Mikhail and Margarita

by Julie Lekstrom Himes

  Ilya stared over the top of the steering wheel; he seemed certain yet tentative. Perhaps it was nothing. “Stay here,” he said. He looked like he might say more but instead got out and began walking toward the front of the line. Effortlessly he took on the gait of a more common man, ambling, broad-based. He passed a group of children; he ran his hand over the head of one of the older boys playing. The boy glanced up, unperturbed; the old man appeared no different from any of those from his village. She thought—they needed to be forgettable. To disappear among the others. Perhaps he thought that she, like the car, was incapable of such.

  There was a knock on her glass. A woman only slightly older bent low and beckoned her, smiling. Margarita lowered the window.

  Had she brought something for dinner? asked the woman. Someone had suggested a picnic. The woman eyed the back of the car greedily. Surely someone driving such a vehicle would have something worthy to share. “I’ve never seen a car like this before,” she said.

  There was Vera’s food. They couldn’t spare any yet this would be a way to disappear—even for a few hours.

  “Is that your husband?” said the woman.

  Ilya was returning.

  His hands were in his pockets. He appeared to give off a casual air, yet Margarita sensed the urgency in his stride. Something was wrong. She shook her head at the woman. “We didn’t bring anything.” She tried to seem disappointed.

  The woman straightened. “How did you find yourself such a pretty young wife?” she said to Ilya.

  “Ah,” said Ilya. “But in the meantime I starve. She cannot cook.”

  “She will learn,” said the woman. She smiled again at Margarita. “We all do.”

  Ilya got into the car and the woman drifted toward the wagon ahead of them.

  “They’re searching vehicles,” he said. “I’m not sure for what.” He looked at her then as though cataloguing her every feature. He paused at her midsection. “Can you make it so you appear pregnant?”

  He reached into the backseat and gathered some clothes loosely in one of the pillowcases. She undid the clasp of her skirt and tucked the bundle under her waistband and blouse. She settled back in the seat.

  Her arms circled the mound. It was a remembered gesture; a remembered loss. It was her younger self that seemed difficult to recall.

  He nodded. “Try to look a bit more matronly.”

  Ahead, soldiers moved from wagon to wagon.

  The occupants stood to the side while their belongings were examined. When finished, the soldiers moved to the next. They had not yet found what they’d come for.

  “Try not to speak,” he said as they watched.

  The soldiers went through the cart in front of them. Several had climbed into the back, over irregular forms covered in tarps. They opened crates and bags of various sizes. Off to the side at the verge of the ditch, the woman from before stood watching. Several children clung to her. One of the soldiers broke away, walking toward their car. His rifle slung over his back, he didn’t appear threatening. He knocked on Ilya’s window. Ilya lowered it and the man’s face appeared.

  “This is quite a car,” he exclaimed. He grinned openly. He’d get to talk about it for the next few days.

  He was Margarita’s age. Startlingly handsome. Eyes that were sharp blue. His hat was pushed back slightly on his head. He looked at Ilya first, then at her. His expression changed slightly. She was the type of girl he’d have pursued. She saw his recognition of this, then his slight puzzlement. Why was she here, with this much older man? He noticed her midsection then, and returned his attention to Ilya as though it’d always been there. “You’ll need to step out,” he said. The car was forgotten.

  Margarita opened the door. Ilya’s arm reached across her.

  “Would it be all right if my wife remained?” Ilya patted her belly. “I think the midwife is overly concerned, but she wants her to stay off her feet as much as possible.”

  Ahead, the woman watched them. Would she notice the change should Margarita get out?

  The soldier nodded; of course, if that was necessary.

  Ilya opened his door and the steppe’s breeze moved between them as though eager for the chance; it shifted her clothes. She cradled the bulk in her arms protectively.

  The soldier asked a question about the car. Ilya got out and closed the door. She didn’t hear his answer.

  Several other soldiers approached. She listened to the muffled conversation. The more senior one wanted all of the vehicle’s occupants removed in order to search properly. Ilya tried to appear apologetic, yet shook his head.

  She got out of the car. “It’s all right. I’ve been sitting too long.” She hugged the bundle to her. They’d not fastened it in any way and she risked losing it.

  The handsome soldier looked concerned for her.

  “What an amazing day,” she said to him brightly.

  “It is,” he said. As if they were anywhere but along this road.

  She sensed Ilya watching this scene, disapproving.

  She could tell the soldier that she wasn’t really pregnant. That it was Ilya who’d made her disguise herself. Ilya who’d told her not to speak. Yet she could speak. She could say that all that had happened was his doing. The soldier would believe her. He would believe she was blameless.

  The woman ahead saw her; even at that distance, Margarita could see her surprise. She lifted her arms away from the children as though to take a step toward them.

  A whiff of fear rose through her. Then she thought, Come to me.

  There was a cry from the back of the wagon ahead of them. One of the soldiers standing on the bed had straightened, holding a dark sack, and the soldiers left the car. The woman and her family were surrounded and escorted on foot toward the front of the column. Ilya motioned to Margarita to get in.

  “Black market,” he said, once the doors were closed. He seemed relieved, then he looked at her. “Leave that in place until we get past them entirely.”

  She touched the mound. It was as if she was incapable of disobedience. Her mouth, her hands were subordinate to him; she could hate them for that.

  The column of vehicles began to move. Ilya followed the others. It was a slow exodus.

  The soldiers had lined the family up in a row along the top of the ditch. Someone—the husband—had been given a pickax and a shovel. Rifles were trained upon him as he worked to clear the sod nearby.

  The woman was watching her younger child, a girl, perhaps three or four years of age, crouched, her dress blossomed about her, picking buds of new clover, her small fingers working them into a chain. The woman called to her; she would want her close, the silkiness of her skin, the comfort of that, but the girl was intent upon a necklace to wear. There came the sound of the ax striking the earth behind her. Her son, older, understanding, gripped her other hand. She dared not move. She called again. She tried to sound sweet. “Come, child, come.” Her daughter pretended not to hear.

  Ilya told her to cover her ears. Margarita lifted her hands to her head.

  When they stopped for meals, they stood as they ate, sharing a single cup, the corner of the car hood between them. Ilya would distribute their food. She would note the disproportion between them. “I’m not as hungry as you think I am,” she complained, lightly at first.

  “You are starved.” This seemed a criticism and she did her best. She sensed they would not leave until she was finished; even should the People’s Army appear over their horizon.

  “Please, take some,” she would beg. He would light a cigarette instead and gaze at the scenery as though something in it had changed.

  After the family’s arrest, when they next stopped, he took nothing for himself, providing her with a modest portion. She ate several bites, then pushed the rest toward him. “This tastes like sawdust.”

  “Taste doesn’t matter,” he
said.

  He made no effort to push it back; neither did she reclaim it. It lay between them like a forlorn thing.

  He lit a cigarette. She as well could pretend disinterest. She sensed that any movement on her part, even the rise of her chest, was in revolt of him. Dry leaves scuttled across the road as though unaware. The breeze pushed her scarf across her cheek; it would set her into motion regardless of what she wanted.

  “I won’t eat it,” she said.

  He brought the cigarette to his lips.

  “Why are you doing this?” she said.

  “I’ve told you.”

  “I mean why are you doing this?” She extended her arms to the world. He could have left her in that camp.

  He gathered the food, carried it to the side of the road, and scattered it across the ditch. He looked for a moment as though he would go further, even stomp it into the ground. He got into the car and started it. He would leave her there, she thought, and she got in quickly.

  The car started forward. The forgotten cup flew across the windshield and then away.

  “I want to see Mikhail,” she said.

  They drove in silence for several hours. He tried an old trail, then after a kilometer he turned and backtracked. He took another, less-likely road. Surrounding fields were still covered in snow; there were intermittent swaths of brush where animals might hide.

  “Do you even know where you’re going?” she asked.

  Amid the darker grays of a stand of trees, the black timbers of a small hut emerged. The car’s headlights danced across its walls. Its shutters were closed. It appeared abandoned. Ilya turned off the engine and got out.

  She stared through the windshield. He pushed the door of the hut with his foot. The lower hinge was broken and it opened only partway. He disappeared into the black interior. The temperature in the car seemed to drop perceptibly and she followed.

  Inside, he had lit a match. The orange glow around his hand penetrated little into the darkness, but he seemed to move with foreknowledge to a high shelf built around the room’s perimeter and took down several oil lamps. He lit one, then, with a second match, lit several more. The lanterns extended fingers of light to the walls. There was a hearth, chairs and a table, a cabinet and a bed frame. The place had been left in good order, as if someone had thought to return someday. A small stack of wood remained and he built a modest fire.

  He straightened and brushed off his hands lightly. “You should be safe here,” he said.

  “Where are you going?” she said.

  He gestured to the flames; this wouldn’t last, he told her, and he left as though to gather more. She heard the car engine start and she ran outside.

  He’d backed the car across the path they’d taken to the door, then turned the car down the track. Would he leave her? She ran after him. The car bounced over the ruts, gaining speed. Within moments he was gone.

  The silent land spread away as if this was all there was. She stared at the road, distant, where it was no longer discernible from the snow. There were no birds; nothing moved. She heard only her own breaths.

  There came the howl of a wolf. She went back to the hut. Already the fire was dying.

  Once when they’d stopped for petrol, she returned to the car to find a small bundle of daisies on her seat. The wife of the man who operated the distribution site kept a greenhouse. At first Ilya wouldn’t admit to them, then said they’d reminded him of her. He refused to tell her what he’d traded for them. She held the bouquet for a time, then it seemed as though her hands and arms had become dotted with moving grains of sand. The undersides of the petals were covered with spider mites. Ilya tossed the clutch from the window as he drove. She tried to refrain from continuing to examine her arms, rubbing them instead as though it was the chill of the air.

  He’d brought clothes for her. Not in her style but she only had those that she’d worn that day. He suggested she consider changing her style. She remembered a particular skirt she’d once owned. She could recall precisely where it’d hung in their apartment in Moscow. She remembered the occasions when she’d worn it. She mentioned it once, as though it was an amusing mystery. “I don’t understand why I miss the thing,” she said. “Was it a favorite of his?” he asked her. She couldn’t remember. Perhaps she’d never known. What did it matter; it was not as though she was going to go back for it. Several miles had passed before she realized that she hadn’t answered. The steppe could do that.

  He wore a ring on his right hand. It was a simple band, braided silver. She asked him about it once when he was driving, touching it as his hand held the steering wheel. It’d been a gift, he told her. He’d been engaged at one time. “She changed her mind. I was not the love of her life,” he added lightly. He glanced at her. “It was long ago,” he said, as though she was the one in need of some comfort. Yet the wound seemed still fresh in some way. Perhaps it was the familiarity of the land they traveled which caused old memories to bloom.

  “I didn’t know,” she said.

  Ilya watched the road unfold. “It was long ago,” he repeated.

  It seemed she could not stop touching it. “Was she the love of your life?” she asked.

  He smiled a little at the sky ahead as though it was the amusing thing.

  It was utterly black outside. She added to the fire. The dark walls seemed to come to life, painted in folk art. Centuries-old and faded, stylized animals and birds and flowers paraded about the perimeter with flourishes of yellow and rust and blue. The images told an ancient story: wolves were chasing an abducted bride. The plot line disappeared behind the cabinet. This was a tale she’d been told as a child. Would the hero slay the beasts in time to save his beloved? She pulled at the cabinet’s corner. It resisted; gripping the floor, too long in its place. She pulled harder. Something was there, written in the wood. She brought a lantern and held it near the wall.

  In delicate script, by a woman’s hand, were names in a tidy column, one atop the next, repeated over and over, and beside each, a short line and an age. Ilya at six, Pavel at seven. Ilya at seven, then eight. The lines formed an uneven ladder up the wall. Youngsters bound across the room in hand-sewn overalls, knocking into walls, laughing, taunting as brothers do. Their mother calls them animals. Pavel at ten. Ilya at twelve. There is a girl whose name when spoken will cause Ilya to blush; Pavel takes his advantage with such knowledge. Ilya at fifteen. He finds it amusing that he must bend down to kiss his mother’s cheek. He does this often to show off his stature to her. Pavel at fifteen. There the names stopped. Men are not measured by the hand of their mother.

  Margarita turned back toward the fire. Outside, wolves could be heard. The sound didn’t frighten her. She and they would wait together. They would all try not to think too hard.

  CHAPTER 39

  The concrete steps leading to the small regional police station hadn’t been shoveled. A trail of boot prints had packed down a sullied path. Ilya smoked a cigarette and watched the building from a stand of trees. The glow from an interior desk lamp reflected in one of the windows.

  He could hope it would be anyone but him. He crumpled his cigarette against the bottom of his shoe and flicked it into the snow.

  The officer seated in the chair looked up as the door opened, then, as recognition widened his gaze, he pushed away slightly and craned his head back. His hair was flecked with gray. His face was broad and flattish in aspect, some ancient Nordic lineage; his cheeks were heavy yet his eyes remained powder blue. He smiled as though pleased for the visit; as though this was all it could be counted as. Ilya measured his expression for its surprise; he didn’t appear to have anticipated Ilya’s arrival, yet Pavel had always been difficult to read.

  It startled him how much he resembled their mother.

  Their mother told the story of once when they were small, she’d taken a switch in order to punish Ilya for some transgression. Bu
t before she could lift the piece against him, she would say, the younger Pavel had stepped between them and, with solemn eyes, asked that he might take the punishment instead. She was amazed, and with every retelling, this seemed new. As it would happen, she’d then conclude, no one was punished that day. Neither of them could remember the event yet they had never doubted her account. Only years later did Ilya reconsider it. He wondered why he’d not been made the hero of that drama. He wondered what she’d read on his young heart that she might want him to believe in some perpetual fealty owed to his brother. He wondered which son she thought she was protecting.

  “I can’t believe it’s you,” said Pavel. He touched the top of his head with his hands as though it was necessary in order to contain such news. Abruptly, he stood and hugged Ilya, kissing him on both cheeks and hugging him again. He gestured to the chair beside the desk, easing back into his own.

  “How many years has it been?” he asked, as though such a thing must be incalculable.

  “Thirty.”

  “Thirty.” Pavel shook his head. The number itself seemed tragic. Half a man’s lifetime.

  There were only a few things that might estrange a brother from a brother. Perhaps only one. Yet Pavel smiled, as if determined to overcome any obstacle. “I will take you home,” he said. “We will share a meal.”

  “Sure. I’ll come,” said Ilya.

  They were both suddenly quiet in the face of his lie. Somewhere in the back of the small room, a primus flame hummed. There was no photograph of her on his desk. There was a telephone but Pavel’s gaze passed over it. He could wait to tell her, thought Ilya. In fact, it was unlikely he’d tell her at all. Olga.

  The wood grain of the desk was marred by a watermark. It’d been there when it was Ilya’s desk. “You’ve done well?” Ilya asked.

  “I’ve had the burden of trying to live up to the reputation of my older brother.”

  “Children?” It seemed a required question.