Her Christmas Soldier

by Hope Ford

  “It’s fine,” he says a little gruffly. “So what’s first?”

  I point to the disassembled tree in the corner. “The tree.” I start walking toward it, but Gavin puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

  “Just point where you want it and I’ll put it up.”

  “Well, it’s your house… even though I seem to have taken it over. But you tell me, where do you want it?”

  He looks around the room and just shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe there,” he says, pointing toward the big windows.

  “It’s perfect.”

  I set up the tree stand, and he starts bringing pieces over. He lifts it all with ease, and I stand back out of his way, admiring him. My heart is racing being near him. I knew if I ever met him it was going to be comfortable. We’ve messaged so much this last year, I truly feel like he’s my best friend. But I never expected this. We’re comfortable, but there is an edge to what I’m feeling. I never dreamed he would be this attractive. His jeans are tight across his hips and thighs. His muscles ripple in his back as he works, and I swear that the temperature just went up twenty degrees while I watch him.

  He finishes assembling the tree. “Now we just need to plug in the lights.”

  He plugs them in, and the blue twinkling bulbs light up the room. “It’s perfect,” he says.

  I laugh and walk up to him, touching his shoulder. “Not quite yet.”

  I start spreading the branches. “This will make it fuller,” I tell him and go to work on fluffing the tree. We work in silence, and when we circle the tree, meeting on the other side, we work next to each other. His manly scent fills my nostrils, and I cross my legs where I’m standing. A pressure is building inside me, and I feel as if I’m about to bust.

  “Ornaments,” I mutter, walking away to grab a box. Taking a deep breath, I turn back to him and the tree. “I wasn’t sure what style you would want, so I guessed.”

  He peers into the box of red, white and blue ornaments and then at me. “It’s perfect.”

  I roll my eyes. “Everything can’t be perfect, Gavin. You can tell me the truth.” I walk toward the tree and start putting on the ornaments. Holding the box out to him, I tell him, “Put them anywhere you want.”

  He takes a few out of the box and starts to hang them onto the tree. Quietly, almost so quiet I have to lean in to hear him, he tells me, “It is perfect, though. The tree, the ornaments, well, no one’s ever done anything like this for me before. I’m glad you came, Cassie.”

  We’re staring at one another. There’s so much I could read into that look he’s giving me, but I’m not. He didn’t want a relationship with me. He was ready to end the friendship we did have. He leans forward to grab another ornament, and I hold my breath, almost hoping that he’s reaching for me. But when he draws the little figure out of the box and leans away, I release my breath. “Me too. I’m glad I came too,” I tell him.

  Because I don’t know what to say, I start to ramble. “You’d probably like a real tree better. But I didn’t want to worry about your house burning down around you if you forgot to water it or something, so I thought this would be the safest bet. You could always get a real one next year if you want to.”

  He starts to answer, but then my phone goes off in my pocket. I hold it up between us. “It’s my sister. I need to take this.”

  “Okay, that reminds me I need to text my foster brother too.”

  I nod at him and watch him as he walks away. I’m already pacing the living room when I answer the phone.

  “Hey, sis!”

  “Don’t you hey, sis me. How could you?”

  I laugh. Alison always has been melodramatic. “How could I what?”

  “Invite Ben here, that’s what. And then not even give me a warning.”

  I roll my eyes. “Really? How could I invite our stepbrother home for Christmas?”

  It’s almost as if I can hear her grinding her teeth. “Really? You know we don’t get along.”

  I see Gavin standing on the back porch through the window, looking down at his phone. I know he’s coming in soon, so I have to finish this call. “No, actually, what I know is that you and Ben are crazy for each other, have been since our mom married his dad, but you’re too stubborn to see where it goes. So let your guard down, be nice to him, and let it play out.”

  Silence. She doesn’t say a thing, I can’t even hear her breathing. “Alison? You there?”

  “I’m here. I don’t…”

  “Yes you do. You like him. And he feels the same about you…”

  There’s a rumbling over the phone, and she starts to whisper. “How do you know that?”

  “Because you both are so obvious, everyone knows. Even Mom. You are making it into a bigger deal than it is. Just see where it goes.”

  She gasps in the middle of my tirade, but I don’t stop. Gavin turns back toward the house and is about to walk in. “Look, I have to go. I love you, sis. I’m here with Gavin. I’ll be back the day after Christmas. I’ll text you later.” And then I hang up.

  Maybe I should have given her some warning, but I know she would have just found a reason not to be home when Ben got there. Now, hopefully, they’ll spend some time together and work it out.

  Gavin

  After texting with my brother Baker, I go back inside. I was quick and to the point in my text with him, but I doubt he noticed since he was in Juniper Junction with his assistant. I don’t know what’s going on there, but I’m glad that Baker’s finally made a move.

  I walk back into the living room and look at Cassie, who’s putting the finishing touches on the tree.

  “Everything okay?” I ask her.

  “Yep. Everything is good. Are you ready for what’s next?”

  I laugh and shake my head. I’m definitely not going to be bored with Cassie here. She won’t let that happen.

  “I’m ready. What do you want to do?” I ask her as innocently as I can. I have a hundred things running through my mind of what I’d like to do, but none of those are on the table. Think Christmas, Gavin.

  She walks over to a box and picks it up. “Snowman.”

  I look between the box and her. “Snowman?”

  She opens the lid to show me a top hat, carrot, buttons and a scarf. “Yep, we’re going to make a snowman.”

  I help her into her jacket and follow her outside. “Aren’t you cold?” she asks.

  “Nope. It doesn’t bother me.”

  Her teeth are already starting to chatter. “C’mon, let’s get this going. I’m thinking the quicker we get the snowman made, the quicker you can get us inside to make some hot chocolate, and I’m really hoping you brought some of your famous cookies.”

  “You know I did.” She starts rolling up snow, and I follow after her. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I’ve made a snowman before. She’s going to all this trouble, I’m not going to do anything to ruin it.

  4

  Cassie

  “Mmmmm,” he moans.

  He’s eating his fifth—or maybe sixth—cookie, and I sit across from him on the couch sipping hot chocolate.

  He picks up his mug and takes a drink, moaning around it too.

  “I guess it’s okay?” I laugh.

  He holds another cookie up. “How did you learn to make cookies like this? They are so good. And the hot chocolate. This is not like any hot chocolate I’ve ever tasted.”

  I watch him lick his lips, and it causes somersaults in my belly. “Never trust a skinny baker. That’s why I’m so good at it,” I explain, gesturing to my belly and thighs.

  His gaze goes down my body and stays there. He’s staring at me, and I pull the pillow off the couch and bring it to cover myself.

  Finally, his gaze meets my eyes again. “I think you’re perfect.”

  I reach out and slap my hand across his arm, but he catches me in a hold. “I do. I think you’re perfect. I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

  I try to shake it off. “It
’s nothing.”

  He pulls me toward him, and I’m leaning over so much my chest almost touches his. “It’s not nothing. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. This past year, I knew you were special. I was right.”

  He leans in, and I know he’s aiming for my cheek. A sweet kiss to seal his compliment. But I turn my head at the last minute and capture his lips with my own. I’m sure he meant it to be a simple thank you, but I couldn’t resist tasting his lips on my own. His hands go to my back, holding me to him. His stubbled chin is scratching my face, but I don’t care. I put my hand to the back of his neck, threading my fingers through the short hairs there. Our lips mesh together, and right now is better than anything I had ever imagined.

  I pull back, only because I know I made the first move, and even though he’s not fighting me on it, he’s also the one that didn’t want any kind of future with me either.

  I close my eyes and open them, trying to gauge his thoughts. I told myself that I wasn’t going to ask him, but already I can feel myself weakening. “So why? If I’m so perfect… Never mind. Forget it.”

  “No! What is it? Ask me. Why what?”

  He’s still holding on to me, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to let me go. “I just, well, I was just wondering. We seem to have gotten along so well.” I shrug my shoulders. “I thought we would at least remain friends. But you made it pretty clear when you left the Army that this”—I point between the two of us—“was going to be over.”

  He releases me then, and it’s like a big woosh in my head as I sit back in my seat. The answer couldn’t get any plainer than that. “Forget it. It’s no big deal.” I unbend my legs out from underneath me and start to stand up.

  His arm goes out to stop me, holding me down. “Wait. You’re right. And heck, after everything, you deserve an explanation.”

  “You don’t owe me anything.”

  He tilts his head to the side. “I think I do.”

  His hand reaches out and cups my jaw, his thumb rubbing soft circles on my cheek. “We did have something good. Probably too good. All I could do was think about you. But I knew that nothing could come of this. Even friendship isn’t a good idea.”

  “Why?”

  “Cassie, you grew up with a family that loved you. You celebrated holidays and birthdays, you were there for each other when you needed one another. Everything a normal family does. I’m not normal. I haven’t ever depended on anyone. I’ve never had a relationship, not one that lasted more than one night. I don’t know how to do the give and take of one. Not even for a friendship. I knew when we were writing back and forth that nothing could come of it. Besides your age, you’re just too pure and sweet for the likes of me.”

  “That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I say and almost instantly regret it. His eyes flash with surprise, and I shake my head, wondering what in the world I was thinking. Who am I to call him out? Maybe it’s just an excuse he’s making, and he doesn’t want to say that I just don’t do it for him. “Forget it. Sorry. You’re entitled to feel the way you feel. Let’s drop it.”

  I pick up my mug and take another sip. I want to argue with him so bad on this, but I’m not going to. He may have never had a relationship before, but already he’s treated me ten times better than any of my previous boyfriends. Can he not see that what we have together is good? I mean really good.

  I set my mug down and change the subject. “So I know I sort of steamrolled you just as you were getting back into civilian life, but tell me, how’s it going being out?” I’m bristling on the inside, but I’m trying to keep my voice steady.

  He looks at the Christmas tree, and a smile forms on his lips. “Well, let’s see. Since I’ve been home, I’ve decorated my first ever Christmas tree. I’ve made a snowman, I’ve had the best spaghetti I’ve ever eaten. Thank you for dinner, by the way. Now I’ve had the best chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate there is. All in all, I can’t see it getting any better.”

  I set my mug down. “That’s where you’re wrong.”

  Gavin

  She’s acting like nothing’s wrong. That I didn’t hurt her when I pretty much ended our correspondence when I left the Army. But I know her well enough to know that she is upset by all of it. “Cassie,” I start, trying to get her attention, but she just holds up her hand, indicating to give her a minute.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  I sit on the sofa and think back through the day. Her showing up here is the biggest surprise I’ve ever had. She could have left the Christmas decorations, cookies, all of it at home. Her being here is enough to make me happy.

  I slide my hands down the front of my jeans and try to make room. That kiss did a number on me. The last thing I want to do is take advantage of her. I need to stick with the plan. We celebrate Christmas together and I let her leave. That’s that.

  I’m waiting patiently for Cassie to return when the doorbell rings. I tug at my jeans again when I get up and go to open the door.

  I no sooner open the door than I realize my mistake. I should have looked through the peephole. I’ve let my guard down, and that’s just another effect of being with Cassie. She makes me vulnerable. It’s my neighbor from up the road. She must have found out somehow that I was back in town, probably the gossipy old lady at the grocery store.

  “Gavin, hey, I wanted to stop by.” I try to block the door, but she pushes past me. “I made you some dinner.”

  Shocked, I stand looking at Jennifer—wait, maybe her name was Heather. I met her when I was on leave over a year ago. I took her out and brought her here and I let myself get carried away making out with her. Luckily, I stopped myself before things got too out of hand, but now, by looking at the way she’s dressed, she looks as if she’s ready to pick up where we left off.

  “Hey, uh, thank you but we already ate,” I tell her.

  She must not have heard when I said we—or she doesn’t care—because she keeps walking toward the kitchen. “That’s okay. I can put it away, and we can catch up.” She turns and lifts her eyebrows at me when she says catch up, and instantly I get her meaning.

  Right at the moment Heather—or is it Jennifer?—walks back into the living room, Cassie walks in carrying a big stack of wrapped presents. I take them from her and set them on the chair behind me. “Cassie…” I start, wanting to explain but am interrupted.

  “Oh! Hello, I didn’t know we had visitors.” The woman in the low cut dress and bright red lipstick walks toward Cassie with her hand held out. “I’m Jennifer.”

  Cassie looks surprised and dare I say a little hurt before she hides the look and smiles at Jennifer. “Hi, I’m Cassie.”

  They do a quick handshake before dropping their hands.

  I pull Cassie into my side. “My girlfriend.” Cassie tenses under my arm, but her smile doesn’t change.

  Jennifer’s lips form a perfect “o,” and with a bitter laugh she says, “I would have guessed niece or daughter. She’s awful young, isn’t she?”

  Cassie turns to her side, forming her body against mine. One arm goes around my back, and the other lays on my flat stomach. I pull her in closer to me. Her in my arms just feels right, but I still get a little defensive when Jennifer insinuates that Cassie is too young for me. She’s twenty-five and a grown woman.

  “Not too young. I just know a good man when I see one,” Cassie says before lifting up on her toes. I lean down to kiss her lips. One touch is all it takes, and already I’m hard for her again. I pull Cassie around so she’s hugging my front. I don’t need Jennifer to see what Cassie does to me just by being near her.

  I look over at the other woman over Cassie’s head. “I don’t mean to be rude, but Cassie and I haven’t seen each other in a while, and we have a lot of time to make up for.”

  The woman huffs and stomps toward the door.

  5

  Cassie

  “Is she gone?” I ask Gavin.

  I know she is. I heard her heels stomping across the
wood floor and the door slam shut. But Gavin still hasn’t moved. I shouldn’t complain. I could stay right here, just like this forever. Wrapped in his arms feels so good. His hands slide down my back, and his lower body bumps against mine. I barely stop the gasp from leaving my lips when I feel his hard bulge pressed against my belly. For just a second I get my hopes up. Could that be for me? Or is it because he’s been without a woman for so long that any woman would do? There’s no way of knowing, and I’m sure as heck not going to ask him.

  “She’s gone,” he says, and I can feel his breath ruffling the hair on the top of my head.

  There’s a strain in his voice, and I know I should back away, but I don’t. I move closer to him, and a small growl escapes him. I smile against his chest.

  I could ask him what’s wrong, but instead I act like I don’t even notice it. I pull back and let my arms fall to my side. I cross my arms over my chest. “Ex-girlfriend?”

  He shakes his head, seemingly rattled by all of it. “No. We went on one date. She wanted more. I didn’t.”

  I turn away to pick up the packages. “Oh yeah? When did you go on a date?” I ask as innocently as I can. I hold my breath waiting for an answer. It’s really none of my business, but right now I’m imagining all the letters we sent back and forth, and I can’t help but wonder if he was also talking to her all this time. I mean, all we did was email back and forth, but if he has been dating women, maybe that will make it easier for me to walk away the day after tomorrow.

  “Over a year ago,” he says, and almost as an afterthought he says, “Before I got your cookies last year.”

  I just shrug like it doesn’t matter, but in fact my mind is running a hundred miles an hour. It was before we met.

  I turn to him with the packages between us. “So before any more girlfriends show up…”