by May Dawson
“Oh, he’s back,” Lex said next to me. I turned to glare at him, but he nodded toward the shield. “Bring it down. I know you can. Let’s get our girl.”
“I can’t,” I said automatically, but I’d been practicing my magic ever since Clearborn ordered Ty and Maddie to work on their skills, both with Ty and without him. My jaw tightened as I sheathed my sword, then stepped forward, raising my hands toward the shield.
I poured all my magic, my power, into it, and the shield began to shake.
Winter slashed out again, and Maddie screamed as another gash opened up across her chest.
Fury washed over me, and suddenly, the shield fractured into a thousand pieces of shimmering magic and rained down on the ground.
Silas stumbled through the rip on the other side of the shield, and without hesitation, he stabbed Winter.
The two of them fell to the ground, locked into a vicious fight to the death.
I ran for Maddie as the rest of the team surged toward Winter. He might have magic, but he couldn’t stop all of us. They attacked him as one coordinated team. Meanwhile, I muttered frantically in Latin, trying to release the spell on Maddie’s wrists. She was losing a lot of blood.
She fell forward, and I grabbed her in my arms before she could fall, scooping her up.
“I’ve got you,” I promised her. I couldn’t lie to her—or to myself—anymore. When I saw her get hurt, nothing could have stopped me from coming to her.
But she fainted in my arms, her blood seeping across both of us.
“Silas!” I shouted, and he scrambled away from Winter’s fallen body. He hurried to us, then pressed his hands frantically across the gashes across her body as he began to heal her wounds.
She lay there for a few long seconds, draped across my arms, and my breath stopped in my chest, watching her closed eyes, her parted pink lips.
She came to life as she drew a sudden, ragged breath. Frantic big blue eyes met mine, and my heart started beating again.
“I’ve got you,” I promised, and she let her head fall against my shoulder as I gathered her against me.
I’d never be so stupid as to let her go again.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Maddie
Later that afternoon, I was lying on a cot in the hallway outside the infirmary when Chase strode down the hall. He came to a stop and frowned down at me, his eyebrow quirked, but I didn’t want to talk about my feelings.
“Clearborn wants to see us all,” he told me.
“Of course.” I pressed the heels of my hands to my aching head. I’d lost a lot of blood, and the medic had just come by to unhook my IV a few minutes before.
He held his hand out to me, and I let him pull me up and onto my feet. He glanced back at the infirmary, where the medics were attending a full house of injured shifters, then gripped my shoulder as if to steady me as the two of us headed for the stairs to Clearborn’s office.
I’d almost been grateful to be hurt and to have an excuse to delay facing the guys. I didn’t know what to say.
I’d taken their love, and then I’d cost them their wolves. There was no chance they’d ever see me the way they once had.
I couldn’t see myself the same anymore.
I’d been sent on a mission to save my people, and I’d destroyed them.
Rafe had carried me in here, careful and protective as always. But after he deposited me onto one of the beds, the medic had ordered him out. Rafe’s jaw had tensed and I’d thought he was going to hit the man, that was how angry he was. But then he’d strode out and left me behind.
He must really hate me now.
Chase and I walked in silence. I glanced up at my tall, broad-shouldered friend with the comforting presence, but there was nothing I wanted to say now, and he seemed to understand that.
He just squeezed my shoulder, drawing me into his side, his steps slow to accommodate my own faltering pace. I was still struggling to recover from my injuries, without my wolf’s strength or my magic. Every time I’d reached inside, I’d found no spark of power. It was as if the Dark Crown had stolen all my magic.
We reached Clearborn’s anteroom just as the guys did. Relief rose in my chest at the sight of them: Lex, Rafe, Silas, Penn, Tyson. All alive and well. Just as soon as relief sparked in my chest, dread crowded out the feeling. They didn’t look happy to see me.
Lex’s lips parted, Penn’s face tightened, but Chase helped me to a seat and I collapsed into it, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see their expressions.
“So, none of us can shift?” Penn asked. “Chase?”
I couldn’t see Chase’s response, but he shook his head.
“It’s my fault,” I whispered.
“Oh, I’d love some details on that. What happened out there?” Rafe demanded.
“Enough with the self-pity and blame,” Clearborn cut us all off as soon as he strode into the anteroom of his office, interrupting the tension between the eight of us. “I don’t want to hear it.”
My eyes flew open. He closed the door behind him, then faced us all. Despite everything, I could’ve sworn my men had closed around me, standing close by with their arms crossed as if their natural impulse was always to protect me.
“The Day is done for, and as far as we can tell, the four other covens that attacked us today are mostly dead too,” Clearborn began. “We didn’t lose a single student, although we have quite a few in the infirmary. They should all make a recovery. So I’m done listening to you all moan.”
I chewed my lower lip. “It was my fault, though. I brought that thing here.”
My eyes automatically went to the Dark Crown on Clearborn’s desk, and the guys followed my gaze.
“You were following orders,” Clearborn cut me off. He turned to my men. “To clarify what happened here, I sent Maddie on a mission to the Day. I ordered her to keep her mission a secret from you. Originally, she was supposed to find the Cure so we could develop countermeasures.”
“Winter and Bennett manipulated Maddie and me,” Silas added. “We thought that the Dark Collar was a shifter weapon.”
Clearborn picked up the crown from his desk. “It is,” he said simply. “According to all our research, it can be a weapon for shifters. It was twisted by the Fae.”
“I activated it somehow,” I confessed, my voice hollow and distant. “It’s my fault. Bennett tricked me—”
“You couldn’t have known,” Silas said.
Clearborn shook his head. “I don’t have any problem blaming you for your own mistakes, but you brought the Dark Collar back here on my orders. That’s on me.”
His gaze swept over my men, then returned to me. “And anyway, I’m not the one with something to say about the mistakes that are your own.”
Rafe’s face was that stoic, handsome mask I knew too well. Lex’s arms were crossed over his broad chest. Penn’s hand was thrust in his pocket, his face as unreadable as Tyson’s.
Chase winked at me, easing some of the tension I felt when I faced them all. Now wasn’t the time to get wrapped up in my feelings, anyway. I tucked my hair behind my ears, turning back to Clearborn.
“I can’t stay here,” I said, my cheeks blazing. “This is all my fault. I made a mess of everything—”
“You might’ve helped make this mess, but it wasn’t your fault,” Clearborn went on. “You were playing the best game you could with the cards you were dealt. I don’t want to see any of you lose your fighting spirit. Understood?”
I hesitated, but Clearborn’s eyes bore into me until I finally nodded.
“You’re going to keep your mouth shut about it,” Clearborn told me firmly. “The packs will be looking for someone to blame. You all made this mess, and you all will fix it. But until we figure out how, silence. Do you understand me?”
There was a chorus of yes sir’s around the room.
“Not every win is unequivocal,” he reminded us. “Winter is dead. The Day is destroyed, and so are many of the covens that targeted us
. The packs are safe—even if they won’t appreciate the loss of their wolves. In every way that truly matters, we won.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t convince myself.
He turned to Silas, eying him skeptically. “What am I going to do with you?”
Silas shrugged. “More importantly, what am I going to do with my cat?” He absently rubbed between Echo’s ears, and the cat butted her head against Silas’ jaw.
“She can stay at my house,” Chase said. “Skyla will be thrilled to have a pet.”
“I’m not sure she considers herself a pet. She might think I’m her pet,” Silas admitted.
“Tyson, Rafe,” Clearborn said, “You can’t shift. But have you noticed that magic comes more easily now?”
Rafe’s lips tightened, but he jerked his head in a nod. “I took down Winter’s shield when he attacked Maddie.”
Clearborn’s lips arched faintly. “Good.”
“Maybe,” Rafe muttered.
“I believe that now that they can’t shift, the packs will grow a bit more amenable to magic,” Clearborn said. His gaze found me, and it was kind for once. “I think, in the long-term, perhaps you’ll have done us all a service, Maddie.”
I couldn’t say anything in response.
“For now, I want you to keep your head down,” Clearborn told Silas. “The rest of you, watch Silas’ back.”
“You want me to stay here?” Silas asked skeptically.
“Yes,” Clearborn said, frowning.
“You know I’m not a shifter, right?” Silas’ lips arched in a smirk that reminded me of his face as Echo.
“I know you’re a more powerful witch than anyone on my staff, and I know my students could use your teaching now,” Clearborn said bluntly. “I trust you’re on our side.”
Silas glanced at me and the rest of the guys. “Always.”
Clearborn looked at me. “Maddie, you’ll play the brat a bit longer. You’ll pretend you ran away from the academy, but came back just in time to help save the day. No one can know you were on a mission—not yet.”
“I’ll keep playing to my strengths,” I said lightly, but my heart wasn’t in my usual one-liners. I crossed my legs at the knee, running my hand over my blood-stiffened jeans.
“Good. Now get out. If you’ve got to cry about the past, get it out of your systems tonight. I’m not enjoying the general air of shame and self-pity in here.”
He fixed me with a look when he said that, and my cheeks flushed. Even when Clearborn was being kind, he sounded like a total bastard.
“Jensen and Will are on their way in,” he added. “Once we’ve got Jensen patched up, I’ll send him your way.”
The eight of us headed out into the hallway. I was still unsteady on my feet and worst of all, no matter what Clearborn said, I felt so tense with guilt and embarrassment that I couldn’t face the guys.
I strode ahead of them, barely keeping myself from breaking into a run. We weren’t in the same hallway where we’d had our big fight, but we might as well have been. The ghosts of their angry faces rose around me.
“Lex,” Clearborn called behind us. “A moment, please.”
I stopped and turned back.
Lex nodded, his face suddenly grave. He glanced at us down the hallway. “I’ll catch up later.”
Rafe took a step back toward him, worry written across his face.
“I’ll be fine,” Lex promised. “Go.”
I hesitated, because I didn’t want to leave Lex on his own with Clearborn.
“What’s going on?” I asked Rafe and the other guys, the question too loud in the hall as Lex stepped back into Clearborn’s office and closed the door softly behind him.
“Lex came after you.” Rafe’s posture straightened, his voice flat and harsh. “Even after the way you hurt him, he never doubted you. Clearborn threatened to punish him because he wouldn’t stop trying to figure out why you left. No matter the extenuating circumstances, I’m sure Clearborn keeps his promises.”
The thought of Clearborn hurting Lex made my chest tight, and I headed back down the hall toward the dean’s office, only for Rafe to step in front of me.
He shook his head. “This doesn’t concern you, Maddie.”
“Oh, I think it does,” I disagreed.
“This is between Lex and Clearborn,” Rafe told me. “You aren’t going to help.”
“Why do you care?” Penn asked, his voice harsh as he crossed his arms over his chest. “When you stole our feelings from us, didn’t you take your own too?”
God, the way Penn looked at me hurt my heart. Chase flashed him a dark look, as if he didn’t appreciate his tone, but I shook my head subtly at Chase. This was a battle I had to fight.
“I didn’t,” I said softly. “I still loved you all, even when I left you. I was trying to protect you.”
“You can’t do that to us!” Penn shouted, before slamming his fist into the wall. His anger startled me. “God damn it, Maddie, you don’t get to decide to ‘protect’ us. Not like that!”
I stared back at Penn, as his chest heaved with anger.
“Maybe we should take some time,” Silas began carefully.
Penn rounded on him. “Oh, you are a real asshole too. You’ve been alive all this time and you didn’t think to, I don’t know, send a fucking text? Call someone? Magic message in a mirror? Some-fucking-thing?”
Even Silas, who had faced down evil wizards and spy missions in multiple worlds, looked as if he was at a bit of a loss when faced with Penn’s ire.
Penn glanced around at all of us, his furious gaze locking briefly on Tyson too, before he exploded, “Everyone I love is a fucking selfish asshole!”
Penn strode down the hall first, past me, leaving the rest of us with our jaws hanging open in his wake.
I had amends to make—from restoring the wolves to the packs to fixing the damage I’d done to my men—and I had no idea where to start.
I hurried down the hall, in a power-walking contest with Penn even though neither of us acknowledged each other.
When I burst out the doors to the academic building and ran across the quad, our fellow students were stacking witches’ bodies into trucks. I came to a sudden stop, struck by a fresh wave of guilt, and Penn outdistanced me.
Alice’s life shouldn’t end like that, in an anonymous grave in the forest, not when she’d tried to save me.
Silas caught up to me. For a second, he stood next to me silently, watching the work. Then he said, “No one’s found her body. I looked for her.”
“What?” I frowned at him. “That makes no sense.”
“It gives me pause,” Silas admitted. He glanced at me sidelong. “You need to stop beating yourself up.”
I scoffed. “I fucked everything up colossally, Silas. I thought I could keep the packs safe, and it turns out I was the best weapon the Day had… I brought the Dark Collar here. I was the one who used it.”
I glanced around, keenly aware that Rafe or Lex would tell me not to whine and if I must, not to whine in public. But there was no one around us.
“For once, Maddie, prophecy won,” Silas told me.
I glanced at the two shifters who swung a witch’s body into the back of a pick-up, then headed toward the dorm. I couldn’t stand to watch anymore. So much bloodshed, so much pain. Such a stupid, inescapable war.
I started walking again, but I couldn’t escape my thoughts of how Alice had died, of what might have happened to Victor and Kairn and Josephine, of my wolf’s bright eyes right before I murdered her.
“What are you talking about?” I demanded as Silas and I headed for the dorm.
“The prophecy said you would be the one to bring magic to the shifters,” Silas said. “I know you see this as your failure, Maddie. But it always had to happen. The academy didn’t just lose their wolves—they gained magic.”
I’d been so frustrated that the wolves hated and feared magic. Now I thought of the faces of the Everly sisters, of how Winter had slashed dee
p wounds into my body with a word instead of a blade, and I thought maybe I should hate and fear it too. Maybe I’d just been blind to how dangerous magic was, as I’d been blind to so many other things.
For a few minutes, Silas and I walked in silence as I tried to sort through my feelings. Then we stepped out of the stairwell into the long, familiar hallway where we lived. I reached the door to my room and stopped, my hand on the doorknob.
It hurt to be home again, when everything had changed so much.
“You made the world a better place, Maddie,” Silas said, and he sounded sure of himself as ever. “You just can’t see it yet.”
“I call bullshit, Silas Zip,” I told him. I went into my room and closed him out behind me.
But I could practically feel him on the other side of the door. There was a faint sound in the hall, as if he’d just pressed his hand against the door.
“One night to feel sorry for yourself, rabbit,” he warned. “Tomorrow, we need you back to your irrepressible, wild, sunshine-y self.”
“I doubt that very much,” I whispered.
I turned around to find my room re-arranged from the way it had been once. There were no men’s shoes kicked off next to my bed, and it was just a single bed now. My men wouldn’t be sleeping with me tonight, and my heart ached with loneliness, even though I was the one who had just left them behind. Again.
I should take a shower. I glanced toward the bathroom, heard low, masculine voices on the other side of the door, and instead I went to sit on the edge of the bed.
The sheets were tousled as if someone had slept there, and I frowned as I sat on the edge of the bed, dragging my palm across the sheets. Who had been missing me and sleeping in my bed?
I closed my hot, burning eyes, before realizing I couldn’t even cry. My feelings felt too big, too overwhelming and unbearable, but I couldn’t escape them. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes and drew a shaky breath.
I had no idea where to even begin to fix things with these men I loved so much.
Maybe some things can’t be fixed.
Chapter Sixty-Three
