Words Unsaid

by KG MacGregor

  “Not all,” he said, rolling his eyes as he walked away.

  Back at her chair, Lily placed a call to Anna, who was picking up Eleanor at her Saturday STEM class. Science, technology, engineering and math. Eleanor was following in her mother’s footsteps. Her other mother.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Nothing. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of our son. We’ve raised a really nice kid.”

  “By my count, we’ve raised three of them. What’s Georgie done?”

  Lily described the scene at the tennis club, from Kurt’s crass behavior to Georgie’s kind gesture. “And by the way, today’s the best I’ve ever seen him play. He’s in a real groove.”

  “Good for him. We went over the rankings last night. If he wins today, he should crack the top twenty.”

  Georgie continued his dominance on the court, breaking serve to win the first set.

  “Only three games to go if we survive it. Are you going home?”

  “I thought we’d stop by the Big House so I can talk with Kim. We need to figure out how we’re going to handle this stuff with Dad and his so-called secret.”

  Lily laughed. “Good luck with that. Just so you know, I think I’m with your father on this one. Sorry.”

  “Probably doesn’t matter anyway. He’s done exactly what he wanted all his life. He’s not going to stop now.”

  * * *

  Anna warmed herself in the sun outside Boelter Hall, the hub of UCLA’s science and engineering programs. Most parents picked up their kids on Westwood Plaza but she liked the atmosphere of the quad, where she could study the faces of future Grace Hoppers and Sally Rides. Eleanor had that look too, a mix of curiosity and determination.

  The weekend workshops were designed to build a STEM community among girls ages ten to seventeen so they could encourage one another in their endeavors. Eleanor had been accepted into the program after excelling in the university’s summer STEM camp. She especially enjoyed computer science, which tapped both her logical and creative sides.

  Eleanor exited the library alone, her backpack slung over a shoulder and a sweatshirt tied around her waist. Her face lit up when she spotted Anna.

  “Hey, how was it?” Anna called.

  “Awesome. You know that blogger I like, Kylie Redeker? She was our guest instructor. It was livestream, but still. She showed us how to build a data set using apps.”

  Anna often glimpsed pieces of herself in her daughter. At Eleanor’s age, she could have catalogued all the parts of the E21s, BMW’s first generation 3 Series. It fascinated her to discover Eleanor’s similar interest in technical specs at such a granular level. “What kind of data set?”

  “We used one of those step counters that keeps track of how many steps you need to take to be healthy. Kylie showed us how to write a program that saves the data from your steps every day between noon and one o’clock and puts them in a chart.”

  “What’s so special about noon to one?” She smiled to herself as Eleanor groaned, obviously because her idiot mother couldn’t grasp something so simple.

  “Nuhh-thing. It was just the example she used. Like if that was my phys ed class or Georgie’s tennis practice.”

  “Or like now, when we have to climb the stairs to the top floor of the parking garage because the elevator’s out of order.” As they reached the roof, she wheezed, “Got any plans for this newfound knowledge?”

  “We’re supposed to try to make one at home, a data set from one of our apps. Maybe Ma will have a good idea for what to do.”

  “Oh, right.” Anna pushed out her lower lip to feign hurt feelings. “Because this mom never has good ideas.”

  “It’s just for practice, Mom. Your ideas are always too complicated.”

  Anna stopped abruptly and put her hands on her hips. She’d noticed they usually went to Lily for help choosing topics for essays and research papers. “So that’s what it is. I’ve been wondering why you guys never ask me those kinds of questions. I make you work too hard.”

  “It’s not that.” Eleanor bit her lower lip. “Well, maybe it is a little. But I always ask you when I have a math problem. Mom’s pretty useless with those.”

  “I’m telling her you said that.”

  “She already knows.”

  They climbed into her car, a Mineral Grey M4 convertible, one of the few remaining BMW models that still offered a manual transmission. “I need to go by the Big House and talk about something with Aunt Kim. You want to come with me or should I drop you off at home with Andy?”

  “I’ll come. Can we let the top down? My brain needs to cool off.”

  Anna laughed. “I’m totally stealing that.”

  It was a short ride from the campus to the Big House. Eleanor skipped up the stairs to find Alice and her kitten while Anna scanned for Kim.

  The weekend nurse Gloria, wearing pale lavender scrubs, emerged from the laundry room with a basket. “If you’re looking for your sister, they’re sitting out by the pool. Would you let Kim know I’ll come get Martine as soon as I get her bed turned down? Two minutes.”

  “Sure thing, Glo. How’s Mom doing today?”

  “Not one of her better days, I’m afraid.”

  Better days used to be when she recognized and interacted with her family, even if she showed confusion. Now they were days without fear or hostility.

  Despite the sun, the air was crisp. Anna found them sitting side by side in lounge chairs with Martine wrapped in a tartan wool blanket.

  Kim looked up from her magazine. “Look, Mom. Here comes our waitress. We’d like two vodka tonics, please. You can hold the tonic in mine but I’d appreciate an olive.”

  Though dressed in leggings and a baggy sweater that belonged to her husband, Kim still managed to look chic, especially in the bright sun. Large sunglasses covered half her face.

  Anna bent to tuck the blanket around her mother’s neck. “Is this lady bothering you, Mom? I can have her thrown out of the bar if you like.” Martine’s reaction was hidden behind dark sunglasses, but Anna knew the playful banter was lost on her. “Look, Glo’s coming to take you back inside where it’s nice and warm.”

  “That’s good. Have a nice nap, Mom. I love you.” Kim watched wistfully as the nurse escorted her inside. “I miss her so much.”

  “I know you do.” The two of them had always been close. “Somewhere in there she still loves you.”

  “I just hope she knows I love her too. I tell her all the time, but…I hope I said it the last time she could understand, you know?”

  “I’m sure you did.” Anna squeezed her shoulder before falling into the vacant chair. “I thought we could have a chat about Dad. You up for that?”

  “What I’m up for is that drink you didn’t bring me. Except make it a double and drink it yourself. I get the feeling you’re going to need it.”

  “I hate it when you have to warn me before you tell me something. What is it this time?”

  “Dad mentioned over coffee this morning that he was on the fence about Los Cabos. Any guesses as to why?”

  Anna blew out a ragged sigh as she slumped into Martine’s chaise. “Christ, that means this is an actual thing.”

  “Of course it’s a thing. You’re the only one who can’t seem to see that.”

  “That’s because I refuse to look.”

  “You may have to. Here’s what I know. Her name is Lois Townes and she works at the Getty. Dad saw her eating lunch alone in the cafe and the rest, as they say, is history.”

  Anna couldn’t fathom how her sister could approach this so breezily. “Does this Lois Townes not realize Dad already has a wife?”

  “I have no idea what she realizes, but to be honest—now don’t kill me—I’m starting to see this from Dad’s perspective. He’s been trapped in this nightmare with Mom for six years, and Dr. Adams says her body could keep going for who knows how long. Meanwhile Dad’s healthy, he’s vibrant. And he’s seventy-four years old. Who knows how many more years he h
as? It’s not really fair to expect him to put his life on hold for the sake of appearances, especially since Mom doesn’t even know who he is anymore.”

  It would be just like the old Kim to deliver that heart wrenching soliloquy, only to finish with “Just kidding!” Since losing everything in the fire, she’d grown circumspect, showing more of her serious side. Though if Anna dared to point that out, Kim would probably blame it on menopause.

  “He still loves Mom, you know,” she went on. “He comes down to her room every morning and helps her with breakfast. Butters her toast, blows on her coffee. You should hear how he talks to her. It’s so sweet it’d make you cry.”

  Anna was close to tears just hearing about it. “That’s what makes all this so uncomfortable. He’s almost acting like she’s already gone.”

  “It’s not that, Anna. I think he just needs someone to appreciate him, who lets him be happy for a little while without feeling guilty about it. Lois gives him that. They meet for lunch, go for walks. She even rode along in his golf cart the other day.”

  “Dad actually told you that?”

  “Of course not. He talks to Hal, but he has to know Hal tells me everything. I figure he’s not saying anything to us because he’s afraid we’ll judge him.”

  “He’s right. I can’t help it.” Anna rubbed her face briskly with both hands, trying to clear her competing emotions. “What are we teaching our kids if we just pretend this is normal?”

  “Compassion?”

  * * *

  A pair of flameless candles flickered in the TV nook, the only light in the master suite. Lily cradled Anna in her lap, smoothing her hair and dropping the occasional kiss on the top of her head. It was tough to see her struggle with her emotions, but the only cure was to let her make peace with herself.

  “I get how Dad feels, honest I do. He deserves companionship. I just wish he’d kept it secret so the rest of us wouldn’t have to deal with it.”

  Lily smiled to herself, thinking of all the parents who wished their gay kids had stayed in the closet—including Anna’s father. Anna had been a nervous wreck back then while Lily wanted to shout from the rooftops that they were in love. “It’s hard to keep a secret like that. When you find someone who makes you happy, you want to share it. Especially with your loved ones. You remember how that was.”

  Anna groaned. “Fine, so call me a hypocrite. But all of us are going through this business with Mom, not just him. Lois might be making him happy, but she’s giving the rest of us a lot more to process on top of our grief.”

  “Are you going to talk to him?”

  “Not unless he brings it up. We’ve set our lunch date for Thursday. Hal’s coming too. It’s time to tell Dad about Pinnacle.”

  “Don’t forget—”

  “I know, we’re meeting Andy’s counselor at two. I’ll be there. Would you believe Dad had the nerve to suggest we meet at the Getty? Probably so we’d conveniently bump into Lois and he could introduce us.” She sat up and scooted close enough to rest her arm around Lily’s shoulder. “I put the kibosh on that. Told him this was a business lunch, to meet us at the Four Seasons.”

  Lily recognized the shift in Anna’s body language. It wasn’t like her to want comforting and she could only stand so much. Her nature was to be the comforter, the one ready to take charge and fix whatever was awry.

  “Does this mean you’ve decided to go through with the sale?” Lily asked as she nestled into Anna’s strong shoulder.

  “Ninety-nine-point-nine percent. Hal and Lupe had the accounting team drill down to make sure we’re at the right price. If that pans out, I’m thinking we’ll probably sign the papers this week, after which we’ll go public about the negotiations and open our books to their accountants. The whole process could take several months, but once it goes through I’ll be walking away with quite a nest egg.” She tentatively shared Hal’s after-tax estimate and watched for Lily’s reaction.

  “Holy shit, Anna!”

  “What, you thought I was kidding? I told you it was a crazy offer.”

  Crazy didn’t even begin to describe it. When they’d moved into this house together fourteen years ago, they’d had a frank discussion about money, prompted by their enormous income disparity. A year later, before they married, the Kaklis family attorney had pushed for a prenuptial agreement, which Anna resisted until Lily persuaded her it was a sound idea for both of them. At the time, Premier Motors had consisted of four dealerships and a ton of debt.

  “Lily?”

  She realized her mouth was still agape. “Whatever happened to our prenup?”

  Anna threw her head back and laughed. “Don’t you remember? I voided it the day we adopted Andy.”

  “Whew!”

  “Why, are you already spending your half?”

  “You betcha.” Lily grabbed the finger that was playfully poking her in the ribs.

  Their lifestyle was admittedly expensive—three kids in private school and Serafina—but hardly on par with the A-listers in and around LA. Their Brentwood house was a home, not a monument to opulence like the Big House. Importantly, she and Anna had agreed that spoiling their kids meant helping them reach their full potential. Georgie’s tennis lessons, Eleanor’s STEM classes, Andy’s obsession with cars. Theirs was a comfortable yet unpretentious life.

  “If I can be serious for a minute,” Lily said, breaking a long silence, “you know I’ve never been in this for your money. I have everything I could ever want under this roof. And the sex…mighty fine.”

  Chapter Six

  The waiter brought Hal’s vodka gimlet, which he clinked to Anna’s glass of sparkling water. “This already feels like a celebration, Anna.”

  “Go for it. I’m driving.” Anna had decided this morning to proceed with the sale, signing a letter of intent that barred her from entertaining other offers while the deal was being finalized. Since Pinnacle was publicly traded, a purchase of this magnitude required approval from the Securities and Exchange Commission, which could take several weeks. In the meantime Anna would work to elicit buy-in from her dealership managers to effect a seamless transfer.

  “I have to say, Anna…I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of you not being in the car business anymore. I’ve never known you when you weren’t laser-focused on selling somebody their dream car. I know you’re thinking about the solar thing with Helios but that’s different, you know?”

  “Yes, but my end of the business changed a long time ago. I can’t remember the last time I actually sold a car. What I do is run a company while other people are having all the fun.” Her conversation with Andy had reminded her of the things she loved about Premier Motors, especially selling BMWs. “I feel like I proved myself as an executive with all the acquisitions, but I need to find some joy again. Maybe that’s Helios…maybe not.”

  “Are you still planning a trip to Germany?”

  “I suppose I’ll have to go eventually. I don’t want to complicate Helios with the sale, or vice versa. I figure one life-changing decision at a time is plenty.”

  “Kim said she can’t picture you in a job where someone else is calling the shots. Maybe Lily will let you be in charge at home sometimes.”

  “I doubt that.” She sipped her water and scanned the restaurant for her father’s face. “What about you? Have you given any thought to what you want to do next?”

  “I’d love to take a few months off to sail around Baja and up the Gulf with Jonah. Kim’s been wanting to do Victoria and the Puget Sound, but going off the grid right now isn’t really an option, not with Martine the way she is. So what I’ll actually do is anyone’s guess.”

  “You’ve done an amazing job for us, Hal.” She grasped his wrist as he looked away sheepishly. “I’m serious. Bringing you aboard was the smartest move I ever made. Any company would be lucky to have you, including Pinnacle. I could try to make that happen if you want.”

  “Yeah, I thought about it.” He slowly twirled his drink bef
ore tossing it back. “The problem is what I’ve always liked most about my job—in fact, the reason I took it in the first place—is working with you. It wouldn’t be the same without you across the hall, or Andy running up and down the stairs. Premier’s always been a family thing to me.”

  Anna’s heart broke a little to think of starting a new endeavor without Hal’s steadying hand and unwavering support. She couldn’t love him more if they’d been blood. “Believe me, I get it. All my memories there are tied in with my grandfather and then Dad. And now Andy and you.” She looked up. “Speaking of Dad, there he is.”

  At seventy-four, George Kaklis was a handsome man, tanned and fit from playing golf, and still with a full head of white hair. He’d always been particular about his dress, even after retiring from the car business. Today he wore a navy sport coat with a yellow tie and pocket square.

  She stood to greet him with a kiss on the cheek. “You’re looking dapper.” It struck her too late as the wrong thing to say since he probably had an afternoon date with Lois Townes.

  He paused to order a Chivas XV on the rocks, a top shelf scotch. “Just came from Dr. Adams’s office. My annual checkup.”

  “Everything all right, George?” Hal asked.

  “Eh, you know how these doctors are. If you hate something, you need more of it. But if you like it, well…you can’t have it anymore.”

  “Let me guess,” Anna said. “Exercise and salt, in that order.”

  “Same thing year after year, like a broken record. But you know me. I’ll just go about my business and a year from now I’ll pretend I got it backward.” He slapped his chest. “Never felt better.”

  It was true what Kim and Lily had said. Her father was healthy and full of life. Fate had dealt him a cruel blow, taking first her mother and now Martine.

  The waiter returned with his cocktail and took their lunch order.

  “So what’s this all about?” her father asked. “Before you answer, I’m not coming back to work, so forget it.”