Less Invisible

by Emma Rose

  It always amazes me to think about how little everyone cared about me when I was homeless compared to how much they care about me now. Not only did nobody want my friend, most people cared less about whether I ate one decent meal a week or whether I slept inside a bed or outside on a park bench.

  I used to be falsely labeled as a druggie by passer-by, but now magazines chose to publish pictures of me drinking in the daytime and labeled it as fashionable. Most people couldn't spare a dollar to help support me when I was nobody singing in the Subway nowadays people save for weeks to be able to afford a ticket to one of my concerts.

  If only some of those people who spend so much money obsessing over me as a celebrity could have shown me a little love back then. It would have saved me from a lot of trauma.

  I tried to push the thoughts of how unfair the world was out of my mind. My doctor diagnosed me with PTSD because whenever memories of my life as a homeless kid came into my mind, I would get panicky and nervous. He prescribed an anti-anxiety drug that has helped me not stress out about the past as much, but it's not a foolproof medication. Sometimes, I still get thoughts that I can't deal with and I have to kick them out of my brain by distracting myself with music or fantasies about Blayke.

  I remembered that Blayke was supposed to meet me at my Central London hotel as soon as I was settled in, so I slept as much as I possibly could on the seven-hour flight.

  After what seemed like an eternity of nodding on and off and chewing mint gum to keep my ears from exploding, I looked out the window and saw the London cityscape come into view. It was one of the most exciting sights I had ever seen. I smiled down on the city feeling hopeful and ready for adventure.

  Finally, the airplane landed. My luggage was unloaded and Will, Skylar, and I took a limousine to our hotel.

  Will and Skylar were almost as thrilled to be in the city as I was. I enjoyed hanging out with them when they were in good moods and not acting like overbearing, judgemental parents.

  "You know, I've always dreamed of going to Europe since I was a little girl," Skylar said gazing out the window admiring the city.

  Will leaned over and kissed his fiance on the cheek. "And now you're finally getting to live that dream. This is what success feels like babe," Will said.

  I rolled my eyes while Will and Skylar weren't looking. Will was overly preoccupied with success. He never stopped thinking about how he could make more money, how he could get ahead, how he could make his name known. I was grateful that he had helped me get so far in my career, but I wished he could just relax a bit and not put constant pressure on me or himself to keep achieving more and more. Nothing was ever enough for Will, nothing I did, nothing he did, nothing Skylar did. It was toxic and the person it hurt the most was himself.

  As we drove through the city, Will gave me his typical reminders and warnings about acting properly and staying safe. He knew I was going to meet up with Blayke and he was okay with it. In fact, he was hoping that the press would get some good pictures of us together as this would be the first time we'd be going out in public as an official couple instead of sneaking around. Will thought the two of us together would spark extra publicity for me considering how popular Blayke was. Not that I really needed any extra publicity. I had sold more records with my first two albums already than Reason Being had with their first three.

  My personal security guard and Blayke's personal security guard were going to trail us through the city as we went on our date. Blayke and I were to be polite to everyone, take pictures if asked, dress nicely, and have me back to the hotel by 11:00 p.m. I wished the date could have been less arranged and more private like the last time I saw Blayke, but I was happy just to be seeing him at all.

  I knew that our coming out as a couple had to be done in the right way. We had to give the public the impression that our relationship was cute, innocent, and wholesome, so I accepted Will's guidance on the issue. The last thing I needed right now was some sort of scandal to come out about me. Bad press was one of the things I feared the most. I know that you're not supposed to care what other people think of you, but I did. I cared desperately.

  By the time we got to the hotel, it was already four o'clock. Blayke was supposed to meet me at five. As Will headed to the hotel's bar for a drink, Skylar and I hurried up to my suite to get ready for my date.

  "Ok, girl," Skylar said, wheeling in a pink suitcase. "We have a lot of work to do in a short amount of time."

  "What? You don't think I look perfect just like this?" I asked posing sassily in my grey sweats and purple rain jacket.

  "That is quite the style, Jemma," Skylar conceded.

  We both giggled. Skylar and I didn't see eye to eye on everything, but she had become good company. She was like a friend that I didn't quite trust but enjoyed having around all the same. I'm not going to lie; I needed her as well. She was the only girl I could really talk to for a long time. I didn't have any real girlfriends when I was on the streets, and after I became famous it was difficult for me to find genuine people to hang out with. Skylar was my go-to for questions about style, sex, everything I couldn’t exactly figure out through an internet search alone. We bonded over our shared exasperation for Will at times and a common appreciation for chocolate milkshakes.

  It was December in London, which meant that it was cold, so Skylar picked out a burgundy jumper dress for me and paired it with black tights, light brown knee-length boots, and a hunter green trench coat. She had even ordered an adorable hand-knit matching hat and mitten set that were the same color as my boots. I was relieved Skylar was, in a way, my personal stylist. Clothing stressed me out. People were quick to criticize the things I wore but I didn't have to worry about a thing with Skylar doing my shopping.

  I sat still at the vanity in my suite as Skylar did my hair and makeup. We decided to go with a classic updo and very simple makeup that highlighted my natural features.

  "You are going to make that boy feel like he is the luckiest boy in the world, tonight," Skylar said confidently giving my eyelashes a final touch of mascara.

  "He makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world," I replied honestly while inspecting my face in a hand-held mirror.

  "The media is just going to eat you two up. Y'all will be too cute for the world to handle. I can already tell."

  "Aww thanks, Skylar," I gushed, giving the taller girl a big bear hug.

  "What would I do without you?"

  Skylar threw her hands up in pretend bafflement. "They'd call the fashion police on you, I guess," she joked.

  I stood in front of the full-length mirror and turned around. In all honesty, I was feeling very cute.

  "So, final thoughts? Everything looks alright?" I asked.

  "You look perfect, Jemma," Skylar assured me and I knew she meant it. She wouldn't lie to me about something as serious, in her eyes, as appearance.

  My phone vibrated in the pocket of my wool trench coat. It was

  Blayke informing me that he was in the lobby.

  "He's here," I squealed in a girlish sort of way.

  Skylar chuckled at my giddiness, "Go get em', cowgirl," she cheered.

  "Thanks again," I said with my hand on the doorknob, "I'll tell you all about it later."

  "I can't wait," Skylar said as I entered the hallway and gave her one last goodbye.

  I practically skipped toward the elevator. I imagined that the way I was feeling was like how high school girls felt going to the prom, but as I had never had the chance to go to prom, I didn't know.

  I stepped into the crystal-clear glass elevator feeling like a real-life Disney princess.

  As the elevator dropped down from the fifteenth floor to the lobby, I looked down to see if I could spot my boyfriend through the crowd of people in the lobby. I eventually noticed him standing near the doorway in a very handsome looking blue blazer, with a white button-down, red handkerchief, brown leather belt, and khaki pants. His curly hair was cut short now and combed back. I'd never see
n him in person dressed so nicely. It was refreshing. He cleaned up well.

  The rest of the ride down the elevator felt like a million years when in reality it was only a few seconds. I was so impatient to be with Blayke.

  As soon as the doors of the elevator slid open, I walked out and set my tracks toward Blayke.

  The lobby of the five-star hotel was buzzing with socialites bumping into each other, but it was like I couldn't see anyone in the room except Blayke.

  I could see Blayke's eyes scanning the crowd for me. When he finally spotted me one of his signature smiles appeared. One of the things I most adored about Blayke was that when he smiled he smiled with his whole body. His eyes got this special shine in them, he stood a little taller with his ribcage open and tilted his head up just slightly.

  As I approached him, he opened his arms widely to embrace me in a warm hug.

  "I missed you, Jemma," he whispered into my ear as I rested my head on his chest.

  "I missed you more, Blayke," I replied stepping back. Blayke interlocked his fingers with mine and looked me up and down in a romantic way.

  "You get more beautiful every time I see you," Blayke said.

  I blushed. I never got tired of hearing his compliments. Every time he told me I was beautiful it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

  "And you get more handsome," I smirked, giving him the same elevator eyes he gave me.

  "Are you ready for our first official date?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  I nodded, "Absolutely."

  "You know we're going to be in the magazines tomorrow?" he asked, just to double-check that I was okay with making our relationship public.

  "Good because I'm proud to be with you," I answered, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

  "And you know you have the cutest American accent, I've ever heard, right?"

  I rolled my eyes but smiled slightly. Blayke was a world-class flirt.

  "Come on, darling," Blayke said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Let me show you why London is more romantic than New York."

  Together, Blayke and I walked out of the warm hotel lobby into the cold, dark winter air. I was sure that some fans had likely already taken pictures of the two of us in the hotel, but so far no professional photographers had come by to take our picture and write a ridiculous story on us.

  "Where are you taking me tonight, Mr. Beck?' I asked as we passed by lovely little eateries and boutique shoppes.

  "Somewhere you're going to love," Blayke teased.

  "Come on, just tell me," I urged.

  "What's the fun in that? It's got to be a surprise or it’s not romantics," he insisted.

  "Fine, then, I won't spoil it. Instead, though you have to tell me what you want for Christmas."

  "Oh, that's an easy one."

  "Really? What is it?"

  "What I want for Christmas this year is to kiss a very special someone under the mistletoe.”

  I gasped dramatically. "That is such a coincidence. That's what I want for Christmas too."

  "Well, I hope it comes true for you, Miss Jemma. Christmas is a wonderful time for things like that to happen. Who knows? You might get lucky."

  At that moment, bright lights came into sight and I could hear Christmas music playing.

  "What's that up ahead?" I asked out of curiosity pointing to the colorful lights I saw a short distance ahead.

  "That is exactly where we are going. It's Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland. There's food, rides, games, and more Christmas lights than you've ever seen. There's even ice skating," Blayke explained enthusiastically.

  If you saw a picture of Blayke you would say he looked like a man, but when it came to celebrating Christmas he acted very much like a boy. I found his fun-loving and lighthearted nature extremely attractive.

  "Oh, Blayke, that sounds amazing," I exclaimed. Similarly, to Blayke, I still enjoyed having childish adventures.

  As we entered the royal park, I looked around in wonder. I've always thought Christmas was a marvelous time of year ever since I was a little girl and the Salvation Army gave me a teddy bear for the holiday. I know it sounds cheesy but I believe in the Christmas spirit and if any place in the world has the Christmas spirit it is Hyde Park during the month of December.

  Blayke was right; there were more Christmas lights than any person could imagine illuminating the park in a multi-color glow. Warm, delicious smells of homemade treats and hot cocoa filled my nose making me feel cozy inside. Upbeat holiday tunes played through stereos across the park. Families, couples, and friends could be heard screaming down roller coasters or laughing on kiddie rides. Children raced each other for a spot in line to meet Santa and tell him what they wanted for Christmas.

  Everything felt so magical, but the most magical part of it all was experiencing it with Britain's greatest charmer, Blayke.

  "So, what shall we do first, princess," Blayke asked cordially.

  "Let's ride the Ferris wheel, then you can show me all of London when we get to the top."

  "To the Ferris wheel, it is then," Blayke said, seeming very pleased with my choice.

  It wasn't soon after we arrived in the park and got in line for the Ferris wheel, that people started to take notice of us. People whispered to each other and pointed at us as we walked by. Some asked for pictures or autographs and we obliged honoring Will's request that we remember our manners and be as likable as possible.

  Blayke and I were relieved to board the Ferris wheel gondola when it was finally our turn because we knew it would allow us to have a few minutes to chat undisturbed.

  "This would be a fun place to take kids someday," I said looking out on the park as we made our way around the Ferris wheel.

  "I've always wanted a family," Blayke admitted gently rubbing his thumb across my chin.

  "You want as many kids as your mom has?"

  Blayke shrugged, "I don't know if I could handle six children at least not as well as she does."

  "You know I didn't have siblings growing up, but I was always envious of kids who did. They're like built-in best friends, right?"

  "More like built-in rivals, but that's alright," Blayke said before leaning in to give me a quick kiss on the lips.

  "Do you ever think about how someday we could be a family?" I asked shyly.

  "Only every minute of every day, Jemma," Blayke replied in that super romantic way of his.

  "After, of course, we're ready to take a break from recording and touring for a little while," I added.

  "Of course. Although I do think, it would be rather fun to be on the road with you."

  I shook my head. "I'm not opening for Reason Being," I said sarcastically.

  "Hey, that's not what I meant!"

  "I know, I know, I'm just teasing."

  Suddenly, the Ferris wheel stopped to board another gondola just as Blayke and I were at the very top.

  "Look out," Blayke said. "See that whole big city out there."

  I nodded my head, "It's beautiful from up here."

  "I know, but do realize in that whole big city, there is only one girl who I think about and that's you, Jemma."

  I smiled and placed my hands on his knees. "And do you realize in the whole big world, there is only one guy I think about and that's you, Blayke."

  We leaned forward and began kissing each other passionately as the Ferris wheel lurched forward, but it was short-lived as we were descending quickly and didn't want to give the whole park an opportunity to watch us make out.

  After our Ferris wheel ride, Blayke and I spent the rest of the evening wandering around the park falling more and more in love with each other. Everything was sweet and perfect, like a fairytale.

  Blayke took me ice-skating for the first time. I wasn't very good at it. I slipped a few times, but he picked me right up. After failing to skate with him hand-in-hand forwards on the ice, Blayke decided to skate

  backward and pull me by my hands around the rink.

  "I'm sorry, I'm not very go
od at this," I apologized.

  "Don't worry. I like being able to help you," Blayke said pecking my cheek.

  I wondered how he knew how to say all of the right things to make a girl fall in love.

  Eventually, the paparazzi arrived, and we let them take their pictures. I was proud to be with Blayke and I wanted the whole world to know we were in love and spending a wondrous evening at Hyde Park.

  Blayke followed Will's rules and had me back to the hotel at 11:00 p.m. sharp. We wished each other goodbye and shared a sweet, innocent kiss before I went back into the hotel, spilled all the tea to Skylar, and wrote a song about how much I loved Blayke.