Gage, Ronna - The Search is Over (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Ronna Gage

  “During the week, we don’t really. But what time we do have, we make the best out of.” He grinned. That devastatingly handsome smile of a rogue always took her breath away.

  Candi blushed, thinking of their day-off routine. How they usually slept in as late as possible, ate breakfast together, cleaned the little apartment, then ended with an afternoon of making love.

  “Well, I’ve got to go.” His statement caught her off guard.

  She almost asked why he was leaving and realized that her day off didn’t mean he necessarily had one. “Oh, okay.”

  He cupped her cheek in his hand. “Have fun at school. I’ll see you tonight when I pick you up.”

  Her elation released a small amount of tension in her gut. “No, that’s okay, I only go in this morning for a half day to take a final.”

  Rafe brushed his lips to hers. “I will meet you here then.”

  Looking at him now, joy filled her, and quickly it turned to fear. I’m falling more in love with you every day, but I’m afraid you’re going to break my heart with this constant fighting and bickering. Hang on, Rafe, love is worth fighting for, but you have to fight. Ignoring the doom building inside her, she smiled and waved him good-bye when he turned around to gaze at her before he rounded the corner. Closing the door, her mind hit overdrive with random thoughts. Refusing to look at the negative, she focused on the positive first. I will enjoy being in love for as long as it lasts. However, I’m not going to be left in turmoil at the end. Taking out a piece of paper and pencil from her back pack, she worked out a few figures. “If I put fifty dollars a week in a savings account, and ten dollars a day extra, I can have a good amount of money in case I need to find a new place to live.” Heavyhearted, she grabbed her wallet and counted out ten one-dollar bills. It was the first proactive stand to protecting herself.

  On a lighter note, her love swelled again at the sweetness of his efforts this morning. “One thing is for certain, I’ll never regret loving you.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Lately, Rafe was distracted. His temper flared often, although he didn’t know what was wrong. Isn’t finally finding happiness supposed to be…euphoric? What the hell is wrong with me? He loved Candi and knew she loved him. Where’s that sense of peace?

  “Boy, if you want to act like a jackass, then do it in your own bay. Get the hell out of my office.” His dad growled, hitching a thumb in the direction of the shop.

  Rafe stalked past him without a word.

  “Hey, Rafe!” his father shouted a few minutes later.

  “Yeah!”

  “I have an oil change that just showed up, can you take it?”

  “Yeah, I’ll take it,” he shouted back. The distraction came as a blessed disguise. It took his mind off his own emotional havoc. An hour later, Rafe cleaned the bay after the oil change. He looked up and saw his father standing at the door.

  “You want to talk now, boy?”

  “No, sir.” Rafe set the handle of the broom against the wall. “Dad, what’s wrong with me?” Ralph Sines chewed on a toothpick, gazing down at his son. Rafe felt his scrutiny and squirmed inwardly. “Is it that bad?”

  Ralph cracked a smile and bit back a short laugh. “What makes you think anything is wrong with you?”

  “I’m confused.” Rafe was having second thoughts about his relationship.

  “I see that. Tell me what’s going on,” Ralph offered. “Is Candi pregnant?”

  “No!” The thought paralyzed him with fear. Was it possible? Had they been careful to prevent that? “I’m just wondering if I’m making the right choice.”

  “Do you love her?” Rafe’s silent nod was his only answer. “You’re just scared, boy. There’s nothing wrong with a man being scared. It’s cowardice that we have to be aware.”

  “Cowardice?” Rafe suddenly intrigued by the new idea. Am I being a coward?

  “Cowardice is making the wrong decision because you are afraid to be scared.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Cowardice is staying in a relationship because you don’t have the balls to end it, in saving someone’s feelings from being hurt, or starting a relationship with a woman that you don’t love because you don’t want to be alone.” Ralph waited a few minutes watching his son. “I’m going home. Good luck with this one, kiddo.”

  Rafe watched his dad pull his truck out of the parking lot a few minutes later. He locked up the shop and then headed for home himself. He thought about cowardice. Is it possible to apply this definition of a coward to my situation? As he drove the neighborhood he grew up in, he noticed the gold, red, and brown colors of fall on the trees. It brought back memories of a time when he had little or no cares in the world. Now he had so much to think about and do.

  “I’m not ready to go home and face Candi.” He moaned out loud. “Not just yet.” She is always so upbeat, so self-assured about this decision to be together. He pulled off onto an old familiar street. Suddenly, a beer with old friends sounded like what he needed. Rafe pulled into the parking lot, looked up at the marquis, and smiled.

  Desert Illusions.

  “Not all things are a mirage,” he surmised. Opening the door he received the greeting of a long-lost brother returning home. The waitresses, bar patrons, dancers, and bartender gave him high fives and pats on the back. They accepted him back into the fold.

  Just like a temple. He smiled. “Give me a beer!”

  Hours later, and after God only knew how many beers and games of pool and camaraderie with Jack, Rafe decided he could go home and face Candi. He looked at the clock and almost fell out of his chair. It was almost two o’clock. “Fuck me!”

  Jack looked at him. “What?”

  “I gotta get home. Candi is probably worried sick.”

  “Okay, I’ll come with you and be your backup.”

  “Cool.”

  A short ride home later, Rafe arrived drunk and stumbling. He opened the door to the apartment and knocked it into the stereo. “God damn it.”

  “Ahhhh!” Jack said behind him, stumbling as bad as he.

  Rafe turned to the couch. Candi sat glaring at him in her night shirt, wrapped in the blue-and-white blanket she hung on the back of the sofa. Her book lay on her lap.

  “Hiya, Candi!” Jack gave her a big wave of his arm. “How are ya, darlin’?” He stumbled onto the edge of the sofa and fell on top of her.

  “Get off of me!” she demanded, slapping at him and pushing him off onto the floor.

  Rafe burst out laughing. “Get your ass up.”

  “I kinda like it down here,” Jack said. “Not too far to fall.”

  Rafe saw the look of loathing in Candi’s eyes.

  “If you’ll excuse me.” Candi calmly walked in the direction of the bedroom.

  Her clipped words galled him. He didn’t need her messing up his party mood.

  “Good night!” Jack and Rafe said together.

  Rafe cranked on the stereo and turned the knob to the highest mark, just to agitate her on purpose. The quiet apartment filled with the loud sounds of metal music and a bass beat that shook the fixtures in the apartment.

  Candi stomped out of the bedroom. “Rafe, other people are sleeping. I think you should turn it off.”

  “I don’t give a damn what you think,” he snarled back.

  The shocked expression on Candi’s face added another line of tension to the atmosphere. “Rafe, what’s wrong with you?”

  Why does she have to analyze me all the damn time? Why can’t she give me time to…? “Nothing’s wrong with me. Why don’t you just leave me alone?” he screamed at her. “Can’t you just leave?”

  “Fine!” She turned toward the bedroom and slammed the door.

  Rafe followed her, tried to get into the bedroom, but she locked the door. His anger spilled out in waves. He kicked at the door. “Let me in right now, goddamn it.”

  She finally opened the door. “What do you want?”

  He pointed his finger mere inches f
rom her face. “I want …” The heat of his anger cooled. “I don’t know what I want,” he admitted. He plopped down on the bed.

  She sat down next to him. “Where were you tonight?”

  “Desert Illusions.”

  “You son of a bitch!” Candi’s yell rang through his ears. “I don’t believe it. I come home at one o’clock, to be with you, and you’re out there? You know how I feel about those places,” Candi ranted as she looked at him.

  “I didn’t do anything wrong,” Rafe defended heatedly.

  “You know I don’t like it,” she reminded him with a low, heated whisper. “That was wrong.”

  “You don’t trust me.”

  “Keep your voice down. These walls are thin. We’re going to wake the neighbors.”

  Candi’s suggestion to be quiet was like setting a match to flammable gas. He erupted in explosive anger.

  “I don’t give a flying fuck if the neighbors wake up or not. There’s no talking to you when you are like this,” he shouted. “God, this is such a mistake.”

  Before Candi said a word, he got up from the bed and pushed past her. A knock on the door interrupted their argument. Rafe stomped to the bedroom, ranting about how she was a liability. He almost tripped over Jack, who lay passed out on the floor. Cursing, he continued his rant and opened the door. He grew silent at the sight of two police officers in the doorway.

  * * * *

  The next morning Rafe woke up with a splitting headache, a foul taste in his mouth, and lying on the floor by Jack. “What the fuck happened?”

  He looked around the small living room to find Candi sitting at the table glaring at him. “Aren’t you going to work?” His sleepy question went unanswered. “What’s wrong with you?” The cold look she returned chilled his stomach. Uh-oh, what happened?

  “Give it a moment. It’ll come to you,” she said, scanning the papers in her hand.

  Rafe rolled his eyes, getting up. He then headed to the restroom. I don’t need her cryptic answers this morning. When he came out, Candi was in the bedroom changing her clothes.

  “Candi, I’m sorry but I…I’m just not ready.”

  She pushed past him and stomped to the closet. “I’ll be by next weekend to get the rest of my things.” She pulled a set of luggage from the top shelf. Setting each piece on the bed, she packed them with clothes.

  Rafe could tell by her ramrod straight posture there was no talking to her right now. She wasn’t going to listen or hear anything he had to say. Besides, if they talked, she would probably cry, and he couldn’t handle a woman’s tears.

  “Where will you go?” Rafe regretted letting her go this way. He loved her and cared for her well-being.

  “That really is…none of your concern.”

  Candi walked past him to the bathroom. She threw shampoo, conditioner, her makeup, deodorant, and other essentials into her bag. Walking out with him following close behind, she said nothing. Baggage packed, she lifted the two pieces of luggage and stalked to the door.

  “I will get the rest of my stuff when I find my own place.”

  She pulled the door closed, locking Rafe in the apartment.

  Thirty minutes was all it took for Candi to pack and leave him. Rafe watched her from the window while she loaded her small car. He felt like a heel…a heel filled with regret.

  * * * *

  Tears of anguish streamed down Candi’s face. Although she had prepared herself for this very thing, it still hurt. She felt it in the pit of her stomach.

  She had one month left of school and now faced another breakup. This one hurts more than the last. She wanted to fight, kick and scream, but to do so wouldn’t make him aware of what she knew already. She and Rafe were destined to be together, but his fear overwhelmed him, and he chose to give her up.

  Living with a mean drunk was not the lifestyle she wanted. Rafe would have to give it up or learn to drink in moderation. Your leaving is for the best. You’ll find out if you have it in you to be alone, and Rafe can find the answers to the questions inside him.

  The radio played an old song that wrapped around her like an old friend and gave her the strength she needed to persevere.

  Planning it out, she had to find a cheap but safe apartment. The first thing she had to do was get some more money to last her the weekend. The best place to get quick money?

  Work.

  Taking the advice of the song, Candi hardened her love and dried her eyes, in the hope that tough love would work for her.

  “Rafe will soon realize I’m the one. I have to wait him out.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Rafe walked up to the front door to the apartment expecting to find Candi sitting at the table doing her homework, or getting ready for work at the bar, or even waiting to make amends for last night. He inserted the key and turned the knob. Once inside he sighed at the lonely quiet that almost deafened him. Candi didn’t come back after all. He walked in, closed the door, and leaned against the wall, taking in the sounds around him. There were no sounds of laughter, or the high volume of the television turned to the news as she cooked dinner, no loud music from the stereo, just a deafening quiet that reverberated off the four tiny walls and into Rafe’s ears. To make matters worse, her things were missing. “She moved out while I was at work.” Without them, his apartment didn’t look like a home at all. He found a note on the coffee table. Quickly, he picked it up and read it.

  Dear Rafe,

  I’m sorry to move out on you while you were at work, but I felt it was better for the both of us. But as I promised, I have no regrets in meeting you, loving you, and I hope you find genuine happiness. I think you deserve that.

  All my best, Candi

  He inhaled, only to smell her perfume in the air and on the paper, and his frustrations mounted. His stomach lurched, and then his heart broke. Exhaling a sigh of sadness, Rafe tried to accept the facts and admit what lay out before him. Candi is gone! All she left was the key to the apartment and a note professing that she wouldn’t regret loving him.

  * * * *

  For the next four days, Rafe lived in a stupor of hope that she’d come back to him. In that small amount of time, which seemed like an eternity, he grew more miserable. He hadn’t heard from her or found any clues to where she’d moved to, and it added to the burden. Growing frantic with wait, he decided to take matters in his own hands. “I’m coming to you, Candi. I have to know you are all right.”

  He pulled out of the parking lot of his dad’s auto garage and smiled. “I’ll see her at the bar.”

  Rafe walked into the bar and let his eyes adjust to the light change. Few patrons gathered for this time of day. “Perfect, I can have a minute alone to talk to her.” Rafe took a seat at the bar, almost in the shadows and waited. He looked around for Candi, but didn’t find her anywhere.

  “Well, if my eyes don’t deceive me, Rafe!” Minerva greeted with enthusiasm. “How are you doing?”

  He stood up from the barstool. “Hello, Minerva.”

  The two hugged in greeting. “What brings you by here?”

  Okay, we’ll play it that way. “I’m looking for Candi. I wanted to say hello and make sure she was all right.” He looked around. “Where is she?”

  Minerva worried her lip. “I’m sorry, but you made the trip out here for nothing.”

  He sat down on the barstool. “What do you mean?”

  “She quit.

  Surprised by the announcement, Rafe worked to gain control. “Quit! When?”

  “Uh, about two days ago.” She poured him a beer and then set it down in front of him.

  “Where did she go?”

  Minerva shrugged her shoulders. “She refused to tell me too much about her new place.”

  “What did she say?”

  “She’s living and working on the North Side.”

  “What is she doing for work?”

  “She told me that she is working in her field and would be starting her new job in November.”


  Rafe downed the glass of beer and then placed a five-dollar bill on the counter. “Minerva, thank you and have a good life.” He walked out of the bar more bewildered than when he walked in. He drove home, processing the information Minerva gave him. He took her decision to have no contact with him as a sign. She didn’t love me after all. The pain added to the anger and the list of emotions he already tried to analyze.

  “Forget her. If she really loved me she wouldn’t have left me here to worry,” he reasoned. He entered the apartment to a proverbial photo gallery. Pictures of them bombarded his vision. To see her smiling face, laughing eyes, and her in that bikini brought back so many memories. “Why did she leave these here?” Rafe couldn’t find a logical reason for it. Moaning, he found one. “She wanted to torture me,” he sighed bitterly. Grabbing his keys, he headed out the door.

  Somewhere is someone, if not her, to talk to.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Finding Rafe Sines in the lounge of her hotel was the last thing Sheila Mason had expected. It must be fate. She worked late on most Saturdays getting ready for the peak time of the season. Looking around, she wasn’t surprised to see the slow crowd. Most of the hotel guests would be in next week for the Thanksgiving holidays.

  She had a full weekend scheduled for the festivities. She confirmed all the last-minute details. The entertainment area of the hotel was her department. If she could pull off a good holiday season, she was guaranteed the hotel manager’s spot for the hotel chain’s grand opening in Austin. She worked hard for that goal all year and nothing was going to stop her from achieving that goal now. Her final walk-through of the hotel led her to the lounge. You look like you’ve matured my friend. I’ve never seen this side of you before.

  Sheila’s heart raced at the sight of him alone. Looking around, she noticed Candi wasn’t anywhere in sight. Good, no more competition. Confidently, she walked to where he sat at the bar. Giving the attentive bartendress a subtle shake of her head, she leaned against the bar.