A Little Learning

by Anne Bennett

  TWENTY-THREE

  Later Janet was to think that that week was the longest she had ever spent. When she phoned the hospital the next morning, they told her that Ben had spent a comfortable night and would probably be discharged later that day.

  Janet decided to visit him. She had to know if he’d kept her name and Simon’s out of the incident, and she also had to talk to him and get him to understand that it was Simon she was in love with, not him.

  He looked remarkably well, she thought, despite the two black eyes and the swollen nose he was sporting, and he smiled when he saw Janet framed in the doorway. ‘You’re a sight for sore eyes,’ he said, and added, ‘And they are sore. Simon can sure pack a punch.’

  ‘Ssh,’ Janet said, looking round at the other patients.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Ben assured her. ‘I told the hospital I was jumped on as I left the pub and it was too dark to see who by. I’ve kept you both out of it. That’s the story Ruth and Phillip have too, and my parents and Aaron, who have all been to see me.’

  ‘It was your own fault, you know,’ Janet said sharply. ‘To be found kissing me was bad enough, but to say what you said about loving me was just done to annoy and hurt.’

  ‘Even if it’s true.’

  ‘But it’s not true.’

  ‘It is for me.’

  ‘Oh, stop it, Ben, for heaven’s sake,’ Janet said in exasperation. ‘Look, let’s face facts. Once, I’ll grant you, we were in love, but we were very young. I wasn’t more than a child, and we wanted different things from life. Even if there had been no Therese Steinaway, there’s no guarantee it would have worked out for us.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘Let me finish, Ben,’ Janet said. ‘But there is a Therese Steinaway in this. You married her and you have a son. Whether you love your wife or not is immaterial. She’s your responsibility and so is your child.’

  ‘Janet, I’ve never stopped loving you.’

  ‘That’s not my problem,’ Janet said harshly. ‘Look, you told me that Therese’s father virtually owns everything you have, enabling you to enjoy a lifestyle you couldn’t afford on your salary alone. Well, he might be the benevolent sort, but I doubt he’d continue to support you that way if you were to divorce his daughter to marry someone else.’

  ‘We could work something out.’

  ‘We couldn’t do any such thing,’ Janet said, ‘because I don’t want to. I love Simon and I’m going to marry him. What happened between us was a mistake.’

  ‘You can’t deny you didn’t enjoy it.’

  ‘I never tried to deny that.’

  ‘So you admit there is something between us?’

  ‘In a way,’ Janet said. ‘You were my first love and so will probably always be special, but I don’t love you deeply as I do Simon.’ She hoped that Ben believed her, for she knew she was fooling herself. She did feel something very deep for this charming and self-centred man in the hospital bed.

  ‘So lover boy is back, is he?’ Ben said sulkily. ‘He’s forgiven you, I suppose?’

  ‘Of course,’ Janet said. ‘I made him see it meant nothing. Look,’ she added, ‘I’ll have to go. They just let me come in for a few minutes, and soon your family will be here to take you home, and I don’t want to run into them.’

  She also wanted to get away from Ben, because she had been lying when she’d said that Simon had forgiven her. In fact, he hadn’t returned, and she had no idea where he was. She thought he might make contact over the weekend, and apart from the short visit to the hospital she didn’t dare leave the flat, instead tried to clean the bloodstains from the carpet and the splashes from the fender and the table. When Simon returned, she wanted no reminder of Ben left in the flat.

  By Sunday night she was frantic and she phoned Simon’s parents to see if he was there. ‘No, dear,’ his mother said. ‘I thought he was with you.’

  ‘No,’ said Janet in a dejected tone, ‘no, he isn’t.’

  ‘Have you had a fall-out?’

  ‘Sort of,’ Janet said, wondering what the woman would say if she’d known that Simon, incensed at seeing her in the arms of another, had lashed out and landed the man in hospital.

  ‘Well, he’s not run home to mother, dear,’ Mrs Webster said with a chuckle.

  ‘No,’ Janet said. ‘I don’t suppose you have the address of Kenny’s new flat?’

  ‘I had no idea he’d moved.’

  ‘He needed a cheaper place, you know … when, um, when Simon moved out,’ Janet said, hoping that Simon’s parents were aware they were living together.

  ‘Yes,’ Mrs Webster said. ‘I did know you were together, that’s why I said I thought he was with you.’

  ‘Well, he was, but we had a row and he walked out.’

  ‘He’ll be back, never fear,’ Mrs Webster said, and Janet agreed that yes, he probably would.

  On Monday she phoned Simon’s office, only to be told he was on a week’s leave. She had drawn a blank again and just had to wait, but she knew she had to keep away from Ben, for he was right, there was something between them. But there was something deeper and stronger between her and Simon, and she had no wish to hurt him further so she’d steer clear of Ben in the future, and if that meant keeping away from Ruth too, well, then she would. She phoned Ruth the following day to tell her that with all the wedding arrangements she wouldn’t have time to go over to her house, but would work on her sections of the book at the flat and they could pool their contributions later.

  In fact Janet had no wedding planning to do at all. Betty had it all in hand, with Linda, Sally and Brendan’s twins Finolla and Mairead as bridesmaids. Janet would have preferred a smaller affair, but Betty said she was her eldest daughter and would be married in style or not at all.

  Janet knew she should phone her mother. She usually rang at least a couple of times a week, especially if she couldn’t visit. She knew the family would think it strange, but how could she ring them or go and see them as miserable as she was?

  She decided to write to Claire. That, at least, was something positive that had come out of Ben’s visit. However, before she could get down to it, a letter arrived for her from Canada. In it, Claire explained that Ruth had written to her and told her about Janet’s job. She asked how Janet was coping and congratulated her on the forthcoming wedding. They were making plans to come back to England soon, Claire continued, and she was dying to see Janet again.

  Janet cried over the letter. She’d missed her friend so much and this, the first contact in years, had come when she most needed it. Janet thought it brilliant news that Claire was coming back to England, for she longed to see her again. She sat down immediately to write back. She felt she could hardly fill this first letter with an account of the argument with Simon, so in the end she hardly mentioned him at all, instead telling Claire about Meadowbank School, outlining the problems she was having and finishing by saying how much she was looking forward to seeing her again.

  As she walked out to post the letter, she decided that enough was enough. She couldn’t let her relationship with Simon drift on as it had been doing or there would be no wedding for Claire to come back for, so she decided that if Simon hadn’t contacted her by Sunday night, she’d phone him at work again on Monday morning.

  Simon, in fact, had been having similar thoughts. At first he’d thought to let Janet stew for a bit, but after a week his anger had cooled and he’d realised they’d have to see each other and do some straight talking. He knew who the man was – he’d known even before Janet had spoken his name and he’d heard the slight American drawl in his voice. He was damned if he was going to let Ben Hayman come here and pinch his girl from under his nose. And as for him saying that they loved each other, that was plain stupid. The man had been in America and he was fairly certain Janet had not seen him before that night. He lived with her, for goodness’ sake, and he’d have known if she’d been carrying on with anyone. Kenny said that women were crafty bitches and past masters at making f
ools of men, but Kenny was just bitter.

  Anyway, thought Simon angrily, what could Ben Hayman – a married man and a father too – offer Janet? He didn’t want her, except as his bit of fluff on the side. Janet deserved better than that.

  Janet was cautiously pleased to hear his voice when he phoned on Friday night. ‘Oh, Simon, I’ve missed you,’ she said in a voice barely above a whisper and very near to tears. Simon heard the love in her voice and it gave him heart, but he wasn’t going to just pretend the incident in the flat hadn’t happened.

  ‘Well, you know whose fault that was,’ he said. ‘What did you expect me to do?’

  ‘I know, I know,’ Janet said.

  ‘I suppose he was all right after I’d hit him?’ Simon said. He didn’t much care, but he felt he had to ask.

  ‘Eventually,’ Janet said. ‘I had to take him to hospital in a taxi.’

  ‘You did?’ Simon thundered.

  ‘There wasn’t anyone else,’ Janet said defensively. ‘I couldn’t leave him lying on the floor and just step over him. I went with him to make sure he got there safely and then I left. I didn’t stay.’ She didn’t say she’d been to visit Ben the following day. What she said was ‘I’m so sorry, Simon.’

  ‘We need to do some straight talking,’ Simon said. ‘I’ll call round tomorrow and we’ll thrash it out.’

  ‘Yes,’ Janet said, ‘yes, okay.’ Just before he hung up she added, ‘I love you, Simon,’ and he was smiling as he replaced the handset.

  The next time the phone rang, it was someone called Mark Taplow from the BBC. The current affairs team were doing a documentary on the work of the units featured in Phillip’s paper, he told Janet, and in view of the fact that Ruth and Janet’s book was being serialised in the same paper, he wanted to do a short interview with them both.

  ‘On the television?’ Janet’s voice was little more than a squeak. ‘Oh, I couldn’t.’

  ‘Of course you could,’ Mark Taplow said decisively. ‘Ruth is willing.’

  ‘Ruth is?’

  ‘Yes, and it will give the human angle.’

  ‘Yes, but …’

  ‘You and Ruth were in at the beginning, I believe,’ Mark said. ‘Viewers will be interested in seeing the people who helped Chloe and hearing them talk about their experiences with a retarded child.’

  Janet could see how beneficial it could be, but she still wasn’t sure she could do it. It was both exciting and nerve-racking, yet Ruth was obviously keen. She sighed. ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘I’ll try, and see how it goes. When do you want us?’

  ‘Tomorrow,’ Mark said. ‘We’re filming the units next week and want to get this out of the way first.’

  ‘So soon?’ Janet said. She wished she’d asked Simon for his number when he’d rung up, then she could phone him now and explain about the programme and maybe make arrangements for Sunday instead.

  ‘Is it too short notice for you?’ Mark said. ‘It should only take a couple of hours.’

  ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ said Janet. She could leave a note for Simon, he’d understand.

  ‘Half nine then, at the studio?’

  ‘Half nine!’ Janet exclaimed. ‘I live in Leicester. I couldn’t get to Birmingham for half nine.’

  ‘Well then, ten o’clock? Half ten?’

  Janet thought for a minute and then said, ‘There’s a train leaves Leicester at nine thirty-five. I’ve caught it before and it should get me into New Street Station in less than an hour. If I pick up a taxi from outside I could be at the studio by half past ten.’

  ‘Okay, we’ll say half ten then.’

  ‘Fine,’ Janet said. Her senses were still reeling as she replaced the receiver and then she made a short call to Ruth, who was so exhilarated by the whole thing she was almost incoherent, and they arranged to meet the next day outside the studio.

  Janet decided on an early night, but she couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned, her nerves jangling, almost dreading the ordeal before her. She wished Simon was with her to talk over her fears and calm her down. She began composing the note she’d write to him in the morning, and his face swam before her, his eyes stern, uncompromising and as angry as they had been the day he’d walked out. Then she’d see Ben lying in a heap on the floor, and his cheerful face in the hospital. Eventually she got up to make a hot drink, and it was nearly dawn when she finally dropped off to sleep.

  She woke to bright sunshine and realised with horror that it was nine o’clock. No time to write a note, no time for much but throwing her clothes on and calling a taxi to take her to the station as quickly as possible. She told herself she’d phone the flat from somewhere inside the BBC building and if Simon was there she’d explain what had happened.

  But at the studio she was taken over. The hospitality lounge had food laid on, and Janet, who’d had no time for breakfast, wondered if it would make her feel better if she were to eat something, but the sight and smell of the food made her feel sick and she had a coffee instead. But even while she tried to drink it, programme planners were at her elbow, discussing the set and the format of the interview and the type of questions Mark would ask. She had hardly had time to replace the half-drunk coffee on the table before they were hurried through innumerable corridors to the set.

  Mark Taplow was a nice man and an experienced interviewer, and he soon put both girls at their ease. It was hard to believe that millions of people might watch the interview at some date in the future, as today there were only cameramen, sound crews and the producer in there with them. Mark was so pleased with the end result that he took both Janet and Ruth out to lunch. Janet took the opportunity to slip away to phone Simon, but the phone rang on and on in the empty flat.

  Twice during the meal she rang again, and each time there was no answer. She began to feel annoyed and was glad she hadn’t just sat in waiting for him or her nerves would have been shot to pieces. He hadn’t given a time when he’d be over, but she’d honestly thought he’d be early, possibly mid-morning, and had been like a cat on hot bricks because she couldn’t phone him until after one o’clock. She obviously needn’t have bothered.

  The meal was almost over when Ruth said suddenly, ‘Oh, the day is going to feel very flat after this. Why don’t you phone Simon and ask him over to our place, and when Phillip comes home we’ll make a night of it?’

  Janet found herself replying, ‘Simon isn’t here, he’s gone to see his parents,’ and was appalled by the sudden vision of her and Simon sitting across the table from Ben Hayman.

  ‘So you’re on your own too,’ said Ruth. ‘Oh, come back with me. I don’t want to sit in the house on my own all day.’

  ‘Where’s Phillip and Ben?’

  ‘Phillip’s working as per usual these days,’ Ruth said. ‘I really don’t remember the last full weekend he had off. Ben’s gone to Bristol to see someone – now his face is back to normal.’

  Suddenly Janet wanted to be with people, not kicking her heels in the empty flat, going over and over that fateful night a week ago. And with Ben out of the way, there was no danger.

  She rang the flat twice from Ruth’s house, with the same result, and in a reckless mood decided to stay to tea.

  Simon had in fact arrived at the flat minutes after Janet had left it, and was surprised to see it empty. As the hours ticked by, he became at first concerned and then furiously angry. He remembered the assurances of her love the previous evening and thought that obviously they amounted to nothing, for despite knowing that they were due to sort out the problems in their relationship that day, she’d left the flat without a word to him.

  Betty, whom he rang first, didn’t know where Janet was, and unaware of the friction between them she couldn’t understand his anxiety. He also drew a blank with Lou and Shirley. It was obvious, from their manner, that Janet had not discussed any problems with them, and they were unaware of his week-long absence from the flat. He admitted to both girls that they’d had a row, but not what it was about and they assumed it was
a recent thing. When Lou said that Janet could blow up quickly but it was soon over and she didn’t bear grudges, Simon didn’t tell her that this time it was him who’d lost his temper and gone, but thanked her for her reassurances.

  There was no answer from Ruth’s house and he asked himself if that was significant. Ruth could be with Janet, or out on business of her own. Suddenly his blood ran cold as he wondered where Ruth’s brother was. Surely to God, he thought, Janet wouldn’t do that to me, when she told me only yesterday how much she loved me.

  But if she was on legitimate business of some sort, wouldn’t she have left a note, or at least phoned before this to let him know where she was? She knew he was coming round today and she knew how important it was. Well, it would be a long time before he came round again. Two could play at that game. And Simon pulled his large holdall from the top of the wardrobe, quickly crammed his clothes into it and crashed out of the flat for the second time.

  Despite her concern over Simon’s non-appearance, Janet was glad she’d agreed to go to Ruth’s. She’d missed her friend’s company, as any time they’d spent together recently had centred around the book. It was nice to have time to natter and drink coffee, and Janet tried to push her concern about Simon’s absence to the back of her mind. After the second phone call from Ruth’s house she wondered why he’d bothered making arrangements when he obviously had no intention of turning up. She couldn’t understand him, but she wasn’t going to allow it to spoil the rest of her day, and she went into the kitchen to help Ruth prepare the tea.

  They were almost ready to sit down and eat when the doorbell rang. ‘Doesn’t this always happen when you’ve a meal about to go on the table?’ Ruth complained to Janet, who was in the kitchen helping her as Phillip went to the door.

  Janet had her back turned when she heard Ruth cry, ‘Ben, what a surprise!’ She felt as if the blood had frozen in her veins. She turned round very slowly. She could hardly believe it; it was as if they were fated to meet.