Carpenter's Gothic

by William Gaddis

  — Who Paul.

  — The doctor, said you saw the doctor I've been trying for five minutes to find out what happened when you saw the doctor.

  — I waited for forty minutes until his nurse took me in and left me naked on a table with my knees pulled up under my chin and a paper sheet over everything but my ass, twenty minutes later he came in behind me and said how do you do Mrs Booth to my shivering ass and then he put a finger…

  — No now wait Liz, you… He put his glass down, — what the hell are you talking like that for you don't…

  — I wanted to see if you heard me.

  — I heard you! He got the glass again, — no God damn reason to talk to me like some wiseass DI what did he say.

  — He wants me to have some more tests, he's sending me to…

  — Look Liz can't keep stringing it out. I just told you this crash suit comes up the doctor's not in there with all your bad news my companion suit goes out the window, half a million right out the window did you tell him to get his report in fast?

  — You don't tell somebody like this what to do Paul, you don't…

  — Why don't you! Works for the God damn insurance company doesn't he?

  — He does not work for the God damn insurance company, no. The insurance company's doctor is Doctor Terranova, I'm seeing him next week. This is a specialist Jack Orsini sent me to for my…

  — Wait did Orsini call me? or his lawyer? Said he was looking into this investment I lined him up for, little cash he wants to lie low for a while did I tell you he just billed the estate forty thousand dollars? Tried to squeeze out that hundred thousand for his foundation when Adolph said no dice he bills him forty for your father instead, professional services rendered last two years of his life? The bottle came down sharply on the rim of the glass, — professional services finally sends the old man right over the side so Adolph just bills it to the estate, forty thousand scribbles a check like he scribbles checks to Yale covering his ass every time he turns around, did he call?

  — Adolph?

  — Orsini Liz, you don't listen! He wrenched the ice tray, — just asked you if he'd…

  — He didn't call no. I told you who called. Chick called. Orsini's still away, I think he's with Edie she said they might go to Acapulco from Mont…

  — Now well Christ! The ice tray came down with a crash. — Sitting right here you were sitting up there phone ringing when I came in why the hell didn't you tell me! Told you I've been waiting to hear from him, I pick up the God damn phone you heard me turn down a call from Acapulco why didn't you wait, where you…

  — I'm going in to sit down. When is your car conning.

  — Be here any minute what time is it, he came on without turning for the clock, picking up ice cubes, sweeping up the mail — Liz…? Shiatsu, Reflexology and The Creative You joined The American Cancer Society in the trash, — this all the mail? Halt by the abrupt blank of the locked door, — those letters for McCandless they were stuck in the door here, what happened to them.

  — He came for them.

  — What do you mean who came for them.

  — Mister McCandless… She was sitting in the wing chair turning pages of Natural History.

  — But he, you mean he was here?

  — He, yes he came for some things in his room he, and he couldn't get in… she smoothed a tremor through Warriors with their girlfriends and mothers participating in song and dance, — the new lock, he was quite upset.

  — Why didn't you tell him the plumber gave the keys to…

  — I wasn't here Paul. I went into New York for the doctor, I think I mentioned it.

  — Fine great and you lost your purse at Saks how do you know he was here, walks right in I told you to keep the doors locked didn't I?

  — It's his house Paul. I'm sure he has a key.

  — Walks right in nobody here look I don't like it Liz, a criminal the man's a criminal, yesterday's paper didn't I show you? did I? Up for sentencing next week for felony he grabbed a plea, brought it down sknow what he was doing? No nickel and dime pickpocket he was in there peddling these infrared nightscopes on the wrong side of the fence, kind of guy you want walking in the front door?

  She looked up. — Was he, was there a picture of him?

  — Picture of him testifying with a bag over his head, still trying to nail his buddies probably why he was trying to get into his room there, pick up the evidence turn them in get off with two years it's not kid stuff Liz. You alone here somebody like that don't know what the hell can happen, get the locks changed keep them locked I don't want him in here.

  — It's in the lease Paul that's ridiculous, he has a right to get into that room he's got to get into the house to get in there he could have us put out, we haven't even paid this month's…

  — Rent look maybe I won't, maybe I won't. Hold back on it see what happens look, he goes up for two years ten years we don't go down to the bank here and put it in his account how the hell does he know? Up there on the rock pile what the hell can he do? Misprision of treason Liz that's what they had him for he's a God damn traitor, expect me to pay off a God damn traitor?

  — Paul honestly, we're not even sure he's the…

  — Goes around with a paper bag over his head and these phone calls? Mail from these African countries that weren't there a week ago where you walk down Main Street and some spade cuts your throat for the hell of it? It's not kid stuff Liz how do you know what's in that room, walks right in the house nobody home how do you even know he was here?

  — I didn't say nobody was home Paul, I said I wasn't. Madame Socrate he knows Madame Socrate that's where we got her, when I got home she said he'd been here he, she said he was fâché when he couldn't get into the…

  — Fashay look got to do something about her Liz, that kind of money can't even answer the phone? She do the windows? He got to the nearest of them, ran the wet streak of a thumb down it — so God damn gloomy out there you can't tell the wait, car coming must be my car where's my bag.

  — By the door where you left it.

  Lights climbed the alcove windows, glowed past the one where he stood and a black car made the slow turn under the streetlight. — Night like this probably ran off the road somewhere… he turned with the letters he'd been flourishing as though they'd just appeared in his hand, — stuff at B & G Storage say they'll auction it off if the bill's not paid. Liz? Stuff we've got stored at…

  — I heard you. What do you think they'll get for your stones.

  — Not just stones look don't start that, stuff of yours there from Bedford eighty ninety thousand dollars there they want nine hundred ten dollars, God damn ransom nine hundred and wait, Liz? Just remembered look, have you got any cash?

  Running short all I've got's this check on the Pee Dee Citizens Bank not even sure it's good, she spells hundred h u n e r d sat through the whole funeral eating Cheez Doodles, Liz? that fifty I left you?

  — You left me money for Madame Socrate.

  — Fine great fifty dollars get the God damn windows washed can't even tell the difference, what…

  — Well you wanted them cleaned and she, and they're cleaned! People work hard that's what you pay them for, their work that's all they have to sell so you pay them for it or they, or you do it yourself if you can't tell the difference why didn't you do them yourself!

  — No now wait Liz, look…

  — No you look! Nine hundred dollars your boxes of stones in a tomb there they might as well be in a tomb you look, the other one the other bill in your hand flowers two hundred and sixty dollars? What flowers where, somebody spends half the day on these windows and you're spending two hundred sixty dollars for a floral arrangement?

  — What the hell's got into you Liz… He came down slowly on the frayed love seat, brought a shined and tasseled imitation of elegance up to patient rest on his knee, — did you look at it? He opened the bill and then held it out to her, his face as true as his footwear — see who it was sent to? Cett
ie Teakell?

  — I, no I…

  — Didn't have time to tell you, I sent them out in your name I didn't have time to tell you… and he watched her, kind as a cheap new shoe, watched her catch breath, catch the trimmed fullness of her lip still tighter, — just thought you'd want her to know that you…

  — No Paul I'm sorry she said, her breath gone again, her eyes coming up but unable, they seemed unable to rise past the shoe cocked over his knee till it went down as he gained his feet, regained all she'd lost there.

  — Just you get ahead of me sometimes Liz, he tossed a match across her at the fireplace, — jump to conclusions. Trying to get things together here look, getting things lined up everything's just about ready to fall in place so God damn many pressures why I don't try to tell you everything I don't want to upset you. Try to give you the big picture you take one corner of it and run, jump like I said you jump to some conclusion the whole God damn thing falls to pieces like these flowers, I send these flowers you jump to some conclusion we end up arguing about flowers, see what I mean?

  — Paul I'm, I said I was sorry I'm not arguing I just didn't…

  — Didn't think Liz, you didn't think. Look. Certain things maybe you can't see quite as clear as I can. Maybe you don't want to. Maybe it's just because you don't want to, I can understand that Liz. I can understand that. But it shows through anyhow, kind of a whole negative way of looking at things I get the feeling sometimes you're not quite with me, not backing me up I've got to have the feeling you're behind me Liz. See what I mean? He'd gained his stride, newel to alcove, back to the newel post punctuated by abrupt puffs of smoke, looking out the front door — incidentally. Next time you get a chance to talk to Edie, see her picture all over the papers with Victor Sweet you ought to tell her to slow down Liz. Making a God damn fool of herself, Sweet stands as much chance for that nomination as Uncle Remus, he gets it he's got as much chance to win as the tar baby. You see Teakell out there with his Food for Africa program he's got the whole third world by the short hair Sweet couldn't carry Lenox Avenue, why the hell old man Grimes doesn't step in there and put the brakes on her himself, you follow me? He trailed smoke to the alcove windows, — see here? She didn't even get in the corners. Fifty dollars to clean the windows she can't even do the corners, problem's not just Edie Liz it's where Sweet's getting his real backing, tied in with all these peace groups it's got to be coming from the outside you know what that means. Tar Edie with the same God damn brush while we've got Ude here all over the front page with his Africa missions where he can deliver the votes you follow me? story right here in the paper? You mean you didn't read it?

  — Well not, no I…

  — Just gave it to you why do you think I gave it to you, told you they put their best feature writer on it didn't I? Thought you read it while I was in the shower this is what I mean Liz, feeling I get sometimes you're not right in there with me where the hell do you think I've been for two days, look… in a flush of newsprint — whole God damn page listen. The innocent boyhood dreams of Wayne Fickert, which once took shape like the white, billowy clouds floating against the brilliant heavens smiling down on the sparkling blue waters of the Pee Dee river, will never come to pass for the boy who dreamed them. At ten o'clock this morning, little Wayne was buried here on the sunny, flower strewn bank of the river he loved, in a ceremony which the Reverend Elton Ude, the dynamic leader of Christian Recovery for America's People, called the opening salvo in God's eternal war against the forces of superstition and ignorance throughout the world and elsewhere, and the recovery of the Christian values represented by the simple, God fearing folk gathered there before him in the bank who, on, should be on the bank not in the bank, a crowd estimated by an official spokesman at, must mean me, at just over six thousand, who have made America what it is today see how she gets the whole flavour of the thing in there? Liz?

  — What.

  — See what I mean, best writer they've got listen. Known to his many followers as a devoted student of the Bible, Reverend Ude highlighted his river theme with words from the book of Exodus. And it shall come to pass that thou shalt take of the water of the river and pour it upon the dry land, and the water which thou takest out of the river shall become blood upon the dry land. Citing the drought conditions now prevailing in Africa, he identified that dark continent as the dry land named in the prophecy where millions of souls are waiting to be harvested in the name of the Lord. We all know, he continued with the homespun eloquence that has won him his devoted radio following and a nationwide weekly television audience as well, that the day foretold in First Thessalonians is at hand, the day when the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, and the dead in Christ shall rise first, and then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air, and those who are not saved are doomed to be cast down into the burning lake which is the eternal dwelling place of Satan. Shall we abandon these millions of souls to an eternity without Christ? No friends, under a…

  — Paul…?

  — a heavy anointing from the Holy Spirit our Africa missions are crying out for your prayers and your support, and I'd just like to see them all saved and washed in the blood of Jesus Christ Liz what is it!

  — I just thought, I mean maybe you can read that on the plane if you…

  — Reading it right now Liz, first chance I've had to really read the God damn thing he's already broadcast it, taped it for television problem is we're going different directions here, brings me in as media consultant he needs some clear hard headed thinking to get things on the tracks, I think we're hitting them for this new media center and he's up there spouting about building a where was I, here. Recalling the day Wayne Fickert made his decision for Christ, Reverend Ude saw this fine youth going forth one day from the Christian Recovery Bible Mission School to take the Lord's word to these very farthest reaches of the world, and his despair when little Wayne was snatched away. Heavy of heart, Reverend Ude confided to his listeners, he had come on that sad evening to this very spot, seeking the Lord's will. And suddenly, he said, I heard the voice of the Lord speaking to me. He told me that from this very spot where we're gathered here together, the spirit of little Wayne would one day go forth in this legion of fine Christian educated men and women to carry the words of his holy gospel to the ends of the world.

  For in his infinite wisdom and mercy he had taken up little Wayne in a pure unblemished state, uncorrupted by the filth that abounds in our libraries and motion picture houses, the atheist doctrine of evolution that has transformed our classrooms into altars of secular humanism, and the slaughter of a million and a half innocent unborn children in our abortion hospitals throughout the land.

  — Paul I just thought, if you…

  — Thought what, listen. I stood here weeping, with…

  — Before your car comes, if you want something to eat I can…

  — Get something on the plane here, just get me some ice, how my own mortal weakness had left me open for the wiles of the great deceiver Satan in doubting the Lord's purpose. For it was not little Wayne, the mortal boy, but the purity of his spirit that the Lord has chosen to lead us forward in his holy name. And as his will came down upon me, trembling, I suddenly heard the voice of the profit Isaiah, wherein The carpenter stretcheth out his rule; he marketh it out with a line; he fitteth it with planes, and he marketh it out with the compass, and maketh it after the figure of a man, according to the beauty of a man; that it may remain in the house. And as I pondered the meaning of these words from on high, what had been a day of mourning burst before me as a day of glory! For did not they ask, when Jesus came unto Nazareth, Is not this the carpenter's son? He who builded this great edifice of refuge for the weak, for the weary, for the seekers after his absolute truth in their days of adversity and persecution, as we are gathered here today before the onslaught of secular humanism, builded with his simple carpenter's tools from the humble materials closest to his hand his fath
er's house, wherein are many mansions? And as the clouds of evening broke I saw before me, here where you all are standing right now on the banks of our beloved river, the buildings rise, the dormitories, the sunny classrooms, the green ballfields of the Wayne Fickert Bible College, sending forth to our missions even unto darkest Africa Full Gospel Christian men and women for this last chance the Lord has provided us for the harvest of souls in his name Liz? To make this miracle come true, can you hear me?

  — I'm getting your ice.

  — A little water in it, to sit down prayerfully with your pen and checkbook Liz? God damn glass has a chip on the rim get me another one, for the Lord's purpose cannot be accomplished without your loving support. Concluding his spirited call to action as the television cameras rolled closer, Reverend Ude pledged to send absolutely free, in return for donations for purchase of the land, a bottle of water from the Pee Dee, which he saw as one day taking its place beside the Galilee. Closing his appeal with words from Revelation, And he showed me a pure river of water of life, and let him that is athirst come, and whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely, Reverend Ude now turned to introduce the vivacious dark haired woman who had been seen weeping silently throughout the ceremony as Mrs Billye Fickert, the boy's mother. Clearly overcome by the proceedings, Mrs Fickert could only express her tearful gratitude that her son had been baptized and entered the waiting arms of the Lord in a state of grace. Drawing again upon Exodus, Reverend Ude quoted, The Lord is my strength and song and he is become my salvation, calling upon the deep baritone voice of war veteran Pearly Gates, who came forward in his wheelchair to lead the singing of Down By The River with new lyrics composed especially for the occasion by Reverend Ude himself. After the minute of silent prayer that followed, the faces of the throng gathered before him, many of them still aglow with the memory of tears in the brilliant sunshine, were raised by Reverend Ude's voice, now calm and serene, saying that he had sought for some sign of the Lord's blessing upon their endeavour. Pointing to a lone bluebon-net blowing bravely on the parched, barren bank of the river flowing brilliantly before them, That there, he said in a hushed tone, is for little Wayne. Liz you still out there? Just wanted some ice in it…