Love's Misconception
Page 8
He scrunched his eyebrows and then shook his head. “No, I mean, I never said no. I guess I could have, but I don’t think there really would have been much of a point. It wasn’t how they would have treated real girls. It was their program for gay pre-trans to show them how the vampire community saw them, prepare them for how their life would be, and—”
“No, no, London. Just no,” I whispered, leaning my forehead down to his. “God, what they did to you?”
“Stop, just stop pitying me!” he snarled as he shoved me away. “First I’m all screwed up because of my family. Now because of this? Either way you were a jerk to me and you apparently love pointing out all my issues. That doesn’t seem like a good friendship either. Just leave me alone, Drake.”
“No, I won’t. It is healthy because someone cares enough about you to finally be telling you the truth of all of this without an agenda.” He moved as if he was going to step around me, instead I boxed him against the wall and pinned his shoulders to it. “Listen to me! I know your gift is already showing its ugly head and I’ve kept that secret, but it’s early. You’ve probably heard Nate’s is too, but he’s a few years older and that’s still early, London.”
“So why is he early then?” he asked, not angry anymore and definitely not so sure of himself.
“He had some shit happen to him too,” I confirmed, losing the edge to my voice. I sighed, hating how fear instantly filled his eyes as if corroborating something he’d already been thinking. “Plus his mate got seriously hurt, and just, yeah, we’ve had a lot happen here.”
“Okay.” He bobbed his head and then in a flash brought his hands up on the insides of my elbows so my arms bent in and I wasn’t able to keep the pressure on his shoulders anymore, moving away before I could grab him again. “Thanks for telling me.”
“And?” I hedged, shocked he was that fast but respecting his need for space if he was willing to risk getting hurt by pulling that move.
He shrugged as he picked up the handgun he’d tossed down when I’d arrived and went back to cleaning it. “No and. Thanks.”
Shit! This was not going well. I had a front-row seat to him shutting down or way worse… Nervous breakdown time. Great, everything everyone else had pulled, and I was the one who ended up making it happen. And after a few minutes of watching him, my confidence I’d done just that didn’t improve. “London, you’re worrying me. If you don’t say more or something other than clean the dangerous weapons like you’re thinking of using them on yourself, I’m going to go tell someone in charge.”
London slowly looked up at me, and I flinched when I saw the hate in his eyes focused on me. “I’m nothing like him. Don’t ever compare me to him. I wouldn’t ever do that.”
“Him who? Who are you—”
“Just go,” he snarled, turning away from me. “Haven’t you stirred up enough? Gotten enough out of me and poked enough holes in everything I thought? Glad it was so important to you that you got sleepovers or a more normal friend with benefits, Drake. Hope it was worth making everything crash down around me while I’m starting a new camp and all the landmines I’ve already got going here. Yeah, totally missed out on having friends all these years. Much better than being alone and watching my own ass.”
“That wasn’t my intention at all,” I whispered, my words sounding hollow even to my own ears. I shook my head and turned away, his shoulders going tense when I glanced back as if he knew I was going to try again to say something. There’s no point if he wants me gone that bad.
So I left. I didn’t really have a place or destination in mind, but the next thing I knew I was at ops, in Alexander’s office—breaking into his filing cabinet. I shouldn’t have been surprised that there was a silent alarm, not that I’d been all that silent, but minutes after I got it open and sat down with the file I came there for, Alexander and Helios came racing into the room.
“What the fuck are you doing, Drake?” Alexander bellowed. “Are you out of your mind?”
“I didn’t mean to be so selfish,” I whispered, not really registering what he was saying or even what I’d just done. I stared at the pages I’d read, focused on the one thing smacking back at me. “He meant his father. His father committed suicide. God, I’m such an idiot. How could I have said that to him?” Then I shook my head. “How can he be around guns all the time? Like them so much?”
“Drake, what happened?” my boss asked, his tone a bit gentler. “What’s wrong with London?”
“He’s upset. Rightfully so. I ripped open too many wounds, pointed out too many things wrong he didn’t realize were wrong. It’s bad. Really bad. But he won’t talk about it. Seattle’s worse than we thought. I mean, I don’t know specifics about Rune, but they haven’t cleaned up their act. He won’t talk about it though. London. But he was acting so weird. In shock. I didn’t want him around guns. I said I was worried he’d hurt himself. The look he gave me, so full of rage. I get it now.”
“Maybe he likes training with them because his dad taught him and he doesn’t want the memory of that gone by the fact his dad shot himself,” Helios murmured as he read over my shoulder. “I kind of get it. He didn’t witness it so there’s not that scar, but jumping in to be the master of weapons, moving past the downfalls of guns, I respect it.”
“What happened to London at Seattle that you’re so worried about him?” Alexander asked, ignoring Helios’s sidebar.
“He made me promise not to tell,” I sighed, closing the file and shaking my head. “But I would get Cadric or someone from La Salvezza.” I stood up, pissed off beyond words that London needed that much help and no one had caught on sooner, no one was the wiser or had tried to help him.
No, they had only made it worse and there was really only one person to blame for that.
Next thing I knew I was in the air hangar telling Tadzio that he was either getting in and flying the damn jet or I was. It might have been the crazy I’m sure he saw in my eyes because less than ten minutes later we were fueled up and taxiing to the airstrip.
“Um, what am I telling ops who is on the coms asking me what the fuck I’m doing?” Tadzio asked in a nervous voice.
“I don’t care,” I grumbled, plopping down and buckling in. “I kidnapped you. Stole the plane and duct taped your hands to the controllers so we didn’t die.”
“Right, okay.” He cleared his throat and then hit the throttle before answering as if that would cover his answer. “I think Drake is having a nervous breakdown, so we’re just going for a little ride, get some air, maybe space from the problem, healthy perspective even.” I rolled my eyes. Yeah, that was what we were doing. “Um, he gave me coordinates. Not the location.”
I winced, knowing they probably figured out where I wanted to go. “That’s enough talking. I’m not having a nervous breakdown. There’s just someone I need to yell at and then we’ll be right back home. It’s a face-to-face. I’ll get it all off my chest and we’ll turn right around, I promise.”
Tadzio glanced at me over his shoulder and then nodded before focusing back on what he was doing. I let go of the breath I’d been holding in as he geared up the jet and we took off.
Good thing because I’d totally been fucking lying. I mean totally. I’d started with only one person to chew out, one I was focused on as the center of all that had happened to London, but now I was adding people… And I added more along the three-and-a-half-hour flight. Which wasn’t wise.
“Why are we in Seattle, Drake?” Tadzio called back when the tower checked in with us. He wasn’t stupid, but part of him probably didn’t want to register where the coordinates I’d given him were taking us. Plus, there weren’t that many options northwest of us for fuck’s sake.
“I already told you. Now land the damn jet,” I growled. He shook his head, suddenly tense in the shoulders, but did it anyways.
The moment the plane stopped and was at their hangar, I had the stairs down, and was hurrying out of the plane.
“It’s cool, I’ll
just wait here and refuel,” Tadzio called after me. I waved back at him, basically wanting nothing more from him anyways. I definitely didn’t want to pull him into the shit I was going to get in. He really had just been the ride.
After a few misguided turns and circle-backs, I finally found the council estate, knowing that was where any member would be given it was an attached camp with coven and they weren’t on break. Each councilmember had their own living quarters at the estate, sort of like a swank apartment, for rulings and normal day-to-days, but then they had their family homes too, of course.
Once I was inside there, a few curious looks thrown my way that I ignored, things got trickier. I mean, I most definitely looked a warrior, and people could smell I was a vampire, so I didn’t raise any red flags that way, but I wasn’t dressed in fatigues as the warriors there did.
And it wasn’t as if there was a directory posted anywhere as to which councilmember was where and what every room was. That would be the stupidest security mistake ever.
Finally I caved and asked someone, lying through my teeth about having an appointment. Luckily, the person I picked looked as rushed as I was and barely noticed me or what I was wearing. The lady gave me precise instructions and hurried off in the other direction. Then I was right back on track.
And on the hunt to lay my anger out on the proper person.
When I arrived at the correct rooms, I didn’t even bother knocking, barging right in. A shorter, stunning woman, jumped to her feet, eyes like London’s going wide.
Yeah, I’m in the right place. I took in the same light auburn hair as he had, hers tucked up in professional braids that had a feminine elegance that still screamed authority to them somehow. Interesting.
“So you lack manners and apparently the intellect to state your name when you barge into someone’s office. Anything else I should know about you, warrior?” she drawled, rolling her eyes as she sat back down.
Even that she somehow made graceful.
I smiled as I let the door close behind me, moving forward. “Councilwoman, I’m neither daft, nor ill-mannered. I simply reserve them for people who deserve them. I also find it’s best to make sure I have the right person and assess the situation before proceeding, figure out what’s really going on and taking stock of my surroundings, that sort of intelligent thing. Something we both know you don’t actually do.”
“What are you prattling on about?” she sighed, setting down her pen and covering up what she’d been working on. She waved at my attire as she sat back in her chair. “I assume you came from London’s camp given the informal dress. Now speak plainly. I’m a busy woman and—”
“A fucking disgrace of a mother?” I finished, biting back a smile when rage filled her eyes. Good, we were done dancing. I continued before she could, seeing that she was about to open her mouth from the way the muscles of her jaw moved. “They raped him. London might not say it, but the warriors raped your son when he was a pre-trans.”
“What? No. That’s nonsense. You just said he wouldn’t say that,” she whispered as her hand fluttered to her throat. I might have felt bad for her if she wasn’t such a bitch.
“He wouldn’t but the rest of the world would. He’s got it in his head that what they did to him was okay because his mother told them in advance that he was gay and to pay special attention to him so he didn’t become a sissy, so they made him the girl of the camp and anyone who wanted to fuck fucked London. But he never said no, not that he thought he could really, but it was to show him how all vampires treated gays in our world, to prepare him for how our society would treat him.
“That’s what your son told me. Does that sound like fucking rape to you? Do you have any idea what you have done to him? You threw him to the wolves after wrapping him in fresh meat, men who don’t get laid often enough, used to settling for ass in challenges when they can’t get women, and all while you were right here! He thought it was normal. Hell, he thinks he deserves it basically, that it’s how sex really is. Someone wants it, and he likes sex, there’s no reason to say no.
“I don’t think it’s ever crossed his mind to say no! People treating him like shit, smacking him around, calling him names, and he just takes all of it. You may have warned the warriors to keep an eye on him so he didn’t grow up a sissy fag or whatever you thought, but they turned him into a friendless doormat who wouldn’t know normal if it bit him in the ass. Nicely done. Parent of the fucking year, I swear.”
“Enough,” she snarled, fangs out.
“No, I’m just getting started,” I hissed, letting my own come out and not caring that I was being this aggressive with a councilwoman. “What the fuck happened with his father? Why does he think mating is having someone else kill your soul?” She flinched when I said that and pieces started to fall into place. “That’s what your mate said, didn’t he?”
“That’s enough of whatever this is,” she snapped, clearing her throat. She reached for the phone on her desk but before she could touch it, I grabbed it and threw it across the room.
“Tell me!” I roared, getting in her face. “You have no idea the damage that’s been done to him! How he has any sweetness and kindness in him, I don’t know, but it’s still there. It’s going to fade though. He didn’t know how fucked up his family was. He thought all families were this fucked up, but I made him see the truth. He thought every gay had that pre-trans path. I showed him otherwise. I’ve taken the blinders off, and he’s going to drown in the agony unless I can fix this. I cannot take the blame alone but you will help me.”
“You should have left it alone,” she sneered at me. “We compartmentalize and repress very well in this family.”
“Obviously not all of you if your mate took his own life,” I shot back, not caring how horrible of a blow it was. Her answer was just as bad. How could she seriously suggest that London should just have repressed it all? Bitch. She flinched and I saw a crack in her armor, hating that I had to beat at it more. “Being mated to you was so bad he did himself in? To leave London alone with you? Why? Why did you kill his soul? What could possibly be so wrong if you fell in love and—”
She snorted as she spun around and moved to the windows. “Who said mating had anything to do with love? Aberdeens don’t mate for love. I was the only Aberdeen born of the eldest son who was the councilman. A girl. Heavens forbid. But that was what was handed them. So when I was mated, he took my name so the great Aberdeen name would live on. It was fine, I was the real man of the family anyways.” Her breath hitched, and I was next to her in a flash, turning her to look at me.
And that was when I saw it.
“He was gay?” I gasped. It was right there in her eyes, the shame. I almost burst out laughing at the twist in all of this but then I saw the pain in her features and knew there was more. Way more. And it only took me seconds to guess. “You didn’t know.”
“No. I did not. He mated me without telling me. He claimed me before telling me, biting me the second our parents signed our mating contracts and we were alone. He never asked, we never talked, I never got a chance to say anything to him. He pinned me to the wall and bit me. When I tried to bite him back at least, anything, he denied me, along with consummating our mating. All he said was they wouldn’t kill him now. I had no idea what that meant for about a month until I figured it out.”
“That he was gay?” I confirmed, not pushing it when she nodded.
“He wouldn’t touch me. I told my parents, but they didn’t care. They’d signed me away so it didn’t matter that he’d claimed me like that. They did have a talk with him about doing his duty to consummate and produce an heir. But I wasn’t his type so that was a challenge. London is the result of one of the few times we were ever together.” She turned back away and shook her head. “He should never have told or let London hear that our mating killed his soul, but his wasn’t the only one to die.
“I wasn’t the one who lied though. I most certainly wasn’t the one to take other lovers or have aff
airs in our family home while our son was here with his mother who was a busy councilwoman. And when our ten-year-old almost caught him and I put a stop to it, he killed himself shortly after instead of being a proper father for London.” She spun around, anger and tears in her eyes. “Don’t you think I would have liked companionship too? Some help to raise a child? To take on the responsibilities that come with the Aberdeen name?
“No, I was a young, naive virgin who was mated off to a gay, cruel, uncaring man who ruined our lives, our parents caring nothing but for the match, and leaving me with this mess to clean up privately. Covering up affair after affair, raising a child alone, while all he did was teach London to shoot guns as if that’s what he thought a straight man would have passed on. Instead his genes passed on something else. A gay son to cover up in the end after my mate’s suicide, family swirling like vultures to take my seat next and control of the family estate since my heir won’t give heirs.”
“I’m sorry, did I miss where you dried up and died inside?” I asked, not caring how crude it sounded. I was still stuck on the antiquated notion she was carrying around where gay was passed on in DNA, but I let that one go because she was getting slightly hysterical. She raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything else. “You’re a fucking councilwoman. There’s gotta be a line down and around the estate of people who’d love to mate you.”
“Oh yes, and what winners they must all be looking for a match based on power or money. I’ll end up with another phony especially in the circles that know about my last match. I’m an easy target.”
Good to know she found her sarcasm again.
“I highly doubt you are ever easy anything,” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “You could try pulling the stick out of your ass and being nice. I hear that wins over nice straight guys and they don’t care about power or money then.” She blinked at me. “Ah, but see you do care about the match. So it’s up to you. Worry about the match, or find love this time. Which is the priority?”