All I Ever Wanted

by LuAnn McLane

  “Mom?”

  “Your grandmother told me.”

  The cookie in Arabella’s stomach flopped around. “Told you . . . what?” she asked in a whisper, but she knew the answer.

  “About the”—Mindy closed her eyes for a moment—“baby.”

  Frowning, Arabella felt a sharp stab of betrayal.

  “No, don’t be upset. Granny York knew how hard you took the loss and wanted me to keep in touch with you. And . . . and I tried, but you were so distant. I couldn’t tell you I knew and that it hurt me to the core that you didn’t confide in me.”

  “Oh . . . Mom.” Arabella shook her head. “You’d been through so much. You deserved peace and I didn’t want to interrupt your life with my . . .” She couldn’t finish.

  “Granny York said as much, and I tried to accept that, hard as it was for me. She was just so worried about you.”

  “Does Dad know?”

  “No.”

  Arabella nodded, trying to digest this new twist in her life. “Why tell me this now?”

  “Because . . . because I want to be that person in your life. I want to be your mother, your friend, the person you can come to no matter what.”

  “Mom, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to shut you out.”

  “That’s not what this is about.” She nodded to the glass. “Sometimes things happen just at the right time. You showing up like this? I might not have had the courage—”

  “Without your red hair?”

  Mindy laughed. She reached up and touched her loose bun. “Isn’t it funny how changing your hair color can change your attitude? I almost got it all chopped off, but Joe likes my hair long.”

  “Hey, dancing, music, and humor got me through a lot of stuff. And I tend to change up my hair when something is going on in my life.”

  “I would tell you try the red hair too, but you’ve already got a touch of that naturally.”

  “Then what’s this conversation all about?”

  “Bella, staying with the wrong person for whatever reason is toxic. Your father and I were a prime example. Hold those who bring out the best in you close and get rid of the rest!” She made a tossing motion over her head. “Anyone who doesn’t make your life better doesn’t deserve to be in it. I waited way too long for your father to make me happy.” She tapped her chest. “You are in charge of your own happiness. I finally found that out.”

  “I’m afraid,” Arabella admitted.

  “Of what?”

  “To put my trust in someone who can hurt me. You weren’t the only one who trusted Dad. I did too. When he cheated on you, he was cheating on me too. As much as you argued, we were still a family and he betrayed me too. I used to listen to you cry, and even as a little kid, I told myself I’d never give someone that kind of power.”

  “And so you run.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you love Grady?”

  “Yes.” Arabella nodded. “But you must have loved Dad too.”

  “I did.”

  “And he failed to keep his promises. I hate promises, because you’re setting yourself up to have them broken.”

  “Your father and I were ill-suited. You can love someone even if they aren’t right for you.” She smiled sadly. “Oddly, the things that attract you in the first place can be the very same things that drive you apart. We were opposites. He was outspoken, an extrovert. Handsome. He helped me come out of my shell, showered me with compliments. I fell head over heels for him. But I wasn’t prepared or able to deal with his strong personality. As I said, we were ill-suited and made each other miserable. Unfortunately, you had to endure that too. And although I joke about Cynthia, I want your father to find happiness like I did with Joe.”

  “I guess I understand. Life is so complicated. Relationships are hard.”

  “They can be. So, you came here to sort things out?”

  Unable to find words, Arabella nodded.

  “Do you want Grady in your life?”

  “It’s difficult to imagine life without him. But now that Heartbeat did the reunion concert, I’m afraid—”

  “That you’ll get lost in the fray again?”

  Arabella nodded. “It happened the night of the concert. It wasn’t even Grady’s fault, but I panicked. Bolted like the hounds of hell were after me.” She reached for her wineglass. “He said they won’t tour, but they’re already talking about some concert dates and planning to record again. And Mom, I want them to. I don’t want to come between Grady and the decisions he makes for Heartbeat. That’s not fair either. What they do with Heartbeat will make a financial difference for the foundation. So what can I do?”

  “There’s a word that your father and I never learned.”

  “What?”

  “Compromise.”

  “But I hold my independence dear. I’ve been so hesitant about needing someone.” She put a fist to her chest. “I want to follow him everywhere. I really do. He’s my top priority, and I’ve eliminated barriers in my life to clear that path. But I’m afraid of losing myself in the process. Does that make sense? How can I do both?”

  “You can do both even though you might feel as if it’s a contradiction. Ah, Arabella, listen, I’m the last of the baby boomers. You might find this hard to believe, but when I was a little girl, our future aspirations were rather limited. When someone would ask a little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up, the answers were to be a nurse, a teacher, a secretary, a stay-at-home mom, or something similar. All great careers, but still, we were limited in choices. You know, ‘girl things,’ ” she said with air quotes. “We weren’t encouraged to go into science or law or finance or anything like that. It was still very much a man’s world. And the sad thing is that when we finally started sneaking our way into the corporate world, we got paid less than men doing the same job!” she added with an angry swipe through the air. “Used to bug the tar out of me. I got passed over for promotions when I was more qualified just because I was a woman.”

  Arabella looked at her mother with surprise, seeing her through new eyes.

  “And if that wasn’t enough, stay-at-home moms started feuding with mothers who chose to go into the workforce.” She shook her head. “Like we had to take sides!”

  “Did you think of yourself as a feminist back then?”

  Mindy leaned forward. “Secretly, yes,” she said in a low voice. “Now, I wish I had been more outspoken. I’ve seen how hard women have fought for so much.” She arched an eyebrow and pointed a finger at Arabella. “But women still have a way to go! Don’t sit back and put it in cruise control. Okay? Keep this thing rolling,” she said, and demonstrated with her fingers.

  “Whoa, that feisty new color looks good on you, in more ways than one,” Arabella said, amazed at the change in her mother.

  “Joe likes it. He says—”

  “La, la, la, la!” Arabella put her hands over her ears and her mother laughed.

  “Okay, I got sidetracked. The point is, Bella, that if Heartbeat travels, you don’t have to be with them all the time. You can still pursue your own dreams, whatever they may be. I hope that you’ll spend part of your time here. And now that I’m retired, we can do some traveling. Hang out.” She closed her eyes for a moment and pressed her lips together. “Make up for lost time.”

  “I’m down with that.”

  “Great . . . Wait, that means yes, right?”

  Arabella laughed. “Yes, and I’m looking forward to it.” Her mom’s eyes got misty. “Hey, I hear a phone ringing and it isn’t mine. Is ‘Bad to the Bone’ really your ringtone?”

  “Joe put it on there thinking it was funny. I have no clue how to remove it.”

  Arabella laughed. Joe always seemed so straitlaced. It was going to be fun getting to know this side of her stepfather.

  “Oh, I must have left my cell phon
e in the dining room where the rest of the cookies are cooling. I hear it now.”

  “Okay, I’m going to use the bathroom while you check your phone,” Arabella said, and walked down the hallway to the small first-floor half bath. She shook her head and then smiled. Her mother with red hair? Drinking wine? She vaguely remembered her having the occasional special-event cocktail. But seeing her loosen up? Talking feminism while in an apron, baking cookies? The thought went through Arabella’s head that women no longer had to choose one thing or another. . . . Her conversation with her mother reminded her what previous generations had accomplished to give her that freedom.

  Arabella could hear her mother talking to someone in a low tone in the dining room, so she lugged her suitcase upstairs into her old bedroom. Flicking on the light, she had to smile at the frilly, pink room. Remnants of her childhood were scattered on the shelves and walls. She was suddenly glad that Cynthia didn’t want to live here so Arabella could keep the memories intact. Eventually, she’d make changes to the décor, but for now, she needed the comfort of the house that had meant so much to her.

  When Arabella reentered the fragrant, warm kitchen, her mother was uncorking another bottle of wine. “Really, Mom?” Arabella asked, not that she minded.

  “I just think that tonight deserves a celebration,” Mindy said, jumpy with excitement.

  “Well, you don’t have to twist my arm about it. It’s been a long drive and a chill evening drinking wine sounds perfect. Are you staying the night, or will Joe come and pick you up?”

  “Yes, I’d love to stay over. Let’s order pizza and have a slumber party.”

  Arabella laughed and felt the earlier tension melt away. Her mother topped off their glasses and then raised hers in the air. “Cheers!” she said, and tapped her glass to Arabella’s. Her eyes misted over. “I love you, Arabella. Oh my goodness, this is just so wonderful!” She stomped her feet on the floor. “I just love unexpected good news.”

  “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  “Oh!” Her eyes widened. “No! I’m just so excited at this unexpected . . . visit! And here I thought it was going to be a boring night baking cookies.”

  “You didn’t seem bored. And since when do you drink wine?”

  “Oh, since I’ve retired I’ve taken up new interests. I went to a wine tasting and didn’t know what I was missing! Joe is into craft beer and so we have date night. It’s just something new and fun. Well, the book club might be a bit of an excuse for . . .” She tapped her glass. “Shhh!” she said, and laughed. “Not that we don’t read the selections. My turn is next and I’m going to pick a juicy romance novel, not something sad and depressing.” She gave Arabella a wide smile. “You have to love a happy ending.”

  Arabella thought of Jimmy’s book and nodded. “True.”

  “Please tell me you’ll stay for a few days?”

  “Sure I will. I’d planned on it. And I was going to call you as soon as I was settled in. My decision to come here was sudden,” she said with a touch of guilt.

  “Oh, no, you don’t.”

  “What?”

  “Feel bad for doing what you needed to do.”

  Arabella smiled at her mother. “Having you here was a nice surprise. And you’re right, we need to hang out and make up for lost time. Let the slumber party begin!”

  “Yes! Let’s order a giant pizza and find a girly movie to watch.”

  “Perfect,” Arabella said as another piece of her life fell into place. Her guilt over leaving Sea Breeze lifted. Yes, she needed Grady, but she also needed her mother back in her life. And now here she was, red hair and all.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  BACK TO YOUR HEART

  Grady pulled his rental car up in front of 321 Shade Tree Lane. “You have arrived at your destination,” Siri proudly announced.

  “Thanks. Sorry I got irritated with you earlier,” he apologized with a nervous chuckle. “You gotta admit it was damned confusing that the Cincinnati airport is actually in Kentucky,” he added, and then realized he was speaking to his phone as if it were a real person.

  Grady parked behind the Mini Cooper, got out of the car, and stood on the sidewalk, looking at the little brick house that meant so much to Arabella. He’d seen pictures, but seeing the stately little home on the tree-lined street in person somehow made him feel emotional. He was getting a glimpse of Arabella’s past, and today he would hopefully begin a lasting future.

  The conversation he’d had with Arabella’s mother had gone well, so much so that he was afraid she’d spill the beans, even though she’d vehemently promised not to. He’d even done the old-fashioned thing and called Arabella’s father as well, asking permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage.

  Grady blew out a breath he could see in the cold air. Now all he had to do was walk up the steps and ring the doorbell. He patted the pocket of his jeans and felt the small box. Part of him wanted to wait and take Arabella to a fancy restaurant or do something crazy like hire a plane to write a marriage proposal in the sky. Jesse had suggested hiding the ring in a pizza box. Oliver said he should present the ring with a Heartbeat dance move. No, just . . . no. Jimmy said to keep it simple, with a heartfelt speech.

  But the bigger part of him just wanted the ring on her finger, like, now.

  Hopefully, she was going to say yes.

  “Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Grady whispered to himself, and started making his way up the steps to the front door. His brothers were waiting impatiently for Arabella’s answer. Now he wished he’d kept his damned mouth shut. No, surely she wouldn’t refuse.

  Grady took a deep breath, raised his finger, and firmly pressed the doorbell.

  Bing, bong!

  He waited a few seconds in silence. Nothing.

  Bing, bong!

  Dear God, when he finally heard footsteps his heart started pounding like he’d just run a marathon.

  When Arabella opened the door, her eyes widened. “Grady? Ohmigosh. Wow.” She stared at him for a few moments.

  “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop by,” he joked, hoping her “wow” was a good “wow” and not a bad “wow.” “Can I come inside? It’s freezing out here.” The jacket he was wearing wasn’t adequate protection against the chill.

  “Oh . . . oh yes, sorry.” Nodding, she stepped back for him to enter. “I just wasn’t expecting you. I’m surprised.”

  “A nice surprise, I hope?” he asked, testing the waters.

  “Of course it is.” Arabella smiled, easing his apprehension a little bit. The house smelled of buttery vanilla and lemon and was just as warm and quaint as he’d imagined. Arabella looked cute in hip-hugging jeans and a snug Tinkerbell T-shirt. As if reading his mind, she grinned. “I didn’t pack for winter weather, so I’ve been wearing some of my old clothes left here from my teen years. They don’t fit quite the same as they did back then. And I need some big hair to make the look complete.”

  “I think you wear them well,” Grady said, and walked farther into the house. He wanted to draw her into his arms for a long, hot kiss but the ring in his pocket was making him jumpy and nervous. Maybe he should do it right now and get it over with.

  Arabella pointed to the small living room filled with antique furniture. “Take your jacket off and have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?”

  “I’m okay, thanks,” Grady replied, but a shot of whiskey would be nice to calm his anxiety. Should he just dive right in or beat around the bush? Engage in small talk and then suddenly get down on one knee? Damn, he should have had more of a plan. A speech. Something. Anything.

  “Why are you frowning? Is everything really okay? I know you weren’t simply in the neighborhood.” She looked at him, knowing there must be a reason for his impromptu visit.

  “Yeah.” Grady nodded and sat down on an overstuffed flo
ral-print sofa. “I hope you aren’t upset that I showed up while you wanted some time to yourself. I just couldn’t be apart from you one more day.”

  “Grady, I missed you too.” Arabella tossed a fringed pillow onto the floor and eased into a matching wing-backed chair directly across from him. “How did you know I was here?”

  Grady gave her a small grin. “I guessed as much and your mom confirmed my hunch.”

  “Oh, she did?” Arabella nodded slowly. “Cheeky move on her part.”

  “I asked her to keep it a surprise,” Grady said, and he wondered if she could see the box pressing against his pants leg. He put his hand over it and then had to force himself not to do a jittery foot wiggle. “You know, I think I’ll take you up on that drink offer.”

  “Water? Soft drink? I don’t think I have any beer.”

  “Water is fine, thanks,” he said, and as soon as she left the room he took the blue box out of his pocket and tucked it in between the sofa cushions. When she returned, he tried to act casual but was glad to accept the bottle of water to quench his suddenly parched throat.

  “You guys were awesome on Good Morning America.”

  “Thanks, Mom’s song is doing amazing on iTunes and we’ve been trending on Twitter,” Grady said, trying to put together a speech in his brain, but needing to have her in his arms interfered with his ability to think.

  “Great news.”

  Grady inhaled a deep breath, deciding to give it a try. “Arabella,” he began, but when she tilted her head in question he didn’t want to bungle this important moment. Maybe he should just make it simple and straightforward like Jimmy had suggested. Yes, good plan. He reached between the cushions and pulled out . . . the TV remote?

  “Oh, wow, I’ve been looking for that! Sweet! Hey, would you like a tour of the house?”

  Grady put the remote on the oval cherry coffee table. “Um,” he said, trying to discreetly locate the elusive box, but the sofa seemed to have swallowed it whole. “Sure.”

  After standing up, Arabella said, “Follow me. This, of course, is the living room.” She pointed to the fireplace. “The tile around the fireplace is Rookwood, the famous pottery from here in Cincinnati. I’m so happy that Granny York didn’t paint the gorgeous woodwork. The house is small but filled with treasures. That’s another reason I didn’t want Dad to sell it.” She pointed to the foyer, where a carved banister led up the staircase hugging the far wall. “I used to slide down the banister when I was a kid. It seemed so long when I was little.”