Dr. Winslow’s neck turned an odd shade of red and he nodded. When he spoke, his voice was strained. “I do know it. I’ve lost too much for trust to come easily. Now, I’ll let you get upstairs. I’m sure my sister would appreciate the reprieve.”
Annie hurried upstairs and found the children seated at their desks faces buried in books. She sighed with relief when she saw no one had been hurt and nothing was broken.
“I’m happy to see you, Annie,” said Mrs. Gwenneg. “You’re going to have your hands full today.”
“I heard. He still thinks he’s an ape?”
“No. But he was pretending to be one to scare Vivian. I had a talk with him about it. Hope your morning goes well!” Mrs. Gwenneg disappeared through the door. Annie heard her footfalls on the stairs.
Annie crossed the room to Danny and crouched beside him. He was more than two-thirds through his book. “Is it interesting?” she asked.
“I have to find out what happens, Miss Annie. Can I finish it before we start school?”
“No, Danny. You can read more this afternoon.” Annie gently took the book from Danny’s hands and closed it. “From now on, I think I’m going to need to be more careful what books you get.”
“Miss Annie, please, don’t stop taking us to the library. I promise I won’t act like an ape, even to scare Viv. I know Papa wasn’t happy you took us, but I really want to go again.” Danny clutched Annie’s arm as if his life depended on it.
“Your papa said I could take you again. But you can’t come home and act out what you read in the books, at least not indoors. And you can’t do things your papa wouldn’t approve of. You know he doesn’t want you climbing the trees like apes.”
“Why can’t we act out what we read in books, Miss Annie?” asked Ava.
Ava hadn’t given her any problems in days. Annie searched the girl’s face for signs of her previous defiance and saw none of it.
“I don’t understand, Ava. What do you mean?”
“We could write plays about our stories and act them out. We have trunks of clothes in the attic that Mama let us use for dress up. We could write the plays and act them out for you and Aunt Kathryn.”
Annie loved the idea. She had never considered the possibility. “That’s a wonderful plan, Ava. Can you show me the dress up clothes later? You could take turns writing the script and we could practice on rainy days.”
Ava beamed at Annie.
Danny bounced in his seat. “We get to do a play about apes first. I want to write it.”
“No, we’re going to do Cinderella first,” said Ava.
“You can both write your play and we’ll see whose we do based on who finishes first,” said Annie. “Ava, don’t make Cinderella too gory. No cutting off heels and toes in the play, okay?”
Ava giggled, then wrinkled her nose in disgust. “I won’t put that in. It was gross.
∞
“Could I talk with you before you leave?” Mrs. Gwenneg said as Annie was shrugging into her coat later that evening.
“Certainly.” Annie followed the woman to the kitchen where she was finishing dinner for the family. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m leaving on Monday.”
Annie dropped into the kitchen chair nearest her. “It’s so sudden.”
“I feel like if I don’t leave soon, I won’t be able to leave at all. Coren or the children will keep talking me out of it.”
“I can understand,” said Annie. “What plans have you made for your replacement?”
“I wanted to talk to you about that. I mentioned some options to Coren a couple weeks ago, but he’s refused to consider any of them. So I’m left making the plans myself. He doesn’t want me to leave. I think he’s afraid of me leaving. It will disrupt the new routines that have been in place since Sarah died. But I can’t stay any longer.
“You mother does laundry for a living, correct? Would she be willing to come in two or three days a week to tidy the house, do laundry, and cook for the family? Coren could pay her a small wage. I don’t know if it would be as much as she is making right now, but I’d be happy to come over tomorrow and discuss it with her if she’s interested.”
Annie considered the arrangement. Her mother had cut the amount of laundry she washed in half because Annie wasn’t there to help with it. They were still coming out ahead. She didn’t know if her mother could keep up with it and have time to come to the Winslow’s several days a week. “I’ll ask her about it tonight and let you know tomorrow.” She stood and hugged the older woman. “I’m going to miss you Mrs. Gwenneg.”
“You should call me Kathryn. Or Kat. You don’t need to be so formal. And I’m going to miss you, too. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get away for a visit. I’d like to come for the holidays but it’s a long trip and I doubt Everett will want to spare the money to make it.”
“I’ll make sure the children and I keep in touch,” Annie promised.
“You’ll have to try to keep that brother of mine in line, too.”
“Mrs….Kathryn, I’m not sure I can do that.” Annie gave her a sad smile.
“No, Annie, you’re the only one who can do it. He needs you, he just doesn’t know it yet.”
Chapter Eleven
A cold sleet clattered against the windows. Coren leaned back in his office chair and rubbed his face. For a few nights he’d managed to sleep well. He’d started to feel like his normal self once again. He hadn’t angered as easily. The overwhelming worry and fear he felt had faded to the background.
Then Kat left and he’d stopped sleeping at night again. He’d wake with a jerk in the night after dreaming one of the children was crying out for him. Or he’d have a nightmare about Sarah’s death.
Mrs. Petit, the teacher’s mother, had been cooking and cleaning for them for two weeks. If possible, the house was even cleaner than it had been when Kat was here. The meals were certainly better. Or maybe it was the fact they were different than what Kat usually fixed. Mrs. Petit was a quiet woman, always gentle with the children, if a little brusk when they got in her way.
She wasn’t here today. Annie was upstairs with the children. They’d been playing at something for the better part of an hour, interspersed with fits of hysterical laughter.
Coren had grown accustomed to the laughter. The teacher had brought it with her when she started schooling the children weeks ago. It still didn’t feel right to Coren. How could the children be so happy when their mother had died less than a year ago?
Then he’d come upon them one evening last week. They had readied for bed and were waiting for him to tuck them in. Ava was sitting cross-legged on her bed with a notebook open on her lap, a pencil poised above the page to write. Ezra was telling a story.
“Remember when Mama would make cookies for everyone in our class at school?” he said.
“Ezra, you’re too young to remember that. She never made cookies for your class at school.”
“She made them for yours though. I helped her. She let me scrape the bowl when she was done.”
“She let me cut them out,” chimed in Vivian.
“Can you really remember that, Viv?” asked Danny, “or are you saying it because we told you about it?”
Vivian had teared up and started wailing. Coren had gone into the room and gathered her into his arms. “I can remember it, Papa. Tell them I can remember it.”
“I’m sure you can, sweet girl. Your mama loved it when you helped her make cookies.” He’d frowned at Ava. “Why are you making your sister cry?”
But Ava had closed the notebook and put it away somewhere out of sight. “I wasn’t trying to make her cry, Papa. We’re trying to help each other remember Mama. We’re writing down memories of her so we don’t forget.”
Coren had been unable to speak around the lump in his throat. He’d swallowed several times before he could push the words out. “That’s a wonderful idea, Ava. I’m pleased you thought of it.”
Ava had flushed and looked do
wn at her comforter. She picked at a string. “I didn’t think of it. Miss Annie did. She said we should help each other, but especially Viv and Darren, remember Mama because they’d probably forget her.”
Coren was beginning to feel like he needed to get to know Miss Annie better. There was something about her, a gentleness or peace, that drew him to her. Ever since that night he’d walked her home he’d found himself looking for ways to be around her. Somehow, her presence settled him. But she was just a teacher. And he was a happily married man. Or had been anyway. He shouldn’t be allowing thoughts of another woman to creep into his mind and heart.
Shrieks followed a horrifying thump and the clatter of furniture above him. Coren jumped from his chair and ran to the stairs. Even as he charged up them two at a time, he noticed they were shrieking with laughter, not pain or anger.
He ran to the open schoolroom door and looked inside. Ava sat cross-legged on the floor scowling at everyone else. Vivian had both sides of her face in between tiny hands as though she was trying to smother the smile forming on her lips. Danny rolled back and forth holding his stomach with his hands and laughing until he was red in the face. Ezra was on the other side of the room in the same position. Even the teacher was laughing, a hand over her mouth and tears streaming down her face.
“It isn’t funny, Miss Annie. It’s in the story. He has to kiss the princess for her to wake up.”
“I’m not laughing at you, Ava,” said the teacher. “Ezra fell off his horse, and…well…” and she went off into another fit of laughter.
“Papa, tell them it isn’t funny,” Ava cried. “They didn’t laugh at Danny’s play.”
“Where did you get those clothes?” The only things Coren could see were the dresses Ava and Vivian were wearing. Sarah’s dresses. She hadn’t worn them for a long time before she died, but they were hers nonetheless. “Who gave you permission to use your mother’s clothes?”
The room fell silent. All laughter ceased. Ava and Vivian scrambled to their feet and stood in the middle of the room. The teacher pushed to her feet and joined them. “Ava,” she said quietly, “you told me you had permission to use these for play clothes.”
Ava nodded, fear covering her face in place of the anger of a moment before. “We do. Papa, Mama gave us these clothes to play with a long time ago. A long time before she died. We dressed up in them lots of times when she was here.”
“Take them off. Put them away. Everyone do your school work like you’re supposed to at this time of day.” He jabbed a finger at the teacher. “I want to see you in my office.”
He whirled away from the doorway and stomped downstairs. How dare she allow the children to use their mother’s clothing that way? How dare she encourage such disrespect? He’d thought she was helping them honor their mother’s memory. Yet, here they were, dressed in clothing they’d gotten somehow and the teacher hadn’t stopped them.
∞
Annie scooped up Darren and took Vivian by the hand. “Ava, I want you to gather everything and put it away in the attic. I thought you said we could use these clothes for play.”
Ava’s lip was quivering. She’d shucked out of the dress and left it pooled on the floor. She helped Vivian out of the dress she was wearing and scooped both dresses into her arms. With a wail, she ran from the schoolroom and pounded up the attic steps.
Danny and Ezra stared at Annie. “Read at your desks until I return,” Annie instructed, trying to keep her voice as gentle as possible. Both boys scrambled to obey.
Annie waited for Ava’s return. She dropped Vivian’s hand and pulled the older girl close for a hug. “I’m sorry for being cross with you just now,” she said.
“We didn’t do anything wrong, Miss Annie. Mama gave us those things to play with long ago. She said they were worn out and she’d never use them again. You weren’t cross with us. Papa was. He won’t let us use anything from Mama. I think he wants us to forget about her.”
“No, Ava, I doubt he wants you to forget her. He’s probably afraid you are dishonoring her memory. Now, I have to go downstairs. You read at your desk until I return.” Annie took Vivian’s hand again and the three of them went downstairs to the office.
Annie tapped on the open door. Dr. Winslow’s back faced the door. He hunched over the desk, leaning on it with both arms and breathing hard. “Are you alright, sir?” she asked.
He whirled to face her, eyes flashing. Instinctively, Annie took a step backward. But no, she wouldn’t be cowed by his overreaction to what happened upstairs. She stepped toward him again.
“No, I’m not alright!” he yelled. “I want you to leave my house and never return. I’ll find another teacher for my children, someone who will have the decency to honor my wife’s memory instead of mocking it.”
Annie felt like her heart had stopped. Leave and never return? How could she leave these children? They needed her. She remembered Kathryn’s words, He needs you, even if he doesn’t know it. “We weren’t dishonoring her, sir. I would never do that to you or your children. I want to help them remember her.”
Darren, already snuggled close to Annie’s shoulder and sucking his thumb, started crying. Vivian cowered behind Annie’s skirt.
Dr. Winslow watched his children’s reaction and took several deep breaths. His shoulders relaxed and lowered. He sagged onto the edge of the desk, the anger in his eyes replaced by hurt. “How could you let them use those clothes? How could you let them dishonor her memory by playing with her things?” His voice was quieter.
“Ava and Danny brought the clothing down from a box in the attic. They said your wife had given it to them to play with a long time ago. They used to play dress up on rainy days, like today. I thought we could put on plays using the clothes she had given them for that purpose, especially since they can’t go outside.”
“I was being a princess, Papa,” said Vivian, “In a princess dress Mama gave me.”
“I will leave and never return, if that’s what you want,” Annie continued. She tried to hand Darren to his father but the baby clung to her shoulder as if his life depended on it.
“I don’t want you to leave and never come back,” said Vivian, tears filling her eyes. “I love you, Miss Annie.”
Annie sank to her knees and hugged the little girl. “Vivian, your papa is the boss around here. He’s the one who pays me to teach you. If he says I have to leave, I have to leave.”
“You don’t have to leave.” Dr. Winslow’s face had gone completely white. “I overreacted. You can use the clothes if my wife gave them to the children for that purpose. I’ll…” He raked a hand through his hair. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.” He turned away and leaned over the desk again.
Annie stepped forward and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Sir, do you need something?”
He didn’t answer for a long moment. Then he took a deep breath. “No, I’ll be fine. Please see to the children.”
Annie took Vivian’s hand and led her upstairs. She tucked her in for a nap and rocked Darren to sleep. She snuggled his tiny person close to her for a few extra minutes after he’d gone to sleep. Vivian’s words ‘I love you’ played over and over in her head. She loved these children so much. For those few moments when she thought she’d never see them again, she’d felt like her heart was breaking. How dare she love them so much when all she was to them was a teacher? But it was too late to turn back. She loved them and she would be heartbroken if she ever had to leave them.
Vivian stared at her. Annie laid Darren in his bed and tucked the covers around him. She crossed to Vivian and gathered her into her lap. “Why aren’t you sleeping little one? she asked.
“I’m afraid if I go to sleep, when I wake up you’ll be gone. Like Mama.”
“Oh, Vivian. I’m not leaving. I love you, too. I wouldn’t leave you without a fight.”
“You’d fight Papa?” The little girl giggled. “He’s bigger. I think he’d win.”
“I’m a pretty good fighter,” sa
id Annie. She kissed Vivian’s cheek. “You need a nap, and I need to teach your sister and brothers. You lie there. I’ll leave the door open so you can see us the whole time. Now, go to sleep.”
∞
Dr. Winslow called Annie as she pulled on her coat and wrapped a scarf around her neck. “Could I talk to you for a minute?” he asked. “I promise not to yell.”
Annie smiled at him. “You sure about that?”
“Okay, I’ll try very hard not to yell.” His lips twitched with a smile of his own.
Annie’s eyebrows flew up in surprise. He did know how to smile. She followed him into his office and sank onto the couch. He took a seat opposite her.
“I must beg your forgiveness. The way I behaved today…” He paused and winced, unable to meet her eyes. “It was uncalled for. You had done nothing wrong. I overreacted. Will you forgive me?”
“It’s already forgiven,” said Annie. “You are under a great deal of pressure right now, enough to make even the strongest overreact now and then.”
“I’m not strong,” he said. “Even less so since my sister left.”
“You are strong,” said Annie, resting her hand on his forearm. “You’ve been badly wounded. Those wounds take time to heal.”
“It’s been almost a year. I should be over it by now.”
“No,” said Annie. “It’ll be worse right now because it’s almost been a year. You’re remembering her more right now because you know she was here with you this time last year and now she isn’t.”
“How can I turn off the memories and the pain?”
Annie didn’t know what to say. She’d never experienced a loss anything like this. “Do you want to turn them off and forget?” she asked.
“No.” The word was barely above a whisper.
“Then let yourself remember. Talk about her. Tell your children stories about her. Help them remember her, too. They feel the same pain and loss you do. You can help each other bear it.” Annie stood. “I’m sorry but I need to go home before it gets any later.”
Loving Annie Page 6
