The Rocker That Holds Me

by Terri Anne Browning

  If so I hated to tell them that I couldn’t use the Jacuzzi because I was pregnant. But that they had been so thoughtful warmed my heart. Smiling I used the bathroom then took a quick shower. My stomach was grumbling for food for once and I had this crazy craving for bacon and cheese grits.

  Downstairs I found the gourmet kitchen with its beautiful granite counter tops and the stainless steel appliances. As requested the fridge and pantry were well stocked with food and soft drinks. But I couldn’t find any bacon or grits anywhere. I hadn’t requested those items, hadn’t even had grits since I was a little girl.

  My stomach growled and I sighed. Nothing else sounded appealing. I didn’t know if I could bring myself to eat anything if I couldn’t have my bacon and cheese grits. Pulling out a Sprite I opened the bottle and took a small sip.

  “Morning, Em.” Shane came in through the sliding doors that lead outside. He was covered in sweat having just finished a run on the beach. “How are you feeling?” He asked as he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

  “I’m hungry.” I told him with a small pout.

  “That’s good news.” He dropped down onto a chair at the kitchen table. “Can you fix me something too?”

  “We don’t have any grits.” There was a wobble in my voice and crazily enough a tear escaped my left eye. I was going to cry over not getting grits? What the hell!

  Shane, seeing my tears was quick to soothe me. He took my hands and gave them a little squeeze. “So make something else, sweetheart.”

  I shook my head. “I want grits.” I whispered. “I guess it’s some crazy pregnancy craving because I don’t think I could eat anything else. I want bacon and cheese grits…Just like my mom would make when she was actually sober.” My chest hurt just thinking about my mom, causing some deep seated pain to come loose and I started sobbing.

  Poor Shane was at a loss. I heard footsteps rushing into the kitchen. Jesse’s angry voice demanded to know what was going on and then his strong arms wrapped around me. “Em? What’s wrong honey?”

  But I couldn’t answer him so I just buried my face in his neck and continued to sob. I hadn’t cried for my mom when she had died. At the time I had been so relieved. She was a monster of the worst kind. I was subjected to beatings on a regular basis. Growing up in a trailer were there were always half empty liquor bottles laying around with crack pipes and heroin needles, it was a wonder that I had turned out half normal.

  “She wants some grits.” I heard Shane telling Jesse. “With bacon and cheese like her mom used to make.”

  “Well go get her some damned grits and bacon, Shane!” Jesse yelled, exasperated. He lifted me and then sat and put me on his lap. I heard Shane scrambling around then slamming the back door as he raced out.

  “Emmie, it’s okay. We will get you your grits, sweetheart.” He was rocking me now, his voice the one he used for hurt little things.

  I shook my head. “It won’t be the same. It won’t taste the same. She made it so good. I loved those grits. They were my favorite.”

  “Oh, Emmie.” He blew out a frustrated sigh. “Honey, she was barely coherent ninety five percent of the time. Why are you even thinking about her now?”

  “I don’t know.” I sobbed harder. “She was evil and I shouldn’t let her invade my mind. But…she was my mom, Jesse.” My nose was running and without thinking I wiped it on his shoulder as he continued to rock my shaking body. “All I can think about is how much I want a bowl of her bacon and cheese grits.”

  “Okay, sweetheart. I swear we will get you some, and I will slave over the damned things until they taste just the way you want them…Just please stop crying. You’re tearing me apart.” There was the slightest quiver in his voice and I raised my head to see that his big brown eyes were damp.

  My sobbing stopped. I didn’t realize that my pain was his pain too. “S-s-sorry.”

  “Is this part of those pregnancy hormones that I heard about?” He asked running a hand over his bald head. “Cause if it is I don’t think I will survive this shit long.”

  A laugh escaped me. “I guess so…I never think about my mom. This is so messed up.” I didn’t like it. Hated that I had spent even a second crying over that evil bitch. Grimacing I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands and noticed that Jesse’s shirt was soaked with tears and snot. “Oh. Sorry about your shirt.”

  He pulled it over his head and used it to dry my face. “It’s only a shirt, honey. There, now that’s better. My pretty Emmie is back again.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and moved so that I was again sitting on my own and he was standing. “I need coffee.”

  Jesse went about making a huge pot of potent coffee. The smell filled the whole house and soon Drake was stumbling into the kitchen, half blind with sleep as he poured himself a cup of Jesse’s special blend. The stuff was so thick that it was like swallowing Jell-O. I only ever drank it once. My stomach had cramped for hours and I felt like I was on speed. Never touched the stuff again!

  Nik was just joining us, a pair of sleep pants hanging off his lean hips, when Shane came in with two shopping bags. He seemed more out of breath now than after his run. “I bought all the grits they had, Em. One of each type. I didn’t know if we had cheese or what kind you wanted. So I got several different kinds. And I hope that’s enough bacon.”

  I threw my arms around him, not caring that he was still drenched in sweat. “Thanks, Shane.” He had completely gone overboard but he was so sweet, getting me what I wanted because I had been so upset.

  He kissed my cheek. “Anything as long as you are happy, sweetheart.”

  “What’s that about grits?” Nik asked, adding sugar to his mug of coffee. “I’m starving.”

  “Em wants some bacon and cheese grits.” Jesse said as he opened a pack of bacon and tossed it into a pan on the stove. “So Em is getting bacon and cheese grits.” He winked at me as he started putting the rest of the groceries away. “Just the way her momma made.”

  Chapter 11

  With my belly full of Jesse’s grit, which had turned out pretty spectacular even if they hadn’t tasted like my mother’s, I decided to spend the rest of the morning laying down by the beach. We had about a quarter mile of private beach and I took advantage.

  Drake carried a lounger down for me while I took an umbrella so that I didn’t get too much sun exposure. With a book in my hand and a bottle of cold water in my drink holder I was set. I had picked up the book What To Expect When Expecting the day before at the airport but hadn’t gotten far past the first few pages.

  To say I was terrified about the baby was a minor understatement. But I was dealing with it. At least I was feeling better today than I had in what felt like forever. My nausea had seemed to calm down and even though I was tired I felt more rested.

  The guys left me alone for a while. Drake had mumbled something about going back to bed after he had so kindly carried the heavy lounger down for me. I was glad for the time on my own, something I rarely got. It felt good to stretch out, with the warm sun on me and not having to worry about my guys.

  Around noon I tossed my book on the lounger and stood. I felt like I was starving and the thought of a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato and bacon sounded heavenly. As I entered the house from the side door that lead into the living room I found Shane and Nik watching Sports Center on the ninety inch flat screen against the far wall.

  “You guys hungry?” I asked as I passed the sectional on my way to the bathroom. I needed to pee like…Well like a pregnant woman! My bladder felt like it was the size of a watermelon it was so full.

  “I could eat.” Shane told me. “What ya making?”

  “Sandwiches.” I called, rushing into the bathroom. When I sat down it felt so good to relieve myself that I actually moaned.

  After I washed my hands I went straight to the kitchen and started frying more bacon. I guess that was going to be my go to crave food, but I was okay with that. Bacon is awesome! I made a platter of sandwiches
. BLTs, grilled cheese, turkey clubs. I was shoving a bacon strip in my mouth when Nik walked in.

  “God, it smells good in here.” He pulled a beer from the fridge and popped the top off. “That ocean air makes a man hungry.”

  I rolled my eyes at him, grinning. “Really? And when have you been outside to smell that ocean air?” He grinned sheepishly and picked up a BLT. “Pig.”

  “Can I help it that you make the best sandwiches in the world?” He pulled me close with his free hand. Those ice blue eyes captured mine and I was entrapped in their beautiful depths.

  His hand stroked down my side, making my heart stop. I wasn’t used to Nik touching me like this. I have craved it, yes. But up till that moment I had never thought I would be on the receiving end of his caressing touches. When his hand drifted over my hip, the one with my tattoo, and pulled me closer to his side I went willingly.

  I raised my hand and touched his chest. His heart was racing. The heat of his skin burnt me and I leaned in, wanting to taste the skin exposed by his tee shirt just above his collar bone. I wanted to lick up his neck and nibble on his ear. I wanted…

  “Lunch.” Drake rubbed his hands together as he came into the kitchen, his hair crazy from his long nap. “Awesome, I haven’t had a grilled cheese in forever.”

  Feeling weak I pulled away from Nik. He dropped his hand down by his side, his jaw tight. I put Drake a plate together and handed him a bag of chips before putting my own sandwich together. My heart was beating me to death and my fingers trembled as I stacked bacon and tomatoes on my grilled cheese.

  The other’s came in and we all sat down to have another meal together. This was nice, truly wonderful. We rarely got to eat like this. It was always take out and on the run, never homemade and never together. This vacation was already worth every penny that I had hated spending.

  --

  Naps are wonderful. Sleep is divine.

  I have slept more in the last two days than I have in weeks. Yesterday I fell asleep out on my lounger after lunch. Then this morning I slept in until noon after going to bed at barely eight o’clock the night before. Now it is barely three in the afternoon and my eyes are already feeling heavy.

  Yawning I tossed my book on the beach towel beside my lounger and stretched my arms above my head. As I do the material of my bikini top stretches and I notice something that I have been blind to up until that moment. My boobs are huge! They are at least a cup size bigger than what I would normally be. This news delights me and I grin as I close my eyes. This pregnancy thing isn’t so bad after all…

  Cool droplets hit my skin and I shriek as I set up on the lounger, pulled from my blissful sleep. With a glare at Nik I shoved my sun glasses up off my face and into my hair. “You ass!”

  He chuckled in that deep, deliciously sexy way of his and dropped down beside of me on the lounger. His wet swim trunks press against my bare, warm thigh and I smacked him on the stomach. “You’re freezing, Nik. Is the water really that cold?”

  “Nah. Feels good to me.” He took my glasses off my head and pulled them over his eyes. “This is nice.” He moved his arm so that my head was pillowed on his shoulder instead of the rolled up beach towel I had been using. His chest was cold to me but I snuggled closer until my head was on his chest. “Let’s buy a house on the beach. Not that one, but something similar to it. Bigger.”

  I let my arm wrap around his waist, content to be in his arms. “Really?”

  He nodded. “I like the beach. And you seem happy here. We can’t live in a tour bus and hotel rooms forever, Em. Especially now.” His fingers stroked up and down my arm. “Would you like to live in Florida or California?”

  “I don’t care.” And I didn’t. As long as I had everyone that I loved with me, I could have lived in a cardboard box for all I cared.

  “I’ll call Rich later and have him find us a realtor. I want us to have our own house before the summer is over. And I want to tell him that the tour for the fall is off. We can’t be traveling so much with you seven months pregnant.”

  My head snapped up. “Wait. What? You can’t cancel the tour.”

  “Sure I can. You can’t tour with us that pregnant, Em. And I’m not going to leave you at home like that. Rich will get over it.” He made it sound so reasonable, but it only made me feel guilty. He was canceling something huge, for me. I couldn’t let him make sacrifices like that.

  “Nik…”

  He pushed my sunglasses up into his hair. “Don’t argue with me, Emmie. Nothing you say is going to change my mind. There are more important things than a stupid fucking tour.”

  I think I fell in love with him all over again in that moment. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face as I went back to resting my head against his hard muscled chest. “Whatever you say, Nik.”

  “That’s right, woman.” We both laughed and then I felt his lips in my hair. “Let’s take a nap. I’m exhausted.”

  “Good idea.” I shifted so that my leg was entwined with both of his.

  “Then we can go get some dinner.” His fingers tangled in my hair as he massaged my scalp. “Just you and me.”

  That had my head rising again. “Like…a date?”

  There was a smile on his perfect, kiss me lips. “Just like a date, baby girl.”

  Chapter 12

  How was it that I had no clothes to wear?

  I have jeans, and shirts, and underwear. But I have nothing that I would deem sexy, or date worthy. The jeans were expensive but old, with tears that were not supposed to be there, and frayed from so many washes. My shirts were all tee shirts and nine out of ten of them had Demon’s Wings logos on them. My bras and panties are all cotton and the least sexy things I have ever seen.

  With a sob I flop on my bed and stare at my now disaster of a room. All my clothes have been tossed from my cases around the room. There is even a bra hanging from the head of my bed.

  I can’t go out on my first date with Nik, fuck my first date EVER in jeans and a tee shirt!

  There was a sharp tap on my closed bedroom door before it opened and Nik stuck his head in. “Hey babe, you ready..?” His voice trailed off and his eyes got huge when he saw the mess I had made of my room in the last fifteen minutes. “Em?”

  Another sob escaped me. “I have nothing to wear.”

  His brows rose in that adorable way I love so much and he walked fully into the room. “Your room suggests differently, baby. What’s the matter?”

  “All I have is stupid jeans and most of my shirts have Demon’s Wings logos on them. I don’t own one freaking dress! Not even a skirt. All my panties are made of cotton and my bras are boring.” I grabbed my pillow and hugged it against my chest.

  He cocked his head to the side. “And you want a dress and skirts, and underwear that aren’t boring? Although to tell you the truth that bra hanging from your bed post is pretty fucking hot.”

  I shot him a glare. “I want something I can wear on our date that you will want to tear off of me with your teeth. I want to be sexy!”

  His nostrils flared and he turned away. Before I could even think about what he was doing he had locked the door behind him and was suddenly in front of me. “Stand up, Em.” When I didn’t move he took hold of my hands and pulled me to my feet. Gentle fingers lifted my chin, forcing me to meet that intense ice blue gaze of his. “Have I ever lied to you, baby girl?”

  Biting my lip I shook my head. Nik has always told me the truth. Maybe he had kept things from me, but he has never lied to me. Ever.

  “Then listen to me, because I don’t want to repeat myself, okay?” I nodded, captivated by the way he was looking down at me from his six foot three height. “You are the sexiest woman I have ever met. You don’t need more than a pair of ripped jeans, tattered shirt, and ragged underwear and I want to strip you with my teeth. Fuck girl, you make me hard just by being in the same room. If I smell your perfume, or whatever it is that you wear that makes you smell so amazing, I can’t walk straight.”r />
  I forgot how to breathe. All my brain power was focused on his lips as they formed those deeply, insanely endearing words. “If you want those things then we will get them. Tonight, tomorrow. Whenever you want. But don’t get them unless you want them, because I want you more now standing there in that too big shirt and those cutoff jeans than I ever would in some dress or lingerie.”

  “R-really?” My voice came out all breathy.

  “Really.” He traced the waist band of my jeans, making my head swim with desire. “So what do you want, Em? Want me to take you shopping?”

  “Yes.” Because I still didn’t feel sexy despite his words. My tongue licked my parched lips. “But…tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” His voice lowered, took on that seductive quality I remembered from our stolen night together. “So our date is off?”

  I shook my head. “No, I just want to skip dinner and fast forward to the kiss goodnight.” And this time I wanted to bask in the fact that he really knew it was me that he was kissing. “And maybe see how talented you are at stripping me with those teeth of yours.”

  He grinned predatorily, causing me to shiver deliciously. “I think I can oblige the lady.”

  --

  Alright, I will be the first one to say that having sex with Nik was not a smart idea. But damn if it wasn’t the best idea I have ever had. That man has talent, this I knew from our first night together. Man can use his tongue in a way that makes me beg for mercy.

  Our first night together had nothing on last night. Maybe it was because I didn’t have to feel guilty for taking advantage. Or having to hide how I really felt about him. Perhaps it was because this time he was sober and cried out my name when he came, instead of ‘baby’. Or maybe it was because afterwards, instead of passing out on me he instead turned me so that my back was against his chest and cuddled me until I fell asleep in his arms.