Damned

by K R Leikvoll

  Chanting.

  “Aeterne…”

  “Inanis…”

  Freedom from pain – freedom from bondage. There was none that could harm what was above reproach. To think any force stood a chance against the comfort I found in nothingness is senseless. I had evolved far beyond that.

  I was unafraid. I was liberated. I was transcendent.

  “Lazarus,” faraway voices called to rouse me.

  Cold hands held my physical body in their grasp. My soul was elsewhere, fighting not to return. The shakes and prods made it hard to reach the shadows I so desired. Just as I might leave behind reality and a state of being, my eyelids were pried open.

  My Master stared at me with an emotion I could not read. It might have been fear. He had every reason to be uneasy as he looked at the face of his downfall. Despite the knee-weakening devotion that filled me to stare back at my crimson king, I knew it was an illusion. I saw through the guise of the blood bond, though it still fought to dominate my mind.

  “You were right it seems, brother,” someone said to Vince. Sendrys. I hardly recognized her with the fluttering energy that crackled through the air around all of the forms surrounding us. There were several figures in attendance beyond my Master: James, Raven, Guinevere, Sendrys and her demonic children Fevith and Devith.

  “I am never wrong. Don’t forget that,” Vince replied sharply to his sister over his shoulder. “Guinevere, the knife.”

  I faintly heard him snapping his fingers at her. I felt as though I were in a hallucination and my death was where my true existence awaited me. The space surrounding us was dense, pushing down on my shoulders with tremendous force.

  My Master pulled back his sleeve and ran the onyx blade that we had used to put an end to my former lover across his wrist. His beautiful black blood pooled at the source of the wound and was brought to my frigid lips. The expression on his face had shifted to that of pure concentration.

  “With this sacrifice, I bind your soul to the Vast Dark.”

  I scanned the ritual chambers at my new family. Some were concerned, Sendrys and Guinevere primarily. My other kin appeared rather excited and cheery. Happiness was a hollow emotion that seemed false to me in my dream state.

  My hands numbly took Vince’s arm in my grasp. I kissed his wound and willingly accepted his glorious blood. My fingernails dug into his skin as I became incapable of stopping. The glimmer of my consciousness began to fade. My lungs gasped for air when he finally took his wrist away. It was so addictive and pleasing I was actually appreciative of his intervention.

  “We will meet you there,” Vince murmured in my ear. I did not understand what he meant, but there was no time to ask. The knife was brought across my wrist and pulled away from me. The moment he did his part of the exchange, something extraordinary and terrifying happened.

  My soul was ripped from my body in one horrible instance of vertigo. It was uncomfortable in a way that can hardly be described to a mortal. Gravity forced me away from Praetis altogether through a vortex of deep red light. Everything was spinning so rapidly, I thought perhaps I had been considered unworthy of the darkness.

  That was until my surroundings began to settle. I realized that I was not soaring in open space as I stared utterly puzzled at endless gray land. It was cracked and dead, suspended in absolute nothingness. It went upward and downward with hills, ending abruptly in random spots where one could fall into a well of emptiness.

  The most peculiar thing about that strange place was not how it seemed to exist nowhere at all. Rather, it was that I felt as though I was viewing my surroundings underwater. My movements seemed delayed as I waved my hand in front of my face, watching it disconnect and reconnect from my being like a trick of lights. The second I was not being attentive to my surroundings and glanced back up, the terrain had shifted like a hundred years had passed. It was alarming, yet emotions were beyond being experienced in Limbo. Just as I might begin to wander eternally, a voice called out my name. Not even the density could smother the ringing in my soul to hear my Master. I turned around though I was worried everything would shift again when I looked away.

  Vince was approaching me, followed by my demonic kin. His arms opened, outstretched to take me into his embrace. I ran to him, though the space was hard to navigate. When our souls touched, it was the most satisfying sensation I had ever felt.

  “Welcome to the Void, my love,” he cooed, gesturing to nothing but empty land.

  “Yes. Our family has long awaited your presence,” Sendrys added with an impatient nod. “Now, let us make our way to the Gods before they are displeased.”

  To my faint, faraway dismay, my Master let me go to join hands with his sisters. Despite the disgusted expression on her face, Guinevere still took Vince’s hand in hers and joined with Sendrys to make a circle. They closed their eyes in unison.

  Instantaneously, violent purple bolts of electricity shot down their arms and caused vicious winds to whip around us though there was no true wind in that plane. The bolts arced upward and formed an upside-down triangle. Inside, there was only black, like a rip in time and space.

  “Go now,” Sendrys said, peeking her eyes open at all of us that had gathered around. Vince let go of Guinevere’s hand to allow us access to the bizarre portal. I was apprehensive, but James and Raven wrapped their arms around me and guided me into the darkness.

  The world completely inverted and twisted around me until we made it all the way through. My demonic brothers kept a firm, safety net around me with their forms, and it only took a moment to understand why.

  The sounds of great gnashing and gnawing echoed around the nothingness. Screams of agony could be heard in the distance, though no beings were in sight. Only a titan sized gateway made of dark stone existed before us. It was leagues tall, decorated with skeletons of the damned and the shapes of demons carved into the pillars. Flames twisted in the nether of the massive doorway, appearing as if it would incinerate any who crossed its threshold. For an inexplicable reason, I was being called to it, as if it wished for me to douse myself in fire. Had it not been for the aid of James and Raven, I may have wandered into it without purpose.

  Behind us, the rest followed through the triangular portal. Guinevere, Sendrys and Vince were the last before it closed. My Master took the lead in front and kneeled. If he kneeled, it meant that all of us must kneel. I watched the gateway, thinking that perhaps the Void Lords would come from it. It was not until deep shadows began to form from the east, west and south that I felt their presence in the air.

  The first to form was the being from the south, Lord Azmordius. She was a strange creature, towering larger than life. Her flesh was dark gray with deep orange cracks leaking fiery light all around us. The being was only discernible as a female by the lustful curves of her hips and breasts. Strange white shards protruded from her shoulders and legs; the spine of her skeleton was spiked and exposed. Wings cascaded from her back, formed of bone. Her face was a hollow, oxen skull that spouted shadows like thick smog into the air. The hooves of her feet were larger than a building; I felt insignificant in comparison. Her two spaded tails flicked at the ground impatiently.

  The second being to arrive was Lord Valorius. Had I not read his history, I would not have assumed him to be masculine, as this being was more alien than any beast I could have imagined. Lord Valorius had a torso and a strange face with no features beyond a circular maw filled with hundreds of sharp teeth. His skin was as pale as snow except for the orchid colored, spectral wings that hovered on his back. He had no arms or legs; instead, tentacles and tails hung from his floating torso. They twisted and writhed as if they had minds of their own.

  The last being to join us took time to form out of the shadows. It stood taller than the others, glaring at us with three crimson eyes. Lord Nakarius appeared more as I would have assumed a demon to look. He had massive, draconic wings draped around his onyx form, clawed hands and feet, and two pairs of horns as sharp as swords. Lord Naka
rius was frowning, unable to hide the fangs that practically protruded from his lipless mouth.

  “You are late,” dark whispers echoed from Lord Valorius.

  “Perfection takes time,” my Master replied, making his way to his feet. He ripped me to his side and forcefully pushed me toward Lord Valorius’ terrifying tentacles.

  I was instantly distressed when they wrapped around my body and lifted me upward toward the faceless chasm of teeth. Could I be merely a spirit if I felt the heat of his breath on my skin? Deep laughter vibrated the space around us. His disgusting spiked tongue licked up my neck and face momentarily smothering me.

  “Well?” a harmony of higher pitched voices called from Lord Azmordius.

  Lord Valorius lowered me, but he did not release me despite my uneasy struggling. His form faced my demonic kin and my Master rather than his fellow Lords.

  “It seems you have procured something of value… for once,” Lord Valorius stated venomously to Vince. He scowled back at the monster holding me captive.

  “I think you will find that I always keep my word, Valorius,” my Master responded in a curt tone. For a moment, the tentacles tightened in fury, suffocating my astral form as deep growling erupted from the monster’s maw.

  “Mighty words for someone so insignificant,” the deep voice of Lord Nakarius interjected.

  “Stop your squabbling. The Master wishes to meet her,” Lord Azmordius said sharply before anyone else could continue. “Treachery awaits us.” She began walking toward the fiery gateway, stepping over all of my family as if they were insects.

  Lord Nakarius folded his arms across his titan sized chest and leaned forward to take a whiff of me from Lord Valorius’ grasp. Though two of his giant, red eyes closed momentarily, the third on his forehead grew wider and stared at me up and down with interest.

  “You avoid the Master’s wrath for now, Vincent, but it is temporary, as all things are. Do not forget,” Lord Nakarius said to Vince as he turned to follow Lord Azmordius’ towering form.

  Lord Valorius floated through the space with me until he was side by side with his fellow kin. My Master and my family quickly caught up, moving swiftly to the colossal stone staircase that led to the gateway. Only… when they tried to go up the first set of stairs, they were all frozen in space, as if there was an invisible wall preventing them from proceeding.

  Vince looked perplexed, as did Raven and James. Sendrys and Guinevere, however, were immediately sent into distress. They angrily swiped and summoned magic to crash against the barrier, but it did not cave. I wished to call out to my Master to ask him what was happening. My voice had long ceased to exist in that hellish plane.

  Lord Azmordius reached forward and moved the flames spiraling in the threshold like a curtain. All that existed past the fire was pure black. It was darker than a lack of color. It was absolute nothingness and terrifying even through my far away state.

  First, the eldest of the three, Lord Nakarius stepped through. He peered over his spiked shoulder at me with a nefarious, pleased smile. Unbeknownst to me, I was staring at my own future. The crimson grew further away until it was no longer discernible.

  Lord Valorius and I were next. I turned to my Master down below. It was perplexing; his face was filled with rage, but it was not for the Void Lords. It was for me, and only me. His desire to dig out my heart with his teeth was felt in my own being. I am positive James and Raven experienced it as well because they both looked at Vince at the same time with apprehension. I fought to remove my arm and was only able to escape up to my elbow. I reached for them as if the distance could be crossed if they tried hard enough. It was growing too dark for me to see anything beyond Lord Azmordius’ fiery form.

  The realm of Treachery and the home of Lord Baelarius was unlike anything else in existence. It was achingly frigid, as if the heat was drawn and erased from history. It made my bones feel brittle, my body shiver without end. All that filled my mind were thoughts of dread – my Master abandoning me to die alone. I was unaware it was my worst fear until I was forced to endure the sensation of our bond snapping. Whether it actually did disconnect while I was in Treachery or it was merely a lie of Lord Baelarius’ I was forced to endure, I doubt I will ever know. I cried out though it was silent as I possessed no voice. I screamed Vincent’s name repeatedly. I wished for the agony to end. I wished I had never existed at all – that I would never have known my Master’s grace only to have it ripped away from me.

  Shadowy tendrils discernable from the darkness whipped and twisted into a massive sphere ahead of us. Lord Nakarius’ barely visible form passed through the veil of obscurities. As Lord Valorius and Lord Azmordius led the way inside, I was stripped of my sanity. Had I been in that realm for a moment or an eternity? Had I ever known any other state of being? It was doubtful to me at the time.

  Once we breached the writhing tendrils, we were met with a crimson light, brighter than anything I had ever seen, or at least that I could remember. It was blinding and painful to look at; it was likely because Lord Baelarius’ grandeur was that of Azotl itself. The light shifted and fluttered, turning itself toward us. I had not noticed it was an enormous eye until it was staring down at me. When our gaze met one another, I saw what James and Raven had spoken of before.

  The Vast Dark itself. It was silent and infinite, crashing over cosmos after cosmos, turning the chaos into stillness. There was no violence. There was no suffering. There was only utter peace. The chill was no longer my enemy – I understood the allure of it all. The only way to end conflict was to embrace Azotl. The truth of it showed that preserving life only led to anguish. Light would always lead to corruption, causing countless, unending wars and the death of innocence. If there was no life, there was no suffering. In the Vast Dark, everything was free.

  The sensation of Lord Valorius’ grasp releasing me was that of absolute gravity. It was suffocating, pulling me downward to my knees. I still could not look away from the crimson eye. I was captivated by the truth I had come to believe. The devotion I held for Vince was that of our bond and respect for my savior. What I felt for Azotl in that moment – it was a part of emotions I had not yet experienced before. I was willing to do anything for my newfound revelations. I was willing to endure any consequence for selling my soul, even if it meant eternal damnation and agony in exchange. I would destroy any existence they desired; I would spill the blood of all in the name of my new Gods.

  “Lazarus Lyon… we have waited for millenniums for your soul to incarnate within our grasp,” Lord Azmordius stated before kneeling. The other Void Lords followed suit and bowed their heads to Lord Baelarius.

  “We had to use barbaric means to contact you,” Lord Valorius added. “Vincent is not who we would have chosen to bring you here.” The forces constricting me seemed to lessen. It was like a breath of fresh air after nearly drowning.

  “You don’t like my Master?” I asked, genuinely curious. A smile of horrific teeth came into sight below the crimson eye, though it still remained silent.

  “He has kept us awaiting results of his task for far too long. It is time for Praetis to perish and we cannot trust the Deceiver,” Lord Valorius was gracious enough to explain.

  “Tell me, Lazarus, can we trust you to see Azotl’s work completed?” Lord Nakarius asked. I would do anything they asked to be a hero of peace, I knew that already, but the Void Lords would not merely take my word. Instead, they had to test me. I was more than willing to do what they sought. The Void Lords began to evaporate as if they never existed at all.

  I was standing in a sea of red mist. The eye of Lord Baelarius stared down to witness my devotion. A shadowy form appeared out of nothingness as only a wisp. I was not sure who it was from a distance, but I was compelled to cross the strange, pulsating room I was in. The darkness faced me and I was not surprised in the slightest to see my Master staring back at me.

  A dagger, made out of an unknown black substance formed in my hands. It fit perfectly in my grasp and was f
ar sharper than any blade in true reality. It was not just a blade; somehow it was whispering to me. Telling me Vince was the enemy. Telling me to never trust him.

  “Beloved, I have missed you these long years in the darkness,” my Master called out. “Let us leave this place to experience something… more.”

  “More?”

  “There are planes far beyond here. We can depart to a higher existence. Forget their lies and false promises. All we need is each other for eternity.”

  I smiled, for not only was the thought of such a thing tender and sweet, but it was also unbelievable. So much so that I almost chuckled with how preposterous he would have to be to think I would regard his words as the truth. I approached him slowly, floating through the mist of blood until we could touch.

  “I chose you as Queen because I wished for you to remain at my side during our infinity. Does that not show the depth of my love for you?” he whispered, sounding slightly out of breath. His hands felt legitimately real as they held my face. “All I have ever wanted is to nurture your power. Together, we can become more than mere Titans or Gods.”

  His lips met mine, filled with the sensation of absolute adoration for my soul. It was all deceit. He did not love me. He loved power and he loved seeking out ways to remain in control. In the real world, I would have believed everything he told me and everything I felt for him. In the realm of Treachery, however, I was being exposed to the truth, or merely given the ability to tell lies from honesty. Lord Baelarius’ lies are regarded as so dangerous because he did not always lie as one might think. The truth always flowed from the center of disloyalties, working into the cracks of every insecurity. Those that were guilty of treachery would find themselves here because not only did they betray Azotl, the Void Lords and those closest to them, but they betrayed themselves. They took away their only salvation in the Vast Dark in exchange for false powers. There was no greater existence than that of Azotl, and only a fool would believe themselves to be superior to that absolute.