Julie had passed through that year in a blur—leaning on Ben during her grief—and then had come that panicked call from Savannah.
Which led to the end of her and Ben. Forever.
She turned off the water and toweled dry, squeezing the water from her hair. Thinking about Ben made her stomach cramp. And it made even more memories come flooding back.
Ben had been so sweet when her mother died. He’d held her and let her cry. He’d made her a big card with snapshots and little quotes of things Mom used to say. He’d helped her write the eulogy for the small church service, and made sure all their friends went. He made contact with her mother’s family back in South Carolina. He’d even called her father for her. Her father worked for the Coast Guard in Alaska, and she hadn’t seen him in years. He’d awkwardly offered to move her up there.
That had at least made her smile.
Ben had done so much. He was amazing. She always figured it was because he was so close to his own mother. He knew how to be there without being annoying.
This was bullshit, this not talking and avoiding each other. Ben was too important in her life. She had to talk to him.
Before she could think about it too much, she wrapped herself in a bathrobe and went to find her bag. On her cell phone, she looked up the number of Knight and Day. This late, she doubted that he’d be there, but she could at least leave a message.
“Knight and Day, Ben speaking,” he answered. His voice had deepened since she’d been gone. It had more of a sexy edge to it, a playful baritone that sent pleasurable shivers up her spine.
“Um, hi, Ben. It’s Julie.”
A shocked pause followed. “Hey, Julie.”
She couldn’t read his tone at all. Damn it, why had she done such a boneheaded thing as to call him? Now that he was on the phone, she didn’t know where to start. I used to love you so much? I missed you? You’re so sexy it physically hurts me to look at you?
Uh, no. “I’m calling about the flight tour. Sarah’s invitation.”
“Right.” Had his tone cooled a bit? She couldn’t tell. “Did you figure out a good time? I’ll check the books.”
“Saturday. Anytime you have open will be fine. But there’s something else, Ben.”
It was strange how his name felt so right in her mouth. “Problem?”
“It’s the Reinhards. They want to come along.”
“Ah.” Ben had no big love for the Reinhards, she knew. They’d always been standoffish with him. “Well, with Sarah, Felix, you, me and the two of them, we’ll have just enough seats. That should be fine.”
“Great. Well. I guess we’ll see you Saturday.”
“See you then.” He hung up.
Tears started in Julie’s eyes. Oh my God, so awkward. Would they ever be able to have a normal conversation? Her hand hovered over the phone. There was so much she wanted to say to Ben. Too much for a phone call. But maybe she could call back and arrange a time to talk. Make an official “date.”
Or maybe an “appointment” would be a better term.
She quickly dialed again, but this time she did get the answering machine. “You’ve reached Knight and Day Flight Tours. Please leave a message.”
Leave a message, leave a message… Hi Ben. This is Julie again. I can’t stand the fact that we can’t even talk to each other. You were my best friend, the only boy I’ve ever really loved, and I’m so sorry for leaving the way I did, and if you could only understand what happened, I think you’d forgive me, so please can we get together and talk? And by the way, every time I look at you, my heart does this funny flipping thing and I want to touch you so badly it’s a miracle I haven’t thrown myself into your arms by now.
Yeah, at least he’d get a laugh out of that. Maybe Magenta Girl would get a few chuckles out of it too. Or Tobias, if he was the one who picked up the message.
Just in case she got too tempted, she buried her phone under her pillow and went to play video games with Felix. And get her ass kicked, of course.
8
Friday night, Ben went to Barstow’s Brews and played pool with some of the Jupiter Point Hotshots and local firefighters. Moira showed up, celebrating her top-five finish in the 5K. He bought her a beer to celebrate, then maneuvered things so she wound up in a conversation with one of the firefighters. His attraction to her was gone, but he didn’t know how to tell her so. Hopefully, she’d appreciate the fine and studly qualities of Luke McCarthy.
No such luck. On his way back from the restroom, she cornered him. “Where’s my congratulations kiss?” she purred, pressing against him.
He bent down to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned her head so their lips met. Instantly, he drew back. “Sorry, Moira. This isn’t going to work.”
“It’s your ex, isn’t it? The one who squirted me with her little spray bottle?”
“That was an accident, and there’s no need to bring her into it anyway. This is about us. You’re great, but the connection just isn’t there. You must feel it too.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You’re hot, I’m hot, we like the same things. That’s a connection.”
He looked down at her. She was gorgeous, her hair gleaming deep red in the low light, her toned body poured into a tight sweater and jeans. “I just don’t think that’s enough, Moira. There’s still something missing.”
“Yes, and I know exactly what it is. Sex. We should sleep together and then talk about whether or not we have a connection.”
A month ago, he probably would have agreed. Hell, if he’d met Moira a month ago, they’d probably already have slept together. He found her plenty attractive and easy to be with. Good jogging companion.
But that didn’t make a “connection.” Maybe Moira had never experienced the kind of relationship he’d had with Julie, that soul-deep, life-changing kind of love.
This was all Julie’s doing. Julie’s return had brought all of those feelings back—or at least the memory of them. It wasn’t about sex, that was for sure. He and Julie had never gotten that far. They wanted to, had planned to, but then her mother had died and their relationship had shifted. He’d become her protector, her support system.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I’d rather be clear now than have things get messy later.”
She took a step back, her hands lingering on his chest. “You’re going to regret this. That fireman’s ready to take me home right now.”
“You should go for it. Luke’s a good guy.”
It finally seemed to sink in that he was serious. Her face fell, and she let her hands come away from his chest. “Fine. But you should at least stop lying to yourself. This is about your ex. I saw the way you looked at her, and the way she looked at you.”
“What way? Like she wanted to spray me with Windex?” He frowned, remembering only that Julie had looked rattled when he’d surprised her in the foyer. Also, she’d looked adorable with her hair bundled into a bandanna and yellow rubber gloves covering her hands.
“I honestly can’t describe it.” She fluffed her hair around her face. “But you’d better figure it out or your sex life is going to suck. Bye, Ben.” She flitted off down the hallway.
Ben shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor.
His sex life already sucked. At least it had since Julie showed up. What happened to the lighthearted, easy-come-easy-go Ben Knight who’d been flirting happily with the single girls of Jupiter Point? And before that, the girls who hung out around every Air Force base he’d spent time at?
He knew what had happened. Julie. Julie had shown up, and now he knew he’d been fooling himself. He wasn’t really a player, not deep down. Deep down, he wanted to fall in love for real. The way he had with Julie.
But with someone else, not her. Because he was completely over her. And even if he weren’t—which of course he was…had been and still was—how could he ever trust her again?
Saturday dawned bright and clear, with a slight west wind at about 5
knots per hour. Ben showed up early at the airstrip and did a quick cleanup of the office. Maybe he should hire a cleaning lady. Correction, “cleaner.” He knew a good one, in fact.
But why was Julie working as a cleaner? What happened to her singing dreams? Wouldn’t LA be the perfect place to pursue a songwriting career? Wasn’t that the reason she’d left Jupiter Point? What had gone wrong?
There were so many questions he wanted to ask her. And now that she was on her way, with the Reinhard clan in tow, he wished they’d already cleared the air.
The group arrived in the Reinhards’ Rolls Royce, which looked completely out of place in the gravel lot of the airstrip. Mrs. Reinhard descended from the vehicle like some kind of disdainful queen. She surveyed Knight and Day’s tiny fleet through dark sunglasses, making him feel embarrassed that it was such a small operation.
Ben drew in a breath and went to greet them. He shook hands with Mr. and Mrs. Reinhard, but was careful not to make any movement toward Felix. The kid was too fascinated by the sight of the freshly washed 206 perched on the tarmac to give him a glance.
Julie extracted herself from the car last. She wore jeans tucked into boots, and a long sweater belted around her waist. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, and she too wore sunglasses. But at least she smiled at him as he helped her out of the Rolls.
The touch of her palm against his was electric.
He addressed the little group. “Tobias is bringing Sarah, she should be here any minute. She wants to give Felix the grand tour, so how about some coffee while we wait?”
They all trooped after him into the little reception office, which smelled like coffee from the Keurig.
“Ben!” Julie exclaimed as soon as they went through the door. “You’ve done such an amazing job in here. Did you guys fix it up yourselves?”
Trust Julie to know the way to his heart. Knight and Day was his pride and joy. “Sean Marcus and the hotshots did a lot of work on it before we bought the place. It was basically abandoned for years, and it was a mess. But then my brothers and I took over after that. I’m glad you like it.”
“It’s incredible. It really is. Isn’t that sign great, Felix?” Their logo, rendered in full color on a big hand-painted sign, consisted of a knight in armor riding a plane.
Felix wasn’t quite as impressed. “I want to see the planes,” he said. “What kind of engines do they have?”
“Oh Felix, don’t pester him,” said Mrs. Reinhard.
Ben shook his head. His fascination with planes had begun around Felix’s age, though he’d been restricted to the wooden model planes his father had ordered for him online.
“It’s fine. I’ll take Felix into the hangar and show him a few things. You guys can relax here.”
The Reinhards perched on the guest chairs, looking not at all relaxed.
“I’ll come with you,” Julie said, with a quick glance at Felix. Ben got the message; she still wasn’t sure if Felix had accepted him.
He led the way outside to the hangar, where the Piper Matrix was currently awaiting a maintenance check. “In answer to your question, Felix, the 206 has a Continental O-520 engine. This plane here, the Piper Matrix, has a two thousand hour TBO Lycoming. We’re probably going to sell the Piper, since it’s more of a commuter plane. Hunter McGraw wants to buy it.” He turned to Julie. “You remember Hunter, right? He married Starly Minx, the pop star, and they go back and forth from here to LA a lot. This rig would be perfect for them.”
“We live in LA,” said Felix.
“Yeah, I heard that. Maybe you guys can get a plane too.”
“We’re not staying here,” he said firmly. “It’s too boring.”
Ben’s heart dipped. Why had he thought that Julie might be staying? It seemed so right for her to be here. In the back of his mind, he’d assumed they had plenty of time to work things out.
He glanced at Julie, who was shooting him a wry look.
“Felix is still warming up to Jupiter Point. But I think it’s growing on him.”
“Maybe he just needs to see it from the air.” Ben grinned at the kid, who gazed solemnly back at him.
“I do like the ice skating rink,” he said, very serious. “When is Sarah coming?”
“I’m here! I’m here!” Sarah came bounding into the hangar. She grabbed Felix’s arm and tugged him toward the tarmac. “Come see the helicopter that rescued me.”
Ben noticed that the boy didn’t seem to mind Sarah’s touch quite as much, though he still stiffened. The two kids disappeared out of the hangar, and finally, he and Julie were alone.
“Thank you for doing—”
“I’m glad you guys came—”
They both spoke at once, then laughed. Ben shoved his hands in his pockets and breathed in the comforting smell of fuel oil and hand cleanser that permeated the hangar. This was his home turf. His comfort zone. His little kingdom. Nothing could hurt him here, not even an awkward moment with the former love of his life.
“Felix is really excited, even though he doesn’t show it the same way other kids might.” Julie fiddled with the end of her belt, and he realized she felt just as awkward as he did. To put her at ease, he reached for her arm and gave it a comforting squeeze.
Mistake.
The feel of her body brought too many lost emotions rushing back. He snatched his hand back. “Sorry.”
“No. Please, don’t be sorry. I mean, I should be sorry. I am sorry. Ben, we need to talk—”
He took a step away, his back bumping up against the Piper Matrix. This didn’t seem like the best moment for talking. Touching her arm had rattled him, and he was about to have six lives, including his own, in his hands. If thoughts of Julie had been distracting him in the air, what would actual Julie do? “How about some other time,” he muttered.
A quick wince flashed across her face. “Oh sure, I didn’t mean now. I just…there’s a lot to say. And the longer we wait, the harder it gets.”
“It’s waited twelve years; how much harder could it be?” He meant the words lightly, but they didn’t come out that way. They came out harsh and edgy.
She flinched, and cinched her belt tighter. “Ouch Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.”
And then—ridiculously—he hated that she was backing out of it. “What isn’t, talking? Flying? Coming back to Jupiter Point? Acting like you didn’t walk out on me when I needed you most? Pretending like everything’s normal? You’re going to have to be more specific.”
Her face went white, and he instantly felt like the biggest ass in the world. Why was he getting so hot and bothered? He was over her. None of this should matter to him anymore. “Sorry,” he muttered.
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Her gaze dropped to the floor. He followed her glance. Concrete stained with old diesel, scuff marks. “Don’t be,” she whispered. “I guess I deserve that.”
No, she didn’t. Or maybe she did. He didn’t know anymore. A stew of emotions boiled inside him, turning his stomach. Anger—so much anger. He thought he was through with that. He’d worked it out in basic training, at the flight academy, in long pounding sessions at the gym, in hundreds of late-night study sessions. But it wasn’t just anger haunting him…there was plenty of hurt, too. Not to mention confusion.
What had he ever done to deserve the way she’d treated him?
But still, the stunned look on her face tore at him. This was still Julie, no matter what she’d done twelve years ago. Before, he never would have spoken to her in such a nasty way.
Then again, before—he wouldn’t have wanted to, because he loved and trusted Julie with all his heart.
Not anymore.
When he looked up, she was studying him closely. “You’ve changed, haven’t you?”
“Of course I’ve changed. I grew up. Stopped believing in fairy tales.”
Stopped believing in love—that was what he really meant. Stopped believing in miracles, in happy endings, in “everything’s going to be okay.�
� Of course everything wasn’t going to be okay. Just look at all the terrible things that had happened. How could that ever be okay?
She smiled sadly. “There’s one fairy tale I believe in. ‘Humpty Dumpty.’ All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I have a feeling that’s us, Ben.”
Before he could protest the idea of comparing their relationship to a giant talking humanoid egg, Mr. Reinhard charged into the hangar.
“What’s the holdup here? If we don’t get this show on the road, Felix is going to be taking over the controls himself.”
Julie jumped at the interruption with a look of relief, and hurried to join Mr. Reinhard.
Ben took a moment to compose himself, scrubbing his hand across the back of his neck and letting out a long whoosh of breath. Pilot. Flying. Cessna. Happy place. No distractions. Got it.
9
Julie stumbled out of the hangar in a state of shock. Of course Ben was angry at her. He had every right to be. But the look in his eyes—the sheer hurt and betrayal—was far beyond what she’d ever imagined. It was almost as if…
She turned to Mr. Reinhard. “This may come out of left field, but do you remember when Savannah and I first called you from LA, and I gave you a message to deliver to Ben? You never told me what he said in response. Do you happen to remember?”
“Message? Sorry, I’m drawing a blank. That was what…ten, twelve years ago?” He gave her a distracted look, more occupied with Priscilla’s arrival than their exchange. She was striding toward them across the tarmac, her heels clicking. “Pris, Julie’s asking about some message for Ben, back when Savannah pulled her runaway act.”
Priscilla’s sharp eyes slid past her. “I have a message for him right now. I’m tired of waiting for him, and I’m tired of hearing every tiny fact about Cessnas from that brilliant grandson of ours. Is he coming?”
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