by Jade White
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Tiffany said with a smile she had been practicing in the mirror for a while now. “You’ve raised such a wonderful son,” she said, not meaning a word of it.
“Well, we knew he would find someone special one day,” Gus’s father said with a booming laugh. “If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask. I know my son has been saving up for this occasion for most of his life and all he does is talk about you. It’s hard to get a word in edgewise when he’s talking about you. It’s truly nice to put a face with the name and see that you’re exactly as beautiful and stunning as he claimed you were.”
She smiled and thanked him. She wanted to play nice. There was no reason for her to get into a fight or to embarrass the man she was going to marry. She agreed to play this game, so she need to be willing to play it. Until she figured out what she was going to do, she was going to have to be okay pretending to be his fiancée. As far she was concerned, they were going to make it through this and be just fine, and all she had to do was endure it for little while longer. Eventually, she would get out of this.
“I think it’s about time for a dance,” Gus’s mother said with smile on her beautiful face. She wanted to refuse, but she knew it was expected for them to dance together. The people here were going to notice something was off if they didn’t go out on the dance floor and have their dance together. People came for romance, not a feuding, bickering couple.
She smiled at Gus, masking the anger she had for him behind her glittering eyes and her bright white grin. There was no need for anybody to know there was an issue here. They would dance together and people would laugh and smile and be delightful, but she wasn’t going to enjoy it. This was just going to be something she had to do.
On the dance floor, the lights gleamed down on them, basking them in the glow of their warmth, perfectly attuned to the two of them. It was everything Caitlin had promised it would be. The woman knew how to take wedding planning seriously. She had made everything so easy and simple. Without Caitlin, Tiffany didn’t know where she would be.
They could feel the eyes of everyone in the Rose Room turning and looking at them. They watched with a kind of delighted glee in their eyes, ready to see something romantic that made them feel good about themselves. She wasn’t sure if that’s what they were really giving them, but they practiced this dance before the event and it worked out fairly well.
The music began to play, and they took their positions, placing their hands on each other where they needed to be and they started to dance.
They danced with the music, a waltz that was swelling and beautiful, something she had always wanted for her wedding, but with him, it felt strangely off, like it was poisoned.
All of the dreams and everything she wanted for her life, it didn’t feel right with him now. He lied to her. It made things broken and wrong. She wanted to feel good about this, but she knew she wasn’t. She wanted to cry and start over. She wanted to know why things couldn’t work out for her.
But as the music began to swell and build, something resonated inside of her. A few weeks ago, this man had been everything that she wanted. They had agreed to start a life that was supposed to be something magical and celebrated. They were going to have something nobody else did. They were going to be able to stand among the titans of marriage and claim they had succeeded in this endeavor.
But now, it was a shallow, broken dream she figured she would never have. So she tried to channel that, feeling the love and the excitement she once had for him, pretending like it hadn’t died in a horrible explosion of distrust and fear. Part of her wanted to believe that she did reach out and try to reclaim it, but even though she knew she couldn’t, she didn’t hold back. She didn’t tell herself it was impossible. Instead, she dreamed it was possible; she could have everything she wanted with him and there would be no mistaking each other or confusion.
They danced like they had never danced before, letting the music fill them and carry them across the floor. She felt light and free, wondering if there was ever going to be a moment where she felt this happy with him again. She could see misery on the horizon, but with this dance, hope breezed into her again.
She thought about how spectacular it had been when he proposed to her. She didn’t let that sadness fill her anymore. She wanted to have happiness inside of her for the rest of this night. She watched everybody looking at them smiling, their eyes full of life and happiness. Even her family was excited for this moment.
That was something she had been expecting. They approved of this. It was a shame she didn’t. It was a shame she would never get on board with this. As far she was concerned, this marriage was doomed from the start. But, with this dance, everything felt like it might happen. Everything felt like it might be the fairytale.
When the dance was done, everybody rushed up to say congratulations to them, thanking the couple for inviting them, and applauding them for their elegance and grace. Tiffany smiled and thanked them for their kindness. She didn’t even know half the people that came up to her, probably less than half.
She talked to them for a moment, discussing how excited she was for the wedding, lying through her teeth and trying her hardest not to disappoint them. She really didn’t want to meddle with these people anymore. She didn't tell them that, though. She let them feel like they were valued and wanted.
The rest of the night was spectacular, laughing with friends and talking with family. She got to know people she had never met before and wondered silently if they were able to transform into animals as she spoke to them. When they were ready to leave, she was sad to see most of them go. She’d made good friends with them.
People began to trickle out, taking cabs and heading off into the city, back to their hotels or their homes. There had been a lot of fun people present. It had been a good night, considering she wasn’t interested in marrying the man she was engaged to.
She didn’t know how many of them were mythical beings or if they were thinking about killing her, but it was fun. She figured she would find out who stood where eventually, but until then she was just going to have to enjoy what she had going for her. As everyone went their own separate ways, she said goodbye to them, or as many of them as she could, before she headed for the car that was going to take her home.
She was ready for a quiet night, to reflect and think about everything that happened, probably with a bubble bath. She needed to reflect on how she felt.
Before she could find a taxi, she felt a hand grab hold of hers and spin her around. She thought it was somebody she was related to, until she looked into the eyes of Gus. She wasn’t really excited to see him, but she wasn’t disgusted by the sight of him either. There was something about him that made her heart flutter and she wondered if she was starting to feel things for him again.
“Hey,” she said to him awkwardly, looking at him and wondering what he was interested in. She knew there couldn’t be anything too exciting on his mind. She hadn’t spoken to him for weeks and he was fairly hurt by that. “What’s up?” she asked, not giving away any of her thoughts with the comment.
“Hey, I was wondering if we might go somewhere and talk,” he suggested, his eyes full of hope and practically begging for her to give him a chance to spend some time with her.
She didn’t know what to say to him. There was a huge part of her cruel, cold mind that wanted to tell him he had blown whatever chances they might have had, but another part told her to settle down; there were worse things in the world than talking to the man she had once loved.
“Sure,” she said, deciding it was worth a few minutes of her life to hear him apologize and try to make things better.
If things didn’t work out, she was going to be just fine, but if they did, she would be even better. That much, she did know. So, she walked with him out into the rose garden, the two of them following no specific course as they just wandered for a while as they made their way toward the point where one of them would star
t talking. She hoped it would be him.
She hoped there would soon be a break in this unbearable silence, but she knew there probably wouldn’t be. They were both afraid of the other and she knew it was going to take time for that to mend and heal. She was mad at him, but she was also optimistic that the feelings would pass and they would be able to stay together.
“I wanted to say that I’m sorry,” he said, finally. “I know you’re not interested in hearing excuses and you’re still really hurt by me not telling you, but you have to understand that I was trying to legitimately protect myself. I’ve been honest with you for every second of our relationship and I wanted to be honest with you about this, too, but I was afraid this would happen.
“I want you to know that I’m completely loyal and more than willing to give our relationship the shot it deserves. With all my heart, I know you’re the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I hope you understand that.”
“I do understand that,” she said to him honestly. God, she really wished there was a chance for them, but he had ruined that with the whole reveal. “I’m just having a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that you’re actually a person who can transform into an animal. That seems so impossible and so beyond my comprehension that I don’t know what to do with it. I want to get over it, but it’s very hard right now.”
“What do you need?” he asked her, genuinely concerned for her. “What can I do to help you with this?”
She wished she had an answer for that. She wanted to be able to tell him there was something going on inside of her mind that pointed toward an answer, but she didn’t have anything like that. All she had was a bunch of confusion and fear inside of her. She needed to get her head clear of all of that, but nothing was coming up for her.
“Nothing,” she said after a moment.
All she thought about was that there was no magical cure to make all of this right for her. There was no magic wand he would be able to wave or special words to say to make it all go away.
In the end, she was just another person who had been hurt and destroyed by the lies he’d told her. Until then, she was going to need to be alone so that she could shuffle through the thoughts in her mind. There was so much that had her confused. There was a whole lot that was going to leave her feeling lost and ashamed until she found a way to understand what she had witnessed.
“I understand,” he said, nodding to her and for the first time in a long time, she felt like he did understand what she was saying. He understood there were plenty of things in the world people were allowed to tolerate but this wasn’t one of them. This was something they feared and never thought would be real.
“I’m here for you, whenever you need to talk about it or if you need as many answers as I have, I’ll gladly give them to you, but I won’t rush you and I won’t demand that you hurry. I understand completely that this isn’t your game.”
“Thanks,” she said, trying her hardest not to feel angry and not feel like she was falling in love with him again. She just wanted to be here with him, somewhere in between, and let it linger.
The fact that they had agreed there was nothing more to be done and they were ready to part ways was enough for her to feel good about this. She wasn’t going to say with any sort of definitive knowledge in her mind that she was swaying one way or another. She was too tired and too scared to play that kind of game. Right now, all she knew was that she was scared and there were a lot of things on her mind. She just wanted to be left alone for a while to think things through.
Being alone would give her an opportunity to decide what was right for them and what they should do. She was going to be able to figure out if she wanted to marry him and give him a chance to win her over or if she was going to marry him and demand an open relationship. She was going to figure all of that out in her own time, alone and away from all of this. She needed the freedom to think things through without him being there.
“How about if we talk more at the engagement party?” he asked her, setting a time table for them to figure things out.
She liked the sound of that. It was a nice, long time, giving her a chance to put things into perspective and to figure out where she stood on all of this. She needed to get some clarity and being away for around two months was going to be something she was going to enjoy. It would give her a chance to thoroughly figure out what it meant for her to be alone and to be a person who didn’t need to be burdened by all of this guilt.
“That sounds good to me,” she said with a smile.
He grinned at her and for a second, she felt the walls coming down, crumbling at her feet as she looked at him. She thought about all of the good times and she felt her heart starting to collapse at the thought of all of it.
Oh God, she thought, I just wanted to go back to when things were less complicated. She longed for the time when the only things she thought about on her way home was their future life and the baby they were going to have together. Was that too much to ask?
“Okay,” he said with an eager voice. “Again, if there's anything you need or anything I can do for you, just let me know and I’ll be there immediately.”
“I will,” she assured him, not so sure herself if she would take the risk. She wasn’t interested in seeing him around her often, but she might break the momentary silence they had agreed to. Honestly, she was much weaker than she wanted him to believe.
He walked her to the front of the Rose Room and she was surprised there was still a town car waiting for her. There was something about the sight of it that made her feel sad. She had spent most of the evening panicking and feeling like she needed to get away from the man she was with, but she knew there was no escaping the feelings inside of her.
She was a fool for him. She was weak and she wanted to spend more time with him, but the rational part of her mind told her she needed to get away. It was right. She did need to get away. She needed to move on and spend some of her time thinking about what she was going to do with herself.
There were so many possibilities as to how she was going to get over this, but she didn’t know which one was going to be best. She thought a direct approach might work. Maybe if she just thought about her options, she could take a more strategic approach, settling on what might make the most sense to her mind and remove the heart from the equation once and for all.
But, that didn’t seem right. Nothing about it seemed right. If she took her heart out of the equation, what was left? What was left was a shell of the person she was. She needed a life that had heart, emotion, and soul. If she neglected all of that, what was there left to do with her life?
The car took her to her home, letting her out right in front of it. She sometimes felt like royalty when she was coming out of the car specifically designated to take her somewhere. But now she felt like such a charlatan. People were watching her, examining her as she walked to the front of her apartment building and entered, without a doorman opening the door for her.
She went upstairs, climbing the steps as her mind drifted from topic to topic, fluttering from question after question. She didn’t know what to do with herself. When she ended up in front of her door, she slipped the keys into the lock and entered without much thought at all.
It had been a fun night. People were still texting her, congratulating her and talking about how happy she looked. She wasn’t sure about that. In fact, all she could think about was that the night wasn’t quite what she had expected. She hadn’t expected everything she had come to feel for Gus. She thought she was just going to be angry at him the whole night, but that hadn’t turned out to be the case.
Taking off her clothes, she got ready for bed. She made sure her dress was nicely hung. It was too beautiful not to be taken care of. She brushed her teeth, took her prenatal vitamins, and examined her stomach to see if it was larger. She didn’t see any difference, but she knew it would only be a matter of time. The doctor told her that the first time a woman was pregnant, they were luc
ky and didn’t see huge, swollen bellies. She was grateful for that.
Climbing into bed was hard for her. It was lonely and cold, no longer exciting or full of lust and possibility. All she could think about was the fact that she was alone right then, and the man she was interested in was a liar and far away from her.
She thought about what made her so angry towards him. Was it the fact that he lied to her and kept a secret from her? Was it because he didn’t trust her with that secret? Or was it the fact that he was mythological being, given life in front of her? She didn’t know what she was, but she knew one thing. She was mad at him.
She would endure the lonely, cold bed, but she wasn’t sure if she would endure it for a long time or for a short time. She didn’t like feeling betrayed. There was a scar there, a scar that wasn’t going away anytime soon. It hurt too much and she couldn’t trust him. If she couldn't trust him, then there was no relationship to work on. She thought about how lonely he had made her and how far apart they were now. Had it been worth it?
