by R D Blake
But she could not abide the anguish within herself and Marta broke the quiet between them. “Please, sir, I beg you. Tell me of this — this Ilena. Where did you find her? What age is she? Tell me of her appearance. I must know if she is the one. For this is a matter between God and me.”
He turned to her and gave her a short glance and only nodded before beginning to dole out their morning repast into some bowls. “I would surmise she is of your age but not of your colouring. She is light. You are dark and while she is beautiful, forgive me, Sister, she does not match your own. Yet I cannot tell you where I found my friend or her. That I am bound to keep unknown until I am released from my vow.”
“And — and what of this curse? Did — did you see her before it was lifted?” Oh! How her questions reopened all her old wounds!
“It would be unfair to the lady to describe them. Only I will say I thought her a foul beast that only evil could have spawned when I first saw her. But praise God that has ended and she was healed by the efforts of my friend and by God Himself I would deem, and she is whole and sound and full of light and dance and flowers now.”
Now by this man’s words, for certain Marta knew the truth. “Oh, I must see her! Please, sir, whatever your duty, whatever task is set before you, put it aside for I must go to her and see the truth of it!” And though she did not know how she came to be at his side with her arms out before him, pleading and beseeching this giant, her tears began — tears that Marta had forbidden herself to shed; for she was unworthy of any such pity for herself. “Please, sir, please, I beg you. Take me to her.” Unconsciously, she had fallen upon her knees, gripping his legs in her arms, uncaring how this might appear to him or any passerby. “If not, show me the way. For I cannot live and suffer with any delay!”
“You are vexed, Sister. I know that for truth. But as you say I have a duty. A great one that brooks for no delay.” Gently he drew her up, but Marta found she had no strength in her body and she leaned heavily upon him. “Let us pray for guidance in this matter, for I think our Lord had caused us to meet here.”
There by the small cook fire, they both knelt in prayer though Marta had no words for God, only images of her sister and of great fresh pangs of terrible sorrow, of self-rebuke, and of a great unbearable burden of guilt.
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Chapter Eighteen
“There it lies, Sister,” Teton rumbled out. At his words, her hands spastically tightened into the folds of his tunic. It had taken five days to make his return after he had decided, against all reason and loyalty and command, to accede to this woman’s desperate pleas. Silently, Teton prepared himself for his lord’s rebuke, and still, he did not know who this woman was who rode behind him, clinging to his back and waist, her cheek resting weakly upon his broad back — for she had been mostly silent throughout their return journey. But though few words had been exchanged between them, Teton knew one thing: she suffered. And the closer they had come to this vale, the more her hands had dug into his flesh. Teton had prayed for her, mostly in the deep of the night; for he perceived that to have invited her to join him would have brought refusal and pierced her all the more.
But Teton understood this woman of the church prayed fervently, constantly. Of what, for whom, for what sin or wrong doing, he knew not; but he believed that it was wrapped up in the curse that Ilena had borne and that she, this woman knew of it. And one other thing, he comprehended: she feared it.
Now they had arrived and Teton sensed she had come to the crux and he worried as much for Ilena and Erick as he did for this woman who was in caught within the travails of some deep affliction.
He allowed his horse to pick its way down the final slopes to the lowland and fields below them. They were not alone — had not been for the last several miles of their travels — though Teton thought not this woman was aware that creatures accompanied them, slinking, padding, passing through the tall grasses or in the air above them. Despite his own anxiousness, these animals gave Teton a sense of welcome and that eased his heart somewhat.
They were halfway to the ruins when the woman spoke her first words of this new day though they were but a moan. “I cannot.” She pressed herself against him as if he was a barrier protecting her from whatever darkness lay ahead.
Teton brought his horse to a halt and the lady slid off its back crumpling into a heap upon the cold ground. At first, he thought she had fainted away until he raised her to a sitting position. At his offer of water, she turned away and shook her head. “I thought I could do this, but I find cannot. I have not the strength. I have failed God at the end.”
He did not understand her, but a sweet voice came to call out his name from behind them. “Teton! Why have you returned?” It was Ilena stepping lightly through the meadowlands, garbed against the cold with a circlet of fall flowers ringing her head and trailing down in runnels through her unbound hair. “Did you meet with trouble? Were the passes bound in snow?” Not yet did she see that there was another with him behind his great body.
This woman of the church stiffened at the sound of Ilena’s voice and pulled away from Teton’s arms, covering her head and prostrating herself fully upon the ground. Meantime, Ilena had journeyed the remaining distance and upon seeing this woman writhing amidst the frost touched brown grasses, she asked: “Who is this? What aid does she need of us?”
Before Teton could answer, his companion of the last several days wailed out, her hands pulling harshly at the turf, thrashing before them both. “Oh! I seek only your judgement!” Teton looked at Ilena and she looked at him; both of them bewildered by this scene set before them. “Curse me as I have cursed you. Ask God to do to me what I had done to you. Command me to kill myself. To bear any burden. I deserve nothing else! Nothing!”
Ilena dropped to her knees to embrace the woman, but she crawled backwards away from both of them. “Do not! I cannot bear your touch. Do not! Do not give me mercy! Or forgiveness. I deserve none! Only your judgement and your hatred and your rebuke!”
“I do not know who she is,” Teton said, trying to explain what little he knew. “She would not give me her name, but Ilena, she knows you in some manner, and she knows of the curse you bore.”
“Does she claim that she cast the curse upon me?”
“Yes, yes, yes! It was I!” the woman shouted out in answer. “I, who in my selfishness and evil asked that you be harmed!” She curled in upon herself, as if to hide from the two of them.
“But I do not know you,” Ilena replied. “But I can see that you have suffered as much as I from that curse. But behold; look! I have been freed from its power. And though you may have intended me harm and evil, I cannot say that I rue it now; for I have a husband who loves me and gave his all to lift this curse from me and I bear his child: a child that I am coming to understand that God wished to bless me with.”
“A — a child?”
“Yes, one who may, as God wills, have a destiny far greater than mine. But are not all our destinies intertwined under God’s Purview? As yours is with mine and Teton’s too? Release the guilt that binds you and come with us and tell us who you are and why this curse was brought upon me. For the curse is gone and your pain should end with my own.”
“No, no, no! Do not give me mercy. Please, I beg of you. Hate me! That is all I wish of you.”
“This past spring I might have held such feelings for you, but love has washed all that away. Let it do the same for you,” Ilena gently counselled.
“Oh, Ilena, you are still the same! But I will not deny you the truth of me and then you will detest me with all of your being!” The woman rose to her knees and cast off her hood. “I am Marta. Marta, your sister. The one who hated you enough to curse you!”
Teton rose to put himself in the way of Ilena’s immediate impulse to draw her sister into an embrace, for he understood that her action would only drive this woman away and deeper into the blackness that still held her in its chains. Despite the commands of the wife of his lord,
he refused Ilena and told her tersely that despite her need, she must forsake her affections. Her sister, this Marta, could not bear it. Instead, he told her to return to the fortress and inform Erick of what had transpired here and of his return.
There was a test of wills between them, for he saw the need in Ilena. Despite what her sister claimed, Ilena did not wish to lose her again. She finally surrendered to his will, but Teton knew it was not finished, for he foresaw she would send Erick out to deal with him. And the rebuke he was worried about for returning against his lord’s command seemed paltry in comparison to what he felt he would now soon face.
But there was a greater, more immediate need on the ground nearby. Her sister! — the instrument of that curse. Now, Teton understood somewhat more of the purgatory this Marta had suffered within for far too many years. He gathered her up in his arms. Now that Ilena had left she offered him no resistance or protest. “We will make camp just inside the woods, Sister.” He motioned to his horse and the animal began to follow them as it had been trained to do. But out of the corner of his eye, he noted that other of the creatures of this land remained close by.
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After he had completed the rudiments of preparing their camp, Teton removed himself several paces and knelt to pray for Marta. But she must have perceived his intent. “Do not!” she cried. “I am not worthy. I am evil!”
“Truly, Sister? Should not such judgement be left in God’s Hands alone?” Teton asked in mild tones.
She turned from him, covering her face with her hands. “You do not understand. No one can!” Teton said nothing, waiting. Some moments later, Marta spoke again. “To have cursed my sister, my own dearest sister, with ugliness while I, only I, became fairer with each passing day, each month, each year. She became a beast and had to endure all, but I was the true monster! I know how God judges me!”
“Is that so? Do you not think He saw Ilena’s plight and moved in such a manner that Erick could bring her respite and healing? And what of our meeting on the road? That was no chance encounter. I know that, Marta. It was God’s Will that day. And now He has brought you here to regain what you thought lost. For I believed Erick dead and I cannot tell you the joy that filled me on the day we met again.”
“You are not evil as I am!” Marta spate out. “Nor did you curse the one you should have loved. Nor saw how such an act wounded your parents. No! You are incapable of acting as I did! Or do you deem yourself equal to some priest to give me counsel?”
“I am as unworthy before God as you. For I too have sinned as much as any man,” Teton countered. “And do not take it amiss, but you presume too much: only evil relishes evil. You, by your torment and pain, have never embraced what you did except at its very beginning.” Though Marta refused to look at him, Teton continued. “And let your sister and God judge you. And think! I barely prevented Ilena from embracing you. She bears you no ill-will or hatred. She has a need of a sister long barred from her. Think of her!”
Teton rose to his feet. “Now, I will leave you to pray. I urge you to seek for God’s Wisdom. As for me, I find I can no longer await for my lord to seek me out.”
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Listlessly, Marta saw the shadow of Teton’s broad back and head weave their way down over the uneven fields. She did not want to consider his words or bear the kindness and forgiveness contained in each syllable. Though Marta slunk to her knees she found she could not pray. What more was there to beg of God? To say to Him? Could this giant of a man have spoken the truth? Had she been wrong even in her own rebuke of herself? Tears held back, dammed away as she considered herself damned, broke out upon her face and her self-hate could no longer stand against them.
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Teton was in the shadows of the ruins when Erick appeared from around one of its crumbled walls and he fell to his knees before his master and lord. “Erick, I beg you — ”
“Get up, Teton. There is no need for grovelling. You chose correctly to return here. Though Ilena, nor I for that matter, understand her sister’s arrival here with you, trust me, my friend, it is a boon. Now come, man, rise up. I must see this Marta and discern how to bring these two sisters back into harmony.”
“It will be no easy matter, sire. The woman has blamed herself I think since however and whenever she was involved in this curse. She hears no man’s word, nor God’s I would deem.”
“Well, I am no ordinary man as you have reminded me far beyond my pleasure, Teton. But in this case, I will use it. Now come; I do not wish Ilena or the child to suffer longer than needs be.” Mutely, Teton followed in Erick’s wake as his lord strode off toward where his camp lay.
They found Marta staring at the fire, evidence of shed tears upon her face. All the way back up to this wooded ridge, Teton had wondered what words Erick could use that would persuade this woman to accept her sister’s and God’s Forgiveness. But he could only watch as Erick removed his coat and tunic and held his tongue when he saw his striped and scarred torso.
“Look at me, woman!” Erick ordered, using all of his imperial tone. “See what I was willing to bear to free my wife, the woman I love: your sister. No! Do not turn your head away from me. I am the king’s adopted son. His heir. And to speak those words, to admit to such is a cost I did not want to bear before Ilena. But for you I will do so. Now look!”
Teton saw that Marta could not ignore Erick’s command and she surveyed, as he did, the terrible scars that lined his body. “Now touch them as Ilena did. Trace them. Each of them tells its own tale.”
To Teton’s surprise, Marta rose and did as Erick had commanded. And as her hands moved about his body, his lord told her the story, though in brief, of how the curse had been lifted and of the Pure One.
“The Pure One told me of the one who brought this curse on Ilena, though he did not name him. Oh! How I wished to hate the one who did this cruel inhumane deed; but the Pure One counselled me to forgive, telling me that the one who had sought to have this curse cast upon the woman I loved was more cursed than my Ilena, and I could not believe him until this day. For now I understand what the Pure One also said to me. That the cost I bore was not for one but for two. And that is you, Marta. Ilena is free. And so are you. You only need to accept it — for as I told you the ring is powered by both love and acceptance and both Ilena and I have it for you. What happened and the reasons for the curse no longer matter — for God turned your actions to good. Now Marta, you can end the curse that still holds you in its sway. Come and be with your sister. She needs you as much as you need her.”
Teton perceived that Erick’s appeal had reached into her, but Marta was not ready to accept this truth. “Erick, I will stay with her this night,” Teton offered and his lord agreed, though with some reluctance.
“Guard her, Teton, as you have done thus far. For she is precious. A gift from God — to us all.” But the giant saw how these final words caused the deep and long-buried pain to rear up and sting Ilena’s sister again. Then Erick left them.
Snow had begun falling by the time they were preparing to settle themselves to sleep, and a cold breeze was pouring down from the southern mountains. Teton was prepared to remain by the fire and had given Marta their two blankets, but she had baulked at his suggestion and had insisted that they share them together. “Have I have not caused enough suffering?” Refusing his protests, she had bundled them both together in the thick coverings.
But the warmth and closeness of her body only worked to keep Teton awake all the night — as it had for the past five days. It was not only Marta’s deep turmoil that had troubled the giant, but the manner in which she had clung to him upon his horse as they had ridden toward this hidden vale.
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When the morning broke about them and they discovered themselves covered by several inches of fresh snow, Marta made the decision for them both. “We cannot remain here.” With a deep sigh she confessed: “I had dreams last night — whether from God or due to yours a
nd Erick’s words, I know not, but I must see Ilena.”
They broke camp without breaking their fast and travelled downwards to the ruins accompanied by many of the animals that this time made no effort to hide their presence. “Some of these I recognize,” Marta remarked. “They led me at times in the wilderness and then — ” She stopped and turned to Teton clasping his hand in her own. “Then they led me to the road where I met you.”
Teton knew Marta meant more than simply that — that her meaning was that through him they had led her here. But he only admitted to: “They are part of this vale and have been God-touched in some manner. They brought Ilena here many years ago and have guarded her ever since.” Marta appeared to accept his words and remained silent after that, but she maintained her grip on his hand, and it began to tighten as they neared the ruins, and Teton returned it ever so lightly, for he knew his great strength.
They found Ilena and Erick side by side at the table appearing to have finished breaking their fast. In some silent manner, the two sisters communicated to each other, and Teton watched Marta quietly follow Ilena into the hallway leading to her and Erick’s private quarters.
“Thank you, Teton. I feared she still would not come though Ilena perceived rightly and counselled me to patience.”
“It was your words, your wounds, Erick,” Teton replied, disagreeing as much as a vassal was allowed.
Erick smiled, understanding. “Then both of ours — and God’s. For I think it has been a long time since Marta truly heard His Words. Now come, my friend, I see you eyeing our empty bowls. Fill yourself and we must plan for what must come next.”
