by Tiana Laveen
“How could you?!” she screamed, punching at the glass in her fury. He grabbed her arm, and she wrestled and fought, gnashing and screaming.
“Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself!”
She had no control over her own body. Her mind and heart wreaked havoc inside her, and she was losing her mind right before his eyes.
“Baby, please! I need you to calm down…calm down!” He leaned over and pinned her with his body, forcing her to breathe harshly in his ear, her chest heaving up and down beneath him. He fastened her wrists back and kept her knees bent at an angle, to prevent a hypothetic kick to the groin that he was certain had crossed her mind right at that moment.
“Listen to me, please, Brooklyn,” he begged as she continued to buck against him.
Her mouth straightened in a thin line, her eyes danced with an unholy light.
“I’m going to tell you everything. Everything. Let me start at the beginning.” He waited a few moments, gauged her closely, then released her from his grasp. Slowly, she sat up, her head pushed against the side window as she glared at him. “Mr. Henderson…hired me.”
She looked around, panic stricken, filled with instant paranoia. It was as if she expected a SWAT team to barge in at any moment. He cried inside for her; she looked like a puppy trapped in a cage. The anger had run away, leaving this scared little girl — the most pitiful thing he’d ever seen…and he was the cause of it.
“He’s not here! I promise!” He reached for her, to reassure her he’d never set her up that way, but was met with a hard shove in the chest with both hands. She put all her strength into it, rendering him a bit sore.
“Don’t… you… touch… me! Don’t you dare…touch me!” She pointed at him, looked at him as if he were some stranger, some odd man bent on attacking her.
“Brooklyn, everything is a fucking mess. What I’ve done is inexcusable but…how I feel about you, about us, isn’t a lie, baby. It was all real!” He stared at her, feeling lower than shit in hell. He’d never felt so much pain in the depths of his soul, knowing he was the cause of this entire, sordid scene. This was so much worse than he’d ever imagined, than anything he could have possibly conjured up. But he had to do it, because it was only right.
“Everything we shared, everything we did, was authentic. All the times we’ve made love, that was real, because I’m in love with you, Brooklyn, Please believe me!”
She shook her head as if in disbelief, as if she were trying to wake from a bad dream. Then, she turned away and fumbled with the door to get out. He grabbed her once again, refusing to let her go.
“No! Brooklyn, don’t leave…please!” His voice quaked as he fell the hell apart. He turned her away from the door; brought the trembling woman close as she kicked and screamed so loud, he was sure someone may hear and believe the worst.
“Get off me!!! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!!!” Her feet flailed, her heeled boot caught in his chest, making him grunt in pain, and she slapped and smacked her hands against his crouched body. After awhile, the hits felt like feathers, no harm done, because he was unable to feel anything at all. She kept swinging, yelling and cursing, but it all sounded muffled to him, as if coming from a distance. He was drowning in a pool of utter defeat filled with the acidic waters of deception…and this was the aftermath.
“Brooklyn, please listen to me!!!”
The woman was fighting because she was petrified. He had seen it in her damn eyes. Did she think she would die at his revelation, and had she decided she wouldn’t go down without a fight? She’d turned from a sophisticated, fun, intelligent woman he envisioned spending the night with in front of his fireplace on New Year’s Eve to an angry animal trying to tear his throat out.
The passenger door swung open, and she fell halfway out, moving in reverse until she got to her feet. The snow grabbed her ankles, tugging at them like weights of stone. He raced towards her, the snow slowing his trek as well, but his adrenaline propelled him forward. He couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t let her go…
She sobbed as she tried to get away, to go anywhere but there.
“Where are you going?!” he yelled, worried for her safety.
She paused, looked over her shoulder and glared at him. “You’re the private investigator…you tell me?!” The hatred in her declaration coated it like ice at the end of a dagger, the blade directed towards his damned heart, prepared especially for him. The way she looked at him shook him down to mere nothing, a stare thick and all-consuming. He choked on it like bile. He slowed, then lunged, grabbing her squirming body close. Her struggle was intense, but he fought it — he fought it hard.
Jesus, she’s strong!
He pressed her to him. His heavy breathing made him feel as if his heart would jump right out of his chest. She brawled and tussled until they almost tumbled to the ground in the deep, stiff snow.
“How could you do this to me?! Is this how you earn a living? Setting people up, lying?! I trusted you!!! It was all a big game, huh?!” Now that she couldn’t back up any further, she was finally talking, letting him know what was on her mind.
“No! It’s not like that. I love you, Brooklyn!” He made her face him as she tried to once again get away. “Everything is real…Your father doesn’t even know I found you; you’re safe, baby. I promise you, you’re safe!”
“I can’t believe a word that comes out of your double-dealing mouth!” She moved her hand back to slap the shit out of him, but he caught her wrist. She jerked as her eyes widened. “He paid you good, didn’t he?”
“No.”
“You expect me to believe that! All this time, I’ve been opening up to you, spreading my business! I’ve told you things that could cost me my job, my safety and this whole time, I’ve been confessing to the devil! You already knew!” She snatched her arm from his grip, turned away and began to walk again. He had no idea where she was going, but he was chasing her. He couldn’t stop.
Grabbing her writhing and cursing form once more, he gripped her chin, bringing her face to his.
“Look into my eyes, baby! LOOK AT ME, GODDAMN IT!”
She slowed a bit, either in fear or curiosity, but at least, he’d got her undivided attention. Snow fell onto their bodies, and soon, it was coating her hair.
“Brooklyn.” He swallowed. “I love you more than anything in this whole fucked up world. I should’ve told you! The moment I realized I had feelings for you, I should have told you what was going on. Can’t you see? I was afraid you’d run, or I’d lose you! You want me to prove to you that he doesn’t know anything about this? That I screwed your father over?!” He whipped out his cellphone from his pocket, clutching her arm with one hand so that she couldn’t escape.
“Look at this! Look at all these emails from your father asking me what the fuck is going on, what’s taking so goddamn long!” He quickly scrolled through the messages, then thrust the phone in her hand. “Does that shit look like someone that is gettin’ paid well? That ratted you out?!” She hesitated, then shook a bit as she scrolled through the text messages and emails, her eyes scanning fast and furious. “Does that look like someone collecting money?! I’ve been going into my office this entire time, Brooklyn, working on other cases, and closing them too. I’ve blatantly lied to the man for months now! Months!” He pointed to the phone and released her, taking a couple steps back as he collected his thoughts.
“Brooklyn, shit!”
Around them, the Christmas lights glowed and sparkled, the muted Christmas music from the house, soft and patronizing to the fucked up, ramped emotions and horrid scene. After a few minutes, she seemed to get her fill of the reading material. She stood there, staring at him, then she turned away — but at least she didn’t run.
“My name is Lynne…” she started, her words drenched in melancholy. She kept her back towards him, the phone still in her grasp.
“Not anymore. You’re Brooklyn to me…will always be Brooklyn.”
“Yes, but I legally changed it.”
“I know…”
She kept facing away, as if hiding her heart from him so he couldn’t hurt her anymore.
“Tell me…” she said in almost a whisper.
“Your father came to me five months ago. He came to Chicago all the way from Texas after chasing you since the day you left. No one could find you. I worked hard on your case; it was difficult. You were good at hiding, so very good at it. It was…admirable.” Her shoulders rose and fell as the snow continued to cover her.
“I went to your awards event to make you. ‘Make you’ is our professional term for confirm the subject. But then… I saw you.” He turned, wiped his nose with the back of his hand and glared at the open doors of his car before turning back towards her. “When I saw you, Brooklyn, I thought you were the prettiest damn woman I’d ever seen in all of my life. And then, when you spoke, you blew me the hell away. You were so zealous about your profession, so refined. You appeared confident, self-assured, yet extremely ladylike and feminine. You are everything I’d ever wanted in a woman. When I met you, I had no idea that that wasn’t even the half of it. I hadn’t even gotten to the tip of the iceberg. Our conversation afterward…” He swallowed hard, his eyes becoming blurry in the process. “Something inside of me couldn’t give that feeling up. I wasn’t looking for love, Brooklyn. I wasn’t looking for sex, either. I wasn’t looking for anything, or so I thought. But, I have been looking for myself, to find out who I really am as a person. Something inside of me told me I’d be happier…doing that…with you…
“The moment I saw you,” he gulped and wiped a small tear from his eye, “my heart fucking fell into my damned shoes. You floored me. You humbled me. Then, as we talked, and started going out, getting to know one another, I realized that I was changing. I was becoming a person who understood value, versus worth. All this time, I’ve been finding other people, but I never found myself.” He stormed towards her, disrupting the piled high snow. Pulling at her shoulder, he forced her to face him.
Her skin was silky with fresh tears. He gently wiped them away with the side of his thumb.
“You showed me more of who I was.” Cool air billowed out from between his lips. “I found out that…I can love someone, really love them and want it to be that way. I want to feel this way, baby. It’s not something for me to flee from. All I want is for you to be safe and happy. If you can’t be safe and happy with me,” he pointed to himself, “Then those are the consequences of me not doing the right thing at the beginning of this. But I want you to know, as long as I’m drawing breath, I would never letanyone, and I mean anyone on this goddamn planet, hurt you.”
“…But you did. Only…it was you.” More tears rolled out of her eyes.
That hurt…that hurt real bad…
“You’re right, I did, because I was selfish. It wasn’t to mess you up or play games, but because I knew how I felt about you, and not having you was too much for me to even contemplate. It’s fucked up, I’ve admitted it, and if…if you want to hit me again, curse me out, not talk to me, that’s fine. But whatever you do, please, don’t leave me…please don’t give up on us. Everything I’ve told you regarding how I feel about you,is all true,” he reiterated, wanting her to hear him loud and clear now that she was a bit calmer. He grabbed her in his arms, squeezing her so tight, she gasped.
“It all makes sense now,” she whispered. “How you observe people…the questions. They were so well placed. You never pushed too much. You played me.” Her tone turned angry once again, but at least she wasn’t yelling anymore.
“I played myself, too, Brooklyn. I want you to know something though. Don’t stay with me because you’re scared.” It killed him to offer her this, but he had to; he owed it to her. “If you tell me to fuck off and you never want to see me again, I’d have to eventually accept it, but don’t stay with me because you’re afraid I’d tell your secrets. I would never do something like that to you. Everything about me, except this one part, is legit. I don’t roll like that. I deserve anything you do to me, because of this.” He gently pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. “But, you, your career and your privacy, will be maintained. I want you to stay with me because you love me…”
“You know that I love you, Ace…but what is love without trust?” She looked up into his eyes, while her lashes collected bits of snowflakes.
“It’s not much. Let me prove myself to you, earn your trust all over again. I’m begging you to give me this chance.” …And he truly was.
She stood there, silent, looking here, there and everywhere…everywhere but at him. Minutes passed, and he didn’t speak. He gave her space, even though he was still holding her in his arms. And she still felt so far away. After awhile, she crossed her arms in his tight grip, hugging herself. She sighed and looked him dead in the eye.
“So how could we recover from this? I don’t even think I can stand here and look at you right now!” She shook out of his hold and turned away.
Ace felt the chill in his bones now becoming unbearable.
“Then don’t look at me…but hear these last words. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, I will always be in love with you, Brooklyn. I’m not going to keep doing this right now, taking you through all these changes. I fucked up!” He threw his hands up and took a few steps back. “I can’t make you do anything. I can only keep repeating myself and apologizing. You’re standing out here in the cold, on Christmas, crying…because of me.” He took a deep breath. He’d left the house earlier in the day to go and pick her up. The woman had no way out, so he provided one for her.
“I’ll get my brother to take you home…” He turned to walk back up the sidewalk, towards the steps of the grand house.
She’s gone, that’s it.
His bottom lip trembled as the tears began to fall down his face. He angrily swiped them away as he stomped the slick steps, uncaring that he could fall back and bust his damned head open.
“Ace!” she called out as he made it half way towards the huge door.
He stopped and looked back at her still standing there in the near distance, her hair now completely white.
“What am I supposed to do now, huh?!” She threw up her arms in resignation. “My life is a mess now! What…the hell…am I supposed to do?!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. He started to answer, but she stopped him in mid-thought.
“You fucker! You jerk!” She jumped on the spot, pointing at him, fueled with rage and remorse. Her voice echoed. “I love you, and you know it! And I hate you right now, too!”
He began to walk back down the steps, towards her.
“Not only that, you son of a bitch, but what the hell do I do about my father?!” The poor woman’s voice quivered as she fell helplessly to her knees. She was there, and then gone, almost completely covered by snow. Putting pep in his step, he raced towards her, picked her up and caught her firmly in his arms.
“Come on, let’s go back to my car and get out of all this snow.” He ushered her to his vehicle and closed his passenger door before settling in his seat, believing in his heart it may be their last conversation, ever. On their way, a jazz band played ‘It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.’
It was beginning to look a lot like something all right, but of what, he wasn’t sure…
~***~
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
She looked at the man and abhorred him. Her eyes burned with searing tears on her frozen face. She felt like a damn fool. She’d fallen in love with a man she didn’t know…or maybe she did. They were so much alike; she hated and embraced it all at once. Now, the asshole wouldn’t look at her. Those green eyes had gone into hiding — the selfsame ones she’d looked into countless times while he moved inside of her body, making her feel things she hadn’t thought humanly possible. The messed up part was, she felt like a hypocrite when he turned and walked away to get his brother. Why? Because she’d been lying, too…
Yeah, he knew a lot, but she doubted the man knew everything. No way co
uld he be aware, for some of the information was internal, kept deep within her, and some of it her father would never in a million dreams attest to. Ace wasn’t the only fraud in that vehicle. She looked towards the house, the lights shining bright. She hadn’t even told the man her real birth name up until a few minutes prior. She’d neglected to relay important details regarding her life, yet, he had enough reserve to not bring that up as they argued and she read him the riot act. As horrible as what he’d done was, that had to say something about his character.
All of that didn’t stop her strong desire to tear him apart, though. All she could see was red, and he was her target.
Regret filled her. Yes, he’d deceived her, but he’d protected her, too. She doubted any other man would have kept her secret, regardless if the motherfucker in question found her ‘cute’ or not. Ace was different, but she was still angry. How could she not be? Angry not only at him, but at herself. As she saw him going away, she realized in that moment, she really didn’t want the bastard gone at all. This crap was foul as fuck so here now this big man sat in the driver’s seat, cradled up in a ball and looking like he was about to lose his mind. She’d done this to him, with his fears of losing her, and that had to account for something. All of his confidence seemed to be tossed to the side as he sat there, withdrawn and distant. She had to feel something for him, and at that moment, that something was a tinge of sympathy.
“You asked what to do about your father…” he said in a muffled voice through hands covering his face. “He doesn’t know, and as you read, he thinks I am still looking for you. Brooklyn, it hurt me to see you lose it like you did. Not just because I told you the truth of how I came to meet you, but because when I mentioned your father…I just…I’ve never seen anyone that afraid before. It broke my damned heart. You are still as frightened as the day you left.” He paused and looked at her.
