The Love And Loss of Joshua James (The Cattleman's Daughters: Companion Book 3)

by Danni Roan

  “She ain’t afraid of horses, either,” Deeks called from where he was busy pounding a peg through a log. “Ta other day, I was workin’ on makin’ some nails at the make-shift forge I set over along the barn here,” he tilted his head behind him, indicating the spot.

  “One of the horses was layin’ down soakin’ up the sun and she walked right over to it and scrabbled onboard. Just sprawled out on his back as natural as can be. Took up the mane in her hands and snuggled down tight.”

  “Is that safe?” Benji asked.

  “She didn’t fall off when the critter got to his feet and commenced ta grazin’ again, so I reckon it didn’t do no harm.”

  Benji squinted toward Joshua’s sod shack, as if he might see Katie somehow through the thick, prairie-sod walls. “I reckon she rides out enough with her pa, she’s getting’ pretty comfortable with horses every which way now,” he finally said.

  “Don’t you go worryin’ none about that little girl. She’ll turn out alright. Now let’s get this roof on, I’m ‘bout ready for lunch.”

  The other men chuckled. Billy was often thinking about his stomach, one of the reasons everyone seemed to prefer his cooking to their won.

  “What’s for lunch today anyway, Billy?” Deeks asked, leaning forward to stretch his back.

  “It’s a concoction I picked up a few years ago along the border.” Billy said. “Meat and spices mixed up with some tomatoes and such. It’s right tasty. This time I added in some beans from last night ta make it go further an’ keep the heat down. I don’t reckon the girls’ll like it hot.”

  “What’s it called?” Benji asked.

  “Can’t rightly say, all’s I know is it’s named after some fancy peppers you find down Mexico way.”

  “You sayin’ you been to Mexico, Billy?” Deeks voice was skeptical.

  “Yer darn tootin’ I been ta Mexico. Been all over Texas and along a-ways in

  Cali-forn-i-a as well.”

  “You been just beatin’ around the country all this time?” Deeks queried again.

  “I been at loose ends for quite a spell,” Billy said, his voice growin’ soft. “Didn’t have nothing ta keep me in one place.”

  “Uncle Deeks, Uncle Benji, Billy, cornbread’s ready,” Katie called, making them all look at each other before scrabbling down the barn frame and heading inside.

  Chapter 13

  “Bri-on,” Winny called from the barn where she’d been stretching a deer hide. He’d been able to hunt and the meat was going a long way to adding to their supplies.

  “Hm?” he called, looking up from where he’d been checking his horses to see what she might need.

  “Your mare, she is pregnant, yes?”

  “What?” he asked, turning back to look at his packhorse again. “Tarnation, I think you’re right,” he said. How had he missed it?

  Winny shrugged and turned back to her work. “Life has a way of going on with or without our permission,” she said.

  Brion chuckled. She certainly had a way of putting things. The past six weeks had been interesting, to say the least. At first he thought the long days cooped up in the cabin would drive him crazy. He had been angry and restless and trapped.

  Wynonna had kept him busy though and well fed, despite their meager stores. He looked down at his stomach, surprised it wasn’t as rounded as his mare’s.

  “When do you think the trails will be open?” Brion asked, running a hand along the mare’s back.

  “More snow will come soon. Leaving this place will not happen soon.”

  He didn’t know why but he believed her when she spoke. So far her predictions about the weather had been accurate to the point of being spooky. There was something different about this woman.

  Brion looked up again, studying her where she stood pulling the deer hide tight. She was slightly built but still softly rounded in all the right places. He’d found women attractive before, but none seemed to draw him the way this Indian woman did.

  “So you say this cabin belonged to your grandfather?” he asked, trying to wrap his head around the fact that her grandmother had been married to a Frenchman.

  “Yes, he was a trapper. They lived here during winter.”

  “What will you do when the weather breaks?” he finally asked, looking out into the glare of a rare sunny day.

  Winny was silent for so long he thought that perhaps she hadn’t heard, but finally she replied.

  “I must go somewhere,” she spoke softly.

  “Where?”

  Wynonna turned to look at him, her eyes sad. “I must speak to my brother.”

  “Yer brother? You didn’t tell me you was lookin’ for your brother.”

  “He is far,” she answered simply.

  “I could come with you,” he said, kicking at a weed that protruded from the thick blanket of snow.

  Winny turned and walked to him, laying strong hands on his forearms. “No, you cannot,” she said, looking up into his face. “This journey is for me.”

  Brion felt like he was falling, as if he’d taken a bad step and was plummeting to earth. His stomach twisted and fluttered as he looked into her dark eyes.

  Winny’s head was tipped back, her face open and frank, her eyes full of sorrow and hope. Brion lowered his head and his lips touched hers. They were soft and warm and tasted sweet like dried berries.

  He lingered a moment then withdrew, opening his eyes to look at her. Winny’s eyes were still closed, her lips moist and slightly parted.

  A smile pulled at his lips as she opened her eyes. At least she hadn’t run away from him. Her deep sigh tugged at his heart, then she blinked and turned away, back to her work.

  Maybe she didn’t like his kiss, but he sure had enjoyed it. Quite suddenly it dawned on him that he was falling for this woman. That he had grown to care for her in their confinement. He couldn’t think of a worse thing that could happen. Not only were they from two different races, they had two very different paths before them.

  The joy of a moment ago whisked away like smoke on the wind.

  ***

  Brion stood on the little porch of the cabin as a warming breeze tugged at his beard. He hadn’t trimmed it in weeks, and it was long and grizzled. The weather was turning; he could feel it and knew that he would soon need to return to Joshua and the girls.

  He didn’t want to leave Winny, though, and he knew she wouldn’t come with him. She was determined to go to her brother and nothing he could do would change her mind. If he’d learned nothing else about the woman he’d learned that she was stubborn and true to her word.

  His heart was heavy as he turned back to the cabin and opened the door.

  Winny looked up from washing the supper dishes when Brion walked back in. She hadn’t spoken of it, but she knew she loved the man. It was a silly thing really. She had no time for love, she had business to be about.

  He hadn’t tried to kiss her again since that day by the barn, but their long conversations and days of working together to keep themselves and the horses alive had forged a bond between them that ran to the core of her being.

  Long nights she had spent arguing in prayer over the man with the red hair and long beard. She smiled as he closed the door and slipped out of his boots.

  “The weather it is better,” she spoke.

  “Yes.” He’d gotten used to her unusual speech patterns and her voice sounded sweet.

  “Tomorrow I will go.”

  Brion felt a rock sink into his stomach and froze where he stood. He didn’t want her to go.

  “Will I see you again?” he finally asked.

  Winnie dried her hands on a small towel and walked toward him.

  He couldn’t resist anymore and pulled her to him, wrapping her in his arms. “I wish you didn’t have to go.”

  “I know,” she said, pulling back and looking up at him. Her eyes were full of emotion. “I do not want to leave you,” she finally confessed.

  “What do you think we should do about i
t?” he asked, pulling her close to him again. He could feel her warmth sinking into him. Why did he feel so peaceful when he was with her? Somehow this little woman had wriggled into his heart and reminded him that he was made in the image of God.

  “Sit with me,” she finally spoke again, taking his hand and walking to the table.

  Brion took a seat at the table, a familiar place where he’d spent hours discussing life and feelings with the woman across from him.

  “You want coffee?” Winnie asked practically, making him chuckle. Somehow even with his heart in his throat, she managed to make him laugh.

  “No.”

  Together they sat and joined hands across the table.

  “You know I must go?” Winny said, her thumb stroking along his hand.

  “I can’t say I understand it, but I know if you say you’re going to do something you’ll do it.”

  She smiled softly, her eyes twinkling. She took his breath away.

  “I’d rather you stayed though.” He squeezed her hand, and felt a shiver run up his arm.

  “I will go in the morning.” Her words felt like shards of ice on his skin. “You will go, too.”

  Brion sat up straighter, “With you?”

  “No, you must go home to your Joshua. He needs you.”

  “But will I see you again?” His voice was rough with emotion.

  “That is up to you.”

  “How?”

  Winny released his hand and stood, moving toward her bedroll.

  He wanted to rise and follow her, but something told him not to. He listened to the sounds of her moving things around, then watched as she walked back to him. She moved with a freedom and grace that threatened to undo him.

  Winnie laid a small black book on the table between them, then took her seat again.

  Brion reached out a finger and traced the gold print across the leather cover. “Winny, how is the Bible going to help us?”

  Winny sat and looked at him seriously for a moment before replying. “That is up to you?”

  Brion waited, hoping there was something more, but she didn’t speak again. After several minutes, he picked up the Bible, turning it in his hands. The cover was worn and smooth. It felt like warm butter in his hands.

  Slowly he opened the cover and looked at the first page. There, in neat handwriting, were several names listed under marriages. He turned the next page and found Winny’s name listed under births.

  He wondered for a moment what she’d been like when she was little, probably as fierce as she was now.

  Carefully he read the names on the first page. Francis Billet was written next to Lona Blue Wing. He smiled, seeing the connection.

  “If I asked, would you marry me?” he asked, putting the Bible down and taking her hand again.

  “But would you marry me?” Winny’s eyes were bright with worry.

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “I am of a different people. You have family who will not understand.”

  “I think they would.” His thumb was making little circles on her hands and he could feel a tremor run up her arm. She hid it well, but their attraction was mutual.

  Winny lifted her dark eyes from where they’d been following the path of his thumb. “I want to be with you,” she said seriously.

  “If I sign my name, will you sign yours?” Brion finally asked, his words heavy with emotion.

  “If I sign, I still have to go.”

  “I know.” He looked deep into her eyes. “But will ye come back?”

  “I will.”

  Winnie pulled a tiny pencil from a pocket in her dress and handed it to him. With infinite care, Brion Blakely signed his name to the frail page, then turned the book toward Winnie. She signed, then leaned across the table to kiss him.

  “I do not take this lightly, to me this is a vow before God and from my heart,” she touched her breast then his. “This is your time to choose if you will change your mind.”

  Brion covered her hand with his where it rested against his breast bone. “I won’t change my mind,” he whispered, “my heart has changed though since I met you, changed for the better.”

  Winny pulled her hand away from him and looked down shyly. She actually looked as if she might blush.

  “Tomorrow the weather will be clear, we should sleep. I will leave early.”

  Brion was a little disappointed as they took turns washing their face and hands, cleaning their teeth as best they could and then moved to their separate pallets for sleep. He’d pledged his heart sitting at that tiny, battered table and wasn’t about to change his mind, no matter what. Perhaps she needed to test him.

  He rolled into his blankets and soft hides and tried to go to sleep. His chest felt tight and he desperately wanted to hold Winny in his arms.

  Silence fell, a stillness at once empty and full.

  Winnie came to him in the night, her eyes bright with wonder and perhaps a little apprehension. For once she wasn’t sure if she was right or wrong, but she’d pledged herself to this man who had been so lost but had somehow helped her find a new level of freedom.

  Brion let himself go. He reached out his heart and soul to the woman he’d fallen in love with, tucked away in this tiny spot of nowhere. He released the last of his anger, pain and fear as he embraced the woman he loved.

  With the first rays of light filling the valley, Brion Blakely watched Winnie shrug into her pack with serious eyes.

  “How will I find you?” he asked, his heart heavy and his voice soft.

  Softly she caressed his cheek, “I will find you Bri-on. I will always find you.” She kissed him one last time, then turned and began walking away.

  Chapter 14

  January turned bitter and a cold wind kept the men indoors more often than not. They were glad that the barn was finished to shelter their livestock throughout the frigid nights, but March brought warmer weather and the freedom to move about in days of sunlight.

  “Looks like the weathers turning,’” Billy said, looking up from where he sat outside the soddy, peeling potatoes.

  “It’s nice to be out in the light again,” Joshua agreed. The younger man had settled down a bit finally, spending more time with his daughters and trying to accept the lot that life had given him.

  “Good thing Brion come back when he did,” Billy said, turning a potato to see that he’d cleaned it well.

  “He’s different somehow,” Joshua commented, “quieter, but happy too.”

  “I bet on a woman,” Billy chuckled.

  “Where’d he find a woman around here?” Joshua scoffed, gesturing toward the empty prairie.

  “I reckon he’ll tell us when he’s ready.” Billy shrugged, picking up another potato.

  “I’m just glad to have him back,” Joshua agreed. “He’s been helping Deeks get the plow ready for spring planting.” Joshua’s ice-blue eyes were still shadowed with grief and the gnawing guilt that stayed with him always.

  Even now, looking at his brother-in-law brought back the regret and pain of losing Bridgette. He should have never brought her with him.

  “Papa?” Katie called, moving along determinedly toward the men.

  “Hello, Katie,” Billy called, smiling.

  “Hello, Billy,” The girl said politely, but wasn’t deterred from what was clearly on her mind. “I need a pony,” she said without explanation.

  “You do?” her father asked, his eyes softening as he studied his oldest child.

  “Yes, how am I to help out around here if I don’t have my own pony? With a pony I can ride out with you or help with hunting.”

  “I see. There’s only one problem = we don’t have any extra ponies.”

  Katie seemed to study on that for a while. “Maybe when Uncle Brion’s mare foals, I can have her baby,” she suggested.

  “That foal won’t be ready to ride for at least two years,” Joshua said reasonably.

  “It seems very inconvenient to wait that long,” Katie replied, “but I suppos
e I’ll just have to wait. Until then, I can still ride double with you.”

  Joshua smiled at his daughter. She’d grown up so much in the past few months. Something seemed to move in Joshua’s chest, like a log jam breaking loose, and he slipped to his knees, pulling his daughter close.

  He wanted everything for this little slip of a girl. He wanted to see her happy and loved and cared for. He’d been drifting since Bridgette had died and thanked God for the men who’d come to this land with him, who had picked up the slack.

  He’d do better, he’d be better despite the hollowness that seemed to grow within him. He had his baby girls to think of now. He didn’t matter; it was his job as their father to do better for them.

  “Josh?” Brion stepped from the barn, wiping his hands on a bloodied rag. “I got somethin’ ta show you,” he called, a wide grin covering his face. “Best bring the girls.” He chuckled and turned back into the low building.

  “Come on, Papa,” Katie said, taking her father’s hand and pulling him to his feet. “Let’s see.”

  “I’ll fetch Meg and Fiona,” Billy said, hurrying toward the soddy.

  Joshua scrabbled to keep up with Katie, who had a death grip on his hand as she excitedly rushed toward the barn and her uncle.

  “What is it, Uncle Brion?” she asked, her voice high and anxious.

  “Just take a look,” he said, pointing toward a small boxed stall and ginning like the cat who’d got the canary.

  Katie looked through the rails of the stall to see the brown mare snuffling a newborn foal. The little creature was still wet and struggled to hold its head up, but was trying to get four long, gangly legs to work at the same time.

  Katie giggled and the sound zinged straight to Joshua’s heart as together they watched the little foal wobble and tumble sideways after getting long front legs up in front of it.

  “He’s all tangled up Papa, help him,” Katie said, leaning toward the little animal.

  “That wouldn’t help him, darlin’,” Joshua said, “He’s got to learn to stand on his own feet.” He stopped as a lump grew in his throat. Someday his girls would have to stand on their own feet as well.