by kendra Smith
‘How’s he doing?’ She nodded over to Ed.
‘Good. He’s a quick learner, seems to really enjoy it.’
He turned away abruptly, leaving Maddie standing on deck alone. She cast her gaze out to sea – there was a hubbub of activity on the harbour. It was like one the picture books Ed used to like as a baby where all the pages were full of tiny drawings of different scenes: a park, or in an office or people shopping, and you could spend hours looking at all the miniature characters and what they were doing. Today, on the water there were sailing boats, hovercrafts, a ferry on its way to Lymington, jet skis, a couple of fishing boats, and speed boats cutting different patterns though the waves and criss-crossing each other.
‘We’ll head to Alum Bay,’ Greg said, nodding towards the front of the boat, ‘then turn back. That should be enough to give Ed a taste of being skipper so he can get the miles in his logbook.’
Maddie rubbed her arms and looked up. The sun had disappeared entirely and she felt a very slight drizzle on her face as she gazed up to the sky.
‘It’s raining,’ she said, as she took in a lungful of damp sea air.
Greg glanced out to sea, then scratched his head. ‘Hmm, weather’s not looking great.’ He pulled his sunglasses up over his head. ‘Meant to be fine for another hour, but perhaps we should cut this short.’
He went over and said something to Ed who nodded. By now they were way beyond the harbour. Maddie could feel the swell making the boat roll quite strongly from side to side. Taffie was running between her and Ed. ‘Come here!’ she said, and tucked him up beneath her feet. But he wouldn’t sit still and leapt up, putting his paws on the gunwales of the boat. ‘Down, Taffie!’ she said as the boat rolled again, but the animated terrier just barked some more.
The wind was pretty gusty now. Both Ed and Greg had put on waterproofs earlier. Maddie clamped a baseball cap firmly onto her head to keep her hair from whipping across her cheeks. Greg threw her a waterproof, and as she got up to catch it, she lost her balance and fell sharply onto the deck.
‘You all right?’ Greg shouted from the helm.
Her knee was stinging, but she didn’t want to make a fuss, so she stood up, hobbled back to her seat by Taffie, and nodded. ‘I’m fine.’ The boat was tilting quite alarmingly to each side as the sea surged underneath it. Maddie watched as huge, foamy waves crashed down on the side of the boat, sending it reeling to one side and then the other.
After a few minutes it was clear that the situation had changed pretty dramatically. Greg’s mouth was set in a firm line. Then suddenly he was shouting at her: ‘Stay sitting down!’ He was at the wheel, holding on firmly, whilst shouting instructions to Ed about the sails.
‘We need to gybe – now!’
Ed seemed to be confused and was pulling on one line, as Greg kept telling him it was the wrong one, then yelling more instructions, but it was so windy Ed could hardly hear him. The sail started to flap violently in the wind.
‘Christ!’ Ed shrieked loudly, just as the boom swung round. Luckily, Maddie saw it, and she ducked quickly out the way.
‘No!’ shouted Greg. ‘We’re going to broach, hold on!’ The boat suddenly heeled over nearly horizontal and skidded sideways. Maddie clung on to her seat, terrified.
After he had regained control, Greg told Ed to take the wheel, as by now waves were leaping down the sides of the boat as the speed increased. Maddie looked at the sky and the whole canopy above them was the colour of a purply bruise. The sea was a murky grey and her waterproof was a poor defence against the wind and rain. Rain pelted on her cheeks and the wind was roaring in her ears. Not only was she freezing and shivering, she was aware of her heart thudding in her chest.
The boat jerked to the left, as Greg shouted, ‘I should have reefed the sail earlier on, we’re going to broach again!’ to Ed. Ed looked panic-stricken and gripped the wheel more tightly, his eyes wide.
But just as he did, another gust of wind rolled the boat violently over on its side as Greg shouted, ‘Broaching… hang on!’ Taffie, who’d been standing with paws up on the side, suddenly yelped. Maddie watched, helplessly, as unable to cling on, he fell right into the violent ocean.
‘Taffie! No!’ screamed Maddie as Ed looked over his shoulder, his hair matted to his head.
Greg was right beside her then. ‘Where is he?’ he shouted above the noise of the waves and the sails, which were flapping in the wind, completely out of control now.
Greg quickly told Ed to start the engine and hold the boat into the wind, and then he threw a ring with a line in from the side. Maddie looked on, heart in her mouth, as he jumped overboard himself, ‘Greg!’ Maddie screamed automatically.
Time seemed to stand still as she gazed out to the ocean at the angry waves, white foam breaking all over the surface, the hiss of the sea in her ears. She could see nothing but the bubbling, furious waters below as she clung to the rails of the boat herself, looking behind her at the waves, her knuckles white as her eyes darted right and left looking for any sign of either of them. There was no sign of Taffie – or Greg. Where were they?
‘Ed. Jesus, what do we do? Ed?’ she screamed. He was clutching the wheel, his face white, panic in his eyes. They were both completely out of their depth. She couldn’t move and the boat was rocking so violently now, she couldn’t even stand up. She remained kneeling on the deck, clinging on, raising her head now and then to look out to the water.
She scanned the ocean as much as she could, frantic for some sign of life, desperate for a glimpse of either of them.
Suddenly, Greg’s head popped up and he took a huge gasp of air, then went out of sight again behind a wave. She could see the orange life ring just beside him. It looked like he was holding on to it with one arm hooked into it. With his lifejacket on, his face was just above the water, then – miracle – she could just about make out a ball of wet fur under Greg’s arm.
‘Mum! Hold the wheel!’ Ed was by her side.
‘What? I don’t know what to do!’
‘Just do it!’ he screamed at her. ‘Hold it steady here, at about ten o’clock. Keep the bow of the boat pointing into the wind – look, like this! Come on, Mum!’ He showed her where to hold it as her heart raced and she felt the rain trickle down her neck.
‘I need to get the sails down and circle back with the engine and try to get these two out of the sea,’ bellowed Ed as he released the halyard, and the mainsail crashed down. He then grabbed the furling line, accelerated the engine and circled back round to where Greg and Taffie were. Maddie watched as her son wrapped a line around his waist and secured it to a cleat on the boat. He threw a line out to sea, which Greg missed a few times. Finally he grabbed it as Ed hauled him round to the back of the boat to climb up the ladder, the waves severely buffeting them.
Maddie had trouble standing in such a gale, but she did her best and held on for dear life to the wheel, keeping it in the place Ed had told her to.
Eventually, Maddie glanced round to see a soaking Ed clutching Taffie, before Greg finally – with Ed’s help – appeared at the back of the boat. Taffie scuttled under a seat and shivered.
Ed and Greg both lay on the deck, gasping for breath and shivering. Then Ed scrambled back to take the wheel from her as Greg jumped up and went round to properly secure the sails, hauling them into submission. Taffie was still cowering in the corner as Maddie went over to him. Then she sat, cross-legged on the deck, utterly soaking by now, and clutched the poor dog to her chest. She could feel his little heart beating rapidly as he trembled in her lap, soaked through.
The rain was pelting down much harder now, but she could just make out the harbour. A couple of boats had lost their mooring and were drifting out at sea. She shivered and watched as Ed and Greg worked as a team to safely bring the boat back to the calmer waters near the jetty. Greg was shouting orders at Ed, who, although looking petrified, did as he was told until it was safe.
Finally, the waves subsided as they were in the inner ha
rbour. After navigating around several smaller boats, they were able to moor a bit further on from where they had started, as a sailing dinghy had taken shelter at their original mooring.
Maddie sat on the deck of the boat, her hair sticking to her forehead, her baseball cap long gone, her clothes drenched and with a shivering Taffie in her lap. She leant her head back on the bench seats and closed her eyes. Thank God they were safe.
68
When they finally got out of the sailing club, Maddie went to the car across the road and screamed.
‘What the f—’ she started to say, glaring at the huge canary-yellow clamp on her car wheel. ‘I don’t believe it!’
‘Oh Jesus,’ said Ed, looking up. ‘Not now!’ He stared at it from under a sodden baseball cap and drenched clothes. She glanced over to him, standing forlornly, water pooling by his feet.
‘This is all we need.’ Maddie put her hand up to her neck and squeezed the back of it whilst she tried to work out what to do for the best. They just needed to get home. She’d parked in a disabled bay without realising it. It was still peak season, and the traffic wardens had been out in force.
At that moment, Greg emerged from the front door, with his sailing bag slung over his shoulder. He stood in the street and looked at the scene in front of them, set his bag down, and put his hands on his hips.
‘Right, you’d better hop into my car,’ he said, nodding to his pick-up truck on the other side of the road. ‘Both of you. Let’s get you home.’
Maddie was torn. She was freezing, wet and she wanted to get home. Ed was visibly shivering and Taffie hadn’t stopped shaking in her arms since they’d got off the boat. Someone at the club had given her an old towel and she’d wrapped the dog in that. However, she wanted some time alone; Greg had been so peculiar with her – even after he’d leapt overboard. It was as if he regretted having her around today. She sighed. What choice did she have?
They were silent all the way back to Maris Cottage, the windscreen wipers swishing left and right furiously, unable to cope with the amount of rain. What should have been a twenty-minute drive on the coast road, became a forty-minute detour as there had been an accident on one of the roads with a petrol tanker.
The windows had steamed up and the fans were operating overtime to keep them clear. The smell of wet clothes and damp dog filled the car. Eventually, they turned into a side road that took them back to the village and they pulled up beside Maris Cottage.
‘Here you go,’ he said. ‘Sorry about today.’
‘It’s not your fault that the weather turned, Greg.’ Maddie shifted in her seat, her damp legs sticking to the vinyl seat, as she heard Ed clamber out behind her.
‘No, but I shouldn’t have taken Ed out when there was the chance of a storm.’
Taffie was still shivering in her lap and she knew she had to get him dry and feed him.
‘Look, come in and get dry. I can put your stuff in the tumble dryer, you can eat, and then you can tackle that road. It will take you over an hour to get back and you’re soaked through.’
Greg stared ahead at the rain pelting on the windscreen, the roar of it louder inside the car, as if he was contemplating a life-altering decision.
‘Greg, I don’t know how many more times I can say sor—’
‘I know you’re sodding well sorry!’ he flashed at her, as he turned to look at her, his nostrils flared. She was taken aback at his anger. Where had that come from?
‘Listen,’ he said more gently, ‘I was scared out there, Maddie, scared that you and Ed would have an accident in that boat. I was scared I’d lose you both. I’ve been so confused for last few weeks. I’ve—’
But he stopped what he was saying as Ed yanked open Maddie’s door. ‘Mum! The key! I can’t get in.’
Greg looked at her then, his hair damp around his forehead, his long eyelashes blinking uncomprehendingly at her as she reached out her hand to put it on his arm. But before she could, he abruptly turned to the door, got out and slammed it shut.
*
Once they were inside, everybody pitched in. Greg made a fire, they took it in turns to have showers and Maddie towel-dried and fed Taffie. She gave Greg an old T-shirt of Ed’s and she made hot chocolate for everyone and took it into the lounge. As Greg emerged through the lounge doorway, she couldn’t help but stare. The T-shirt was a bit too small for his muscly frame, and his towel skimmed his thighs like a skirt. Ed was on the sofa and Greg sat down next to the fire, his back to him, leaning on the edge of the couch. When Taffie saw him, he leapt up, and crawled into his lap.
‘I’ll put your clothes in the dryer,’ she said, picking up Greg’s wet bundle of clothes from the floor. He looked up at her and nodded.
As she was loading the clothes into the dryer, she could hear the murmur of voices as Ed and Greg talked about the day.
She came back through, poured herself a hot chocolate, then sat and watched Greg flicking through his phone and smiling at Ed whilst gently stroking Taffie. The urge to reach out and hold his hand was overwhelming. She folded her arms across her chest to stop herself.
‘Any food, Mum?’ Ed eventually said, looking at her pleadingly. ‘I’m starving.’
‘Of course,’ Maddie said, quickly doing an internal flip through the meals that she could make out of bacon and pasta, and then came up with a quick fix: spaghetti carbonara.
She popped into the kitchen and took a deep breath. Greg had really rattled her in the car. She started to chop the onions but then decided she could do with a drink. She poked her head back into the lounge. ‘Anyone for a glass of wine?’
‘I’ll do it, Mum.’ Ed leapt up and then was clattering behind her getting out glasses and she heard the crack of a bottle top being twisted open.
Ed placed a glass of red wine beside her, and he took two glasses and the bottle through to the lounge. She could hear the chatter resume and the crackle of the fire.
She picked up her glass, took a large gulp, enjoying the warm sensation as it hit the back of her throat. Her mind was a fuzzy mess, and it felt good to be doing something so mindless. She fried up the bacon with some garlic, added the cooked spaghetti, a couple of eggs and butter, and made a quick spaghetti carbonara. As the bacon fried, she realised how hungry she was – nobody had had any lunch.
Greg appeared behind her and started to set the table in silence. She noticed he’d refilled his glass. ‘Smells good,’ he said, taking a gulp of wine.
‘Cheat’s carbonara.’ She turned to look at him and stifled a giggle. The wine had gone straight to her head. He stood, comically, in front of her in a towel which, on him, looked like a miniskirt.
‘What?’
‘You, um, you look a bit ridiculous.’
He simply raised his glass as in a salute to her, then downed it in one.
Once they were sat at the table and Maddie had dished out huge bowls of spaghetti, she tried not to notice Greg’s bare leg pressing on her thigh. Just then, his phone bleeped. There had been several boats that had lost their mooring that afternoon, and a few had been smashed up in the harbour. One person had been taken to hospital for hypothermia, and another experienced sailor from the club had apparently broken his arm as the boom had crashed onto him in the storm. ‘We were lucky,’ Greg muttered, ending the voicemail and looking at her and Ed.
‘Thanks for looking after us today, Greg, and for saving Taffie.’ Ed leant his head to one side. Greg nodded in response and leant down and patted Taffie, who had followed him into the kitchen.
‘I’m bushed,’ Ed said, yawning and stretching both arms above his head. He gathered up the three plates and put them next to the sink. ‘I’m heading to bed.’ He turned back around. ‘Yeah, I’ve learnt a lot!’
‘You have.’ Greg took a slug of wine and then refilled his and Maddie’s glasses. ‘You’ve experienced things that no class lessons can teach you. Good work out there today. I know it was pretty terrifying. Holding your nerve on that boat took some effort, nobody can te
ach you that.’
Ed nodded. ‘Night – and, um, thanks again, Greg, for saving Taffie.’ He looked at Maddie, eyes misting.
‘He’s a great little warrior.’ Greg leant down and put a hand on Taffie who was now curled up next to his bare feet.
*
Maddie and Greg tidied up the kitchen in companionable silence using some unwritten code: she put away food in the fridge, Greg washed up. Finally, it was just the two of them sitting by the fire. His shorts had dried and he had changed back into them after supper. She put another two logs on the fire, and they crackled loudly as they fell back on the others, catching light. Orange flames burst up and circled both logs; she was finally feeling warm. Greg poured them both another glass of red wine from a new bottle. Surely Greg wouldn’t drive back now? Taffie jumped into his lap again.
Greg had a photo in one hand, his other stroking Taffie gently; it was of Ed in a highchair, burbling in delight, his hands covered in chocolate. Maddie was standing behind him, laughing, with a glass of something in her hand.
‘I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me,’ Maddie said, noticing how he was now frowning at the photo. The fire spat out a few sparks and Taffie looked up, yawned, then snapped his jaws back together and rested his head on Greg’s lap again.
‘I don’t hate you, Maddie.’ He turned to look at her. ‘That’s something I’ve never felt. Frustrated, yes. But you’ve given me a son I didn’t think I’d ever have.’ His eyes were misty. The mood had altered.
‘Yes but it’s, it’s…’ She didn’t know what she wanted to say. She felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Tim had been given the privilege of bringing up Ed and yet what had he done? Barely engaged with the child. And it was guilt, guilt that had kept her with him. She’d always felt she’d done the wrong thing, that she’d put the family through ‘hell’ as she’d once overheard her mother saying and that had cut through her like a knife slicing rotting flesh. It was such a simple solution. Marry Tim, make it all right, take away the shame, stifle your tears at night. Good girl.
