Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 9

by Tappei Nagatsuki

  He told her the one and only thing that gave his life meaning, even when covered in all those wounds.

  “—I love you, Emilia.”

  9

  In one go, they passed through the curtain of the dragon carriage, practically ripping it as they leaped out.

  The instant the dazzling light of the sun burned Subaru’s eyes, a huge black frame stood before him, blocking the sun’s rays. It was Patlash. Subaru’s favorite dragon had predicted everything before he had even called her, offering him her back.

  Subaru leaped on, placing the leather sacks emitting high temperatures between his own belly and Patlash’s saddle. He proceeded to take the reins, and the land dragon galloped on a path in the direction of the sun.

  Behind him Otto was surprised by Subaru’s actions; the knight in the driver’s seat was shocked as well. The children leaping out from behind the curtain raised their voices, as did Emilia.

  Subaru heard them calling out to him. But he didn’t look back. There wasn’t time.

  Every feeling he wanted to convey, every word he wanted to speak, it had all been summed up in that single phrase. There was nothing left for Subaru to do there. In that moment there was only one thing he needed to follow through on.

  “—”

  Patlash became the wind, instantly leaving the landscape behind them.

  The effect of the wind repel blessing had expired, so the shaking and gusts assailed Subaru without mercy. But the land dragon’s agile movements protected her master, and Subaru, trusting his favorite dragon in equal measure, left everything to her.

  He could feel through the leather bag that the magic crystals were becoming white-hot. Quietly, that heat increased with every passing instant. They were on the very brink of exploding. Subaru’s belly, and Patlash’s back, sensed this as they desperately dashed forward.

  As his eyesight darkened from pain, he saw their destination coming into view at the edge of his vision.

  It was the legendary Great Tree, snapped at its base and lying on its side. Lying beside that legendary tree was the headless corpse of a demon beast that had grown over the course of a long, long time.

  The expedition force had probably had its hands full just hauling the head of the enormous demon beast away. Due to their freezing the massive fallen body to hold back the onset of rot, there was a chill in the air all around it.

  Patlash ran toward the frozen carcass as Subaru ran his eyes toward the center of the White Whale. There rested the fatal sword wound inflicted by the Sword Devil.

  “—!”

  Drawing up right alongside the corpse, Subaru leaped off Patlash.

  Then, without hesitation, he raised the powerfully hot leather sack high and stuffed it into the demon beast’s wound. The giant corpse’s wound was large enough that, even in its frozen state, there was plenty of space to pack the leather sack into it.

  “—”

  Having disposed of the leather sack, he instantly turned back. Subaru leaped back onto Patlash and grabbed the reins to immediately turn away, then the two of them circled around the corpse, slipping under the fallen Great Tree’s shadow.

  Subaru was practically dangling from the saddle as Patlash raced onto the grasslands. By the time the land dragon had taken a second or perhaps third step, the magic crystals reached the point of ignition, and light surged up from them.

  All Subaru could feel was the shaking and wind from their mad dash. With his body shaken all around, he lost sight of which way was up, but he knew from the impact he felt that they’d escaped to where he’d intended. Subaru fervently clung to the trunk of the tree while Patlash curled up her body, covering Subaru with it.

  Immediately after that—

  “—!!”

  There was a ferocious shock wave and blast of wind, along with the sound of the explosion, which echoed over the highway so fiercely that Subaru thought his eardrums would burst. A torrent of heat streamed past the White Whale’s remains and the Great Tree, singeing Subaru and Patlash’s flesh.

  The light from the explosion passed through his closed eyelids, searing his eyeballs. But Subaru clung firmly to his handholds, gritting his teeth as he endured the pain.

  The shock wave churned up his internal organs, and it felt like even the powerful roots of the Great Tree would be ripped from the soil. However, the tide of destruction finally began to abate—

  “—?”

  Subaru, realizing that at some point he’d stopped feeling anything, lifted his head.

  He tried raising his voice, but his ears were ringing so badly he couldn’t hear a thing. When he opened his eyes, he couldn’t see anything through the hanging blast cloud.

  He reached out with his hand and felt the hide of the land dragon right beside him. He couldn’t tell from warmth, but his palm felt the movements of a living creature. She was alive. His shoulders eased in relief.

  “—?!”

  The next moment, he felt something moist touch the surface of his unseeing face.

  When it repeated over and over, he wondered if it might be Patlash’s tongue licking his face. He made a strained smile at the doglike show of affection. Also, her tongue was so coarse, he felt like his face was being filed.

  However, he didn’t lift a finger to stop it, nor did he raise his voice.

  It figured that he was tired. He was completely out of endurance, no longer able to move a single step.

  He wondered if it would be such a sin if he gave his body a little break.

  “—!”

  When he felt the faint stirring of the air against his skin, Subaru somehow managed to move his head.

  He could see nothing. He could hear nothing. But for some reason, it felt good.

  He could hear nothing. At that moment, nothing at—

  “—Subaru!”

  Ahh, whaddya know. Turns out I can hear something.

  The sigh of relief was the last thing Subaru did before his mind fell into a deep, deep sleep.

  10

  When Subaru came to, his mind had entered a world of darkness once more.

  Having lost his body, Subaru Natsuki continued to hover in that vast, empty space as nothing but consciousness.

  As usual, the world had neither ground nor a discernable sky.

  Nothing but darkness spread out before him in an ephemeral dream, one he would forget when he awakened.

  “—I love you.”

  But in that blank, hollow world of nothingness, there was an charming “someone” he couldn’t meet anywhere else.

  Always it gave Subaru a soft, numbing throb, as if he were filled with joy at a painful embrace.

  “—I love you.”

  The darkness unwound, the shadow formed, and the captivating “someone” appeared, approaching Subaru as she whispered her love.

  He could not see the expression on her face. However, that “someone” was likely spinning words of love with a face drenched with anguish.

  He wanted to be touched. He wanted to be longed for. Reflexively, Subaru’s heart was drawn in.

  He wanted to respond to her love, to repay her for it. He would never be able to repay love granted to him with anything less than love of his own.

  And yet—

  “—Subaru.”

  He heard it. A lovely voice from other than “someone” was calling his name.

  His thoughts alone understood. A lovely voice apart from the “someone” filling the dream with black shadow was calling him to the world of white light.

  As he understood this, a white light, something that should not exist in the land of darkness, was born.

  “—I love you.”

  “—Subaru.”

  Simultaneously, the voices were tossed his way. He wanted to respond to the shadow’s love. He absolutely had to respond to the love of the light.

  He realized that his mind was being drawn away from the voice of that “someone” toward she whose voice reached him from the land of light.

  The voi
ce of that “someone” held grief at the state of Subaru’s heart, for she was being left behind.

  Two arms woven from shadow stretched out, but they did not reach his incomplete body. As Subaru grew distant, he heard the voice tremble, sadly calling out as it sought him over and over.

  “—I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

  “—Subaru, please.”

  The whispers of love repeated over and over, whereas the call of his name contained a simple plea.

  Remember who you are.

  Remember what you have to do.

  Remember the words you must exchange, in the world where you belong.

  He couldn’t stay there.

  So—

  “Next time, I’ll probably come to meet you.”

  With nonexistent lips, surely unable to convey his feelings, he spoke his farewell to the “someone” fading in the distance.

  They were words of departure, an oath that they would meet again. That “someone” let out a small gasp.

  Then Subaru’s mind was enveloped by a light that blotted out the world of darkness as he slowly melted away.

  “—I’ll be waiting.”

  That echo was the only thing left as Subaru Natsuki was torn from the ephemeral dream…

  11

  His mind floated up through the sea called sleep, breaking the surface called waking as his eyes opened.

  The tears of his waking eyes stung them like poison. His blurry vision saw thin, wavering violet.

  Her breathtaking beauty was so close that they practically breathed the same air, truly close enough for the hot breath from her pink lips to reach him—making him nervous enough to die on the spot.

  “Isn’t your face a bit close?!”

  “Wah! Ah, Subaru! You’re awake! I’m glad, really I am.”

  The violet that was so near turned out to be Emilia’s eyes; the realization that it was her face that had been close enough to breathe on him snapped his mind awake. As Subaru flew into a panic, Emilia watched him, patting her breast with a look of pure relief—the angle was odd.

  “Emilia-tan was super close while I slept. So this heavenly feeling against my head is…”

  “You don’t need to say it out loud. It’s a lap pillow. Not bad for…a good sleep?”

  “How can I complain? There’s no pillow that’s more luxurious than this. It’s a pretty nice reward for working so hard.”

  Subaru shot her a teasing smile as he let his head rest upon her without complaint. As he did so, Emilia pursed her lips in a small smile, quietly gazing upon Subaru’s smiling face.

  The mood had shifted. It had changed from each making sure the other was safe…to their exchanging the feelings lying beyond that.

  “Errr, can I ask you about a few things? For instance… Right, is Patlash okay? I remember I felt like she was licking my face right before I passed out…”

  “Goodness, and there’s so many things I want to ask, too… That land dragon was licking you quite awhile after you passed out, too, Subaru. She really, really raised a fuss when people tried pulling you away, and if Otto hadn’t had a word with her, she might never have left your side.”

  “Whoa, Patlash, how far are you gonna take this loyal dragon thing? I’m falling in love.”

  They’d known each other for only two days, but the number of ordeals they’d been through together was already unmatched. If Crusch was going to give him a reward for helping deal with the White Whale, he couldn’t even conceive of one besides Patlash anymore.

  “She was badly burned, but her life doesn’t seem to be in danger. I conducted the initial treatment, but Sir Wilhelm is having Ferris examine her right now, so…”

  “Eh? Ferris caught up, too?”

  Subaru was both relieved and surprised to hear Ferris’s name come from Emilia’s lips. The kingdom’s greatest healer having joined up with them was good news. And the fact he was there meant—

  “Does this mean I’ve been sleeping for a long while?”

  “Two or three hours, maybe? Don’t worry, thanks to conversation mirrors, Ferris and them were able to link up, so all the wounded people are all right.”

  Emilia smiled pleasantly. One of the conversation mirrors originally owned by the Witch Cult rested in her hand. It was the one Subaru had kept for communicating with the expeditionary force left back in the village. She’d used it to converse with Ferris and the others, which accounted for the smooth rendezvous.

  “So everyone’s gathered around here, huh?”

  “Ferris is still treating people… Julius, too. I was surprised. I mean, I would never have imagined you and Julius together, Subaru.”

  “I had a reason for that bluer than the mountains and higher than the seas. Explaining the circumstances of that subject from part one would get really long and messy, y’see…”

  The relationship with Julius that had surprised Emilia was difficult to explain with words. Or rather, that very moment, even Subaru didn’t know how to describe it.

  If he had to put his complex emotions into a few short words that represented his overall appraisal of the man—

  “I will hate that guy forever.”

  “What’s with saying that all of a sudden?”

  “I was trying my best to express the feelings I have for him that are hard to put into exact words… So where is everyone right now?”

  Not wanting to talk about that any further, he switched topics. “Let’s see,” said Emilia, making a small, strained smile at Subaru’s demeanor as she spoke. “Ferris told everyone to take a break until he finished healing people, but he should be right about done. Once that’s over, we’ll be heading for the capital again. There’s a lot of things I have to speak to Crusch about, after all. That’s thanks to your hard work, Subaru.”

  “Yeah, it totally was hard. Seriously felt like a game as the away team. I got through it with bluff, bluster, and guessing right about some little things. Just thinking about it twists my stomach!”

  “Yes. Really…thank you.”

  Emilia’s sincere gratitude made Subaru, attempting to hide his blush, able to hide it no longer.

  But credit was credit. There was no point hiding it any longer.

  “That’s, right…I’ve, finally gotten back, haven’t I?”

  When he finally looked around, Subaru saw that he and Emilia were all alone inside the canopied dragon carriage’s wagon.

  The surrounding area held no sign of people; only the sound of the wind broke the silence. It was as if they were the only two people in the whole world—it was just like back then.

  Wounded all over, his mind hazy, he’d awakened to find the two of them all alone.

  “I feel like I’ve been seeing a long dream…”

  As a matter of fact, the events from the moment of their departure to that time around—the final loop—seemed unreal, very much like he’d been dreaming.

  That was how extreme and prolonged a situation it had been. It had been nothing but a veritable nightma—

  “A bad dream…… No, not that.”

  “Was it a good dream?”

  Emilia cocked her little head slightly, and her question prompted Subaru to continue.

  The question made Subaru close his eyes, reminiscing on the time he had nearly declared a nightmare.

  He remembered the many despairing situations that had visited him, places that he wanted to drive out of his head many times over.

  His string of foolish acts. His self-serving behavior. His overbearing arrogance. How he’d cruelly betrayed expectations. How his spirit had been pummeled and broken by loss and despair. How he had once been ruled by madness, enough that when he sank into clarity, he sought to throw everything to the wind—and how, at the end of that, someone saved him.

  He couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened. Were it not for all those things, the Subaru of that moment would not exist.

  Therefore, even if those days had been like a nightmare, inflicting noth
ing but hardships upon him…

  “—It was good, really.”

  That long, long, nightmarish time remained nowhere, save for inside Subaru himself.

  He could treat it as the past. But he could not allow himself to treat it as a dream.

  The tragic results created by his own actions, and the horrific results they’d courted, were all his to bear.

  Subaru was prisoner of the supernatural power of Return by Death. He had used that power to blaze open a new future. So this cross was his to bear.

  “…How much have you heard?”

  “Almost nothing. Julius said I should hear it from you.”

  “That meddling piece-of-shit bastard.”

  Was this his idea of being considerate? Inside his brain, Subaru spit invective at the handsome young man.

  Then Subaru gently sat up from Emilia’s lap, meeting her gaze with his own…

  …as if to continue his words where they’d left off back then.

  “That day, you asked me why. Why did I come save you? Why did I try so hard for you with this and that? Why, you said.”

  “Yeah, I asked that. And also, why you claimed I had saved you… I never did anything like that. I haven’t at all. It’s been only you saving me… I haven’t given you anything. And in spite of that, you get so hurt for my sake…”

  “Nah, back then I was all messed up…”

  A part of him could not dismiss himself as just messed up.

  It wasn’t that he was messed up at all. At the time, thinking of himself only in terms of foolishness and frailty, the human being called Subaru Natsuki had honestly believed those words.

  He had been pushing his own conceited emotions onto her, and wanted only for her to accept them.

  Subaru knew of a man who had loudly asserted such self-serving love in his final moments, for it was Subaru himself who had watched this while leading the man to his demise.

  Properly speaking, the sight of the Sword Devil offering up proof of his love had also been burned into his eyes.

  “At the time, I was thinking only about me. I accept that. I was saying it was for your sake, but I was just drunk with the idea of ‘I’m doing this for you.’ I put into my own head that if I acted drunk on that, you’d accept me.”