For Rowdy Christians Everywhere

by Dave Schultz

The Old Man on Evolution

  The old man next chose to elaborate on Chance:

  “It can’t create order. That’s not in its power.

  Random processes yield random results. God bless

  anyone who thinks otherwise, and may the Lord

  grant them light. Coz they’re believing a strange story,

  worshipping forces which can’t produce perfection.

  “Make no mistake--this world manifests perfection.

  Think about water and ice: what a happy chance

  ice floats, else the seas freeze solid, end of story!

  And what if plants could not harness the sun’s power?

  Chloroplasts are precise structures, made by the Lord.

  If not, whence came they? Did the sun magically bless?

  “See, the great idol scientists revere and bless

  is ‘Natural Selection’--which brings perfection

  only to things which reproduce! Likely the Lord

  allowed adaptation as a hedge against chance,

  so that entropy and sin should have less power

  to corrupt. This fits with the Creation story.

  “In contrast, how well does evolution’s story

  fit the facts? Well, great, as long as we let it bless

  itself with gimmes: Presume life, though no power

  but God’s could make it. Claim reproductive perfection--

  needed to pass itself on, I guess! Assume chance

  adds some new thing, beyond what was planned by the Lord.

  “The only thing bigger than their assumptions is our Lord!

  Which is exactly the point: they wrote their story

  to replace Him! How else could they trust in mere chance?

  Randomness alone, out of nothing, would not bless any

  organism with each kind of perfection--

  Metabolism, Waste, Distribution of Power...

  Respiration, Locomotion, and oh by the way, the power

  to reproduce. Picture this, then praise the Lord:

  A million monkeys, busy writing perfection...

  If someday, by luck, one of them writes a story,

  will that book proceed to write copies of itself? Bless

  God and give glory! Could chaos make us? Not a chance!”

  When he had gone, I used the chance to thank the Lord,

  who alone has the power to create order and bless

  it with life. Creation’s perfection screams God’s story.