Meant to Be

by Jessica James

  “Lauren.” Rad tried to fight the inclination to run from the room as he saw the number of tubes sticking out of her nose and mouth and even her head. He inched closer and saw her face was still swollen, but the black and blue patches now had a yellowish cast. Her head was shaved on one side, and a tube disappeared into a hole above her ear. Even though her eyes appeared to be slightly open, he could tell they were not seeing.

  There was barely an inch of her he could touch that was not hooked up to some sort of life-giving or life-monitoring machine, but he found a finger and grasped it firmly.

  “Hey, baby,” he said, choking back tears. “I promised I’d see you again. Remember?”

  Within moments, the timer on Rad’s watch beeped, and he knew he had to leave. Bending down, he kissed her cheek tenderly. “I’ll be back,” he said. “Don’t worry about anything but getting better. I got your back now.”

  As he exited the room, he almost ran into a nurse coming in. He gave her a nod and continued walking, stripping off the lab coat in the elevator.

  Once outside the hospital, he sat down on a bench and called Wynn.

  “Hey, man. I need a ride.”

  Before he could tell Wynn where he was, he heard Heather’s voice come on the phone. “Michael Radcliff where are you? Why haven’t you answered your phone? Tell me you didn’t sleep with Angie last night. I’ll kill you if you did.”

  The phone line became scratchy and muffled as if there was a tug of war going on, and then Wynn came back on. “Sorry about that. She grabbed the phone out of my hand. Where you at?”

  “No, I didn’t sleep with Angie. And sorry, I had my phone turned off. I’m at Walter Reed.”

  He heard Heather yell something in the background but couldn’t make it out.

  “Why? Your leg bothering you? You sick?”

  “No.” Rad paused a moment, wondering how much to tell over the phone. “Remember the comment Angie made last night that for all we know someone could be right down the street?”

  Wynn paused as if he were thinking. “Yeah.”

  “And remember that story you told me about a no-count love?”

  For a moment, Wynn was silent. “What did you do, Rad?”

  “I found someone I was looking for.”

  The line grew quiet, and then Wynn whispered as if he’d moved to a room where Heather could not hear the conversation. “You kidding me?”

  “No, brother. I’ll be waiting out front. We have some work to do.”

  When Wynn and Heather pulled up, Wynn had to grab Heather’s arm to keep her from bounding out of the car to give Rad a hug. Instead, they waited for him to climb into the back seat.

  “How’d she look, brother?” is all Wynn said.

  “Alive.”

  Wynn glanced back at the mixture of relief and pain on Rad’s face. “You wanna talk about it?”

  “Not right now.” Rad turned and stared out the window, overcome with a mixture of emotions. The relief that came with knowing Lauren had successfully made the transition from survival to recovery was tempered with the knowledge that she was still beyond his reach. “We have a lot of work to do.”

  After a few minutes of going over his plan in his head, Rad pulled out his phone. Before he dialed, he leaned forward and put his hand on Wynn’s shoulder. “Think we can keep those rooms another night?”

  Wynn looked over at Heather, who nodded. “Sure.”

  “Then let’s head back to the hotel.”

  As soon as they got back to the room, Rad laid out his plan. He would call McDunna, tell him he’d found her, and ask for authorization to get past the guard to visit. The circumstances, in his mind, outweighed normal protocol, and he assumed the higher-ups would agree.

  But he soon learned this was not the case. Even with McDunna going to bat for him, the officials continued to deny her existence, and even threatened Rad with discipline for saying he had seen her.

  After a few hours of trying, Wynn put his phone down. “I’m sorry, man. I don’t know who else to call.

  Rad leaned back in his chair, his lips pursed, his jaw set, and nodded. “Thanks for trying.”

  “Guess it’s time to move to Plan B.”

  Rad gazed at Wynn curiously.

  “I’ll take out the guard, tie him up and stick him in a closet while you go in for another visit.”

  Heather leaned in from the balcony. “No you won’t.”

  Rad smiled. “Sorry, bro. I gotta go with Heather on this one. I don’t think that will work.”

  “Well, let’s go back and check it out anyway.” Wynn stood and squeezed Rad’s shoulder. “You’re good at bluffing. Maybe you can just talk your way past the guard.”

  Rad nodded and shrugged. “It’s worth a try.”

  When they got back to the hospital, Rad told Wynn and Heather to stay in the waiting room while he tried his luck at getting past the guard.

  He squared his shoulders when he stepped off the elevator and walked confidently toward the room. He knew the guard at the door would only be following orders, but maybe he could get him to see his side of things and bend the rules just a little.

  When he turned the corner, his heart jumped and dropped all at the same time. There was no guard. Maybe Wynn had been right with his theory the guard took more than one smoking break a day.

  As he got closer, his pulse quickened at the thought of getting to see her again. But when he pushed the door open, his heartbeat came to a thudding halt. There was no buzzing or beeping or blinking lights. The bed was empty, but the room was not. A nurse turned and jumped in surprise.

  “Can I help you?”

  Rad tried to act calm, even though his mind was racing. Had something happened? Had they rushed her to surgery? Where was she?”

  “I, ah, just came to see this patient.”

  The nurse smiled and turned back to a piece of equipment she was wiping down. “Oh, sorry. She’s gone.”

  “Gone?” Rad swallowed hard.

  She glanced at him over her shoulder. “Yeah. Been moved, I guess.”

  “Oh. Moved.” He breathed again. “You know where?”

  “No.” She gazed up at him curiously. “I’m new to this floor.”

  “But you’re sure she’s just been moved. She didn’t… she didn’t…”

  The nurse paused a moment as if just understanding what he was saying. “Oh, no. No.” She shrugged. “Pretty sure, anyway. I heard them talking about a chopper for transport, but there’s no record to check.”

  Rad stood silently in the doorway another moment as his eyes swept the room. “Thanks for your help.”

  When he made it down to the waiting room, the expression on his face must have told Wynn and Heather things had not gone as planned. Neither asked any questions or even said a word. And when they got to the car, Wynn turned up the music loud enough that Rad’s choking sounds of disappointment and despair could barely be heard.

  Chapter 32

  Six weeks later

  Rad threw the pillow across his head, trying to blot out an irritating ringing sound. After a few moments, his weary brain began to function enough to realize it was the phone lying beside the bed. As he reached for it, he noticed the time—0500.

  “Radcliff here.”

  “It’s Pops.”

  Rad glanced at the time again and struggled to catch his breath. Knowing that Pops and the whole team were deployed caused the blood to rush out of his heart before he even heard another word.

  “We have an Eagle down.”

  Rad heard a slight tremor in Pops’ usually calm voice even through the bad connection. He waited for him to continue.

  “It’s Wynn.”

  Rad sat straight up. “How bad?”

  “Don’t know anything yet.” The line went silent for a moment, except for the sound of heavy breathing. “Dude, it’s bad.”

  “Heather know yet?”

  “Negative.”

  “On my way. Keep me posted.”

  The li
ne went dead.

  Rad groaned as he threw his legs over the side of the bed. Getting his joints moving in the morning was the hardest part of the day. After letting Tara out for a few minutes, he threw on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, and splashed some water on his unshaven face.

  It would only take about thirty minutes to drive to Heather’s. He hated the thought of getting her out of a warm bed and had no idea what he was going to say once he did it.

  Even though he had plenty of time to think about it on the ride over, Rad mostly thought about Wynn and the guys. What had gone wrong? Had he let his brothers down by not being there? Could he have done something to prevent it?

  His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he continued to wrestle with the idea of retiring from active duty. With his reenlistment date approaching in less than a year, he had to make a decision. Most of the time he leaned toward going back for one more, rationalizing that what he needed most was to do what he did best.

  After sitting the last few months out for his recuperation, Rad was straining at the leash to get back into the action. He knew it would probably sound strange to most people, but the acrid scent of gunpowder to him was like the smell of freshly brewed coffee to most people. A sunset filtered through the smoke of a burning building or bomb drop was captivating. Even the constant need for caution and carefulness was a vital part of his being. Everything harsh and unnerving about being in a war zone energized and excited him.

  Anyway, what would he do if he got off this fast-moving train and tried to assimilate into civilian life? After moving at an “all in, all the time” pace for all these years, he wasn’t sure a slower lifestyle would appeal to him. Plus, he felt it was his duty to defend his country as long as his body was able to do it.

  But was he able to do it? Could he keep up with the new guys? Rad had spent the last fourteen years of his life trying to be the best soldier he could be, but he was not getting any younger. Even though he was close to being fully recovered from his injury, he still had more than the average aches and pains for a man his age. His mind drifted to Lauren. If she were by his side, things would be different. Clearer. Right.

  But she wasn’t. Since losing her again he’d started his search all over, leaving no stone unturned in trying to discover her whereabouts. He pleaded, questioned, implored—and sometimes threatened—in an effort to get someone to give him a lead. But those who had known she was in the hospital had apparently been kept in the dark as to where she was now.

  Was she being cared for somewhere close to him? Or on the other side of the country? He had no way of knowing. It felt like he was trapped in a nightmare or stuck in the middle of the Twilight Zone.

  Not knowing her whereabouts or where to even look, tormented Rad during the day and haunted his dreams at night. He’d not slept more than a few hours straight since the last time he’d seen her, and knew it probably showed. Night after night she came to him in his sleep, calling his name and crying for help. And night after night, he’d run toward the sound of her voice, searching blindly for her in the darkness. When he’d finally see her and reach for her hand, he’d wake up sweating, exhausted, and gasping for breath.

  She was always just beyond his grasp.

  Rad pushed those thoughts away and focused on Heather. This was going to be hard on her. No matter the ultimate outcome, the next few hours—possibly days and weeks—were going to be difficult. Not knowing when, or if, you would ever see the person you loved again was a feeling comparable to no other—like having your heart squeezed by a giant fisted hand. Being told your loved one was injured, alone, and thousands of miles away, would only add to the awful torment.

  As he turned onto Wynn’s road and drove by the large, dark houses, Rad pictured the occupants snug in their beds with no knowledge of what was occurring half a world—and half a block—away. Their idea of stress and suffering was seeing their electric bill double or enduring the loss of a game by their favorite sports team. They had no idea what was happening outside of their doorsteps or beyond their own little world.

  Rad entertained little doubt these people supported their country and their troops, but to them that meant flying the flag or celebrating the Fourth of July. Maybe they knew the guy down street was in the military and was gone for long periods of time, but they didn’t pause to think about the long hours he spent suffering in the cold mountains of Afghanistan or about his fiancée sleeping alone, worrying about his safety night after night. The war on terror wasn’t on their radar. It was someplace else and someone else’s job to fight. The discrepancy between those who put their lives on the line every day and those who enjoyed a life of freedom because of it, was strikingly clear.

  When he finally pulled into the driveway, Rad felt like his chest was going to explode. He turned off the engine and took a deep breath to control his pounding heart. He’d rather be out on the battlefield taking enemy fire than do the job that lay before him. Heather was a sensible woman, strong. But she was devoted to Wynn. Rad wasn’t sure how she would handle his news—if she could handle it. To be counting down the days until your wedding one moment, and then praying you’d just get to see your loved one again the next, was a lot to ask of a twenty-eight-year-old. How would she recover if she lost him before she could even claim him as her husband?

  Rad sat in his truck, staring at the small rancher a moment. Wynn’s house—and pretty much his second home—was a cozy, inviting little place, right down to the white picket fence that ran around the yard. Rad smiled. Dilapidated white picket fence that is. Heather had been after Wynn to repair and paint it for months.

  He had to give Heather credit. She’d done a lot of work sprucing up the interior since moving in a few months ago, insisting it would take the better part of a year to get the man cave, as she called it, up to her standards before officially moving in as Wynn’s wife.

  Rad’s heart kicked again. Let’s get this done.

  Walking to the door, Rad noticed the kitchen light was on. Good. Maybe she was already up. That would make things a little easier.

  After ringing the doorbell, he saw the curtains move, and the door opened almost immediately. Heather stood there in sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt that had to be Wynn’s.

  “Rad? What the heck are you doing up and around so early?” She ran her eyes across his unshaven face and smiled. “Or maybe you just haven’t gone to bed yet.”

  If Rad had figured out what he was going to say beforehand, the words completely left him now. Heather stood in front of him casually braiding her hair to the side, smiling with such a carefree, innocent expression, he found it difficult to breathe, let alone talk.

  The awkward silence that ensued apparently alarmed her, and the smile disappeared.

  Rad cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”

  The expression on Heather’s face changed from warm and welcoming to one of fear—and then anger—before returning to fear again. For a moment he thought she was actually going to refuse him and close the door as if that would make whatever he was going to tell her go away. But at last she lifted her chin and opened the door for him.

  Once he was inside, she took a deep breath and turned to face him. She still didn’t say anything. Just waited for him to speak.

  “I don’t know any details, Heather.”

  She nodded, her chin and lips trembling. “He’s still alive?”

  Rad nodded, even though he was thinking, God, I hope so.

  “I wanted to be here when you got the official word.”

  “Because you know it’s bad.” The words were stated as a fact, not a question as she looked up at him with fawn-like brown eyes that glistened unnaturally.

  “That’s what they think in the field.” He knew it was best to be honest with her. “But it always seems that way when a brother is down.”

  He took a step toward her and wrapped his arms around her. “You don’t have to handle this alone. I want you to know that.”

  She cried softly
in his arms a moment as she absorbed the news and comprehended what it would mean. Then she began to cry harder.

  “Heather, we don’t know anything yet.” Rad rubbed her back, trying to comfort her. “Don’t let your mind make it worse than it is.”

  She shook her head against him. “You d-d-don’t understand.” Choking sobs left her almost unable to speak. “I’m pregnant.”

  Rad’s heart jumped into his throat in jubilation for the length of a heartbeat, and then landed hard in his gut. He closed his eyes tightly as he thought about Wynn’s love of children and how desperately he looked forward to being a father.

  “Wynn doesn’t know?” His voice cracked despite his best attempt to sound calm and in control.

  “I didn’t want him to worry about me while he was deployed.”

  Rad pulled her out to arm’s length and shook her gently. “Listen. You’re going to have to take care of yourself through this, do you hear me?”

  She nodded, but her eyes were slightly glazed as if not completely comprehending what was happening.

  “Do you see these shoulders?” Rad shook her again.

  She lifted her eyes to his broad shoulders and nodded again.

  “They’re here to hold you up, to carry you if necessary. Got it?”

  “I got it,” she murmured. “I’m okay.”

  But Rad could tell she was not okay. Her entire body was trembling, and he wasn’t sure how much longer she was going to remain standing. Guiding her over the couch, he made her sit down. “Look Heather. We’ll get through this. Just take some deep breaths.”

  Heather nodded with her face in her hands, but her shoulders shook as she sobbed. “This has to be a bad dream.” She glanced at Rad as if to see if he was really there, and then started crying again. “It can’t be real.”

  “I’m sorry, Heather.” Rad tried to keep his own voice from quivering. “We need to stay positive. We might be making this worse than it is.”