The Question Is

by Kenna Shaw Reed

  Against no rules of parenting was he winning, except in loving his children. If they wanted more time with him, reading books or building plastic towers, if Retha wanted to play dress-ups even going outside and kicking a football, they were and always would be his priority.

  The house was patient and would wait until he sorted things out to be cleaned. His business partners had stepped up, covering his absence and distracted focus in the short term. If he put in a couple of hours each night after the children’s bedtime, his business would tread water until he could get better organized.

  Six messages from Jo and her husband, Joe. His best friends had been there for him when Grace left him for university and accepted he never stopped loving her those years ago. Then, after one, unexpected night together when Grace came home for a reunion, they supported him through the weeks of complicated emotions. Not until after they were married and Owen was born did they trust Grace was emotionally and fully committed to him.

  He couldn’t face their help, or advice. Even worse would be any sympathy or “I told you so.”

  “It’s Joe, I need my jogging buddy back. Five am tomorrow. No excuses.”

  Too soon, and too exhausted to get up in four hours to go running. He needed time and space. “Not yet,” he texted before turning off his phone.

  “Daddy,” Eddie padded out of his room and curled around Seth’s leg.

  “Hey, sport. You should be asleep.”

  “I got scared.”

  “Why,” he picked up his son to carry him back to the bedroom.

  “I thought you left me.”

  “Daddy will never leave you. I promise.”

  “Then why did mummy leave?”

  A question with no answer.

  “How about I sleep on the floor next to your bed, tonight. If you get scared, you can see me.”

  “Okay, daddy.”

  The soft snores of his youngest son came quicker than Seth’s sleep on the old camp stretcher now kept in Eddie’s room for nights like this.

  How the hell could a mother abandon her children, and how could he ever make it up to them. He fingered the wedding ring, now uncomfortable in its memories.