Joanne hugged her friend, “My wise son said it best, why does the party have to end. Just take it on a little road trip. Stay in touch – as friends and see where it goes. That is, if you want to.”
Grace nodded, “All those years growing up, I loved Seth and when I left town, I got to know a different me. Sienna was a huge part of that –everything I wanted in a partner – she just happened to be a girl.”
She looked down at the friendship ring that Sienna gave her on their fifth anniversary. “It’s not for commitment, so don’t get any ideas – it is a celebration of how far we’ve come not where we are going.” Tears later, Grace understood that the ring represented love and honesty. Almost as good as love and commitment.
“But last night with you guys, made me realize how much I missed. I missed everyone and no matter what happens, I’ll be back more often and not only to see my family. I also want to get to know and spoil this one better,” she ruffled Kyle’s hair as he climbed into her lap. “After all, who is going to teach him how to play hockey and go hiking?”
“Daddy goes hiking with Uncle Seth – he can come with us.” Grace hugged Kyle closer.
“Maybe he should, maybe he will.”
Joanne dropped her at the train station. “Why don’t you want to go back to the hotel?”
“I can’t face Sienna, not yet. I’ll go back home.”
“Honey, I’ll support you no matter what you do, but you need to be straight with yourself – what do you want.”
“I think I want Seth, but first I need to know what it means for me and Sienna? For the last five years, I’ve considered myself gay, most of our friends are gay and the whole scene are my family. Now what! Am I a loose cannon?”
“Seth loves you.”
“That’s the whole point – he loves me. I think I still love him, but it is complicated. What if I break up with Sienna today, tell Seth that we can try again, and we crash and burn. What happens then – what if he only loves the memory of me and the reality is different. What if …”
The hug said it all as did the kiss on each cheek. “What if you take some time, keep in touch with everyone – including Seth – and see how you feel. I don’t care if you are gay, straight or in between. I love you, all your friends love you and we missed you.”
“Can you take me back to the hotel, I need to see Sienna.”
“Sure, babe, but don’t do anything stupid like tell her. At least not only to make you feel better.”
“Can you come in and meet her – I know it’s asking a lot …” Grace shrugged, blushing at the thought of Sienna thinking she and Jo spent the night together.
Sienna
Sienna splashed water over her face a she heard the key card jiggle in the hotel door. A night spent lying alone in bed thinking the worse about her girlfriend and whether she still had a relationship.
The beautiful blonde walking in with her girlfriend was unexpected. And the hug greeting a little overwhelming.
“You must be Sienna, Grace hasn’t stopped talking about you – welcome to the family.” Sienna looked over to Grace who hadn’t entered the room, looking almost afraid to come in.
“Hi, and you are?”
“I’m Jo and I owe you an apology – Grace wanted to call you and say that talking and drinking had gotten out of hand. But I distracted her and by the time we all went to bed, it was late, and you would have been asleep – or so I thought. I hope you weren’t worried.” Could the woman talk any faster? She did have a natural bubbly energy. Perhaps, thought Sienna, she needed more sleep to appreciate it.
“Those aren’t your clothes,” Sienna pulled at the shirt, wanting to kiss her girlfriend but not being able to read her body language the way she usually could.
“Jo leant them to me,” Grace kissed her on the cheek. A kiss between friends, probably shy in front of this Jo person.
“Oh, honey, keep them or donate them to charity. Unless you are coming back this way again soon,” Jo’s voice tailed off hopefully.
“I want to, I really want to,” Grace started.
“We would both love to spend more time in the country with family – but we are really busy in the city helping out the youngsters who need us,” after the fights to get here, Sienna wasn’t looking to repeat the trip any time soon.
“Actually, they need you, I tag along and pretend to be useful,” Grace laughed but it wasn’t her normal laugh.
“Look, it was great meeting you, but I need to go – Kyle has swimming lessons this afternoon and if mummy isn’t there he won’t put his head under the water,” Jo shrugged at Sienna, “Kids, right?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Jo left them to a painful silence. Grace pulled clothes from her suitcase and threw them on the floor.
“I missed you last night,” Sienna started.
“Humph,” Grace kept going through clothes looking for the perfect thing to wear. So, unlike her.
“I only left because you were ignoring me,” she needed to share the burden of the hurt from last night. “Actually, you and your friends were ignoring all of us not fortunate enough to go to your precious high school.”
“Yeah,” Grace finally looked at her, “Well the night was about catching up not pandering to your insecurities.”
“You forget, he was there.”
“Who?”
“Don’t make out like I am stupid – Seth, dearest Seth,” she spat. “Remember him – he’s the one you got the ‘S’ tattoo for right next to your pussy so I see it every time you get undressed. He was there,” she screamed.
Grace threw the suitcase across the room and glared.
“What do you want me to say – you know he was there. I sat next to him all night.”
“What did you talk about.”
“Sienna, don’t.”
“Why not? Why can’t I ask my girlfriend what she talked about all night with her ex boyfriend?”
“We talked about his business, my career, our friends and what they are all doing. He told me about his family and filled me in on what is happening with my family that they forget to tell me over the phone.”
Standing, staring at each other, Sienna tried not to see the guilt in Grace’s eyes. What did Grace have to feel guilty about and did Sienna really want to know.
Neither of them prepared to make the first move – the fight from yesterday still unresolved – the reunion only put it on pause. As Sienna reached for Grace’s hand, Grace pulled it away. “Babe, please, I want to know about your night.”
“You only asked about Seth. And why were you rude to Jo about kids – Kyle is adorable.”
“You know what I think about kids. I’m not going to pretend to like someone else’s kid or you will get the wrong idea.” As soon as she said it, Grace closed down.
Try as she might to get Grace to open up again, the rest of the weekend dragged on with sight seeing, dinner with Grace’s family and not talking to each other.
For the first time in years, they went more than one night without making love. Grace barely wanted to kiss her or hold hands.
Sienna wondered what really happened the night of the party but decided that if she wanted to make up with Grace, it would be better not to ask.
Seth
It didn’t surprise Seth when Joe and his son, Kyle arrived on his doorstep with a football. No words were needed when a boy wanted to pass and throw with his father and favorite uncle.
Joe had everything he wanted in his own life – loving wife, excellent job, steady income and a child who looked at you as if you hung the moon and named the stars.
The men were run ragged chasing down errant passes from the youngster until Joe finally called defeat, “Kyle, why don’t you ask Uncle Seth if he has any left-over chocolate brownies from last night?”
“Chocolate brownies!” the dog next door started barking as Kyle squealed.
“You know where I keep them,” Seth planted a kiss on Kyle’s head.
From the k
itchen, Kyle called out, “Daddy, Uncle Seth had a friend for breakfast!”
“Son, it’s not nice to snoop.”
“But there are two plates and heaps of coffee cups and two wine glasses. Uncle Seth only needs one plate.”
“It looks like Uncle Seth needs more than a plate,” Joe found a couple of beers hidden at the bottom of the ice baths. “Here,” he tossed one to Seth, “To old friends reunited.” The bottles clinked together.
“Mate, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I don’t expect you to – but I also remember last time she left you in a funk.”
“I’m older and wiser.”
“But no less in love with a woman who can walk away from you.”
“She has a life.”
“You mean, she has a girlfriend. Does it make it easier knowing she is going home to that stunning brunette rather than another guy?”
“Don’t go there,” Seth couldn’t hide the catch in his voice.
“Why the hell not? Dude, she comes back into town and everyone is all, ‘Gracie girl is back’, and forgetting she cut us all out of her life years ago.”
“Her mum cut her off and now barely talks to her. The whole gay thing.”
“The girlfriend – what’s with that?”
“I told her I still love her.” Seth finished the beer and opened another. Joe watched him, for a moment and then got his son outside to start playing catch again.
Seth wanted more than anything to join in and share in the giggles as the small blonde dynamo tackled his father. He wanted a father-son moment for himself.
He needed someone to need him. The number in his phone was in his recently used, “Hi, it’s Seth, I need a fourth to play football in my back yard. No excuses, I’ll text you the address.”
Joe raised his eyebrow, concerned.
“One of the boys I am friends with is coming over to help even things up a bit. His name is Darby.”
It would do good for Darby to take it easy on a small boy and be around men who didn’t either belt up women or hold up small businesses to have fun.
Having Darby here would stop Joe from calling him an idiot in so many ways. For not moving on when Grace left the first time. For always holding Grace as the impossible standard that no other woman could live up to. For sitting next to Grace all night like a love-sick school boy. For allowing her to play hostess in his home, and then for loving her again all night.
Man, Joe called it years ago. He was messed up. He needed Darby as much as the boy needed him. He’d show Darby the road to manhood and Darby might be able to teach him how to not give a fuck.
Grace
Grace transferred Seth’s number to her business phone under his company name. Not trying to hide things from Sienna, but in case Sienna ever needed to use her phone and accidently went through her contact list – Seth’s name would never show up.
In the week since they came home, peace finally reigned. Almost a milestone – they survived their first real battle and even though both were scarred, as a couple they were almost okay.
Except, she wasn’t. Every night around two am, Grace lay awake, loving the woman she lay with and wanting the man who lay miles away. To the beat of Sienna’s heart, Grace replayed every moment with Seth, remembering the way his eyes looked at her, tracing her body the way his hands then mastered.
To her credit, Sienna avoided asking any more questions about Seth and the party.
But now, all Grace thought about instead of sleeping was whether life with Seth would be everything she wanted with Sienna only with the marriage and children that Sienna didn’t want.
Completely illogical, but now it was finally legal for same sex couples to marry, Grace felt strongly that committed couples owed it to all the couples who fought for the right, to marry.
It was fundamentally important that if they were truly committed as a couple, that Sienna should want to formally acknowledge their love before a minister and make it legal.
But even if she could accept never getting married, then there was still the fight over children. Grace knew from their friends the difficult road for same sex couples to have children. The fear gnawed away at her - what if Sienna hated a child she was forced to carry – or worse what if they broke up and Grace lost all access to the child she always wanted?
Seth.
It always came back to Seth.
Seth proved with every action, every breath that he wanted the same thing she wanted. She spent her days at work looking at his website, browsing the designs of the new housing development, thinking of him and wanting him. The dark circles under her eyes told of nights lying awake, not being able to hide or deny her feelings for him.
He left two messages for her, each time she looked at the phone trying to decide between listening and deleting. What could he say that she would want to hear? He still loved her and the more she thought about him, the harder it was to deny that he might be everything she could love, again.
No one should book back to back meetings on a Friday.
Her day started with a breakfast meeting with a personal client looking to restructure his finances after a divorce settlement. Not even a chance to have a coffee or sandwich as she met with three different clients about restructuring their multi-million-dollar deals.
Exhilarating.
Exciting.
Exhausting!
By three o’clock, Grace’s head was spinning, and she needed a moment to clear it before walking in for the end of week “informal catch up” with the senior executives – which in actual fact was anything other than informal. Careers were made and broken by late attendance or not having their finger on the corporate pulse.
Her private line rang, and she looked for her assistant who she had sent off to the copier. Damn.
Be late for the meeting or miss a client’s call. No choice and no winner.
“You’re speaking with Grace,” she tried to keep the frustration out of her voice. The door was closing at the end of the corridor – all the other junior executives would already be huddling up to the people who would make their careers. While she was answering the phone.
“I’ve only been trying for a week,” the voice needed no introduction.
“Seth, this isn’t an appropriate time,” despite promising herself to Sienna, hearing his voice broke her heart. She imagined him in his office from the pictures she sneaked looks at online. Standing in a rolled-up shirt, sun glasses on top of his head, owning the world. Owning her. Damn it.
“Grace, my company needs you – the financing for my new project is about to fall through. I’ve tried everything I can think of this week and nothing is coming together. Grace, I need you – my company needs you.”
She thought for a moment, needing to join her colleagues and wanting to help Seth.
Really, no choice and no winner. His lost financing deal was fate.
Her career was being built on structuring financing for impossible deals. If he was any other potential client – instead of being Seth.
“Grace, are you there? I wouldn’t have called if I had any other choice. I could lose everything!”
Grace still loved Seth – the only question that plagued her was what that meant for her relationship with Sienna.
“I’m listening, what do you need.”
Continue to Part 2: Reality
Part 2: Reality
Grace
Grace grabbed a pen and started scribbling notes. As Seth explained it, the situation was now dire. His financing fell through because the exchange rate fluctuated over five per cent in the last month. His bankers now wanted collateral he couldn’t put his hands on, and his partners were getting nervous and considering their options.
If Seth didn’t have a fully worked proposal for them by early the following week, the whole thing would collapse.
Exactly the challenge she loved.
The help the man she … don’t go there!
“Grace,” he finished, “I kno
w it’s a lot to ask but I really need your help – or at least your company behind me. If you can’t help me, can you refer me to someone you trust.”
“Give me a few minutes and I’ll call you back.” Grace read over her notes as she walked down the hall.
Now, she had the perfect reason to approach the lead partners in the informal catch up. New client, billable hours and urgent request. Unfortunately, no one was available to take the lead.
“Grace, if he is a friend of yours, why don’t you invite him to the city for the weekend, thrash out a few ideas and I’ll try and set you up with a meeting with an old friend early next week. He’s made a living putting together deals like this. If anyone can rescue your friend, it is Derek Casbar.”
“I don’t think I have the experience,” either in pulling together the deal herself or in working with Seth, alone.
“Nonsense. The only thing holding you back has been landing your first big client. Bring him in, let us see what you do with him and your career will follow.”
Grace stood by while one senior partner and three junior partners threw suggestions at her and offered to help with the detail if she still needed them next week.
All she had to do was spend the weekend with Seth – business all business.
“Seth, it’s me. Are you free this weekend?”
“Grace, thanks so much. Yes of course I’m free. Who am I meeting and were do I need to be.”
“You’ll need to come to Sydney and get a room somewhere for the weekend.”
“No problems I’ll set it up and your team will have access to anyone and any data you need.”
“Seth,” she clenched her teeth, not wanting to hear the happiness in his voice. “I don’t have a team to support you until next week.”
“Grace, that’s not good enough. I thought I explained about the timing – I need a proposal sorted by early next week.” The frustration obvious in his voice and she heard him slam something down on the desk.
The Question Is Page 8
