Puddle Jumping

by Amber L. Johnson

  I’ll say it again: News travels fast.

  But none of it mattered. Because I was finally seeing a little glimpse of who Colton was.

  I slept well that night, knowing I’d be picking him up for school in the morning. Single.

  The first time I picked Colton up for school, I got up early to put on a little more makeup. I straightened my hair a little extra. And I wore a skirt.

  What can I say? My legs are impressive.

  See, it wasn’t that I had started out with the intention of having something more with him. It was like it was ingrained in me, somehow. He brought out this very basic desire in me to be a girl. A better girl. One who could hold the attentions of someone like him. So, it wasn’t like I was thinking to go out of my way to do those things that morning, I just kind of did them because I wanted to.

  Just because I was attracted to him didn’t mean our friendship had to suffer. It was what would come first, regardless of my feelings.

  I met Mrs. Neely at the door and I swear to you she took one look at my glossy lips and bare knees and the woman just knew. Moms are creepy like that sometimes. But I played it off and she pointed me to the room above the garage where Colton was rearranging some pieces.

  It had been a while since I’d seen his stuff up close and it took my breath away at how far he’d come since the time I saw the paintings at the fair. Compliments tripped out of my mouth as I looked them over but he didn’t seem like they really mattered. In fact, it wasn’t until I mentioned a canvas that was broken in half and twisted in the corner of the room that he even really responded to me at all.

  “What happened?” It just looked mangled.

  Colton glanced at it and sighed, looking away again as he finished packing his book bag. “I was upset when I couldn’t get the eyes right.”

  The brown edges of the picture were calling me to investigate further, but it was in my best interest to tone my stalking down, just a smidge, so I ignored it. Plus, he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about it. At all.

  We rode together in silence that felt like a million pulses of static up my arms and neck. It was such a short ride that I didn’t want to ask him more about art for fear I wouldn’t get him to stop when we got to the parking lot, but according to my research, any other questions would have gotten me one word answers.

  Like, “Do you like music?” could get a response of ‘yes’ and that would have been it.

  It was such a stressful moment that I couldn’t get my hands to stop shaking on the steering wheel and eventually talked myself into believing the silence was probably best so he could just get used to riding with me.

  I’m not a very good driver, if I’m being completely candid.

  The day went better than expected and by the time lunch rolled around I hadn’t really given any thought to where I would sit. Harper had tried to talk to me in first period about Joseph but I told her I didn’t want to get into it at school. I wasn’t really sure if she was going to try and strong-arm me into sitting at the table and force me to hash it all out in public.

  Instead, she sent me a text right before I got there letting me know she was skipping out to meet with a junior in the parking lot.

  I didn’t even think twice about going to sit with Colton and his friends. I just did it.

  Quinn’s eyes darted back and forth between Colton and me a hell of a lot. She’d worn this knowing look on her face the entire lunch period as I pretended to listen to Marissa ramble and switch topics faster than a meth addict with a remote would change channels between hits. I smirked a little, too, when I noticed Colton’s stare fixated on my thighs halfway through a conversation. It just reinforced the fact he was a regular boy, regardless of whatever obstacle he might have been born with that stopped him from showing it as boldly as someone else.

  English was even better because I got to sit next to him as Mr. Mercer taught, and I could hear him talking under his breath every once in a while when the teacher said something wrong, or grammatically incorrect.

  He’d clearly had some incredible tutors.

  Butterflies exploded in my stomach when I drove him to his class at the college, and after walking him inside, it was determined it would be better for me to wait in the hallway so Colton didn’t feel more awkward having me there. Everyone else in the room was on a level playing field. They could have jumped back a few steps in their progress with my presence.

  I waited for the hour he was inside, playing on my phone, wondering what he was learning.

  He appeared by my side immediately after the doors were opened, and he had this weird look on his face, like he was purposely unaffected. His hands were pushed into his pockets again and I remember vividly that the front of his yellow t-shirt was haphazardly tucked behind his belt buckle while he nodded toward me once in acknowledgement.

  “Are you ready to go home?” I asked, wondering if I should take him straight there or offer to get him some dinner.

  But his response made my mouth hang open in shock.

  “Whatever.”

  I blinked and pressed my lips together, trying to form a response. “Whatever?”

  “Yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

  And then he looked at me and the corner of his mouth pulled up into a sly smile. “They taught us that tonight to help us blend in with our peers.”

  It made my heart leap out of my chest and I had to resist the urge to hug him and laugh all at once because he looked so damn cute and a little proud as he said it. Instead, I stood and gave him an awkward double thumbs’ up of approval.

  “You totally nailed it,” I told him, my own smile creeping up on me until I couldn’t hide it anymore.

  It felt like the beginning of something incredible.

  I learned pretty quickly Colton’s mind worked in literal terms and I would have to watch the way I spoke to him if I wanted to effectively communicate.

  It was the small stuff that made me wonder how I could help him interact with other kids aside from his core group at the lunch table. They all seemed to know how to talk to him in terms he could work with. Well, except for Marissa who talked so fast I think Colton usually blocked her out like she was background noise or a humming in his brain. Especially since she never asked any questions.

  It became my whole mission in life to make it as easy on him as possible. Maybe I should have thought about how hard it would be, but at the time I could barely even imagine it.

  He seemed to settle into our new routine of me picking him up and dropping him off each day. Every time I would pull up to his house, I would chant in my brain for him to ask me to come inside. To invite me upstairs. But he never did.

  A couple weeks later, after one of his PEERS classes, he sat on the ride home in his usual detached silence that I was becoming accustomed to.

  I asked him how the class went and instead of answering he blurted out loudly, “Lilly. May I have your phone number to call you later this evening?”

  Yeah, I was as shocked as you are. Believe me.

  I said, “Of course.” Followed by a very firm, “Yes.”

  It made me smile when he’d actually looked less tense after I answered. “Our homework is to start a conversation. I would feel most comfortable doing that with you, if you don’t mind.” Eyes still straight forward. Body language still stiff.

  I said the only thing that popped into my mind. “You can do anything with me, Colton.”

  Trust me, he didn’t quite get the innuendo, but my red as hell cheeks sure did. He just thanked me quietly and said goodbye as he exited the car, stating that he would call me at eight o’clock.

  I was thrilled. Ecstatic, even. Girly squeals were trapped in my throat as I rushed into my bedroom and tried to focus on anything other than his impending phone call, but it was no use. I pretty much stared at my phone for two hours wondering if the AT&T satellite had actually bitten the dust, or if I had suddenly developed a dead space in my bedroom that was stopping me from receiving
outside phone calls.

  Turns out it wasn’t either of those things. Colton simply needed to finish his nightly routine before attempting to call me. Any semblance of normalcy would kind of counteract going out of his comfort zone that night.

  But he did call. He called at exactly eight o’clock. And after an initial awkward start, and feeling like I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, we settled into a nice conversation. That night I realized he was just another seventeen-year-old boy, one who happened to be high functioning, and just wanted to be seen as a regular guy.

  He trusted me implicitly to be his friend, and I was doing my best. But I was falling for him, and falling for him fast.

  The realization made my heart hurt and also caused a sense of nervousness to settle deep in my gut. It came down to the simple truth that I could do all I could to learn about him and what he needed, but would it be possible for him to do the same?

  Nothing in my life up until that point had even been close to being as confusing as that particular scenario. It was like it was happening inside me way too fast, yet it had been set up for seven years to be that way. He’d always been there, regardless of whether I allowed myself to think of him. I’d always been in the back of his mind, whether he could tell me that or not.

  That evening we talked about music and I realized we basically had the same taste when it came to that, except he was also really into classical, which I waffled on learning about at some point. There were some things my brain just wouldn’t accept.

  He talked a little about movies, but it didn’t seem to be something he was very interested in. He liked architecture, and of course, he loved art. I mentioned going to a museum and he’d barely responded so, I’d changed my approach by saying I would like him to take me to a museum one day. That seemed to do the trick and I made mental notes to converse with him in a no-nonsense and straight forward way. But I promised to never force him to do something he didn’t want to do. I trusted that he’d say no if he needed to.

  It would be hard for me, since I was used to being able to have people read the tone of my voice, or the look on my face. This was completely foreign to him. But it was a bit of a rush knowing I would be on the same uncharted ground as he was. We were almost on a level playing field at that point and it was scary but refreshing at the same time. I could learn right along with him. I could learn him.

  I knew it didn’t matter what other people said about me if I was going to pursue him in other ways. I just needed to know how to be strong in order to face any judgment that might occur. One thing was for certain, I needed to talk to someone who had been in the same position I was.

  I didn’t even have to ask. Quinn did first.

  She walked by as I was leaving Colton in the Resources class and pulled on my arm. “Walk with me.”

  In the library, she sat me down across from her, tilted her head, and got straight to the point.

  “You want to date Colton, don’t you?”

  “Yes.” It was so nice not to hold it inside anymore. And then I started rattling off all of these questions about how I should go about it and the what- ifs involved. But right before I thought I’d run out of breath, she cut me off.

  “Whoa. Hold on.” Her hand was in the air again as I stopped mid-sentence and pressed my lips together. I clearly remember they were shaking and I worried I was going to bite straight through them if she didn’t let me finish.

  “You like Colton.”

  I nodded.

  “And you want to date him.”

  I shrugged that time because it was too soon to say yes, but . . . hell yeah, I did.

  “But you’re afraid that . . . what? People are going to make fun of you, so you want my opinion on how to deal?”

  It sounded so shallow, really. But I wanted Colton to be seen as more than this diagnosis, only I didn’t know how to do it.

  Her face was super serious while she thought. “Dating Sawyer isn’t like dating Colton.”

  “I know. But no two couples are the same, right?” The knot in my stomach was making me nauseous because I didn’t want to come across as a bitch about any of it. “Do any of your friends know Sawyer is in that class? Because I didn’t have a clue before I saw him on the first day of school. And if so, how do they treat him? Or you? How do you make them see he’s not different?”

  It was then that she finally got it.

  “The squad knows. His teammates know. And I think at first they were making fun of him a little, but he’s not any different than he was before they found out. He’s funny and smart.” Her eyes on me made me pay closer attention. “You have no idea how smart he is. And kind.”

  “Is that why you eat at their table? Because I never noticed that before, either.”

  She nodded. “Sure. Why would you have? Not a lot of people go out of their way for them. But Sawyer will. He’s all about breaking the stigma. We could eat anywhere in the cafeteria, but they’re his friends. He’s like a big brother in some ways and feels like it’s his duty to set an example.”

  “That’s exactly what I want to do.” It was the truth. I wanted everyone to see how amazing they were. I already knew it. I was just waiting for everyone else to get a clue.

  And then she said the most profound words I’d ever heard.

  “You’d like to think it’s a choice to love him, but it’s not, Lilly. You’ve already decided. I can see it on your face.”

  I knew she was right. There was nothing inside me that could imagine it being any different. I wanted to be there with them and I didn’t care what anyone had to say or who thought what about any of it.

  “You want people to stop thinking he’s different? Get him involved with your friends so they can see him like you do. Let them see the Colton you’re falling so hard for. I guarantee they’ll all get it in due time. He’s really amazing.” She smiled with that last sentence before leaving me alone in the library to mull over her words.

  It was that night that I invited Harper over to discuss everything openly. At first, she seemed confused, thinking I had started to hang out with Colton out of some type of obligation because we knew each other when we were younger. And because he saved my life, twice.

  “You broke up with your boyfriend in order to date Colton?” It was like I had given her a Rubik’s cube to work on, she was so confused.

  “I didn’t say ‘date’ yet, but I’m really . . . I like him. A lot.”

  She nodded a little and then leaned back on her elbows to appraise me. “He’s cuter than Joseph. But he’s weird, Lilly.”

  “He’s not weird. He’s just not exactly like you. But, let’s face it, neither am I. I think if I can get him to be comfortable around you and some other people, it would really, really help him come out of his shell and you’d see how incredible he is just like I do.”

  Right about the time I finished that sentence; she looked like she understood my intent. And it reminded me why we were friends in the first place.

  “Then bring him to the bake sale prep tomorrow after school. Maybe he’ll like helping us make cupcakes and cookies? It’ll be social, I promise.”

  My heart swelled at her ability to just accept what I wanted and to be on board with me. I threw my arms around her, tackling her on top of my bed, thanking her over and over as I made plans in my head to proposition Colton to hang out with us the next day.

  It was a fine line to walk.

  I mean, I could have asked him with the result being he immediately said no and went home to do his routine as he did every other night.

  Or, I could tell him to come, but risk feeling like I was forcing him.

  I was an utter wreck by the time I pulled up to his house the next morning. It wasn’t something I wanted to ask him over the phone. Not that it mattered all that much if he could see my face when I asked. It mattered that I could see his.

  Mrs. Neely ushered me through the front door and I greeted her as I did every morning. But instead of heading straight up the sta
irs to the art room, I decided to run it by her that I was planning on inviting Colton to stay afterward for the bake sale meeting. She seemed initially shocked, and almost a little worried.

  “He may not like it, Lilly. Be prepared to have to leave. Quickly.”

  I was pretty sure I understood what she meant. “I know. I just want him to be able to do things other than his PEERS class and his art after school. You said he wanted to make friends . . .”

  Her expression got really soft and she leaned in just a little closer than normal. I remember how gentle her fingertips felt against my cheek before she tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and then slid her palm under my chin to look into my eyes.

  “Thank you,” she’d murmured. “But, Lilly? Remember this is all new to him. And he’s younger than you.”

  I couldn’t hide the stupid blush in my cheeks as I’d replied, “This is new for me, too. And trust me, Colton’s only younger than me in age.”

  She laughed and seemed satisfied I wasn’t going into anything blindly. When I went up to his art room, I pushed the nerves aside and clenched my sweaty fists to gather my courage.

  He was at the desk, packing his books. I knocked lightly on the open door and he gave me a small smile before zipping his bag closed.

  It sounded so damn loud over the heartbeat in my ears.

  “Colton?” My voice was shaking and I hated it but I pressed on. “Harper has asked me to bring you with me to work on some items for the bake sale after school today. Your mom said it was okay.” He was just staring at me. “Will you come with me?”

  He nodded. He decided he wanted to. It was enough for me.

  School crawled by at half speed and I thought I would die if the last bell didn’t ring because I was so worked up over how things could potentially go. I had made up a million scenarios in my head: good and bad.

  But I knew Harper and there was nothing inside me that thought she would be anything but nice to Colton. He seemed more tense than usual when I met him at my locker, and as we moved toward the Home Ec room, I had to fight the urge to grab his hand and link our fingers.