Love You Better

by Brit Benson

  The early October weather is finally starting to feel like a Midwest fall, and when I open the front door, the cool air calms my warm skin. Kelley is leaning on the railing of the front porch, and dang it all, he’s wearing a stupid Henley.

  “Ives,” Kelley says, assessing me. I feel his eyes on me. I always feel his eyes on me. I tell myself that the responding shiver is from the chill in the air, and not my body reacting to his nearness.

  “Kelley.” I stand taller. “Look, Kell, I don’t think now—”

  “Just hear me out, okay? Please. I know you’re trying to avoid this, but what I have to say is important. You need to hear me out.”

  His eyes are pleading, a determined set to his jaw. I watch the muscles bunch under his scruff as he clenches his teeth. When he pushes off the railing and squares his shoulders, my eyes track over the way his shirt clings to his biceps and chest. A chest that just last night, I was resting my head on.

  “Let me argue my case, okay? If afterward you still feel the same as you did earlier, I’ll back off.”

  I nod and respond hesitantly, “Sure.”

  “Okay, take it out.”

  I raise a brow. “Take what out?”

  “Your list. The list I know you’ve made trying to talk yourself out of being with me. And a pen, too.”

  Again, I’m floored by how well he knows me, so I walk back into the house and grab a pen and the papers off my bed.

  Kelley sighs when he sees what I’ve brought down.

  “Three lists,” he mumbles. “Alright, fine. What’s the first one?”

  “You want me to read them out?”

  “How else am I supposed to give my rebuttal?”

  I pause. What the heck. These lists weren’t meant to be seen by him.

  Kelley takes a breath. His eyes are intense and burning with urgency and sincerity, so I brace myself, and read the first bullet.

  “I need at least a 175 on my LSAT. You’ve been distracting me from prepping.”

  “I’m sorry for distracting you, but that’s a non-issue because your test is tomorrow. Cross it off.” I squint at him and slowly run the pen through the words. “Number two,” he prompts.

  “I need to maintain my GPA to remain competitive for law schools. I can’t forfeit study time,” I say firmly.

  “Easy. We’ll draw up a schedule. Set times when you need to study, and I won’t bother you. Same with when you need to work on your applications. Cross it off and give me the next.”

  I huff a little, but I cross it off and read the next bullet.

  “Okay. My internship. I need to keep getting the hours so I can earn the money to pay for law school, and so I can keep a competitive resume. Plus, I need the experience.”

  “Also easy. No more texting during internship hours and no more dates on days when you have to be at the firm. Hit me with the next one.”

  I’m getting flustered. I was so sure when I made these lists.

  “Law school. I don’t know where I’m going to be after this year.” I pop my hand on my hip, but he shakes his head.

  “That’s months away, Ivy. That should be the last item on your list because it’s not an immediate concern.” I roll my eyes at him because I know he’s right. “Keep it on there if you need to. In a few months, we’ll revisit it. Next.”

  I’m overwhelmed with nerves that I can’t explain, and with trembling fingers, I flip through the papers and try to find one that doesn’t seem so easy to deal with.

  “Next one, Ives,” he says more softly.

  “Jacob,” I spit. “I missed calls from him because I was making out with you in a car like a teenager. That’s not okay, Kelley. Today never would have happened if I’d kept him a priority.”

  “Not gonna stop making out like teenagers in cars, but I’ll never be offended if you stop whatever we’re doing to talk to Jacob. Even if my face is between your legs.” He flashes a smirk, and I bristle at the way my body heats in response. “But Jacob will never not be a priority, for either of us. I promise. We can come home on the weekends. You can tell me when you’re gonna call him, and I’ll do the same. If you’ve got something you need to do, I won’t get in the way. Keep going.”

  “This is ridiculous,” I huff. “You really just want me to pencil you into my life like an appointment? Schedule time with you in my planner?”

  “Yes.” He’s so matter of fact. So firm and certain.

  “And what about our friendship, Kelley? What about that? Romantic relationships aren’t dependable. They’re statistically likely to fail. What if we try this and it doesn’t work and we let each other down and it all just explodes? We’ll be crushed. I’ll be crushed.”

  I blink back my tears and try to keep my voice from trembling.

  Kelley shakes his head slowly and takes a step toward me. When he speaks, his voice is low and sincere. I’m embraced by it.

  “I’ve been in love with you since ninth grade, Ivy Jean Rivenbark. I didn’t always know it, and I tried like hell for a long time to ignore it, but it’s true.”

  He takes my hands in his and pulls me closer before continuing.

  “For years, I’ve been that damn bachelor with the cornflower pinned to my fucking lapel, even when I tried to pretend like I wasn’t. And here’s the thing. I thought for certain that my stupid cornflower was wilted, that it was dead because you didn’t return my feelings, and I was just a dumb fuck holding on to some ridiculous dead symbolic flower. And I swear, I was okay with that. I had accepted it. But then you kissed me at Keggers, and I realized I was wrong. You have feelings for me, too, Ivy. Maybe you always have, and you didn’t know it, but you definitely do now, and there’s no turning back. We’re in it too deep.”

  He kisses my knuckles, and I shiver at his touch. His words wash over me, and I can feel their truth thrumming through my bloodstream.

  “That, right there,” he continues, brushing his lips over my hand once more, “the way your body ignites under my touch. The way you’re drawn to me, like a magnet, craving me. I feel that same way. I feel it all. You can’t fake stuff like this. And I know you’re scared, and I know you’re thinking of all the ways this relationship could fail or end badly, but you’re not considering everything. I know you, Ivy. I know you better than anyone. I know your mind, I know your heart, and I know your soul as if they were my own. You know what that means?”

  I’m speechless. My heart is racing. All I can do is shake my head and watch him, completely enthralled by this man. My best friend.

  “It means I’m going to love you better than anyone can. The only person who will ever love you better than me is yourself, but I’m going to spend all of my life trying to match you. And when your self-love falters, when you doubt yourself or us, my heart will carry yours. I’ll love you big enough for the both of us. I always have, and if you let me, I always will.”

  There’s no stopping my tears now. I’m flooded with emotions, and I can’t hold them back any longer. I don’t even want to.

  “You spend so much time taking care of everyone else, loving everyone with your big heart and your brilliant mind, but you don’t have to do it alone. Let me take care of you, too. I know it’s not part of your plan. I know it’s scary. I know it’s unfamiliar territory, but we can navigate it together.”

  We’re so close now that our chests are pressed together, and I can feel his heart beating against me. It feels like it’s in sync with my own. Silent tears stream down my face, and he closes his eyes and leans his forehead on mine.

  “Let me love you, Ivy,” he whispers, his warm breath fanning over my lips, cooling the tear tracks on my cheeks. “I’ll do it better than anyone else can. I swear it.”

  I swallow, my eyes closed tight, and we just stand there for a moment. Feeling each other, breathing each other in. Absorbing everything.

  “That’s quite the argument, Kelley,” I say with a quiet laugh trying to lighten the mood, and I can feel his small smile.

  “Was it enough
to sway opposing counsel? Did I convince the jury?”

  “Oh, Kelley,” I cry, and then I kiss him.

  Without breaking the kiss, I attempt to pull Kelley into the house, fumbling over the threshold and stumbling backward before he wordlessly lifts me, and I wrap my legs around his waist.

  “Bedroom,” I whisper, and on light footsteps, he carries me up the stairs toward my childhood room.

  Both hands on my butt, he nudges the door open with his hip, walks us in, and then kicks it shut behind him. He trips over something, stumbles a bit, and I grip him tighter.

  “Shit,” he grunts.

  “You almost dropped me!” I squeal, and we try to stifle our laughter.

  “If you’d pick up your shoes, I wouldn’t have tripped. Slob,” he teases, and I bite his shoulder, making him laugh more.

  “Hush.” I giggle against his lips as he sets me on the bed. “I don’t want to wake them.”

  My mom and Jacob are both asleep. My mom’s room is downstairs, but Jacob is right across the hall, and I don’t want anything to interrupt this moment with Kelley. This thrilling, amazing, perfect moment that’s been a long time coming.

  I scoot backward on the bed and he follows so that he’s kneeling between my parted thighs, bracing his arms on either side of my body as I’m propped up on my elbows. He breaks the kiss to sit up on his knees and pull off his shirt, and I lift myself up and do the same. Kelley pauses, his eyes eating up every inch of my exposed flesh. I was wearing pajamas when he got here, so now I’m in front of him in only a pair of cotton boy short panties.

  I watch him as I slide my hands up my body and pinch my peaked nipples. When he groans, I smirk. He reaches down and cups my breast with one hand, and palms his erection, squeezing tightly, with his other. My body flushes hot at the sight.

  “Stand up,” I command, and I barely recognize my voice for the rawness in it. When he does, I lean forward to place open-mouthed kisses on his stomach. He swears softly and runs his fingers through my hair as I trace my tongue over his cut abs. I bring my hands up to squeeze his tight backside, and then drag his shorts down his thighs.

  His erection pops out of his shorts, bopping me on the chin, and I giggle.

  “Whoops.” He laughs, and I bring my eyes to his, lighting up with the mirth and playfulness there. “Sorry,” he says with a smile, definitely not sorry.

  My matching smile is mischievous, and without breaking eye contact, I wrap my hand around his hardness and stroke. His eyes flutter shut, his head falls back, and he groans.

  “Ah ah,” I tease. “Eyes on me, baby.” He snaps his eyes open and the uninhibited heat in them is intoxicating. “Keep those pretty hazel eyes on me, Kelley,” I say, repeating his words from before. He smirks and gives my hair a light tug before I lower my mouth to him.

  I lick up his shaft, swirling my tongue around the tip before taking it into my mouth and sucking lightly. It’s been years since I’ve given a blowjob, but his answering groan and the way his hands tighten in my hair tell me I’m doing something right.

  I lave my tongue on the sensitive underside of his head, sucking him like a lollipop, then tighten my lips over my teeth and take him deep into my mouth, massaging his shaft with my tongue as I do. I pump the rest of him with my hand, using my spit as lubricant. Kelley gathers my hair into a ponytail on the top of my head and never takes his eyes off me, not even when I close mine and take him as deeply as I can into my throat.

  “Fuck, Ivy. Fuck,” he says, his words low, his moans muted in the effort to be quiet. His breathing is heavy and when I move my mouth back to suck on the smooth head and stroke his shaft with both my hands, he pulls me off him, his erection leaving my lips with a pop.

  “If you keep going, I’m going to come in your mouth, and as much as I want to do that, baby, I’ve got overdue plans for your pussy tonight.”

  Whoa. My panties were already wet, but my core throbs from his words, his smoldering looks. He captures my lips with his, and I lie back, pulling him on top of me.

  My legs are wrapped around him, his hardness heavy and hot against my core through the thin material of my panties. He runs his hands up and down my sides, cupping my breasts, and moves down to suck on my nipple. He bites lightly, making me whimper, then does the same to the other.

  His lips are a lit match, dragging flames across the surface of my skin, warming me up on the outside as smoke unfurls in my belly. The feverish sensation spreads outward toward my limbs, sparking at my fingertips and toes. He drags fire from the swell of my breasts to my collarbone, up over the slope of my neck, pausing briefly at the shell of my ear. His breath is heavy and warm, causing my flesh to prickle despite the spiked temperature. He whispers my name in a voice thick with lust, and the sound is lightning straight to my core. When his mouth captures mine once more, I combust.

  Pulling him closer, I deepen his kiss, clenching my thighs and rocking my hips against him. I bite his lower lip and tug, causing a deep growl to ripple through him, and he presses his erection against my center. He moves a hand between us and into my panties. When he runs his fingers over me, he moans into my mouth.

  “You want this?” Kelley rasps as he massages my clit and then slides back down to circle my opening. “Tell me you want my fingers inside your pussy.” He continues to tease me, tracing his fingers over me, circling around me, but never pushes inside.

  “I want you,” I gasp.

  I’m swollen and soaking and aching for him, and I thrust at his hand trying to slip his finger inside. To get any kind of relief. He smiles against my mouth, pulls away slightly when I try to kiss him, and watches my face as he slowly slides two fingers into me. It’s euphoric.

  “Fuck, baby,” Kelley murmurs, dropping his head into the crook of my neck, sucking on my skin. As he thrusts in and out of me, I moan and clench around his fingers.

  “Fuuuck,” he says again, strained and breathless. I can feel his erection pressed hard against my thigh, so I reach down and grab it. He groans, and thrusts his fingers faster, using his palm to put delicious pressure onto my clit.

  “I’m gonna eat this pussy now,” he growls into my ear, and then makes his way down my body. Licking, nipping, sucking. When he reaches my hips, he pulls my panties down my legs and begins peppering my inner thighs with wet kisses.

  I watch him, his broad shoulders spreading my legs, his big hands wrapped around my thighs. When he sets his hazel eyes on mine, the sight is so erotic and sexy that my clit aches with need. He blows lightly over the heated skin at the apex of my thighs and a shiver wracks up my body.

  “I haven’t stopped thinking about this,” Kelley says, looking up at me from between my legs, blowing lightly again on my clit. “I’ve been dying to make you come again.”

  “God, yes,” I cry. I try to raise my hips to his mouth, but his arms keep me pinned to the bed.

  “Remember how good it felt last time?” He kisses my right inner thigh, and I squirm. “How I sucked on your clit until you came.” He nips at the other, and I whimper.

  “Please.” I nod my head quickly.

  His answering smile is wicked, and when he swipes his tongue over my folds without breaking eye contact, I almost come right then. Kelley drives me wild with his mouth, playing my body like an instrument he’s been mastering all his life, and when he brings me to orgasm, it’s a full body crescendo of sensations.

  I’m panting and writhing, a livewire of nerve endings, and I want more. I need more. I pull him back up my body and kiss him hard.

  “I want you,” I pant. “I want you right now.”

  “Are you sure?” Kelley asks. The desire in his voice is unmasked, but so is his genuine concern for me.

  Ugh, my heart.

  I nod my head. “More than anything. I want you, Kelley.” There’s no anxiety. No fear. Only a deep-seated need for him that I can no longer ignore.

  The emotions I see swirling in his eyes are so much more powerful than lust, deeper than arousal. I roll out fr
om under him, hurry to where my purse is discarded by the door to retrieve a condom, and rush back to the bed, practically tackling him.

  “Here,” I blurt, before attacking his mouth. He snatches the condom from me and flips me onto my back underneath him in the same motion, causing me to yelp in surprise.

  “Hush,” he scolds playfully and nips at my lips.

  “You hush,” I tease back before reaching down and gripping his length, giving it a pump. His answering growl is carnal, and my muscles quiver with excitement.

  I snatch the condom back from him, pop an eyebrow, and push on his chest, making him sit up on his knees. He’s smirking at me, and I laugh. I’m about to wipe that smirk right off his beautiful face.

  Without breaking eye contact, I tear the foil packet open, remove the latex and roll it slowly down his erection.

  Kelley’s eyes are pools of black. “Fuck, you’re so fucking sexy,” he says before crashing down on me, laying me beneath him and kissing me with so much enthusiasm that my head spins. “You’re sure?” he whispers once more, and I nod.

  “Yes. Yes. Fuck me, Kelley.”

  His eyes flash with fire, and he reaches down and lines his erection up with my entrance. He rubs the head up and down on me, once, twice, three times, and just as I’m about to beg, he pushes inside, making me cry out, the sound fevered and throaty.

  When he pulls out slowly and slides back in, he drops his head to my shoulder and lets out a guttural groan.

  “Fuck, baby. You feel so fucking good.” His voice is strained, and his panted breaths are hot on my neck as he leisurely moves above me, stroking himself in and out of my heat in long, deep, torturously slow thrusts. I can feel every single thick, delicious inch of him.

  “Oh my god, Kelley.” I moan. The feel of him stretching me, hitting me just right, the weight of his body pressing mine into the mattress, my sensitive nipples dragging over his hard chest as we move together, his plush lips worshiping mine. It’s all so perfect that my heart aches.

  I kiss him harder and rock my hips to meet his thrusts until we’re moving in sync. He stands up on his knees and grips my waist, speeding up until he is pounding into me. I’m all but lost in the sensation until I hear the rickety bed screeching loudly and the old metal headboard thudding into the wall.