All I Ever Wanted

by LuAnn McLane

  They somehow made it over to the big bathtub, staggering, laughing. “Is this what they call drunk in love?”

  “I think so.”

  Grady turned on the water while Arabella dumped a generous amount of fragrant bath beads beneath the running faucet.

  “I’m going to smell like a girl,” Grady said as he stepped into the tub. He reached out to help her over the side to join him.

  With a throaty laugh, Arabella reached over and cupped his balls. “Trust me, you are all man.”

  Grady laughed with her. He sat at one end and she the other, soaking, relaxing until they were both nearly asleep.

  “Mmm, this feels so amazing,” she said dreamily.

  “I feel like I’m made of that liquid gel inside of Stretch Armstrong.”

  “I could sit here all night but I’m getting hungry,” she said, and her stomach responded with a growl. Arabella chuckled. “Do I still get my cookie?” Her eyes fluttered shut and she lazily trailed her fingers through the water.

  “Arabella, you can have anything your heart desires.”

  “Anything?” Her eyes remained closed and her hair dipped into the bubbles. Her cheeks were flushed and he loved the peekaboo her breasts were playing between mounds of dissolving bubbles. “Well, now, that would most certainly be . . . you.” She opened her eyes and gave him a tender, almost shy smile, and Grady knew in that moment he’d do anything to keep her in his life. He’d lost her once and he’d be damned if he’d lose her again.

  “Ah, princess, all you have to do is ask. Your wish has and always will be granted,” he said in a teasing tone, but he meant every word.

  “Then will you go on the cookie-and-meatloaf run?” She raised her eyebrows and looked so damned cute that he couldn’t begin to refuse her anything she wanted.

  “Your wish is my command.”

  “Mmm, I could get used to this treatment,” she said, but then lowered her gaze as if it might reveal too much.

  “I built this house for you, Arabella. You’re not a guest here. And if there’s anything else you need help with—your business, anything—all you have to do is ask.”

  “I know.” Arabella looked at him and nodded. “But I’ve always made my own way. I can’t give that part of myself up.”

  “I understand.” He knew by the determined look in her eyes that this wasn’t the time to press and so he nodded. “I admire your independence, but it’s okay to need someone, Bella. Just remember that, okay?”

  Her eyes misted over and she nodded. “I will,” she said softly, and Grady felt a surge of relief. For now, her quiet promise would have to be enough.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

  Arabella picked up her ringing cell phone, cringing when she spotted the caller ID. After a deep breath, she answered. “Hello, Maxine.”

  “Well, it’s about time you picked up the phone.”

  “Maxine, I’m so sorry I’ve missed your calls. I’ve been busy working with Heartbeat for their reunion concert,” Arabella said. “So, what can I do for you?”

  “Other than finally picking up the phone?” Maxine asked tartly.

  “Um . . . yes.”

  “Well, we have a lot to discuss,” Maxine said, which meant Arabella would have to endure Maxine’s endless chatter. After a few moments of Maxine’s droning, Arabella zoned out.

  “I have to tell you that I don’t want any tawdry gossip about you and that boy band.”

  “Excuse me?” Arabella sat up straight and went on full alert.

  “Word, of course, is out that you’re working with your ex-boyfriend.” She said boyfriend like it was a dirty word. “Grady Heart has quite the reputation. And I don’t mean a good one.”

  “Maxine, I’ve been rather secluded in a small seaside town for the past few weeks. I’ve only spoken to my staff and my mother. There isn’t any fodder for gossip. The concert is for the Susan Heart Lupus Foundation, raising money for awareness and to help find a cure. I’m proud to be associated with the event.”

  “I’m merely issuing a warning. I won’t tolerate anything that will tarnish my sterling reputation. Keep your nose clean or the deal is off,” Maxine said in a snippy tone.

  “You don’t have to worry about that.” Arabella had hardly been out anywhere, other than to the studio and the beach house or on an occasional sugar cookie run. If there was anything in the tabloids or on social media, she wasn’t aware of it, but then again, there must have been something, or Maxine wouldn’t have made the call. God, she hoped that paparazzi didn’t come swooping into sleepy little Sea Breeze and cause a ruckus.

  “Well, I must maintain my clean-living persona. And I’m sorely disappointed you haven’t responded to my emails. Is there a reason?”

  The reason was that her emails were full of bullshit changes that Arabella didn’t want to implement. “As I said, I’ve been swamped with the Heartbeat reunion rehearsals.”

  “My patience is wearing paper-thin. I had to do extra deep meditation to avoid an unpleasant conversation with you today,” she said in a clipped tone.

  This conversation is unpleasant. But Arabella still needed Maxine, and so she counted to ten while Maxine droned on and on, until Arabella nearly fell asleep in the chair on the back deck. The squawk of a seagull startled her upright, and she realized she hadn’t heard the last few minutes of the conversation.

  “So, in closing, you’ll need to choose between your association with Grady Heart and my involvement with Hope, Healing, Health.”

  “You mean Hip, Hop, Health,” Arabella said between gritted teeth.

  “Dear, if you’d been reading through my emails, you’d know that we need to change the name. We discussed this from the beginning of our relationship. I do fear that you have issues with your memory. I’ll send you a list of suggestions for memory improvement. All natural supplements, of course. So, when can you come to LA to sign all the paperwork?”

  Paperwork? Her stomach lurched at the thought. She needed to give Jenna Clark a call.

  “We need to get things solidified,” Maxine said.

  “I’ll get back to you on that,” Arabella said tartly. She ended the call and glared at the phone. Sitting back in the lounge chair, she stared out over the ocean, trying to keep calm, hoping the answer would come to her. She knew she could go to Grady for a loan, but that thought still didn’t appeal to her. She’d been making her own way since her late teens, and that was the way she liked it. She might be Grady’s princess but she sure as hell didn’t want rescuing.

  It’s okay to need someone. Grady’s statement echoed through her brain, but she pushed the notion aside.

  “No, I’ll figure this out, somehow,” she whispered to herself, but she knew that her time for saving her fitness studios was running out. Selling remained an option. “Not a good one,” she grumbled, brushing her hair from her face. She looked out over the sand dunes and watched the sea oats sway in the afternoon breeze, then closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the sunshine caress her skin. Trying to untwist the tangled thoughts in her head, she inhaled the scent of the sea, wishing the weather was warm enough for a swim.

  Other than at her grandmother’s house, Arabella had never felt so much at home or at peace. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had to suck on a peppermint, but the closer the concert came, the more she knew she had some monumental decisions to make.

  “Knock, knock.”

  Arabella turned around at the sound of the deep voice.

  “Jimmy!” Arabella said in surprise.

  “I rang the doorbell but you didn’t answer so I took a chance that you were out here. Mind if I join you?”

  Arabella pointed to the lounge chair next to hers. “Of course not. Can I get you something to drink?”

  “I’m good for now,” he said in his quiet tone.


  “What’s up?”

  “Do you have a few minutes?”

  “Sure.”

  Jimmy cleared his throat. “We needed you to come to the rescue and refine the choreography for the concert, but that wasn’t the only reason we wanted you here.”

  Arabella sucked in her bottom lip and waited.

  “I’ll get right to the point. Grady never got over you leaving.”

  “Jimmy—” Arabella began, but he raised both palms in the air.

  “I’m not placing blame. That’s not what this is about. And I’m not here to meddle in your business.”

  Arabella tilted her head and he gave her a small grin.

  “Okay, I’m sort of meddling, I guess. The point is that I haven’t seen Grady this happy in a long time. Creating the foundation helped get him grounded and gave him purpose, something necessary to achieve happiness.”

  Arabella nodded.

  “But you brought that light back into his eyes. The piece of the puzzle in his life that was missing.”

  A mixture of joy and fear skittered around in her stomach.

  “See, I’m writing this book about our life as Heartbeat, all the way back to when we did our Friday-night talent shows for Mom and Dad,” Jimmy said with a hitch of emotion. “You are part of the journey, and before the book is done, I’d like to have a happy ending for you and Grady.”

  “Jimmy, it’s more complicated than that.”

  “Really? Because you seem happy too. Am I wrong?”

  “No . . .”

  “Then enlighten me.”

  Arabella shook her head, not willing to divulge her financial struggles or her personal fears.

  Jimmy turned sideways in the lounge chair and looked at her. “No one knows I’m here. And this conversation is private,” he said in a gentle tone, and, without wanting to, Arabella found herself opening up to him.

  “Hip, Hop, Health is struggling financially.” She blew out a sigh. “It took off like a firecracker and I expanded way too quickly, overextending to the point where I have trouble making the payroll.”

  “That’s no big deal.” Jimmy shrugged. “Grady can help. Or any of us, for that matter. We have more money than we know what to do with and honestly don’t care about.”

  “I can’t. That’s not the way I roll.”

  “Well . . .” Jimmy leaned his elbows on his jean-clad legs. “I need to make an investment. You’d be doing me a favor.”

  “Right.” Arabella smiled at Jimmy. “You’re such a good guy. How come someone hasn’t snatched you up yet?”

  “Bella, you know you’re like a sister to us. We’ve missed you too. Can’t you figure all the business stuff out and live here?” He pointed to the ocean. “Not a bad view.”

  Arabella felt a sharp stab of emotion and had to close her eyes.

  “So, Grady told you?” Jimmy asked.

  “That he built this house for me?” She nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she said, and her voice cracked. She wished she could tell him more. “You don’t understand. . . .”

  “I think I do,” Jimmy said, and she looked over at him. “Losing our parents at such a young age left its mark on us. Our parents were our rock, our foundation, and when we lost them . . .” Jimmy scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He cleared his throat. “The point is that loving so fiercely is scary as hell. And that’s the way the Hearts love.” He blew out a breath. “And probably why we avoid relationships. The pain of losing someone is too hard to bear. Basic psychology, I guess.”

  “I get it, Jimmy. My issues with trust contributed to me fleeing instead of getting to the bottom of what happened that awful night,” she said, but felt the sudden pain of the other reason she couldn’t divulge. But maybe she should . . . just to see his reaction, to get her guilt off her chest. But she didn’t want to burden Jimmy with the loss of her and Grady’s baby, and it would be a loss for him as well. A heavy ache settled in her chest, and it wouldn’t go away.

  “I’m sorry, Arabella,” Jimmy said gently. “I didn’t come here to upset you.”

  “Oh, Jimmy, I know that.”

  “I had to come because I love my brother. And I love you too. You and Grady belong together, and now that the concert is two weeks away I’m afraid you’ll leave afterward. It will send Grady into a tailspin.” He gave her a level look. “And that’s putting it mildly.”

  “I’m aware of that too.” The ache in her chest grew heavier. She didn’t know how she could deal with not being with him.

  “I don’t see how anything else in life could be more important than what the two of you have. Not many people get to experience the kind of love you share.” He patted his chest. “The closest comparison is my parents. And it’s a damned good example of how tomorrow isn’t a guarantee.” He reached over and gave her arm a light squeeze. “So why waste another second?”

  Arabella paused and tried to explain. “Jimmy, after leaving Heartbeat, I continued with my career in choreography. But to be honest, I lost some of my enthusiasm.” She gave him a wry smile. “Nothing compared to the fun I had with you guys, and I just couldn’t find that same spark. But I invested all the money I made in choreography into Hip, Hop, Health. If I sold the company, I would be lucky to break even, coming out with nothing. And then I would be starting at ground zero.”

  Jimmy shrugged. “So?”

  “Are you serious?” Arabella sat back and looked at him in wonder. “All those years of hard work would be gone in an instant.” She snapped her fingers. “I’ve used up every available line of credit. I’m hanging on by the skin of my teeth, and my only option is to take on this investor who is like the partner from hell.”

  “Who is it?”

  “Maxine Morgan.”

  “That holistic guru chick?” His face registered surprise.

  “Yeah.” Arabella put her hands to her cheeks and nodded. “She was supposed to be a silent partner, but she never shuts up. Never.” Arabella left out the part where she was supposed to cut her ties with Heartbeat or lose Maxine’s investment. “It’s her way or the highway.”

  “Then replace her with me.” Jimmy tapped his chest.

  “I can’t ask you to invest money when there’s still no guarantee of success. I got in over my head and I’m not going to ask you to take that risk for me.”

  “You didn’t ask. I offered and I’m leaving it on the table.”

  When he pushed up to his feet, Arabella stood and gave him a warm hug. “Thank you.”

  Jimmy took a step back and put his hands on her shoulders. “It would make all of us happy if you stayed. And, of course, one Heart brother in particular.”

  “Are you sure Grady didn’t put you up to this?” she asked, more as a joke than as a real question.

  “Absolutely not. I might not be as loud and outspoken as my crazy brothers, but nobody puts me up to anything.” He grinned. “I just need a happy ending for my book so they’ll make it into a movie.”

  “I want Anna Kendrick to play me.”

  “Hmmm . . .” Jimmy rubbed his chin. “Good choice,” he said, but then his smile faded. “Look, I understand where you’re coming from with your business . . . and all the rest. And I get that you’re scared. But in my experience, the things we’re most frightened of are the things that are most worthwhile in the end.”

  Arabella shook her head. “No wonder you’re such an amazing songwriter.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, Jimmy. I’ll think about everything you said.”

  “Well, do this for me. Just make a list of all the things taking up time in your life and ask yourself which is the number one thing you cherish the most, and then you’ll have your answer. If something else is in the way of that one thing, then you need to cross it off the list. Does that make sense?”

  “It does and I will,” she promised softly.


  After Jimmy left, Arabella walked over to the wooden railing and stood there for a long time, soaking up the warmth of the sun and the scent of the sea. She knew that being here in her dream house, built for her by the only man she had ever loved, was a gift that not many people ever got in their lives. She had a second chance with Grady and she’d be a fool not to take it.

  Arabella thought of her parents, who’d stayed together for all the wrong reasons, and of Grady’s parents, who’d adored each other only to have their lives cut short. Both she and Grady were haunted by fear that should be put to rest. She knew she couldn’t take Jimmy up on his generous offer. Risking the money of one of her friends or family members wasn’t something she was willing to do, so she scratched that option off the list.

  After a while, some answers started to move around in her brain, like a word jumble that finally made sense. She did a little spin and threw her hands in the air.

  “Oh, yes! Now I finally know how it feels to be one with the universe!” she shouted up to the sky, knowing the next thing to eliminate. She hurried over to the glass-topped table, picked up her phone, and scrolled down to Maxine Morgan’s number.

  “Hello, Arabella! Funny thing is that I was just thinking of our conversation! I have that gift, you know. So, you’ve come to your senses. Fantastic.”

  “As a matter of fact, I have, yes. Our partnership just isn’t going to work.”

  “Excuse me?” Maxine’s usual airy tone hardened.

  “We simply don’t have the same vision. So, unfortunately, I won’t be reading endless emails or signing any paperwork.” Several choice curse words came to mind: she left them out but took some satisfaction in thinking them.

  “Are you out of your mind?”

  “For a little while, yes, I think I was. But I see things clearly now.”

  “Do you know who you’re talking to?”

  “Uh, I just dialed your number, so yes and goodbye.” Arabella laughed when she heard the sputtering of Maxine’s voice as she ended the call. Raising her hands to the sky, she yelled, “Yes! Crossed off my list!” She drew an X in the air and did the Snoopy happy dance in a circle until she felt dizzy with relief. Now, on to the next call.