest. What the hell?!

  Dean runs both hands through his hair and who the fuck knew that doing that would make his abs ripple? Or cause me to salivate in some twisted version of the Pavlovian response? I’ve never wanted to touch someone so badly before, learn all the grooves and planes of muscle he has, figure out which way to touch him best.

  “And I’m not that type of guy, Katarina, never was.”

  “So what you’re telling me is you’re inexperienced. I can roll with that.” I nod like it’s no big deal.

  Dean’s eyes narrow, and his lips pull back from his teeth. I have a live fucking Wampa coming after me and I’m frozen to the spot, even as he takes two steps forward.

  I’m suddenly gazing up, up to his green eyes, the dark lashes making them seem even brighter than what I remember.

  “You know what? I don’t care what you think.”

  Seems like everybody’s got a dangerous edge to their voice today. Too bad I’m too stubborn to listen to it.