Friend

by Paek Nam-nyong

  From whence, from whom, for what reason was the wind running, like a fugitive, like someone who has abandoned his family? Who will ever know its point of departure, who will ever know its lonesome fate? It wanders the earth aimlessly, seeking refuge among the trees in the depths of a forest or by a river in an open meadow. It dashes by without looking back, or it lurks around a single spot. At times, it affectionately embraces life, sharing warmth and love with everything near and far. At other times, it bellows with rage and devours everything in sight with a destructive force that makes the earth shudder. It gets soaked in the cold rain and freezes in the icy blizzard. It moans in agony and howls into the lonely night. But then, on a quiet day, it wakes from the warmth of the sun and embarks on its journey yet again, looking forward to the promise of a new day, a new adventure. This is why it can never find a mate and, therefore, lives a most miserable life.

  The night grew darker.

  Eun Ok had finished washing the dishes and doing the laundry. After tending each vegetable in the greenhouse, she realized how late in the evening it had become.

  Even at this hour, Jeong Jin Wu was sitting at his desk with his head buried in books and documents. He consulted the legal texts before raising his pen. After thinking deeply, he began to write.

  Eun Ok approached her husband quietly. Jeong Jin Wu put his pen down and began to massage his temples. Eun Ok placed her hands on his shoulders.

  Jeong Jin Wu held his wife’s rugged hands and pulled her next to him.

  Eun Ok placed her hands on his cheeks and gazed at her fatigued, hardworking husband.

  “Are you writing an essay?” she asked softly.

  “It’s something like that. I’m trying to submit this article to the Journal of Legal Theory, but something’s not right.”

  Eun Ok’s countenance changed from admiration to concern. Jeong Jin Wu noticed this change and smiled brightly.

  She picked up Jeong Jin Wu’s article from the desk. More than the content of the article itself, Eun Ok noticed her husband’s tireless research in every word and every sentence and on every page.

  “Will you read it over for me?” asked Jeong Jin Wu, half-jokingly.

  Eun Ok read through the text with admiration. She read the entire article carefully and then put it down.

  “I see that you’re going to use those as well,” said Eun Ok, referring to the other legal documents fanned out on Jeong Jin Wu’s desk.

  “I’m not sure yet …” Jeong Jin Wu trailed off. But it was certain that he had much to do.

  Eun Ok opened the desk drawer and took out two tickets to the Bongjeol Movie Theater. She smiled with her lips pursed and looked at her husband. Her eyes were those of a young girl—bright and lustrous.

  Eun Ok spoke excitedly, “Take Sunday off. We’ll go on a boat ride at the amusement park and then a stroll around the park and the river. In the evening, we can catch this film.”

  “You think we’re still in our twenties to go out on a date like this?” Jeong Jin Wu laughed wholeheartedly. “Have you forgotten that we’re in our fifties?”

  “What does age have to do with it? We’re still young at heart.”

  “You’re right. We’re still young, passionate, and full of life.” Jeong Jin Wu gazed at Eun Ok tenderly. “Thank you very much. However, Sunday is not a good time.”

  “Why not?”

  “I have to stop by a house in the Gang An District.”

  “Is it another divorce case?”

  Jeong Jin Wu nodded silently.

  Eun Ok did not say anything. She sighed and brushed her disheveled hair behind her ear. She never interfered with his work and never asked about other families’ marital problems. Eun Ok couldn’t handle the very idea of divorce. She knew the sleepless nights and torment he had to endure trying to resolve the agony of marital problems. She realized that she would not be able to help by sympathizing or analyzing the matter with him. She did not want to burden him with more problems, so she did not ask any more questions about it.

  Divorce.

  The very word cast a dark shadow across her face and changed the atmosphere in the room.

  The two sat quietly.

  The weekend date that Eun Ok had planned, a rare occurrence for the couple, was postponed. The two sat pensively, worrying over this divorce case as if the divorcing spouses were their closest friends.

  Outside the window, the wind shook the branches frantically and bellowed mournfully.

  Jeong Jin Wu returned his attention to his article and spoke softly to Eun Ok, “You must be tired from your long journey. Get some rest.”

  When there was no reply, Jeong Jin Wu raised his head. “Do you have something to say to me?”

  “It must be hard for you to stay home by yourself, right?” asked Eun Ok cautiously.

  “What, are you thinking of divorcing me?” Jeong Jin Wu chuckled. Eun Ok did not.

  “Don’t you worry about me,” Jeong Jin Wu reassured Eun Ok. “Now, get some rest.”

  But Eun Ok could not retire to her room just yet. “You prepare your own breakfast, lunch, and dinner … you take care of the vegetables in the greenhouse … you write your article … It must be very hard for you.”

  Jeong Jin Wu knew how Eun Ok expected him to respond. He put down his pen and rested his elbows on his desk.

  “It seems as though you’ve read my mind,” said Jeong Jin Wu.

  Eun Ok lowered her eyes.

  Jeong Jin Wu caressed Eun Ok’s coarse hands. He spoke frankly, “It is difficult at times … and I get angry and frustrated … but it’s been a rewarding life. This is beyond the expectations of our wedding night. I’m very pleased with how our lives are in unison every step of the way. To think of someone frail like you in that harsh terrain … It brings me happiness to see you on that path of pursuing knowledge, persevering through the intolerably cold weather.”

  Jeong Jin Wu took a moment before he proceeded, “To be honest with you, a few days ago, I was not too happy. In fact, I was extremely upset. In the early days of our married life, I was more than willing to support your research, but after many years, I felt like I was forced to support you because that is what a husband is supposed to do. I began to envy other families whose wives stayed at home. I wanted that, too, a simple, ordinary, happy family.”

  Eun Ok began to caress her husband’s hands, a gesture of regret and apology.

  When Jeong Jin Wu saw Eun Ok’s misty eyes, he said, “Why are you crying when I’m trying to compliment you? You’re the one who must be more tired than me. You must be very tired. Look at your hands. I told you to wear gloves. You may not be able to wear gloves when you plant each seed, but after that, please wear them.”

  “Yes, I will.”

  Eun Ok wiped the tears with her finger.

  Jeong Jin Wu continued. “Don’t be discouraged. Look how much your research has advanced since you’ve started. The radishes and cabbages have to be considered a success. Now you have a better idea of what to do with the cucumbers and squash. Yes, indeed. Do you think the villagers at Yeonsudeok will be able to enjoy the cabbages and radishes by next year?”

  “Yes, I think they will.” Eun Ok nodded and smiled.

  “When were you planning to leave for Yeonsudeok again?”

  “If it’s all right with you, I was thinking of leaving on Monday.”

  “Monday? Ah, that is why you arranged our date on Sunday.” Jeong Jin Wu nodded as though he had solved a mystery case. Then he sighed. “It’s fine. Go on Monday. And next time, you don’t have to leave notes. I already know what to do. I’m your best research assistant.” Jeong Jin Wu chuckled again.

  From outside the window, the wind noticed Jeong Jin Wu and Eun Ok enjoying each other’s company by the single lamp on the desk and respectfully left them in peace.

  16

  After Sun Hee prepared dinner for Ho Nam, she collapsed on her bed. As the hours passed, she grew more overwhelmed by mixed feelings of shame, bitterness, regret, and despe
ration. The intensity of her mental pain left her empty and dejected, as if she had been banished to a deserted place. It seemed dark everywhere, and the only flame of life left seemed to be fading away. The flame flickered whenever the wind blew, and then it went out. The dying wick also soon vanished into obscurity.

  Suddenly, Sun Hee opened her eyes, terrified. The room was tranquil, and Ho Nam was still awake, sitting on the floor by the desk making a pair of glasses out of wire. Sun Hee cuddled Ho Nam in her arms and tried to assuage his loneliness.

  “Won’t you go to sleep now?” whispered Sun Hee.

  “After I finish making this.”

  “Come, let’s get ready for bed.”

  “No, I’m going to wait until Dad comes home.”

  Sun Hee did not oppose her son’s desires. She sighed and closed her eyes. All of a sudden, a memory of the judge’s acute eyes and his words, as sharp as surgical tools, flashed before her. The judge’s keen assessment of her was like a mirror that reflected her innermost thoughts, like an X-ray that had peered into her soul. She realized that there was no use hiding her flaws from the judge, and there was certainly no use in crying in front of him.

  Why did I really become a singer? How have I truly treated Seok Chun all these years?

  When Ho Nam finished making his glasses, he put them on and sat next to Sun Hee.

  “Mom, look at my glasses.”

  “They’re really nice.”

  “Is Dad coming home tonight?”

  “Well, I’m not sure. If he’s busy at the factory, then he may not.”

  In the past, Sun Hee would bark at Ho Nam whenever he asked about his father. But tonight, she replied in a gentler tone, which gave him the courage to ask, “Mom, did you prepare Dad’s dinner?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “You see, you think he’s coming home, too.”

  Sun Hee embraced her son, and he remained in his mother’s arms. Sun Hee caressed his shoulders and back. She realized that she would not be able to detach her son from his father, that his burning love would never be extinguished. The more Sun Hee mocked Seok Chun, the more Ho Nam distanced himself from his mother. But the more Sun Hee commended Seok Chun, the more Ho Nam was willing to accept his mother’s love. Ho Nam’s genuine loyalty to his father stung Sun Hee’s heart. The loneliness and sadness that had overwhelmed Sun Hee disappeared, and instead a warm feeling lightened her heart.

  The night was growing deeper, and the wind blew harder. Suddenly, the dog barked gleefully. From the front yard came the sound of familiar footsteps approaching the house.

  “It’s Dad!” shouted Ho Nam as he jumped out of bed. He flung open the door.

  Seok Chun reacted to the swinging door and said excitedly, “Hey, you better be careful. You might hit me in the face.”

  Seok Chun picked up Ho Nam and carried him into the house. The cold air from outside and the stench of grease from his clothes entered the room.

  Seok Chun’s voice and the factory stench, both of which had sickened Sun Hee for the past few years, filled the room. She felt that a change of heart was not possible and that their lives would continue as they had been. Then, all of a sudden, her anger flared within her. Sun Hee kept her head down and went into the kitchen. As she was preparing dinner for Seok Chun, she heard an affectionate conversation between father and son. This added to her anger. Regardless of how she felt, father and son continued their jovial conversation.

  “What’s that kid’s name? Se Pil? So, what’s he doing to you?” asked Seok Chun.

  “Whenever I come out of the school, he hides behind a wall to scare me. If I don’t share my lunch with him, he hits me.”

  “Didn’t he finish kindergarten? How could a kid like that be so mean to you? I better go say something to him. But then again, if he asks you for some lunch, give him some. You have to know how to share.”

  “I always give him some. He’s greedy.”

  Sun Hee entered the room carrying the round dinner table.

  Seok Chun said quietly, “There are a lot of side dishes tonight.” But he did not look up at his wife.

  Sun Hee thought that her husband was just trying to be friendly without any sincerity in his words, and that he was acting like there never had been marital problems between them. Everything he said sounded awkward and contrived, which annoyed her greatly. She preferred that he be his usual self—cold, obstinate, and rough around the edges.

  There were a lot more vegetable side dishes than on other nights. The next-door neighbor had given Sun Hee some vegetables, and the neighborhood leader had bought some from the marketplace for the family as well. It appeared as if Sun Hee had prepared a hearty dinner as a sign of reconciliation, even though this was not the case. She did not want to give Seok Chun the wrong impression. She wondered why she had not felt like this when she was preparing dinner earlier. She could not understand why her feelings for him were vacillating.

  Seok Chun pushed a backpack in Sun Hee’s direction. “Can you wash this for me? It’s Comrade Judge’s. I have to give it back to him.”

  He glanced quickly at Sun Hee from the corner of his eye and continued. “He brought this backpack full of sand from the river. He wanted me to use it for my molding. The water must’ve been cold. His clothes were wet, and his pants were muddy. His face had turned blue from the cold water.”

  Sun Hee felt her hair stand on end, as she immediately recalled the day when she was washing her clothes by the river and saw the judge shoveling sand. She thought that he was going to use the sand to fix something in his apartment. Sun Hee recalled snickering at him for his absurd behavior.

  “So, were you able to use the sand he brought you?” asked Sun Hee in a low voice.

  “I couldn’t. You can’t use that kind of sand for molding. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. Instead, I used the sand that our purchasing manager had ordered from the Eastern Sea.”

  Seok Chun sighed at the thought of having to tell Jeong Jin Wu the truth one day. How would the judge take it? He had gone to the trouble of digging up the sand, which was useless. Nonetheless, Seok Chun understood that the sand represented Jeong Jin Wu’s attempt to unify his family. This alone made Seok Chun grateful to the judge.

  It was Sunday.

  Sun Hee and her troupe had finished their tour in Seong Gan District and were on their way home. They had planned to leave on Saturday, but the locals had insisted that they stay for one more night.

  The train sped along the tracks.

  Sun Hee sat by the window with her elbow on the armrest and her chin resting on her hand. The half-opened window let in the fragrance of the countryside—the fresh scent of the soil and the melting snow. The air that blew in would normally have bothered her, but today, it did not seem to affect her. It also did not seem that she was going to strike up a conversation with anyone on the train. She sat motionless, like a statue staring blankly at the passing mountains, valleys, and fields. The lush, warm, natural scenery appeared cold and bitter to her. The brisk breeze made her hair fly uncontrollably. It seemed to be the only part of Sun Hee that was alive.

  “You’re thinking about it again, aren’t you?” asked Eun Mi, who was sitting across from Sun Hee. Just like a few days ago when they had argued at the theater, Eun Mi broke the silence by speaking first. Eun Mi examined Sun Hee, who was wallowing in her own sorrow.

  Sun Hee envied Eun Mi’s virtuous, gentle heart. Misery, worries, or agony seemed to melt away, and only new buds seemed to blossom from Eun Mi. Sun Hee turned her head away from her friend and sank back into her anguish, dismissing whatever Eun Mi had to say.

  All of a sudden, Sun Hee missed Ho Nam. She wondered if, in these past few days, he had eaten properly, or had gone to school on time, or if Se Pil, the kid who lived behind them, had hit Ho Nam again. As Sun Hee was thinking about her son, she also thought about Seok Chun. As if they were two leaves on a branch, there was no way for her think about her son without thinking about her husband. Yet she did not yearn for or
miss him. She did acknowledge the fact that he must have had a difficult time trying to take care of Ho Nam by himself for the past few days. She wondered how his multispindle machine was coming along. That man, who could not stay away from his work for more than a second, must have had a stressful time juggling Ho Nam’s meal preparation and drawing up his blueprints. She also could not overlook the difficulty that he must have faced these past years in having to deal with a woman like herself. The night before she went on her tour, Seok Chun held Ho Nam in his arms as though there were no problems between them, and that had made her feel at ease. She regretted thinking him foolish for trying to lighten the gloomy atmosphere in the house, though it turned out awkwardly at times. Ho Nam had sulked the entire evening until his father came home. After Seok Chun had eaten his dinner, he and Ho Nam went into the master bedroom and made various things out of wire. Later, Ho Nam slept in Seok Chun’s arms.

  Sun Hee desperately wanted to see her son. However, longing faded into grief because she knew that Ho Nam would not be able to come out to the train station to greet her. Ho Nam had never once come to greet Sun Hee at the station when she returned from a tour. Since Seok Chun never came, there was no way for Ho Nam to come.

  Sun Hee asked quietly, “Eun Mi, I was pretty bad, wasn’t I?”

  “We’ve been on this train for an hour, and these are your first words?” said Eun Mi jokingly. She then turned serious. “Yes, you looked really depressed. You weren’t moved by the songs at all, and you looked like your mind was elsewhere.” Then Eun Mi tried to be encouraging. “But still, you sounded good. The audience requested several encores.”

  Sun Hee turned her face toward the window again. She recalled the locals who gave the singers boxes of tomatoes on the day they were leaving, and the factory workers who showered her with applause and flowers. She recalled the joyful faces of the workers and their generous hospitality that overflowed like a mountain spring.