Unforgivable (Their Shifter Academy Book 4)

by May Dawson

  He flipped my skirt up onto my back, and misgiving threaded through my gut. Then his thumb hooked in the waistband of my panties and dragged them down, exposing my curves to the cool air in the room. I gasped, suddenly keenly aware that we were far from done.

  “I take it back,” I said. “I think that my cover story will probably hold anyway, and—”

  Rafe’s hand stung across my cheek again, apparently unimpressed by my backtracking. I gasped as he resumed the same steady spanking cadence he had before, slapping one cheek then the other.

  “We’re a team,” he said as he went on. “A family. I know you had good intentions, but you exercised terrible judgment, Maddie. You can’t take away our feelings. You have no right.”

  He sounded so calm and relaxed as his hand continued to slap my ass steadily. I managed to twist to get a glimpse of his face. He looked intent, but not angry.

  “Your feelings?” I asked skeptically.

  “You know I love you,” he said, right before his palm stung across my ass again.

  “You have quite the way of showing it,” I said, and I could’ve sworn the next stinging slap across my ass was even harder.

  “You had to leave, we all understand that,” he told me. “But don’t you ever leave us like that again. Do you understand me?”

  He paused, and it took me a second to realize he was waiting for an answer. I whispered a yes. Then his hand smacked down again mercilessly across my burning butt.

  “We all need you,” he said, and there was something raw in his voice that I hadn’t expected to hear from Rafe, punctuated by another smack that resounded through the room. “You can leave us. That’s your right. But you are loved, Maddie, and you don’t get to walk away from that. You don’t get to steal how much we love you.”

  He was right. I’d been trying to protect them, but I’d been trying to protect myself too. I’d been terrified of how much losing Silas had hurt, and I’d been afraid to lose them too. The sense of vulnerability and shame for what I took from them almost overwhelmed me, and so did the sense of being punished—and loved.

  Suddenly tears rolled down my face and I let out a sob. He paused for just a second, then continued the spanking until I was all cried out.

  Then he stopped, and his hand stroked gently across the curve of my cheek, caressing my sore bottom. A familiar throb of desire ached between my thighs as his fingers traced over the marks he’d left.

  “Maddie,” he whispered, and there was something in his voice that was husky with desire.

  When he released me, I started to get to my feet. He pulled me to sit on his lap, and I didn’t hesitate. My ass ached against his hard, muscular thighs as I leaned against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me.

  “I need you,” he whispered into my ear. “I didn’t know it until today, not really. I was lost without you.”

  “Say that again,” I whispered.

  “What part?” He raised his eyebrows at me, a teasing smile on his lips. “The part about how I could make that a regular practice?”

  “Let’s not,” I said, but desire pooled between my thighs, and I pressed them together, keenly aware of Rafe’s hard cock stiff under my ass. Nothing but the crisp fabric of his school trousers separated the two of us, since I was still half-naked in his lap.

  His thumb slipped across my cheek, brushing away the tracks of my tears. “I do need you, Maddie. So much that it scares me.”

  “I won’t ever do that to you again,” I promised.

  “You better not,” he said. He leaned his forehead against mine, his fingers wrapping around the back of my neck. “I was an asshole when you left. I don’t know how to love someone the way I love you. It’s terrifying.”

  That confession tore my chest open, and I could tell from the unguarded look in Rafe’s eyes that we were in unfamiliar, dangerous territory.

  “I want to kiss you,” he whispered.

  “You can,” I told him softly.

  He shook his head. “We can’t. Three months until graduation. May.”

  “What?” I jerked away. “After that? You can’t make me wait until May.”

  “Oh, I can,” he said, a faint smile crossing his lips. His hands gripped my hips, and he gently steered me up off his lap. His hard-on was clearly visible through his uniform trousers, but he didn’t hesitate as he leaned over and pulled my panties up my thighs. “Rules are rules.”

  My core throbbed with desire so intense that it ached almost as much as my ass. I could see how much he wanted me; how could Rafe be that much of a stickler for the rules? “I’m pretty sure spanking isn’t in the cadre play book either.”

  “I think it is now,” he disagreed.

  My nipples were such tight pebbles that they ached against my bra, no matter how buttoned-up I looked in my blazer. But then, Rafe looked perfectly uniformed and in control—except for the enormous bulge of his cock against his trousers. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him, but for some reason, the man loved this damned game. “You can’t just start something like that and then… That’s not fair.”

  “Mm, well, I have to live up to your expectations, don’t I?” He stood from the chair, suddenly towering over me in a way that might’ve been intimidating if not for that playful smile—and for the way my body ached for his.

  He leaned so close to me that his lips almost, but not quite, brushed my ear, and my thighs trembled with desire, before he murmured, “Now, go make up with those boys of yours.”

  I stared up at him. I’d planned on hiding from them in my room tonight, but now my body was taut as a bow with desire.

  And Rafe knew that damn well. Suddenly, it was going to be a lot harder to hide from them.

  “I hate you,” I said softly.

  He grinned, that rare, heart-achingly gorgeous Rafe grin that lit his face and made his sharp cheekbones round until I almost couldn’t bear not to kiss that face. My palms ached to wrap around his jaw and yank him to me, to cover his lips with mine.

  “No, you don’t,” he murmured, because he knew me all too well. He leaned forward as if he would kiss me, and my breath stuttered in my chest, my lips parting despite myself. Desire lit his dark eyes, but he murmured, “You’re dismissed.”

  Chapter Sixty-Five

  In my bedroom, I leaned against the wall and drew a sudden, aching breath, running my fingers through my hair. Desire throbbed between my thighs with a steady, constant ache.

  I was tempted to go next door, to make up with the guys, but then their door to the hallway slammed, and I winced. Maybe not yet. Maybe we all really did need time.

  I threw myself onto my bed and groaned. Still thinking of how Rafe had touched me, of the way his hand had skimmed over the curves of my tender ass, of how much I wished he had kept touching me, I ran my fingers across my thighs and then delved inside my panties. As my fingers caressed myself over and over, I bit my lip at the building sensation, then wiggled out of my underwear altogether.

  As I touched myself, rubbing my fingers across my aching core, I imagined it was Rafe finally touching me. It was easy to picture that same teasing smile across his handsome face as his thumb worked against my clit. I writhed on the bed, wishing he was leaning over me, watching me as I came closer and closer to the brink of orgasm…

  The door to the bathroom opened, and Penn came through it. “You know what, Maddie, I—”

  He broke off as I scrambled off the bed and pulled my skirt down over my thighs, too late to hide what I was doing. My cheeks felt flushed, my hair tousled around my shoulders.

  He paused. “Well.”

  Ignoring the ache between my thighs, I tried to look nonplussed. “Came to yell at me some more?”

  “Yep,” he said. He crossed tattooed arms over his chest; he was dressed down to a sleeveless t-shirt and basketball shorts. He’d probably been working in the dojo and slammed the door coming in, not going out. “Jensen’s home. I imagine he’ll want a turn too.”

  “Jensen’s back
?” I scrambled off the bed, relief flooding through every muscle in my body, making me feel lighter. I knew intellectually he was going to be fine—he’d been stabilized at a hospital, and then transported back here to shift and heal under a doctor’s care. But I’d feel better once I saw him.

  Penn’s eyes fixed on my underwear, which I’d kicked off my ankle in a hurry and onto the foot of the bed.

  He picked them up and glanced at me, cocking an eyebrow, and my cheeks flushed even hotter.

  “You were going to yell at me?” I prompted.

  “I think we should make it a team sport,” he said, and there was a huskiness in his voice that made me imagine the other things we could do as a team: their hands on my body, their lips on my throat.

  If they forgave me. There was an ache low in my belly, and it was not just need but worry, too.

  I reached for my panties, still in his hand, and he shook his head, backing away. “Underwear is for good girls.”

  I rolled my eyes as he opened my door and bowed forward dramatically, welcoming me out into the hallway.

  Barefoot, the rough wool of my skirt swishing across my bare ass, I padded into the hallway. My heart beat faster at the promise of seeing Jensen.

  When I stepped out into the hall, Jensen and Chase were talking quietly. Jensen’s back was to me, and as if he sensed me, he stopped dead in the middle of his conversation.

  As Jensen turned, furious golden eyes met mine.

  I reached for him, eager to wrap him in my arms, and have his body against mine. I’d missed him so much. But he made no move toward me. His face was that cruelly handsome, unfeeling mask I never saw directed at me anymore, and I faltered.

  “You’re not happy with me,” I said flatly.

  “You think?” He quirked an eyebrow.

  Then Silas came down the hall, and he grinned when he saw Jensen. “Hey.”

  Jensen stared past me to Silas, his golden gaze hard. “You’re back.”

  “I’m back,” Silas said.

  “Sometime soon, you and I have a lot to talk about,” Jensen warned.

  Silas nodded slowly. “Let’s see. I was never a shifter. I’m a magician from another world, part of the resistance there against a very unpleasant government. I came here to protect Maddie because she’s at the center of a prophecy and quite a few people would rather kill her than see that prophecy come to pass. What else?”

  “What else? I don’t know,” Jensen said, his hands curling into fists even though his posture was still relaxed, “What about the part where you didn’t tell any of us a damn thing like, I don’t know, that you were alive?”

  Silas shrugged. “It was better this way. No risk of having my cover blown.”

  “It was better this way,” Jensen repeated.

  Penn jerked his thumb toward his room. “I was hoping we’d all yell at each other and then have kinky reunion sex, but if you two are going to start throwing punches, I’ll just go back to ignoring my Myths homework.”

  “Shut up, Penn,” Jensen and Silas said at almost the same time.

  “Well, hurry it up at least,” Penn said.

  “I’m just glad no one is yelling at me right now,” I whispered to Chase. “I had enough of that today.”

  Penn scoffed at that, whispering, “Have you? Because I don’t think we’re done.”

  Chase smiled down at me, his knuckles brushing mine by accident, and I grabbed his hand. I’d missed them all so much, and my body ached with tension that we were all fighting.

  Silas heaved a sigh as he glanced toward Penn. “Given that you called me, what was that, a selfish asshole earlier today, do you have anything to add?”

  Penn shook his head. “No, I’ll one-hundred-percent feel better just watching Jensen kick your ass.”

  Silas grinned that big, irrepressible grin that was all Silas. “Really?”

  Penn nodded. “Really.”

  “I haven’t been able to say this before, but I have to now. Wolfish boys are ridiculous. Violence doesn’t solve anything,” Silas said. He glanced around the room before looking back at Jensen, mischief sparking in his eyes. “Also, now that I don’t have to hold myself back, there’s no chance you actually could kick my ass.”

  Oh, Echo was definitely in there too. I couldn’t wait to get to know the true Silas now, all the time, not in bits and pieces of his true self that I only glimpsed when he wasn’t playing the dreamy or the scary versions of himself he’d invented.

  But I already knew enough of him to love him.

  “Let’s take this to the dojo.” Jensen suggested.

  “Sure,” Silas agreed.

  Jensen brushed past me, heading down the hall, his jaw set. My heart ached as I stared after him. Silas raised his eyebrows, then flashed me a grin, following Jensen.

  The five of us headed down the hall and clattered down the stairs into the basement, which was dark right now. After the day’s fighting, apparently no one wanted to do laundry or fight.

  No one except for my crazy men.

  Chase went into the dojo first and hit the lights. The fluorescents overhead slowly flickered to life, illuminating the hardwood floor, the mats.

  The last time I was in here, I’d marked Rafe with blood and ash, destroying his love for me.

  Or so I’d thought, anyway.

  Behind me, Penn locked the door, then leaned against it.

  Jensen ripped his shirt off over his head as he headed toward the mats. His powerful lats rippled as he kicked off his shoes before he stepped onto them. Barefoot except for his shorts, he walked backwards. His nipple ring flashed under the fluorescents as he crooked a finger at Silas.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” Silas said, drawing his shirt off too, revealing his tall, leanly chiseled body, so much more narrow than Jensen’s but full of dangerous grace. “You sure you’re healed?”

  “One hundred percent,” Jensen promised, his hands hanging loosely at his side. “I’d say that I don’t want to hurt you, but honestly? I do, a little.”

  “I didn’t know you cared,” Silas shot back as the two of them began to circle each other.

  Jensen pulled a face, right before he dove at Silas.

  Jensen moved so fast he was a blur, but Silas bent back under his arm and slipped behind Jensen. He almost clipped Jensen in the back with his elbow, but Jensen was already dropping to the ground, kicking a leg out to knock Silas’s feet out from underneath him. Silas flipped toward, somersaulting over Jensen’s kick.

  I pressed the heels of my hands over my eyes. “I can’t watch.”

  There was the sound of a fist striking flesh and then another smack at almost the same time, and I winced.

  “There are always so many other people eager to hurt us,” I said. “Why do we have to hurt each other?”

  Chase gripped my shoulder, tugging me toward him. “Hey,” he said, his voice gentle, and I opened my eyes to find him gazing down at me.

  Chase leaned down and kissed me, a slow, tender kiss. When Chase’s lips were on mine, his big hand cupping my face, the smack of bodies and feet and punches landing faded. I could lose myself in Chase’s kisses.

  Jensen paused abruptly. “Oh, what the hell is that?”

  Silas took advantage of his distraction to clip him across the jaw, and Jensen danced back.

  “Am I the one you’re really mad at, Jensen?” I demanded. “Do you think we could talk instead of you guys hitting each other like children?”

  “I’m a little put out with Silas too, at the moment,” Jensen said, flashing him a dark look. He rubbed his jaw, and Silas shrugged.

  “Well, come on,” I said. “Let’s get the scolding over with and move on to the kissing bits.”

  “Really?” Jensen’s brows arched as he stared me down, his arms across his chest. “That’s how much you care about all the trouble you caused? That blasé bullshit isn’t cute, Northsea. You hurt people.”

  I made a get-on-with-it gesture, prompting him to continue. If I cried, i
f I acted sorry, he’d cave and pull me into his arms. He was a marshmallow—for me—under all that cold-and-dangerous. I had a feeling he needed to talk, though, no matter how controlled he was.

  Right now, he needed me to be enough of a bitch to push him, so he could push back.

  When it came to Jensen, I was always up for that challenge.

  “You embarrassed Lex in front of Clearborn and half the academy,” he went on. “You hurt Penn. Chase. Ty—he fucking blamed himself. It’s not just that you left. I get it—you had to. It’s how.”

  Thinking of all of them suffering without me ripped at my heart, but I stared back at him without answering.

  “I didn’t realize it until you left,” he said. “You created this powerful bond between us all. Those guys are my brothers now, and when you hurt them, I hated you.”

  He ground out those last words. I rarely heard Jensen lose control of that careful temper, even though I knew how much heat hid under his icy demeanor, and my lips parted in surprise.

  “And you,” Jensen rounded on Silas. “You hurt her.”

  “I know,” Silas said, and he sounded serious for the first time. “You don’t even know how much.”

  “How the fuck do I get past that?” Jensen demanded.

  He abruptly closed the distance between us, pinning me to the wall, his hands braced to either side of my head. Even when he was furious, my body hummed with desire when he was this close to me, barely holding his body away from me, and the scent of his aftershave and his heat washed over me.

  “I’m very good at hating people, Maddie,” he said, his voice cool again as he spoke those words intimately close to my ear. “I’m a different man without you, did you know that? Did you know that you’re the center of our universe? Did you know what you were doing to us?”

  My breath hitched at his cool, matter-of-fact words.

  But he went on. “When you left, you tore the sun out of my sky.”

  “Jensen,” I whispered, raising my gaze to his. Storms raged in those brilliant golden eyes.