New Life, New Land

by Roberta Kagan

“She hates me. I try to hold her and she turns away from me. She is crying and fighting so hard because even though she is an infant she already knows that she doesn’t want to be my child. And you know what? Dovid doesn’t even notice. He doesn’t even care. He just goes about his life. My life has been ruined since Abby was born. But he is doing just fine. He has no idea.” Tears were running down Eidel’s cheeks. “Sometimes, I want to die,” she said.

  That was when Ida knew she had to intervene and talk to Dovid. Something was terribly wrong with Eidel and it was not going to go away without help.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Two days passed since Ida and Eidel talked about Abby. It was late afternoon, just a half hour before the tavern was scheduled to open. Dovid was sitting at the bar, meeting with the builders for the new nightclub. The local blues band that was playing at the bar that night had just come in to set up their equipment. Dovid took a pile of papers from one of the builders and shook his hand. The builder smiled and left. Dovid went behind the bar and poured himself a draft beer then sat down at the counter and began to look through the paperwork. Harry was setting up the snack bar on the other side of the room, while Cool Breeze was stocking the shelves with whiskey.

  “I’m excited about this new business. I think it’s going to be a real adventure. This is different than anything we’ve done so far. This new place is going to be an upscale nightclub in a ritzy area,” Dovid said, taking a long sip of the golden brew.

  “Well, at least you probably ain’t gonna have no fights there,” Cool Breeze said when Dovid told him about the plans. “This is gonna be a whole new experience for you, Mister Dovi.”

  “Yes, it will. How do you like managing the tavern?”

  “I like it. I like it a lot.”

  “Good. I just wanted to let you know that you’re doing a really good job.”

  “Thank you, Mister Dovi. You know, I don’t know if I ever told you, but I really do appreciate the opportunities that you done gave me. You been a good friend all these years.”

  “We are like family, all of us. You, me, Harry, Arnie, he should rest in peace. Arnie …”

  “We sure enough is.”

  “You know, you don’t have to call me Mister Dovi; you can just call me Dovi.”

  “Yeah, but I ain’t gonna do that. I been callin’ you Mister Dovi for too long to start callin’ you just by your name.”

  “It’s up to you. But I call you, Cool Breeze. You can call me Dovi.”

  Just then Ida walked into the bar. Harry rushed from behind the snack bar over to her side. They spoke to each other for several minutes in whispers. Harry nodded as if she’d told him something and he understood. Dovid sat very still, watching them. He was waiting to see how he might help.

  Ida wouldn’t come to the bar unless there was something wrong. I can’t believe Ida drove all the way down here from Skokie. She wouldn’t be coming for no good reason. Something is happening. God, I hope it’s not Eidel or the baby.

  Ida had been going to the Levi house to help Eidel with Abby every day since the child was born. Since Ida had gone back to school, she worked her visits with Eidel into her class schedule but she was there every day for at least a few hours to give Eidel a break.

  Ida left Harry’s side and began to walk towards Dovid. Dovid felt his heart pounding in his chest.

  Oh God, what is it that’s wrong?

  “Dovi, I need to talk to you.”

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Yes and no. Everybody is fine. I mean, physically everybody is fine. But, Dovid, Eidel is not right since the birth of Abby. She is very depressed. She won’t eat and she refuses to hold the new baby. Now I know Abby can be difficult, but Eidel is Abby’s mother. The child needs her. Eidel has gotten so bad that lately she even pushes Mark away from her when he cries. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind helping with the children. But you should know this is happening. I am worried about her, Dovid.”

  Dovid bit his lower lip.

  “How did you get here? Did you drive all this way?” he asked.

  “No, I took the L. I was afraid to drive on the highway. I thought I might get lost.”

  “You took the L here? Do you want something to eat or drink?”

  “No, Dovid, I need to talk to you, that’s why I came.”

  “Here, come, sit down at the bar and we can talk.”

  “I need to talk to you alone,” Ida said. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you leave for an hour or so to take me back home? We can talk more about this on the way.”

  “Yes, sure, of course.” Dovie was clearly shaken by what Ida had just told him. And he realized that even though Ida and Eidel were best friends, the Levis were asking a lot of Ida.

  “I’ll be right back. I have to get the car keys.”

  Dovid grabbed his car keys off the desk in the back room. He told Harry and Cool Breeze he was going to drive Ida home and he’d be back in about forty-SIX minutes.

  They rode in silence for a while. Dovid was traumatized. Eidel had to be in bad shape for Ida to have taken the L all the way to the South Side to speak to him. He had not been expecting this, and he’d never been alone in an automobile with his best friend’s wife. Although he had no unsavory intentions, he still felt awkward and uncomfortable. Still, he knew that Ida was very close to Eidel and she knew everything that was going on in his home. He realized that he hadn’t wanted to know, but now he had to ask her to tell him. This was the only way he could help his wife.

  “We are alone now. You can tell me what’s going on with Eidel.”

  “I am worried sick about her. She has been sinking into a depression for a while. But since the birth of the baby, she is inconsolable. Sometimes she cries for hours. I cannot tempt her to eat, no matter what I prepare for her. This may sound crazy, but I am afraid that she might take her own life. That is why I came to see you. As you know, Eidel is my best friend here in America. We are like sisters.”

  “I know that you are close to her and I believe you that she isn’t doing well. I have seen bits and pieces of it, but I have just been so busy with my work that I haven’t paid attention. I guess I was hoping it would go away…” Dovid said, ashamed of himself. “What do you think I should do? How can I help her?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe she needs to see a doctor,” Ida said. “She might be ill.”

  “Is it all right if I tell her that you spoke to me?” he asked.

  “She knows already. I told her I was going to go to the bar to see you. Eidel and I have no secrets between us. Like I said, she is my best friend. I will do whatever you need me to do in order to help her.”

  “You have been caring for the children since Abby was born. I’ve noticed that Eidel has never liked Abby. I thought that she would come out of it, but she hasn’t.”

  “Yes, that’s right. I want you to know that I will continue to help Eidel with the children until she gets better. Then, if it’s all right with you, maybe you can find someone to come in and help her.”

  “Yes, of course,” Dovid said. “I’m going to drop you off at your house. I’m going to stay home with Eidel for the rest of the night. I’ll call the bar and tell Harry and Cool Breeze to take a taxi back when the bar closes. I want to get in touch with a doctor right away.”

  “I think it’s a good idea,” Ida said.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Although it was early evening, Eidel was already in bed when Dovid got home. Both children were asleep in their rooms.

  Dovid tiptoed into the bedroom he shared with his wife.

  “Hello, my love,” he said, leaning down and kissing Eidel’s cheek.

  She opened her eyes and stared at him. “What are you doing home so early?”

  “You know that Ida came to see me today?”

  “Yes, I know, she told me she was going to the bar. I told her she was crazy to take the L. I told her she could talk to you on Sunday. I’m fine, Dovid.”

  “Are you, Eid
el?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I am,” she said. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

  “I’m concerned about you. Do you feel all right?”

  “Sometimes, sometimes not.”

  “What is it Eidel? What is bothering you?”

  There was a long silence. The room was dark. Dovid heard his wife sigh.

  “I don’t think I love you anymore, Dovid. I’m sorry,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “I don’t want to be a mother or a wife. I think I want to go home to Poland. I think I want to convert to Catholicism and become a nun.”

  Dovid felt his brow crease. “You want a divorce? That’s unheard of. What have I done?”

  “I don’t care what’s unheard of Dovid. I am miserable here,” she said. “I want to leave you and these children and go back home.”

  Dovid crossed his arms over his chest. He was unable to speak for a few minutes. “Eidel. If you want a divorce, I’ll give you one. But will you do something for me first?”

  “What?”

  “Will you agree to see a doctor? I will take you in the morning if you will go with me. Let’s just see if maybe he can help you to feel better.”

  “I don’t know. I don’t really want to go to a doctor.”

  “Please, Eidel. Please, do this one thing for me.”

  “All right. I’ll go with you. But if it doesn’t help, I want to go home. And I want a divorce. Fair enough?”

  “Yes,” he nodded.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Dovid took care of the children when they woke up from their nap. Because Eidel had put them down so late, it was impossible to get them to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Dovid fed them and bathed them. He played with them until they finally went to sleep at eleven that night. Eidel never came out of her room.

  How long has she been like this? Have I been so wrapped up in my business that I never noticed? Am I too late to save this marriage?

  The following morning after Ida arrived to watch the children, Dovid and Eidel left the house. They were on their way to see Dr. Silverman. Arnie had recommended him and he had delivered both of their children. He knew the Levis, especially Eidel, fairly well.

  The doctor’s waiting room was filled with women, most of them pregnant. Dovid was the only man there. He didn’t care. All he wanted was to do whatever was necessary to bring his wife back to him.

  “Mrs. Levi,” the nurse called.

  “That’s us,” Dovid said, smiling at Eidel. She didn’t return his smile. She just nodded.

  They were escorted into a room where the nurse gave Eidel a gown to change into. “Would you like your husband to wait outside while you change?”

  Eidel gave a short laugh. “No. That’s not necessary.”

  Dr. Silverman came in a few minutes later carrying a file in his hand.

  “Eidel, how are you feeling?”

  She shrugged.

  “Doctor, my wife has been very depressed lately. She isn’t eating. She has no interest in the children. Most of the day, she lays in a dark room.”

  “Who is caring for your babies right now, Eidel?”

  “A friend,” Eidel said, turning her attention out the window.

  “Who takes care of them most of the time?”

  “The same friend.”

  “Eidel, don’t you want to raise your children?” the doctor asked gently.

  Eidel shrugged, still not looking directly at the doctor.

  “Mr. Levi,” Dr. Silverman turned to Dovid and asked, “Can I speak with your wife alone for a few minutes?”

  “Sure, yes, of course,” Dovid stammered. “I’ll be in the waiting room.”

  “That would be perfect. When Eidel and I have finished speaking, I will have the nurse come out and get you.”

  Dovid shook his head and left the room. He paced the waiting room in spite of the fact that he knew he was probably making the other patients nervous. But he couldn’t sit still. Finally, after fifteen minutes, the nurse opened the door and called his name.

  “Mr. Levi. The doctor would like you to come in now.”

  Dovid’s hands were trembling as he was escorted into an office instead of an examining room. Eidel was not there.

  “Mr. Levi. I wanted to speak with you alone. Please, won’t you sit down?” Dr. Silverman said.

  “Where is Eidel?” Dovid asked.

  “She’s getting dressed. Don’t worry about her. One of my nurses is with her. I need to talk to you.”

  “Go ahead, talk, please.” Dovid felt his hands trembling.

  “Your wife has a condition known as post-partum depression. It’s a nervous condition. She needs professional help. I am recommending that you send her to a hospital that is on the northwest side of the city. They handle this sort of thing and I think they will be able to help her.”

  “What kind of hospital?”

  “A mental hospital.”

  “Dunning? You’re talking about sending my Eidel to Dunning?”

  “That’s a rather informal name for the place, but yes. I think she needs help and they can give her what she needs.”

  “Dunning is a state hospital for the insane. It has a terrible reputation. People talk about it like it is a trip right to hell. I don’t know if I can do that to Eidel. I just don’t know. I have money, I can pay for a private hospital.”

  “They will do the same things to help her at a private hospital as they would at a state hospital. My guess is she will probably need some sort of shock therapy.”

  Dovid felt a wave of nausea. He had been getting migraines lately. They always began with him seeing small black dots in his eyes. His head ached, and he was seeing the spots.

  “Let me think about this,” Dovid said, clearing his throat. Then he went on. “I can’t just commit her. I need to take some time to give this some thought. I am sorry, but I have to be sure. Give me the night to go over this in my mind. I’ll call you in the morning.”

  “Very well. I realize that this is a difficult decision. But I think it’s the right one. However, if you prefer a private hospital, I understand, and I think I can help you find a good fit.”

  “Like I said, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “I understand. I’ll be waiting for your call. For now, go out into the waiting room. I’ll send Eidel there to meet you.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Dovid and Eidel did not speak on the way home. When they arrived, she went into her bedroom and he left the house. There was a small neighborhood diner on Touhy and Crawford, about four blocks from the Levis’ home. Dovid decided to walk there. It was early December and it was cold, but he needed the fresh air to think.

  At first, his mind was whirling too fast for him to sort out his thoughts. He walked and watched his breath as it came out white in the freezing air.

  Where did our lives together go wrong? I have been working hard. I know I have been gone a lot, but it is only so that I could provide a good life for my family. I wanted to be a good husband and father but somehow I’ve lost everything.

  I can remember how beautiful things were between Eidel and me. When we made love it was like two puzzle pieces fitting together. Her smile could brighten my whole day. Her laughter soothed my soul and made me believe that I could conquer the world. I’ve given her material things, but obviously, I’ve failed her. I’ve failed her miserably. And lately I am always so tired that our lovemaking has become a quick fifteen-minute affair a few times a month.

  We hardly go out, because I work every night. And when I get home during the day, I sleep. She has Ida, and I know that they are the best of friends. But Ida is not her husband. Eidel must be feeling unloved and alone.

  Dovid got to the restaurant and ordered a cup of coffee. He sat in a booth alone in the back, sipping the steamy liquid.

  I refuse to put my beloved bershart into a crazy house. I won’t do it. I won’t let them scramble her brain because I was too busy to give her the love she needed.

  What the hel
l is the matter with me? I don’t need this second bar. I don’t even need to work. Cool Breeze is a great manager. Harry’s business is thriving. I can spend time with Eidel. We can travel, make love, start our marriage over. This is what I must do. I am going to go home and stop the plans for the new building for the bar across from Garfield. Then I am going to talk to Harry and Cool Breeze. Eidel and I will become like young lovers again. No matter what it takes I will never give up on my wife.

  Ida was at the Levis’ house with the children. She was giving Abby a bottle when Dovid knocked softly on the door.

  “Come in,” she said.

  He entered then he asked her if she would be willing to care for the children for four days while he and Eidel spent a little time at a hotel downtown. Ida readily agreed. Dovid offered to pay her, but she adamantly refused. She’d grown to love Mark and Abby. Ida was like a second mother to them.

  Next, Dovid booked a room at the Blackstone, a posh hotel on Michigan Avenue. Then he went into the bedroom and turned on the light. Eidel rubbed her eyes. Dovid realized he’d probably awakened her.

  “Pack your bags, we’re going downtown.”

  “For what?”

  “For a vacation. For a second honeymoon. I thought you might like to walk with me, hand in hand, down State Street and look at the Christmas lights in the window of Marshall Field’s.”

  “You don’t like to celebrate Christmas.”

  “But I love you. And I know this is something you would enjoy doing. So it would make me happy to do it with you. If you want to, we can even look at the decorations on the big Catholic church that’s downtown. I am sure it is decorated beautifully for the holiday.”

  “Really? You would do that for me?”

  “Eidel. I would do anything for you. Don’t you think I realize how hard this has been for you? You were raised to be a Catholic and then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere you find out your birth mother was Jewish. It’s confusing. And I know that it has been difficult for you to learn English. Especially with me working all the time. Thank God for Ida.”