Deep Down (Crush Book 4)

by Elouise East

  Trent hesitated before leaving for the bar, staring behind Alex with a smile. “Hey, guys. Glad you could make it.”

  Alex checked over his shoulder to see who had arrived, his heart leaping when Craig came into view with Sean and Asher.

  “We picked him up on the way.” Sean winked at Alex. “He couldn’t decide whether to come or not. We made the decision for him.”

  Alex watched as Craig straightened his spine. “I was coming. I was going to meet you at Crush instead of here.”

  Rolling his lips inwards to suppress his smile, warmth spread through Alex’s body at the spark being relit in Craig. They needed more kindling, then Craig would be back. At least Alex hoped he would. This motley crew could be the people to do it.

  Sean led the way to the seats next to Alex, leaving one space between before sitting with Asher on his other side. Craig had no choice but to sit next to Alex unless he wanted to sit across the other side. From the corner of his eye, Alex saw Craig pause before sitting.

  Hoping to ease Craig into joining in the conversation, Alex asked Sean a question about his work, which prompted some funny anecdotes which had them all laughing, including Craig. Drinks were spread among the whole table, more people arriving before food was ordered. Everything seemed civil to Alex. At least until they got into Crush later.

  Max had obviously told someone in the bar about it because it had been decorated with balloons, and several tables had been pulled together with plenty of seats around it to seat them all. Tom, the owner, came over to wish Livvy a happy birthday and tell them their drinks were on the house. After sufficient bantering, Tom delivered his final word on it.

  “If you want to pay for something, give the bartenders some nice tips. No money will be entering the till from your party tonight. Have fun.”

  Max sighed. “I should’ve known he’d do this.”

  “Is it a bad thing?” Alex asked.

  “No. Tom is one of the best guys around. He spoils us rotten because we helped get the Garden Bar up and running. He hardly ever lets us pay when we’re having a party. I sometimes wonder whether to protest by going somewhere else.” Max chortled. “It feels like cheating somehow, though.”

  “Ah, sweetheart. You’ll get over it. Just means you’ll have to take Livvy shopping tomorrow to buy her something instead.” Trent waggled his eyebrows up and down.

  Alex sniggered at Max’s expression. “I take it that’s not a good idea?” A rhetorical question if there ever was one.

  “Alex, Alex, Alex. What you have yet to be subjected to is my need to visit every shop on a high street regardless of what it sells. Now, Maxy here. He knows. And he is going to take me into town tomorrow with his head held high, and by the time we come home, his muscles will be bulging from carrying plenty of bags.”

  “Ah, a shopaholic, eh?” Alex raised his eyebrows.

  “The world saw me when they created that word.” Livvy laughed maniacally and bent over gasping for breath when Max tickled her.

  For some good reason, Craig had sat back next to Alex when they moved from Romano’s to Crush, and Alex committed his laughter to memory.

  “Are you a shopaholic, Craig?” Alex asked.

  Craig sputtered. “No.” He hesitated. “Well, maybe.”

  “Oh, do tell.”

  “I told you, I started buying paperweights again?” He waited for Alex’s nod. “Well, I have several more now than I expected to have. And I went and bought all that new furniture, including the glass cabinet for the paperweights. It’s conceivable I’m becoming the shopaholic.”

  Alex snickered. “I think you have a way to go yet, your virtue is safe.”

  Craig flushed and bit his lip.

  “Tell me about your paperweights. What ones have you bought?” Alex swallowed some of his beer, watching as the happiness shone through in Craig’s demeanour and words as he spoke about his collection.

  Several hours later, Alex and Craig climbed into a taxi to share home. It dropped Craig off first. Craig hesitated before exiting, blinking rapidly at Alex. Without warning, Craig leaned forward and planted a kiss on Alex’s lips, and just as quickly pulled away and closed the taxi door behind him. Alex sat shocked, the drunk feeling receding with Craig’s stunt.

  Alex frowned, narrowing his eyes. No way would he let Craig get away with that manoeuvre, blaming it on the alcohol, no doubt. He’d see about that. Not yet, but when the time is right. He smiled as he recalled the pressure of Craig’s lips on his during the journey home and fell asleep to the same memory.

  Chapter 28

  Craig

  Craig hesitated, staring at his phone and pressed the dial button. Taking a deep breath, he chewed his lip, gaze bouncing around the living room as it rang in his ear.

  “Hello?”

  “I need you.” They weren’t the words Craig had planned on saying, but they were accurate all the same.

  “Craig?”

  Of course, he wouldn’t know who was ringing him, they’d never swapped numbers. Craig had it because Casey had given it to him the other day, saying he might need it one day. “Yeah, it’s me. Can you help me?”

  “Of course, I can. Are you at home?”

  “Yes, but I’m leaving for…the courthouse. Can you meet me there?”

  “On my way.”

  The phone went dead, and the relief coursing through Craig was indescribable. When he arrived at the courthouse twenty minutes later, Alex was already there—along with several friends. Alex strode towards him and enfolded Craig in his arms. Craig automatically closed his arms around Alex’s back and gripped his jacket, burrowing his face in Alex’s shoulder and neck.

  Alex had not pushed anything on Craig since the confirmation of Alex’s intentions, but Craig felt more relaxed than ever in Alex’s arms. Today was the day he would have to face Darren in court, and he was apprehensive about it. Not because he feared Darren, but of the possibility that Craig would still have feelings for him. It was worrying him more than anything, mainly because he’d had no idea the abuse had been happening in the context it was. It was difficult to separate the two when he’d not seen Darren since the night of the incident.

  Alex pulled back and cupped Craig’s jaw. “You’re not alone.”

  Craig tried to smile. Alex nodded, threaded their fingers together and whirled towards their friends. Craig couldn’t believe they’d come.

  “What are you guys doing here?” Craig’s gaze roamed the group in front of him.

  “We support our friends when they need it. End of.” Sean’s sharp remark was met with nods and words of agreement.

  “And I support you, but I’m here in an official capacity, too.” Logan nodded. “And, unfortunately, it’s time to go in.”

  Craig inhaled shakily, gripped Alex’s hand and repeated the refrain, ”You’re not alone,” as the eight of them marched up the front steps of the building and into the courtroom together. Johnson was stood at a table to the middle of the room, rummaging through a bag. Another person, presumably another lawyer, was sat at the table behind Johnson. Max, Trent, Sean, Zak and Casey all filed in the seats in the public gallery.

  Alex squeezed his hand, and Craig glanced over at him. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Craig nodded and encouraged his hand to pull away from Alex’s, although he didn’t want to. He inhaled again as he lost the physical connection to Alex but squared his shoulders and strode towards Johnson. Glancing back over his shoulder, he saw Alex sit on the aisle seat, gaze on Craig. Pulling strength from him, Craig continued.

  “Hey.”

  “Craig, hi. How are you doing?” Johnson placed a folder on the table and focused on Craig.

  “Been better. But I’ll survive.”

  “You will be fine. We have about ten minutes. Have a seat, and I’ll explain a few things to you before the judge enters.”

  Working through final reminders and information, Craig managed to relax—not a huge amount, but some—until the judge
entered the room. Following the usher’s directions on autopilot, Craig focused on his breathing as Amanda had shown him how to do when he was in a situation he was struggling with. Tensing further when the judge announced Darren would be entering, Craig resolutely kept his face forward. He knew where Darren would be because Johnson had explained that all defendants were sat in an enclosed area within the room they were all in. It had windows allowing people to see in and out, but anyone who was in there would not be able to get to the rest of the room without a fight.

  Craig knew he had to look at Darren, to assuage his own fears if nothing else, but he couldn’t do it yet. Johnson rested a hand on Craig’s shoulder, squeezing gently and whispering reassurances.

  Johnson stood after the judge had recited the charges against Darren—grievous bodily harm with intent—and stated a comprehensive list of the injuries Craig had sustained on multiple occurrences, which the hospital was aware of and continued listing the injuries and incidences when Craig had not attended the hospital or doctors at all, this information having been provided by Craig.

  The other lawyer objected to this information being allowed because it was Craig’s word against Darren’s, but the judge overruled and allowed the evidence, as Johnson had said they would.

  Johnson continued his statement, detailing the controlling and coercive behaviour Darren had exhibited and the repercussions of them, mainly Craig’s time with Amanda, but also the panic attacks and other relevant information. Craig couldn’t keep track of the vast amount of information being provided by both sides.

  When Johnson sat, Craig chanced a glance over at Darren, thinking he would appear repentant after all the information had been listed. Darren sat there, staring at Craig already, with anger showing on his face. Craig had seen this expression many times over the years and had learned to adapt to it. He felt his body wilting until Amanda’s voice reminded him, he was strong, that Darren would not hurt him again, that Darren was in the wrong, not Craig. With the extra encouragement, Craig sat straight and stared at Darren, hoping to convey his strength before turning his head back to Johnson.

  Johnson smirked at him, obviously aware of what Craig was doing. The rest of the court case went surprisingly fast, including witness statements being read from his neighbours and Darren’s ex, and Logan being questioned until the judge exited to make his decision.

  “You did good. And the fuck you expression you gave Darren. Perfect!” Johnson’s voice rang with pride and laughter, making Craig smile, a more confident smile this time.

  The judge entered after around fifteen minutes and ruled in Craig’s favour. Darren was going to jail for eight years.

  “Fuck, yeah!” a voice from the gallery called out when the ruling was complete.

  “You’re all done, Craig. You’re free to go.” Johnson packed up his paperwork after giving Craig a hug.

  “Thank you, Johnson. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” Craig felt numb. He couldn’t reconcile what had happened with what it meant for him. He roamed back to the guys and received hugs and congratulations in response to the ruling. He had no idea what he replied to them.

  “We should go and celebrate.” Max, of course, wanted to celebrate anything and everything.

  “Um, thanks, guys, but I think I’m going to go see…someone.” Craig didn’t know how many people knew about him seeing a psychologist, but after the word came out, he figured out he didn’t care. “I’m going to talk to my psychologist. I need to get my head on straight again after that.”

  “Okay, no problem. Do you fancy meeting up with us afterwards?”

  “Sure. I’ll call if I don’t feel up to it, but I should be alright.”

  Craig waved goodbye to everyone, realising after a few steps, Alex was keeping pace beside him. “What are you doing? Aren’t you going with the rest of them?”

  “No. Not yet. I’m right where I’m needed.” Alex watched Craig as if waiting for his reaction.

  Craig nodded as they reached his car. Pulling his keys from his pocket, he chucked them to Alex. “Fancy driving?”

  Alex smiled and opened the passenger door for Craig to get in before rounding the other side. The journey to the hospital was quiet.

  “I’m going to get a coffee from the restaurant. You know where to find me when you’re done.” Alex leaned in and hugged him briefly before waving as he ambled off. Craig stared after him until Alex disappeared around the corner.

  Craig had made the appointment with Amanda as soon as the court date had come through. He knew he’d need to talk about it, and Amanda had agreed; therefore, they’d set aside two hours today just in case. As he sat in front of her, he found himself unsure what to say.

  “I can see you’re looking a little lost. How about you tell me what the verdict was, and we’ll go from there.” Amanda leaned forward on her bent knees, fingers linked, hair swinging free from behind her ears.

  “Darren got eight years.” Craig frowned. “I don’t know in all honesty. I was expecting to feel relief, but I feel…numb, empty.” Craig exhaled hard as he slumped back in the seat.

  “That’s all understandable. You must remember, Craig, when you first came to the hospital, you had no idea what was happening to you, was abuse. You didn’t see it that way. We’ve been working on it, but it’s something which will be with you for a while. We need to bridge the gap, and in time, we will. It’s okay me saying the words, but you have to understand and believe them before they will become a reality.”

  “I like Alex. I don’t know what to do about it.”

  Amanda didn’t balk at the abrupt change of subject, she rolled with it, doubtless the years of experience she had. “When you say you like him, do you mean in a romantic way or a friendship way?” She tilted her head, hitting the nail on the head as usual.

  “Romantic.”

  “Okay. What would you like to do about it?”

  “I want to try a relationship with him, but I don’t know if I can with how fucked up I am.”

  Amanda leaned back in her chair, fixing him with a frown. “You’re not fucked up, Craig. I can see strength in you, and I bet others do, too. I know Alex does. You’ll get through this. I think you should follow what you would like to do with Alex. Why not ask him on a date?”

  “He might say no.”

  “He might say yes.” Amanda smiled.

  The pre-Darren Craig would’ve asked Alex out without any hesitation. He wanted to get back to being that Craig, not the Craig he was now.

  “You will, Craig. Not completely the Craig you were before, but a good likeness. Let everything sink in from today. Come talk to me if you need me. We’ll meet again next week as agreed and go from there.”

  Craig drifted slowly down the corridors and into the lift, thinking about what to do with Alex. He should see how it goes and not push anything yet. After all, he had time.

  But as he entered the restaurant and saw Alex at their table, his heart raced. Craig remembered the feeling he’d had when Alex had told him he was seeing someone else. He’d been heartbroken, but he hadn’t recognised the emotion for what it was at the time. The closer he got to the table, the more he wanted his future.

  Craig stopped by the table, and Alex smiled at him.

  “You ready, or do you want a coffee before we go?” Alex gazed up at him.

  Craig studied Alex, seeing the laughter lines around his eyes and mouth, the small crinkle in one of his eyebrows when he raised it and the motion of his tongue licking his lip. Without further thought, Craig leaned down and kissed Alex. Craig pulled his hand from his pocket and cupped beneath Alex’s ear, his fingers against the back of his head. He didn’t take the kiss any further than a hard peck, but as he pulled back, resting his forehead against Alex’s, he felt a warmth spread through his body and a lightness in his chest he had not felt for a long while.

  They stared into each other’s eyes, Alex’s wide with shock.

  “Will you go on a date with me?” Craig hadn’t i
ntended to ask yet but wouldn’t take it back, especially with the smile Alex gave him. To say it was beaming would not do it justice.

  “Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes.” Alex reached forward, pulling back after laying a gentle kiss on his lips as confirmation. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” Craig frowned.

  “For giving me a chance despite all the mistakes I’ve made.”

  “In that case, thank you.”

  It was Alex’s turn to be confused. “Why?”

  “For giving me a chance despite how clueless I am about some things.”

  Alex laughed and pressed another kiss against Craig’s mouth. “Let’s go meet the other guys.” Alex rose and gripped Craig’s hand tightly. He paused, studying their joined hands. “Do you not want the guys to know. About us, I mean?”

  Craig placed a hand on Alex’s chin, lifting his face until he could see Alex’s eyes. “I’m happy for them to know. I won’t keep secrets from them.”

  Alex grinned. “Let’s go.”

  Craig giggled—a sound he’d never thought he’d make—and enjoyed watching Alex like an excited puppy. He hoped he would see it a great deal more.

  Two years later

  Alex

  “Hey, sweetheart. How did it go?” Alex dropped the dishcloth into the sink and dried his hands before enfolding Craig in his arms and inhaling his scent.

  Craig gripped the back of Alex’s shirt, as he always did, and exhaled against his neck. “Good. Tiring, but good. You know how much talking to Amanda wears me out.”

  Pulling back, Alex lifted a hand to Craig’s cheek and kissed him gently. “You ready for dinner now? Or do you fancy having a bath first?”

  “Hmm, a bath sounds nice.”

  “Okay. Let me switch off the oven, and I’ll get it set up for you. Why don’t you go and chill for a bit, and I’ll call you when it’s done?

  Craig nodded, lifted his chin to join their lips briefly and pulled away. Alex watched as he drifted down the hallway to their bedroom before switching the oven off. He hesitated outside the bedroom door, wanting to wrap Craig in his arms again, but knowing he needed time to decompress from his session. Sighing in regret of everything Craig had been through and was still going through, Alex did what he could to make things easier. Craig had come so far in the last few years, but some things refused to leave him. So, he continued to work on it with Amanda, once a month.