Shalia's Diary Book 5

by Tracy St. John

  Well aware I wore only a nightie that ended halfway down to my knees, I answered the door anyway. I didn’t want them busting a hole in it. Two big Nobeks filled the opening. They stared at me and the vase I still hefted by its fluted neck, ready to crack someone’s skull open.

  “Whoever it was has disappeared,” I reported, stepping back to let them in. “Unless he’s hiding in the restroom.”

  They started sweeping the rooms as wide-eyed Candy emerged with my robe. She and Katrina helped me wrap up in it, though whatever dignity I was supposed to preserve was already betrayed.

  Betra came running in barefoot, his formsuit pulled on over his legs and closed to his waist. The top of it flapped against his butt and thighs. His hair was a tangled mass. Even terrified, I noted that he’s cute when he’s just woken up. “What is it? Did you find anyone?” he asked the Nobeks.

  Before they could reply, Oses came striding in. He was in full uniform and as alert as a watchdog. “Report,” he said to his men.

  They snapped quick bows before the taller of the two said, “We’ve found no one but the three Mataras present, Commander. We were outside this room mere seconds before the call came, patrolling this very hall.”

  The other one was a bearded beast of a man. He added, “The doors along this corridor have been in our and the other patrol’s sights for the last two hours. No one has entered or left any Matara’s quarters.”

  “Obviously they did,” Katrina said, her face grim. “I looked right at a man in this room.”

  Oses glanced at the handheld on the floor. “What did you see, Matara Katrina?”

  She sighed, clearly not liking what she was about to say. “A dark shape of a big man crossing before the doorway and taking a look into the sleeping room before rushing out of my sight again. He moved with those quick blurred movements, so I can’t give you a description other than he was close to your heights.”

  The four men in the room were average to above average for Kalquorians. At about six feet, ten inches tall, Oses had a couple of inches on the next tallest man. It was a pretty wide range of sizes.

  Katrina added, “I also think he was built big, with wide shoulders. He wore dark clothing, like your outfits.” She nodded at their black fleet uniforms. “But as you can see, the light in here was kept low. He was a few feet away, so details were pretty damned dim.”

  “Anything else, Matara? Any characteristic movements, like a limp?”

  Katrina shook her head. “He looked like he was messing with something at his waist before he moved off to where I couldn’t see him anymore.”

  “That’s when she woke me up,” Candy added. “I could hear a few sounds from this room, and I woke Shalia. Then we heard what sounded like something fall.”

  “Your handheld,” I said, nodding to the object on the floor. “I jumped up and ran in here, but no one was there.”

  One of the security guards gave Oses a worried look. “Commander, I’m telling you no one went in or out of here. We would have seen him.”

  “Check in with surveillance,” Oses said. “See if they caught anything.”

  The two security officers left the room to carry out his orders. Oses looked over the three of us and the disheveled Betra. His gaze lingered only a moment on the Imdiko before turning back to Katrina.

  “You are absolutely sure you saw a man?” he asked.

  She nodded curtly, as if expecting him to make fun or something.

  “All right,” Oses sighed. Then he frowned at the whole lot of us. “Why are you all sleeping in the same room?”

  “Because of crap like this,” shrilled Candy. “The stupid ghost won’t leave us alone, so we’re scared!”

  Oses looked at me. “I’m sorry you’re being frightened. I’m sure you’re not in danger though.” He turned to Betra. “What is your take on the matter?”

  Betra shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I’d have to ask Matara Katrina if she was sure she was awake when she saw what she thinks she saw.”

  Katrina said nothing. She turned on her heel and went back into the sleeping room.

  Candy gave our liaison a withering look. “Nothing is ever going to convince you, is it Betra? Not even if the damned ghost got right in your face and said boo.” Then she turned and walked out too.

  Oses’ com must have vibrated or something. He answered though I never heard it beep. “Weapons Commander Oses speaking.”

  Someone said something in Kalquorian. Oses responded and then put his com back on his belt. “Surveillance vid shows no one has come in or gone out of this room since you three entered six hours ago,” he told me.

  I shrugged. “So there it is. We’re either all crazy or liars.”

  Oses sighed. “You’re neither, Shalia. I know better than that. Still, it is a mystery.”

  Betra nodded and he looked at me apologetically. “I’m sorry I can’t buy into this idea of spirits of the dead. I believe something is going on, but not that.”

  At least Betra wasn’t looking at me like I’d left my senses as he’d done before. Not with others swearing they saw the same things I did. It was enough for me to excuse him for not becoming a believer in the supernatural.

  I said, “I hope someone can figure this out soon. Being scared is getting old.”

  Oses did a search of the quarters himself before he left. Betra hung around a bit longer until he discovered Candy and Katrina were in no mood to forgive him his disbelief any time soon. After I assured him we were okay, he left too.

  I gave the two gals a little grief over their anger. “Betra is not trying to be an asshole,” I pointed out. “Katrina, two days ago you said the same things.”

  My eldest friend had to come off her high horse. “You’re right,” she sighed. “Now I know how bad I must have made you feel, Candy. I’m sorry.”

  Candy gave her a hug. “Hey, you know the truth now. That’s good enough for me. Now we need to figure out what to do about our restless spirit.”

  “Someone mentioned an exorcism earlier today,” I mused. “Can we give that a try?”

  Candy answered by running out and fetching her handheld. Within seconds, we were researching our options.

  “Holy water ... vestments ... prayers,” Candy intoned.

  “Plus it needs to be done by a priest,” Katrina added. “I think we’re screwed.”

  I thought hard about the situation. “You’re thinking about it along the lines of our old religion,” I pointed out. “That ghost had to be Kalquorian based on the size. We need to look at it from that angle.”

  “Good point,” Candy agreed. “Hey, I think there is a priest from Kalquor’s Temple of Life on board. We can go talk to him.”

  “Isn’t that Temple of Life thing more a philosophy than religion?” I asked.

  Candy shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s a place to start.”

  We got dressed and prepared to go to an early breakfast. Just then, my portable com went off. I recognized Oses’ frequency.

  “Hi,” I said. “Did you find out something about our intruder?”

  “I’m afraid not,” came my favorite growly voice. “However, you’ll remember our conversation from the other day about returning to blaster training. I have time this morning if you want to work on that.”

  I’d completely forgotten that I’d requested to get back into that as soon as possible. Everyone I’d started with had qualified, so the formal group classes had ended. I had to get one-on-one training to be cleared.

  “I’m just heading to breakfast,” I said.

  “Perfect. By the time you’re finished, I’ll be ready to spend an hour working with you.”

  I shrugged helplessly at the listening Candy and Katrina. They waved at me to tell me it was okay.

  “Where should I meet you?” I asked Oses.

  “I’ll pick you up in the cafeteria and take you to one of the crew’s practice areas,” he said.

  After I clicked off I said, “Sorry, ladies. I need to get this training i
n and Oses doesn’t get much free time.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Katrina said. She led the way as we left Candy’s quarters and headed down the corridor. “Candy and I will consult with the priest while you learn how to pack heat with authority.”

  April 5, afternoon

  There is something about shooting stuff that gives a gal a sense of power. Blasting the hell out of virtual Tragooms, Bi’isils, and all manners of hostile-acting aliens went a long way towards making me feel like my old pre-abduction self.

  Oses chuckled a little at the end of my blaster lesson. “You are like a Nobek when you’ve got a blaster in your hands,” he told me. “What is it you Earthers say? Shoot first, ask questions later.”

  I was glad to see a little bit of a smile on his face. It comes so seldom in the wake of our captivity. It’s a wondrous thing to see Oses at ease again. “Like a Nobek, huh? That’s a big compliment coming from you,” I said, taking out the simulation charges. I went over the checklist of things to do at the end of a session. Satisfied my weapon was powered down properly, I handed the blaster over to the weapons commander for him to do a final safety check. “How was my score?”

  “Not too bad considering you’re out of practice. Sixty-five percent hits with forty-seven percent kills.”

  “Damn,” I sighed. “I am out of practice. Can I come in here on my own?”

  Oses thought about it for a few seconds. “I’ll get you a special pass, but it will have to be during hours when few of my men are booking the time.”

  I nodded my understanding. The room was basically a big vid projector. It presented different firefight scenarios that had been loaded into the computer for training purposes. The system was a perfect tool to give security officers or wayward Earther girls simulated situations of every possible kind. Of course Oses’ men had first dibs. My training was for the last resort of me having to protect myself.

  Then again when I consider how often I find trouble, I do need to practice as much as humanly possible.

  “Let me know when I can get in here,” I told Oses. “As often as I can.”

  He nodded, his expression darkening a little. Maybe he was thinking about all the peril we’re in these days as we navigate our hazardous way to Kalquor. Or maybe he was thinking that no matter how prepared we are, we can never guarantee we’ll be safe.

  I hated seeing Oses look like that. Not for the first time, I wondered how much of an emotional toll his psyche had taken. That something unseen was now stalking me couldn’t be making him feel any better.

  I knew Oses’ plate was pretty full as far as his usual workload was concerned. Yet I decided my friend needed another project; one that he could be certain would protect me and make him feel useful too. Plus it would remind him that he wouldn’t always be responsible for my well-being.

  “I’ve been talking to one of the clans on my lottery list,” I said. “I know you’re super busy these days—”

  “Names. Locations of where they live and work,” Oses immediately commanded. “Everything you know about them. Forward the files they and the lottery commission sent you.”

  Gotcha, you big, over-protective brute.

  “Oh,” I said as innocently as possible. “I was going to have Dad Rak check them out, but if you want to—”

  I guess Oses wasn’t interested in me finishing any sentences. “I can get information quicker than he can since there is less a time lag,” he insisted. “Nobek Rak will no doubt still do his duty by his daughter, but I can clear this potential clan for you sooner.”

  “Okay. I’ll send you all the particulars on this Clan Seot. They do seem nice enough.”

  “I’ll make sure of that.” Oses’ eyes were sharp and his tone determined. Can I maneuver this man, or what?

  I looked up at my Nobek friend and lover, feeling honest, pure affection for him. He returned the gaze, and his expression softened.

  “I will miss you when we part, but I will be glad when you and your child are safe on Kalquor,” Oses said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I will be relieved to give you up.”

  “Because I won’t be in danger anymore,” I said softly.

  “Exactly.” He made a face, somewhere between a grimace and a smile. “I am strong, but I am not a young man any longer. This is wearing on me more than you know.”

  “I’m sorry that I’ve put you through so much.” I swallowed a lump in my throat.

  Oses shook his head. “No, I wouldn’t have traded knowing you for anything. I’ve experienced real joy with you. You’ve even given me a few moments with Betra.”

  “But I’m rather high maintenance to deal with all the time.”

  Oses barked a laugh. “It’s not all about you, you know. I’m realizing how ill-suited I am when it comes to caring properly for a Matara. “

  “You’ve taken very good care of me.”

  “It takes more than that.” Oses scowled. “If I was part of a clan, I couldn’t do my work for the fleet so easily. I’d have to consider every move I make for my own safety, simply because I’d be worried about leaving those who count on me unprotected. I learned that when Finiuld took us prisoner. Your protection was linked into my being there, strong and whole. It was a startling realization to know that giving up my life was the worst possible decision.”

  I frowned. “Is it really that easy for you to let yourself die?”

  Oses looked at me as if I’d just asked him if he likes sex. “Of course. To preserve the lives of those I care about? To preserve my honor? I don’t even have to think about it.”

  “Wow.” I wondered if I would ever feel that way about anyone ... then it hit me that I did. I’d been good and ready to give up my life to keep my unborn child out of Finiuld’s hands. I’d committed heinous acts just for that purpose.

  I’d killed. I knew if it came to it, I would kill again.

  The thoughts were sobering. I already had blood on my hands. To know I’m capable of murder was not a realization I’d ever expected to come to about myself. Even at the cost of my sanity, I would destroy lives.

  “I see in your eyes that dark thoughts are in your head,” Oses murmured, startling me out of my reveries.

  “How do you deal with it?” I asked. “How do you think about those you’ve killed and not fall apart?”

  “By thinking of the lives I’ve saved.” Oses cocked an eyebrow at me. “Every person who has died at my hands has been a good trade off, in my view. Maybe a few didn’t deserve their fate, but they had to be sacrificed for the greater good.”

  I thought of the nameless Earther man he’d tortured to keep me and my baby safe. I’d allowed it to happen for Oses’ and my child’s sake. Had it been a good trade? I honestly didn’t know. All I knew is it had cost me a piece of my soul.

  But if I’d had to do it all over again, I would. The instinct to save those I loved best would allow for nothing less.

  “Don’t despise yourself for what doing what your heart tells you that you must,” Oses said. “You would have hated yourself even more for taking the other path, the one that would have cost you those who mean the most to you.”

  “Better to drown in guilt for the ones you love, huh?” I managed a bitter smile.

  “Always.” Oses drew a deep breath. “Sometimes it’s harder to have to be strong. The worst part for me is not thinking on the faces of those I’ve killed. It’s seeing those I protect and knowing my job is not done. That it will not be done until I am dead.” He barked sudden laughter. “I’m beginning to wonder if I’m too old and tired for this work.”