Forever Loving You: A Grudging Hearts Novel

by Arthurs, Nia

Because my fingers are turning to lead fists and all I want in this moment is to sink my heels so far down Rick’s throat he coughs up my soles.

  “I’ll sleep here tonight. If you don’t mind,” Chandra says crisply. Like my crying is annoying her and she’d just like to get away from it.

  I ease out of Griffin’s arms. “Of course.”

  She gives me a tight nod and lumbers back to my bedroom.

  The door slams shut.

  I stare down the hallway, imagining her getting into my bed and diving under the covers. She’s probably blocking everything out, reinforcing the impenetrable wall of apathy that’s protected her since childhood.

  I struggle to my feet, my knees weak and my heart hurting more than it ever has in my entire life.

  Just the thought of my best friend getting mistreated… I can’t take it.

  Screw Rick.

  And screw Chandra too… for putting up with Rick and not telling me.

  Anger cries out for blood, for revenge.

  I grab my car keys and march to the door.

  Griffin moves with me. “Cobie, where are you going?”

  I don’t answer.

  My mind is filled with visions of Rick’s demise.

  Running him over with a truck.

  Dropkicking him into a wall of spikes.

  Gouging out his eyeballs.

  I need something painful, something grotesque. Traditional violence is too good for a monster like him. The punishment has to be as twisted and gnarled as the one he inflicted on my best friend.

  Footsteps thud.

  Griffin slides in front of me, his broad shoulders blocking the door.

  I tilt my chin up. “Move.”

  “I’m not letting you out there.”

  “Move!” I scream and shove him in the shoulder.

  He doesn’t even flinch. “Running out half-cocked won’t solve anything.”

  Abandoning all pretense of tranquility, I use both arms to pummel him. “Out of my way!”

  “Cobie.” Griffin stands tall in the onslaught of my emotional outburst. He steps closer, braving my fists to wrap me in his arms. I sink against his body, losing it all over again.

  “I promised I’d protect her,” I cry.

  “I know. I know how close you two are.”

  He doesn’t.

  He has no idea.

  Chandra’s my sister. My soulmate. Anyone hurts her, it’s like they’re punching me in the face.

  “I need to do something. I can’t just sit around like this.”

  “And when you get to Rick’s place, what are you gonna do? Hm? Beat him up? Throw hot oil on him? Scream at him? He’ll call the cops and before you can blink, your future is over. Is that what you want? For the bad guys to win?”

  “The cops. That’s it. Griffin, we should call the cops.” I back up, my eyes darting left and right. “We’ll tell them everything. Domestic abuse is still a crime in this country.”

  “If you’re sure…” He takes out his phone.

  I get more and more nervous as he dials. “Stop!”

  He does, looking at me with confusion.

  “We’ll call them after.” I glare into the corner. “Where’s my baseball bat?”

  “Cobie, stop for a minute and think.”

  “I am thinking… of bashing Rick’s head in. Why are you getting in my way?”

  “I’m trying to keep you from making a huge mistake. I refuse to let that guy hurt you and Chandra more than he already has.”

  I fold my arms over my chest, struggling to breathe.

  Conflicting emotions torture me.

  I want to give in to the rage so badly that it physically hurts, but Griffin has a point.

  “Do you think she’d press charges?” he asks quietly.

  I chew my bottom lip.

  It would be easier to tear up Rick’s house than get Chandra to squeal on him.

  Man, what is this mess?

  How do I help my friend?

  Griffin studies my face. “You’re killing me, you know that?”

  I have no idea what to say in response so I just keep quiet.

  He sighs and moves out of the way.

  “What are you doing?”

  “If you must do something, at least let me drive you. You’ll need a getaway car in case things get hectic.”

  I stare at Griffin, falling a little harder for him than I’d given myself permission to.

  If this situation wasn’t so awful and Chandra wasn’t such a mess, I’d abandon it all and kiss him silly.

  I’d tear those fancy clothes off and run my hands all over his abs.

  I’d show him how wild I am for him until the sunrise.

  Who needs a millionaire when I have a man with a heart as big as Rick’s bank account?

  Man, I want Griffin so badly right now.

  But it’s not a good time.

  “You should go,” I whisper.

  “Cobie…” He looks suspiciously at me. As if he’s half-expecting me to slip out and sling a hacksaw through Rick’s mansion while he’s gone.

  “I won’t do anything tonight.”

  “Are you sure?” A handsome brow lifts.

  I step closer and smooth the wrinkles I’d made in his shirt. “I should stay with Chandra. She needs me.”

  “Okay.” He brings me in for a hug. “No matter what, I’ll back you guys up. Just let me know who I’m aiming for and we’ll pull the trigger together.”

  “Thank you.” I inhale his woodsy scent, soaking him in for as long as I can.

  His big hands press me closer. “You’re welcome.”

  “And I’m sorry for hitting you,” I mumble into his shirt.

  “It’s okay.” His chest rumbles with a chuckle and I cuddle even closer to feel as much of those vibrations as I can. “You hit like a girl.”

  I lean back and slant him a warning look.

  He kisses my forehead and lets me go. “Don’t forget to call me.”

  “I won’t.”

  Griffin sees himself out.

  I stand there, staring at the locked door, wondering why it feels like we’ve solidified our relationship tonight even though we didn’t sleep together.

  Now isn’t the time to drool over Griffin.

  Shaking my head to quiet the thoughts, I tiptoe to the bedroom. My fingers settle over the doorknob and I ease the door open, poking my head inside and listening.

  Chandra’s quiet breaths mingle with the musical percussion of the rain.

  She doesn’t squirm when I slip into bed and hug her from behind.

  Which is good. Because I don’t plan on letting go.

  “I’m sorry, Babe,” I murmur.

  She takes a while to answer but, at last, she whispers, “What for?”

  “For not keeping my promise.” I think of the campfire and the stories she shared about her past. Those scars… it’s like Rick ripped them open and poured salt in them. And I wasn’t there. “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone. And that you felt you couldn’t tell me.”

  “I knew you’d worry.”

  “I am worrying.”

  “I should have left the first time,” she whispers. “I thought the gifts and the money and the lifestyle was worth it. But it wasn’t. I feel so stupid.”

  I stiffen. “You are not stupid.”

  “I may not have any clothes,” Chandra pats my hand, “but at least I got the bakery in my name. That was a smart decision, right?”

  “Sh.” I snuggle closer to her back. “Forget about everything. We’ll talk tomorrow.” I wind my arms over her shoulders and close my eyes.

  The darkness covers our pain.

  The storm is outside, near enough to make its presence known but not strong enough to tear through the roof and get to us.

  Exhaustion pulls me under.

  Just before I fall asleep, I hear a sniffle and feel the tiniest raindrop splash against my finger.

  22 Griffin

  It’s still raining the
next day. I call Cobie the moment I wake up, realizing with a tinge of irony that I’m more worried about her today than I was the day before.

  “Hello?” Her husky voice whispering in my ear inspires ethereal visions.

  Cobie curled up in my arms. Her head on my chest. Her coils sprawling over a pillow. Our legs tangled together in a rumpled blanket. Morning sunlight tiptoeing through the window, dawning on the evidence of our love.

  I clear my throat, suddenly at a loss for words.

  “Griff?” The sound of rustling breaks out over the phone.

  Suddenly, she gasps.

  I freeze. “What’s wrong?”

  “Do you know what time it is?”

  I check my watch. “It’s six o’clock.”

  “On a Saturday morning. I thought you liked me? What’s with the torture?”

  I chuckle. “Sorry.”

  “Why are you up this early?”

  “I’m heading to the gym and then I’ll go to the office to get some work in.”

  “Mm,” she mumbles, “I’ll let it go this time, but don’t let it happen again.”

  I settle into the sofa and grin. “You’re welcome to join me if you want.”

  “I’d love to, but Chandra’s going to need my full attention this weekend.”

  “How is she?”

  “She acted all tough, but she was crying last night. The thing is… I’m not sure if she’s angry at Rick or herself.”

  “Maybe it’s both. Have you talked to her? About everything?”

  “Not really. Like I said, she’s acting as if getting stuff in exchange for a few punches is totally normal.”

  “She’ll need some time.”

  “Even so, Chandra’s been hurt enough. Just thinking about it…” She stops and lets out a loud breath. “I didn’t know I could hate a person this much, but I’m trying to remind myself that Chandra needs me more than Rick needs a beating. It’s hard to sit still though. I keep thinking I should do something.”

  “My getaway car is still available if you need it.”

  She laughs hoarsely. “Man, when you say things like that…”

  “What?”

  “It drives me crazy.” Her voice adopts a seductive purr. “Should we meet up for a quickie? I’ll tell Chandra I’m going to the grocery store or something.”

  “You’re a little freak, aren’t you?”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “It was.” I wipe my chin, glad that she can’t see the fool-sized grin on my face. “Are you like this with all the guys you’ve dated?”

  “Again with the assumptions. You’re my lover, not my boyfriend.”

  I laugh. “What will it take to be upgraded?”

  “That depends on your moves in the bedroom.”

  I bark out another laugh. “Woman, you are something else.”

  “You think I’m joking?”

  I clutch the phone tighter. “If I thought for a second you were serious, I’d borrow you from Chandra and give that cheeky mouth something to do.”

  “Ooh. I like it when you talk dirty.” She pauses. Lowers her voice to a whisper. “What exactly will my mouth have to do?”

  Fantasies explode in my head.

  I shudder.

  Glance down.

  Realize I’ll be needing a cold shower. Pronto.

  Cobie.

  Freakin’ tease.

  “I’m going back to sleep,” she says, as if she can sense that she’s worked me up to her satisfaction and is leaving me to deal with it alone. “Take your sexy behind to the gym so I can feel up your abs later.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She hangs up.

  I jump into the shower and try to get my body to relax.

  It takes longer than usual, but at last I’m able to dry off and get myself into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt.

  On the way to the gym, I stop by Chandra’s coffee shop to get myself two cups of coffee.

  The server seems to remember me. “I’m Zania. You’re Cobie’s boyfriend, right?”

  An explosion of pride swells my chest. “Working on it.”

  “I’m rooting for you. Cobie doesn’t really date much. She’s a little too…”

  “Cynical?”

  “Guarded. So is Chandra, but that’s not the one you want.”

  I lean over the counter and whisper, “Got any advice?”

  “Don’t lie.”

  Her words suck the air from the room.

  I straighten. Cast my gaze to the clock on the wall. Back to her.

  She smiles. “Cobie hates being deceived more than anything else. You know her. She’s really upfront.”

  “She is.”

  The server hands the coffee over. “Good luck.”

  “Appreciate it.” I thrust a bill into the tip jar and swing around.

  Suddenly, I’m not feeling all that great.

  It’s insane to me that I got this far. Cobie was a dream that always faded with the dawn. Now I’ve got her in my sights and I’m more nervous than I was when I tried—and failed—to sum up the courage to talk to her in high school.

  Now that I’ve got everything I want, it’ll hurt more to lose it.

  I can’t lose her.

  I won’t.

  Never.

  I drive to the gym in heavy silence.

  The smell of sweat and some kind of citrusy fragrance fills the air when I walk in. I notice Ollie pushing a mop around the elliptical machines and amble over.

  “Morning.”

  He nods. “You’re late.”

  “I made a detour.” I point to the coffee mugs.

  Ollie holds out his hand. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  I eye him. “How was the party?”

  “I had one shot. That turned into two and then three. I blacked out. Woke up at home.”

  “Man…”

  “Don’t.” He rubs his arms. “I’m collecting bruises from falling off the wagon so often. I don’t need you to pile on top of it.” He sets the mop down. “What happened to that girl from last night?”

  “She’s fine.” I think it over and amend. “She’s getting there.”

  He sips from the cup. “What kind of mess has she gotten herself into?”

  “Why?” I roll my shoulders. “You interested in being her hero?”

  “Nah. I’m too broken to fix anyone else’s mess. I’m just curious.”

  I clamp his shoulder. “Be ready anyway. We might get called out to beat up her ex.”

  Ollie stretches his fingers. “I’m down. Been feeling restless lately. But what about you? I thought you didn’t believe in violence?”

  “Yeah, but there’s this girl…”

  “Say no more.” He chuckles. “Is it the feisty one from last night?”

  “Her name’s Cobie.”

  “Cobie?” He rubs his chin and then his eyes widen. “You mean the Cobie? The one from high school?”

  I nod.

  Ollie whistles.

  He knows the full story—everything from the day I first fell for Cobie to the day of my high school graduation when I left town and never looked back.

  It was a Jack-Daniel’s fueled confession, but he was sober as a bug and remembers every word.

  “How did she feel when you told her about your past connection?”

  “I haven’t yet.”

  He frowns. “Griff…”

  “Relax. We’re just in the get-to-know-you stage. It’s not that serious.”

  “Maybe not for her, but it is for you.”

  “Yeah right.”

  “Most people don’t hold on to a crush for ten years, man.” Ollie rubs the back of his neck. “I haven’t told you this because I was pretty sure you’d never meet her again, but what if she’s not… you know… that nice.”

  I scoff. “What does that mean?”

  “She didn’t even look at you back when you were the loser at your high school. You’ve gained a few muscles and
all of a sudden she’s all over you?”

  “So what if she is?”

  “Is that really the kind of relationship you want? One where you always have to be perfect?”

  “If that’s what it takes, I’ll just work out to keep the weight off.”

  “What if you can’t? What if you get with this girl and something happens and you gain weight again? Will she stay?”

  Instead of answering, I head to the weights.

  Ollie follows me. “You’re the one who wants marriage, the two-and-a-half kids and the white picket fence. And I’m the one who’ll get to live that through you. So don’t screw this up for both of us by picking someone shallow.”

  “She’s not shallow.”

  “You’ve got your head so far up her skirt you wouldn’t even know. That’s all I’m saying.”

  I close my ears to his advice. “She’s Cobie, man. Since I was fifteen years old, there’s only been one girl for me. Now that I’ve got my chance, nothing will stand in my way. I don’t care about anything else.”

  “That’s an obsession, Griff.”

  I pick up a weight and dive into a squat. “That’s love, bro.”

  “If love makes you this stupid, then I’m glad I’ve never indulged in it.” Ollie scowls. “And bend your knees properly. You’ll have joint pain at that rate.” He grabs his mop again and watches me. “For your sake, I hope things work out.”

  “If they don’t, I give you full permission to tell me ‘I told you so’.”

  He points the mop like a stick. “Don’t think I won’t.”

  I chuckle and keep pumping iron.

  The present is too sweet to worry about the future. I’ve finally got the woman of my dreams and I’ll do everything in my power to hold on to her.

  23 Cobie

  “Just let that set for a couple minutes,” I assure the nervous girl sitting beneath the air dryer. It’s her first time getting her natural hair treated by someone else and she’s, understandably, nervous about it.

  “Are you sure this heat is good for my hair?” she asks. The plastic apron around her chest crinkles as she sits up and darts worried eyes at me. “I heard we’re not supposed to put heat on our hair.”

  “Excessive heat is bad, but your hair is low porosity, which means it doesn’t retain moisture easily. The heat will open up your cuticles and allow the oils to soak in.”

  “If you’re sure…”