“I guess I won’t hold it against you if you don’t hold it against me.” She holds out her hand.
I look down, grabbing it with my own.
There’s a shock between the two of us. One I’ve never felt before, that I’ve always heard I would. All the guys I work with have told me about it and I’d know when I did. Back as a youngster in college, I thought I’d felt it, but what I just shared with Rowan? It’s so much stronger than what I did back then.
We’re staring at each other, and as my brown eyes meet her blue, I can see she felt it too. Neither one of us will be ignoring this, there’s no way we can. Doesn’t mean we’re gonna act on it right this second, but we’re going to.
There’s no way in hell we can’t.
We enter her apartment, and I’m hit with the smell of apple cinnamon.
“Smells like freaking apple pie in here.” I rub my stomach.
“My mom dropped one off last night,” she points to her fridge. “I’ll warm us up a piece with dinner. She sent some vanilla ice cream with it, too.”
“Holy shit, I have such a huge sweet tooth. I think I may have just fallen in love with your mother.”
She laughs loudly, her head throwing back with the force of the noise. “She’s easy to fall in love with. I’m pretty sure over half the county’s in love with her already.”
Reaching behind me, I scratch my neck. “That shower?”
“Oh yeah, sorry.”
“I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I stink.”
“We both do. I’ll take one after you.”
Immediately my mind goes to places it shouldn’t. Imagining her naked, against the wall, water rushing over her bare body. I’ve never had such a visceral reaction to another woman. Surprisingly it doesn’t even scare me. Maybe, just maybe I’m finally ready for this portion of my life.
“There’s towels in the closet.” She points to a little alcove past the door. “You’re welcome to use anything you need, but something tells me you don’t want to use my strawberry bodywash.”
With a chuckle, I wink. “I’m secure enough in my manhood to smell like fruit.”
“Thank God for that.”
The little flash of personality is one of the best things I’ve ever heard. She shuts the door behind her, leaving me on my own for the first time in a while. Acutely, I realize how long it’s been since I’ve been alone. Really alone, with nothing else to do. Not since before I came here. Even at home people needed things from me. All Rowan wants is my company, and I’m more than happy to give her this piece of myself.
Reaching into the shower, I turn the knob, letting the water come on. The water pressure is already more than I hoped for. Stepping under the spray, I moan loudly, letting the warmth flow over my sore muscles. Sore from the work we’ve been doing and the bed I’ve been sleeping on. I really want my pillow top, king-size mattress back along with the mountain of pillows I use. The two flat ones I get at the damn hotel aren’t even enough to keep my head off the bed.
As much as I want to stay in here for hours, I’m aware Rowan needs to get in here too, and let’s face it, I want some of that pie and ice cream. Getting out, I dry off quickly, putting on a pair of athletic shorts and leaving my shirt off. It’s been an amazingly hot day, and all I want is to let my skin breathe.
Opening the door, I’m pushing the towel through my hair as I step into the hallway. “Your turn.”
As I walk ahead, I bump into something, immediately knowing it’s Rowan. My hands find her hips so that I can keep her from falling. Her hands grip my biceps.
“I’m so sorry.” I drop the towel. “I’m used to living alone, and there’s hardly ever anyone around when I take a shower. I come out drying off my hair all the time, it’s a bad habit. I should have thought more about where I am.”
“No.” She reaches up, forking her fingers through my hair, pushing it back on the top. “It’s okay.”
“It’s long.” I glance up at my bangs. “Wish I’d had a chance to get it cut before I came down here. It makes it that much hotter.”
“I can cut it for you,” she offers.
“What do you not do?”
“Gardening.” She winks. “I suck at gardening.”
“That’s good.” I dip my head down to hers. “Good to know. At least now I know I can bring you flowers. Something you can’t get for yourself.”
Her cheeks turn a bright pink and I want more than anything to take those glasses off, and kiss her silly, but now’s not the time. It’s coming, but it’s not here just yet.
I’m a patient man, and I don’t care if I have to wait.
Chapter Ten
Rowan
“So” – I push back from him with my hands on his shoulders – “I called in our food, and they’re gonna deliver it. They treat first responders really well. If you could listen for it while I go take a shower?”
“No problem.” He lets go, but hangs on until the last moment his fingertips can. “Promise I won’t be too nosey.”
There’s a lurch in my chest, but I know instinctively I can trust him. “I only have like one major secret.” I shrug. It gives off the vibe I’m kidding, I know that, and Cutter takes it the way I mean for him to.
“I’ll try not to let you break my heart,” he laughs.
There’s something prophetic about his words that hit me in the sternum. Almost as if it’s a place we’re going and I need to protect him from my past. “You do that.”
He pulls back slightly, his eyes drawing together.
“I’ll be back in a few.”
As quickly as I can, I make my getaway, thankfully closing the door to the bathroom and pressing my back against it. In the last three years I haven’t worried about how my previous life experiences would affect someone else. The truth is I haven’t had to, I’ve not let anyone get close. But Cutter? Cutter is someone I want to get to know, someone I want to let get close. He’s the kind of guy I can imagine a life with. Funny when he wants to be, serious when he needs to be, willing to help instead of watching from the sidelines like he did. He didn’t even try to help me save her.
I grit my teeth as I let those thoughts loose, enjoying the pain for a moment. It reminds me that I’m alive. Tears spring to my eyes, and I angrily shove them away. There’s no reason to get overly emotional. Not right now, not with this guy outside in my living room.
But I close my eyes. Think of her dark curls, her blue eyes, and the way she smiled up at me like I was everything to her. I want someone to smile at me like that again. I want to be an important part of someone’s life one more time. Give me a damn reason to wake up in the morning.
Letting out a breath, I walk over to the shower, turn it on, and let the rush of the water drown out the rush of tears falling from my eyes.
“That necklace.” I point to the one around Cutter’s neck. We’re eating the food that was delivered while I was in the shower. “What is it?”
He looks down, hooking it around his thumb. “My older brother, Ransom, gave it to me when I tested for my certification and got my license to be an EMT, then a paramedic. It’s Saint Michael the Archangel, I always wear it. He’s the patron saint for police officers, paramedics, and the military. Weirdly enough in any situation I’m in, whether it’s dangerous or not, I feel safe.”
“So is that why you were able to make a run toward the apartment building without even thinking twice about it?”
“Yeah.” His mouth quirks up in a grin. “I don’t even think twice about it.”
“I wear one too,” I lift up the necklace holding a small vial of Etta’s ashes. I don’t tell him what it is. “It helps me to save the ones I can, and hopefully let go of the ones that I can’t.”
He nods, not asking, which I’m grateful for, but the silence is too awkward for me.
“How much older is your brother than you?”
I want to know everything I can about the man sitting across from me, making quick work of the BBQ in front of him.
&nbs
p; “Three or four years, depending on what part of the year we’re in.”
“What does he do?”
I reach down to take a bit of my BBQ, putting it atop some of the cornbread.
“He’s a K-9 Handler for Laurel Springs PD. He and Rambo are pretty well-known throughout the state.”
“Oh my God!” I work hard to chew the food in my mouth, then swallow quickly. “I’ve heard of Rambo.”
“Yeah.” Cutter grins, a high-pitched voice I never thought I’d hear from him coming out. “He’s a very good boy.”
I giggle, before reaching over to take a drink of my sweet tea. “Do you talk to him like that all the time?”
“It’s mandatory.” He takes a drink of the bottle of beer I ordered him. “He doesn’t respond unless you do. He wants all the praises he can get.”
“Just like a man.” I smirk. “Is he your only sibling.”
“Yeah, my dad was older when my parents had kids, so they stopped at us. We were fuckin’ hellions, though. There’s no way they could have dealt with more.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
“We do calm down though. My brother’s proof of it. He’s married now with a kid and a house, and they’ve got the dog. They’re living the American dream.”
“A kid?” My ears perk up.
“Yeah.” Cutter reaches over, grabbing his phone off the table. “Keegan’s my nephew.” He pulls up a picture of the two of them. They’re in a pool and Cutter has the toddler on his shoulders. They’re both laughing and smiling like they have no cares in the world.
“The two of you seem like you have a lot of fun.”
“Yeah.” His tone is wistful. “I miss him. He’s my buddy. We do a lot together. Ransom and his wife, Stella, are both on the frontlines so to speak. She’s an RN, so their shifts are crazy. I watch him as much as I can so they can have time together. Ransom is so pussy-whipped it’s not even funny.”
I do everything I can not to spit out the bite of mac and cheese I just took, choking as I manage to get it down.
“Too crass?” His eyes are sparkling.
“No.” I take a long drink, trying to catch my breath. “Just can’t say I expected it in those terms.”
“He loves her, don’t get me wrong. They love each other like one of those fucking Nicholas Sparks books that everyone reads, but he’s totally whipped.”
I give him a grin. “So you wouldn’t be.”
“I mean,” – he makes a face – “depends on how good it is with the woman I choose.”
“You’re something else.” I clear my throat, going back to my food.
“You’ve asked me all the questions,” he says. “By the way, you were right about this mac and cheese, it’s the best thing I’ve eaten in a while.”
“Told ya!”
“How about your family?”
This is where it gets dicey for me, where I wonder what I should reveal and if anyone even really cares. So I keep it simple, just like I always do. “My parents have been married for almost thirty years. He’s the Chief of Police. I have two brothers. You’ve met Sullivan, and the other one, Braylon, is at the PD too, but he sustained an injury and is riding the desk until his knee heals from surgery. I’m the youngest.”
“I bet they protected you like crazy.”
They tried.
“Yeah, it was hard to bring home someone I wanted to date, they’d be assholes about it every single time.”
“Sullivan seems like a cool dude though, the little I’ve come to know him. He thinks a lot of you.”
A snort escapes my nose. “Did he warn you off and all that jazz?”
“Nope, he told me you’d overcome a lot and he’s proud of where you are.”
My heart pounds and my hands start to shake. “What did he tell you about what I’ve overcome.”
His dark eyes see everything. I can tell they do. They look through me like there’s nothing between us. Not even the clothes I wear.
“Nothing, and I didn’t ask. It’s not my place. If you ever want to tell me the things you’ve had to deal with, that’s your business, Ro.”
The nickname everyone has used since I was a kid sounds sexier sliding off his lips, in the deep tone of his voice. Appetite gone, I notice he’s eaten everything in front of him. “Since we’re done with dinner, do you want me to cut your hair, then we can have dessert?”
At the mention of dessert, the mood in the room shifts, for both of us. The air gets heavy, and we’re both aware of the implications of what dessert can mean.
“I mean the apple pie.” I smirk.
“I know what you meant.” He smirks back. “I would really appreciate it if you’d cut my hair.”
I stand up, stretching my back, moaning slightly when it pops. “Let’s go out to the balcony. That way if we make a mess it won’t take long to clean it up. I’ll be there in a second, let me go get my shears.”
He nods, taking his bottle of beer with him.
I walk slowly back to the bathroom, rummaging through my stuff for the shears I use to cut Sullivan’s hair, along with the comb. My hands are shaking, and my stomach is full of butterflies.
Glancing at myself in the mirror, I almost don’t recognize who I’ve become. The regular Rowan never has this touch of color to her cheeks, this brightness in her eyes. I almost put my hair down, but it’s the security blanket I’ve always had. I can’t let him in that far, not just yet.
Blowing out a breath, I pad back toward the balcony, the shorts I wear rubbing irritably on my thighs. Even that is enough to turn me on right now. As I approach Cutter from behind, I can see him reach down, adjusting his crotch slightly and I can’t help it. A triumphant smile covers my face. A confidence I haven’t had in years flows through my veins.
“You ready?” I announce my presence. “This should only take a few minutes.”
His gaze is lazy as it washes over me from head to toe. “Take your time, I’m not in a rush.”
And neither am I. Neither am I.
* * *
Cutter
Her fingers running through my hair is the best thing I’ve felt in years. I can’t help but moan as she combs through it, moving my neck along with the motions of her stroking.
“Feel good?” she whispers.
I swallow roughly. “Yeah, you have no idea.”
Judging by the way she keeps her mouth closed, but continues to run herself all over me, she does have some sort of idea.
“How’s this?”
My eyes pop open, I can’t believe she’s done. It feels like she just started, but when I look down I see large clumps of hair. She’s obviously been working for a while. A mirror is in front of my face. Honestly, no matter what she’s done here, I’ll appreciate it, but I make a deal out of looking this way and that. “Looks good, thank you so much.”
“No problem.” She grins.
It’s the type I haven’t seen on her face yet. One part flirty, part proud of herself. “How about that dessert?”
Her grin tilts lopsided. “Oh, I guess we can eat dessert.”
As I watch her walk back into the kitchen, I wonder what’s going on inside that head of hers, because all I know is mine is racing a hundred miles a minute.
Chapter Eleven
Cutter
“I’m gonna send you back out with Sullivan today.” The man in charge of our assignments points at me. “He’s gonna be checking some of the outer edges of town. You should be there in case there needs to be medical attention rendered.”
“Got it.” I go to the locker they’ve given me to work out of. Reaching in, I have my go bag. It’s second nature to check it, making sure I have everything I need to render aid. This has been mostly what I’ve done since the night I helped Rowan. Different than what I thought, but no less important. I love helping the people of this state, and Paradise Lost reminds me a lot of Laurel Springs.
Right as I have that thought, a request for a FaceTime comes through from Stella.
/> “Hello?” I answer, smiling immediately when I see Keegan. “Oh my God, Bub, you’re so much bigger than you were a week and a half ago!”
“Isn’t it crazy?” Stella laughs as she tries to avoid his hands, grabbing for her phone. “He’s hit a growth spurt. Say hi to Uncle Cutter.” She points to my face in the phone.
“Hi!”
“I miss you so much, Bub.”
“We miss you too.” Stella gives me a look in the phone. “Your parents are worried, and so is Ransom. Neither one of them will say anything. You know how they are. I’m just checking to make sure you’re doing okay.”
“I’m good, Stelle, I promise. It’s different,” I admit. “But we’re doing good work.”
“You look good.” She scrutinizes my hair. “You get your hair cut?”
Leave it to her.
“I can’t believe they have barber shops open down there.”
“People gotta make a living.”
She tilts her head. “Why do I get the feeling you’re lying to me?”
“Don’t know, maybe you’re just distrusting.”
“And maybe you’re an a-hole.”
I chuckle. “I see you’re still not able to cuss around big ears.” I point down to Keegan.
“Don’t even get me started. We had dinner with my parents last night, and let’s just say Ransom let him watch something he shouldn’t have. I’ve never been so embarrassed in front of my parents, and that’s saying something.”
I can only imagine.
“Cutter, you ready?”
Looking back at Sullivan, I nod. “Be right there.”
“Gotta go. Love you, Bub!”
“Love you!” he parrots back, waving his left hand enthusiastically. He’s gonna be a south paw. Ransom and I are excited.
“Love you, Cutter. Stay safe!”
“You too, tell everybody I love ‘em and I said hi.”
Quickly I disconnect the call and get ready to go with Sullivan. Hefting my bag over my shoulder I meet him out in the lobby. “Ready when you are.”
Cutter Page 6
