A Hero to Dance With Me

by Marteeka Karland

  “Some of that. Maybe.” He scrubbed his hand over his face and through his hair. “I just want that…connection I felt with you again. I need it.”

  “So it’s all about your wants. Your needs,” she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. “What about my need to be left alone to figure all this out? I don’t even know for sure if there is a baby. What if I’ve just caught a bug? Will you still feel the same way knowing you’re not leaving defenseless little ole me to raise your precious child all by myself?”

  Vivian’s breath caught in her throat and Jezelle closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Carver,” she said quietly.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. None of this is your fault.” Vivian shot Steve a scathing glance.

  “It takes two to tango, ma’am,” Jezelle said. “At the risk of sounding crass—and I truly mean no disrespect—but I was so caught up in the moment I didn’t insist on a condom, so I’m just as much at fault as Steve.”

  “Leland taught all our boys to respect their mother,” Vivian said, turning in her seat to look at Jezelle. “I taught them to respect women in general. We both taught them that part of respecting a woman meant protecting her in all things. Including sex.” She glanced at Steve again and scowled. “Apparently, neither of us made much of an impression on this particular son.” Vivian threw him another glance before facing front again.

  “Mom…” When Vivian gave him “the hand,” Steve shut his mouth and sat back. Were his parents being unreasonable? He was a grown-ass man, after all. Truth was, they weren’t treating him any differently than he was himself inside. The only difference was, it hurt worse coming from them.

  Once they pulled into the big house where his parents lived, Steve helped Jezelle out of the SUV. He’d have carried her inside, but when he reached for her, Jezelle gave him a look so venomous he nearly stepped back. Yeah. Long way to go to win her back. But looking down at her, remembering the feel of her naked body in his arms, the thought of her belly growing round with his child… Steve knew he’d do whatever it took. He’d win Jezelle’s heart. Even if he had to crawl to hell and back on his hands and knees.

  Chapter Seven

  The room Elle had been given use of was spacious and very comfortable. Plush carpeting massaged her bare feet as she walked from the adjoining bathroom to the bed. Mrs. Carver had fed her while the daughters-in-law had brought her necessities. When asked if Jezelle needed anything from her apartment, Jezelle had automatically said no. She’d had no intention of staying more than a couple of hours--just long enough to pacify Mrs. Carver. As a result, the two women had bought her a comfortable, stylish T-shirt and some yoga pants, as well as a change of underwear. And toiletries. She’d cringed to open that bag, knowing what she’d find. When the obligatory home pregnancy test was absent, she decided maybe she needed to rethink this family’s kindness. If this had all been about the baby, wouldn’t they want to at least know if there even was a baby?

  With a sigh, she sat on the edge of the bed. She’d nap for a couple of hours then leave. She’d explain that she’d take a pregnancy test and go to her OB if it was positive. She had no intention of keeping the child from his father’s family if they wanted it that way. Maybe then, Mrs. Carver would get off Steve’s back and Steve would leave her alone.

  Just as she was about to lie down, there was a knock at the door and Steve opened it slowly before she could even open her mouth. So much for privacy.

  “Steve--”

  “I know,” he said. “You don’t want me here. I understand that and I’ll respect it. Just let me get you settled. Is that too much to ask?” He looked tired. No doubt his family had been giving him hell with her not in earshot.

  “Fine,” she said, just wanting to lie down so she could get this over with. She turned her back to him. “Do what you have to do so I can get out of here.”

  There was a pause before the bed dipped at her back. He pulled a warm blanket over her, tucking her in as carefully as he might a sleeping child. Why did that make her want to cry?

  “Do you want to be away from my family, or is it just me?” Steve asked, his voice quiet. He sounded faintly hurt. Not that Elle cared.

  “It’s both. Your family is so saintly they make the Cleavers look like devil worshipers.”

  Steve barked a laugh before responding. “I suppose looking at it from your point of view they would. One thing Mom and Dad taught us early on was that they’d take our side. But if we were dead wrong, they’d tell us that too.”

  “Doesn’t feel like they’ve taken your side in any of this. Which makes me distinctly uncomfortable.”

  “That’s because they know I was dead wrong to have left you like I did. Also, because they see something in you they know belongs with me. Which makes you feel like family to them.”

  “No,” she said, turning to look at him, hoping she gave him her fiercest expression. “I don’t. Leave now, please.” Surprisingly, all Steve did was sigh before getting up and leaving the room quietly.

  Left alone with her thoughts, Elle cried silently. The whole world had gone completely nuts. At least this particular family had. She wanted to dislike them all, but found it impossible. All of them had been nothing but nice to her. She couldn't be mad at them because Steve was an asshole. If she made it through this horrible night with her sanity intact, she’d be amazed. Whether she liked it or not, Vivian was right. Elle needed rest desperately. It had been weeks since she’d had a really good night’s sleep. If nothing else, a long nap would do her good. With that last thought, she closed her eyes and sleep claimed her almost instantly.

  *****

  Steve sat with his back to the wall outside Elle’s door. She didn’t want him inside, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave her completely. How many times had he sat in this very position watching a team member’s back? Somehow, it had never seemed this important. So far, she’d been asleep off and on for three hours. In that time, Steve hadn’t moved from his spot beside her door.

  The time he’d stood vigil had given him time to think. To reflect on life and what he wanted out of it. Truth was, he wanted what his parents had. As if his mother had heard his thoughts, she appeared from around the corner carrying two mugs of her famous, steaming hot chocolate.

  Sitting down beside him, she handed Steve a cup. “Has she stirred at all?” As he remembered from when he was sick as a child, Vivian’s voice was a soothing blend of calm, quiet, and lulling. She had a way of speaking when she needed to that seemed to put a person at ease, to let them know everything would be all right. Before today, he’d never really known she could also cut a person to shreds with a completely different tone of voice.

  “A time or two. Dreams, I guess. She always settles down before too long so I’ve let her be. She doesn’t want me there.” Damn if he didn’t sound forlorn. But hell. This was his mother. She already knew everything he was feeling anyway. Always had.

  “Oh, I doubt it’s as bad as all that. She needs you to make her want you again.” When Steve opened his mouth to speak, Vivian held up her hand. “Not in a sexual way. Just your presence. Like when you danced.”

  “How do you know about that dance? You weren’t even there.”

  She smiled. “Your brothers. The girls. All of them claim never to have seen you so smitten with a woman. If Jezelle hadn’t wanted your presence then, I sincerely doubt she’d have gone with you later. No one wants you to fall on your sword to make amends, least of all Jezelle. Just be the man she fell in love with.”

  “You don’t know she loved me.”

  His mother smiled. “She loves you. At least, she wants to.” She sighed as she started to stand. “Unfortunately, you made that a bit difficult.”

  “You and Dad fell in love nearly at first sight,” Steve pressed, needing her presence a little while longer but not wanting to ask her to stay. “How did you know?”

  Vivian settled again, tilting her head as if thinking. “I’m not sure either of us could explain tha
t, sweetheart. We fell in love at first sight, then he tried to kiss me without my permission. I kneed him in the privates and we fell out of love just as quickly.” She chuckled, obviously remembering the whole event. “Then he settled down to court me properly and we married less than a year later.”

  “I don’t think we have what you and Dad have. It’s just…”

  “Too soon? Steve. I knew the moment I met your father I would marry him. There would be no other man who could even come close to him. You can’t put a time limit on love. It either happens or it doesn’t. Sometimes it takes years to grow, other times it jumps up and slaps you in the face. Hard.” She patted his knee as she stood. “You think about that, sweetheart. I know she turned your world upside down, but I think you know in your heart she’s the one for you. Make her realize it too.” With that parting advice, Vivian left him alone in the hallway with a mug of hot chocolate to think.

  Damn. Usually talks with his mother when he was in trouble put things into perspective. Helped him focus when he couldn’t see circumstances the way he needed to. This time she’d been far from helpful. She was supposed to tell him everything would work out on its own, that he had a bright future in the Navy if he just focused. Teams was all he knew. He’d been a SEAL for more than half his service and he was seriously considering giving it all up in order to be with this woman. Did his mother realize that? What about his father? How would they react?

  Setting the hot chocolate beside him, Steve scrubbed his hands through his hair to settle on his neck. Knees resting on his elbows, he stayed like that. His brothers had finished their stints in the military and found work in civilian life that suited them. Could he? All he knew—or wanted to know—was combat. Tactics. Military life suited him. Being away from Jezelle...wouldn’t. He’d already proven that the few weeks he’d tried to forget her. And that after only one night. Before he’d realized they might have a living, breathing tie to each other. Could he look into the eyes of his son and not be reminded of her? Did he even want to be?

  So, it came down to what he wanted most. And what he wanted most depended on what Jezelle would let him have. He wasn’t a man who asked for anything. If he wanted something, he took it. Unfortunately, he was past that. He took Jezelle before, then threw her away. Now, he’d have to work for her.

  Chapter Eight

  Jezelle had no clue how long she’d been asleep. The heavy drapes in her room assured no light could spill into the room to disturb her. Unfortunately, her dreams did. Every time she went to sleep, she’d wake up crying. Sometimes it was a sad, slow leak of tears. This time, however, she’d awakened to full-bodied sobs. God, she hated Steve! This was all his fault.

  When she heard the door open, she hurriedly tried to dry her eyes, but she couldn’t seem to stop crying. Without even looking, she knew it was Steve. In this place, his parents’ home, she seemed to be tuned to his presence. This was his domain. His home turf.

  “I h-hate you,” she sobbed. “Why c-couldn’t y-you just l-leave me a-alone?”

  The bed dipped and Steve crawled in beside her under the blanket. He pulled her against his much bigger body. Much as they’d lain their one night together, Steve positioned her head on his arm and wrapped both his arms around her tightly. His warmth surrounded her like a cocoon, making her feel safe and secure. She resented him all the more for it.

  “I know, baby. I’m sorry. I really am. If I could go back and change the way I treated you, I would.”

  “Why?” she wailed, unable to stop crying no matter what she did. “Why did you leave me like that?”

  “Does it matter? I was a third-rate ass.”

  “It m-matters to m-me.” No matter what she tried to tell herself, she couldn’t seem to stop the flow of words. He was right. It didn’t matter. He’d left. The end. But, damn, she’d wanted this! Wanted him. “What did I do wrong?” Great. Now she sounded forlorn, like a little child. She needed to shut her mouth and just leave it alone. But he was here now, and she could take what he was offering, even if only for a little while.

  “Would you believe me if I said you scared the shit out of me?”

  “No,” she sniffled.

  “Well, you did. At least, what we shared did. I remembered telling you all those things. That you were mine. Now. Always.” He adjusted his grip on her, snuggling her closer as if he was afraid she’d pull away. “Jezelle, you don’t know me, but I’m a Teams man. A SEAL through and through. I once told my brother I didn’t need a woman, that I was married to the job. When I spent that night with you, I knew life as I knew it was over. I wanted all you represented, all you had to offer. And it turned my life upside down.”

  “If that’s true, why not just communicate the need for a little space?”

  He barked a laugh, but squeezed her tighter. “Why, indeed?” They were quiet for a few moments before he said anything else. “I know I hurt you, Jezelle. I don’t deserve it, but I’d like another chance with you.”

  “Because I might be carrying your baby.” She made it a statement. Of course that was the only reason he wanted to be with her now. Before he could say anything she pushed on. “Look, I can take care of myself and anyone else who comes along. If I’m pregnant, you don’t have to be in my life in order to be in the baby’s. I think it best if we just leave it at that.”

  “I didn’t come back for you because I thought you might be pregnant. As happy as I’ll be if you are, I couldn’t stay away from you.”

  She wanted to believe him. God, how she wanted to! But she’d given him her heart once and he’d thrown it away. She couldn’t go into it blindly again. Especially if there was a child involved. She had to know from the outset that whoever she was with was in it for the long haul. Right now, Steve wasn’t. He might think he was, but she knew in her heart he would panic again. Probably once she confirmed the pregnancy. Instead of responding, she simply sighed and let him hold her, enjoying the moment as much as she could. Before long, her eyelids became heavy once again and she closed them. This time, no dreams tormented her rest. She couldn’t help but wonder if the man holding her so tightly, so protectively, was the cause for her restful slumber.

  *****

  Steve didn’t dare move. He was getting a cramp in his back and his arm had long since gone numb, but Jezelle hadn’t so much as whimpered for five solid hours. And he felt every single one of them. About two hours before, he’d tried to slip from her bed, but she’d clutched at his arm, sighing deeply before he settled back against her. Her grip had loosened but not released completely so he’d stayed put. Now, he was beginning to wonder if he could move even if he’d wanted to. The slight knock at the door was most welcome indeed.

  “Everything all right in there?” That was his mother. Gingerly, she opened the door. Steve jerked his head in an indication she should come in. “How’s she resting?”

  “Better,” he murmured.

  “I guess she just needed a little reassurance.” Vivian smiled at him, patting his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  Steve couldn’t help the grimace. “No. But it’s no more than I deserve. Being a little uncomfortable is a small price to pay after what I put her through. You know, she actually believes the only reason I want back in her life is because she might be carrying my baby.”

  “Gee, I wonder where that notion came from?” His mother had never been one for softening the blow when her children needed a hard lesson. Her motto was, “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind,” and she took it very seriously.

  “Mom…”

  “Well, really. What did you expect?” She shook her head, that look on her face only a mother can give her child when contemplating the consequences of his actions. “Like I said, you’re going to have to work for it this time.”

  Didn’t he know it.

  Finally, Jezelle stirred, stretching before turning to her back. She blinked up at Vivian before a soft smile graced her face. “What time is it?”

  “It’s after midnight, dear. W
hy not just settle in for the night? It’s too late to venture out.” Vivian could always sound so reasonable, even when she knew what she was suggesting wasn’t the first choice of the evening.

  With a glance at Steve, Jezelle gave a nod. “You’re right. I’m sorry to be such a bother.”

  “You’re not. I feel better now that you’ve had some sleep, but I’ll feel even better in the morning when you’re still here safe and sound and fully rested. Leland and I will take you home after breakfast.”

  “You and Leland?” She looked from Steve to Vivian once again. “But I thought…”

  “Steve can take you if you like, but I figured you’d like options.” Vivian’s smile seemed to put Jezelle at ease. Steve couldn’t blame her. His mother was a miracle worker with people.

  “No. That’s fine. I think I’d prefer it if you took me home.” And just like that, Jezelle started putting distance between them. Physical and emotional distance. Steve wanted to growl in frustration, but it couldn’t be helped. He knew she’d rested better with him there. Which meant that, on some level, she really did still care about him. He’d just have to build on that. Just like his mother suggested.

  “Come on, Steve,” Vivian said, holding out her hand for him. “I think she’s through the worst of it. Jezelle, you call for us if you need anything. I’ll leave your door partially open and Steve is just across the hall. He can come get me if you prefer.” Steve wanted to scowl at his mother, but he knew it was all necessary to make Jezelle feel at ease. She didn’t want to be here in the first place. If she felt like everyone was throwing him at her every chance they got, she’d be gone.

  “You’ve been too kind, Mrs. Carver.”

  “Oh, no, young lady. It’s Vivian.”

  Jezelle smiled as she settled back into the pillow with a sigh. “Yes, ma’am. Vivian it is. I really appreciate all you’ve done. Your whole family.” She didn’t specify Steve, but she did give him a smile before closing her eyes once more. If hope were the best poker hand in the world, Steve would be all in. This time, he had to make it work. If not, neither of them would get out of it with their heart intact. Besides, the SEAL in him refused to lose. This was one mission that was hell-bent on success.