Worthy of the Dissonance (Mountains & Men Book 3)

by R. C. Martin

  Now, as I watch the tour busses roll into the lot, I feel even smaller. My hands are shaking, my palms are sweating, my mind is racing, and I feel like I’m going to throw up.

  “JJ?” I look to Violet and see that her phone is pressed against her ear again. “I’m here, baby! I can’t wait to see you,” she exclaims, the grin on her face a pretty sight to behold. She laughs at something he says and then I watch as her eyes scan the line of busses. “Which one are you in? Oh—oh, shit, I see you!” I follow her gaze, my heart pounding as I see him burst out of the second tour bus. She grabs my wrist, tugging me toward the front as she says, “Babe, oh, my god! I’m to your right. Do you see me? Holy hell, you need a hair cut,” she laughs. “Come get me!”

  My eyes flick from him, watching as he tries to find his girlfriend, to the door of the bus. Knox comes out after him, followed by Maddox and then Alex. My eyes are back on JJ when he spots us. I can tell he’s spotted both of us because he stops dead in his tracks.

  “Surprise!” Violet giggles into her phone.

  He looks back over his shoulder and I’m sure I’m about to have a panic attack.

  “Violet—what if—shit. Fuck. What if—” I draw in a deep breath, closing my eyes as I try and get a hold of myself. For a second, I’m not here. I’m not in this moment. I’m not in this place. Rather, I’m at home, three weeks ago, pleading with Sage to let me go. Suddenly, I feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

  I’m an idiot for thinking that I could actually let him go.

  I’m an idiot for thinking that I could abandon my heart in his care without slowly withering away day by day.

  I’m an idiot for questioning the depths of his feelings for me.

  But most of all, I’m an idiot for showing up uninvited and unannounced, now fully aware that I’m not worthy of him. Not at all. Not after the way I’ve treated him.

  “I shouldn’t have come,” I whisper.

  “Millie, he loves you, remember?” she murmurs softly, giving my wrist a squeeze.

  I nod, not because I agree, but because I wish it was enough to erase all that I’ve done. When I exhale, I open my eyes, knowing that I deserve whatever happens next. I spot JJ first, jogging toward us. Violet pulls me past the last couple of people that stand in our way, and then I see him, my eyes growing blurry in an instant.

  I blink, not at all concerned when my tears trickle down my cheeks. I don’t care what I look like—all I care about is seeing him. He looks exhausted, but even still, he’s unbelievably sexy in a pair of faded, fitted blue jeans, a black graphic t-shirt, and his favorite pair of red Converse. I blink again, freeing more tears as I take in the tattoos that scale his left arm, my hands itching to touch them—to touch him.

  I’m so busy staring at him, I don’t notice when Violet steps away from me, or when she throws herself into JJ’s arms. I don’t hear them when they tell me to join them on the other side of the barricade fence. Not that it would matter if I did. The moment Sage’s eyes lock with mine from behind those horn-rimmed glasses, I’m completely paralyzed.

  He freezes for a second, as if he’s unsure if it’s really me. Then he starts walking toward me, his gait unyielding, confident, and sexy as hell. He doesn’t stop until he’s on the other side of the fence, standing right in front of me. Then, before I can even think, his hands are cupped around my face and his mouth is closed around mine.

  I’m his.

  His touch awakens every nerve ending in my body, and my fingers grip hold of his t-shirt right away, pulling us closer together. When his tongue grazes over the entrance of my mouth, I push myself up on my tiptoes, opening up for him as I seek to taste my dreamer—my fucking rock star. He hums, kissing me deeply, and the whimper that spills out of my mouth and into his cannot be silenced. The firm yet gentle touch of his hands, the wall of muscle that is his chest beneath the fabric I grip with all my might, his wet lips, and his greedy tongue all work together to stir the desire that’s currently soaking my panties.

  I don’t know when the cat calls and whistles start. I don’t know how long he consumes me with a single kiss in front of the crowd. I care about neither of those things, my focus saturated by all that is Sage.

  “Fuck,” he mutters against my lips, causing me to open my eyes. I find him gazing down at me, and my knees grow weak. I lean against him, in need of his support, but he’s ready to move. He grabs one of my wrists, yanking my hand from his shirt before he marches his way back to the bus, pulling me after him.

  He doesn’t say a word to anyone, and neither do I. I’m not even aware of who we pass as I try my damnedest to keep up with him in the wedge-heeled sandals I picked out to go with my short, spaghetti strap, paisley print, cotton, summer dress. I know how much Sage likes my legs, and I figured the California sun was all the excuse I needed to pack the ensemble. So far, it appears as though I made a splendid choice.

  He guides me onto the bus hurriedly, and I barely have a chance to look around before he’s got me by the waist. He lifts me up onto the kitchen countertop, and then his lips are smashed against mine once more. I forget my surroundings as I circle my arms around him, content to follow his lead. My breath catches in my throat when he pulls away from me only to push up the skirt of my dress and tug at my panties. He tosses them over his shoulder before he reaches for the top button of his jeans, and my pussy pulses with need. We’re both panting when he pulls his gorgeous cock out of his boxers, and I don’t even have a second to question him before he thrusts his way inside of me.

  He frees a long, deep, indulgent groan and my eyes grow wide as I bury my fingers in his hair, gripping him tightly. He feels so good—so fucking good that I can barely breathe. It isn’t until he pulls out and rams back in that I realize I’m not breathing. I inhale so that I might free an uninhibited moan, my eyes locked with his. It isn’t until his third stroke that I understand why he feels so good—why this feels different, better—god, so much fucking better.

  He’s not wearing a condom.

  “Sage…” I force his name through my lips, but he shuts me up with a kiss. My eyes roll into the back of my head as his tongue sweeps through my mouth just as he grabs hold of my ass, pulling me close as he pounds into me harder.

  “Fuck,” he growls before burying his face in my neck, his lips grazing the skin just behind my ear.

  “Sage—”

  “Doll face,” he breathes, cutting me off again, his thumb finding its way to my clit.

  I gasp, circling my legs behind his back as I feel my orgasm rushing to the surface.

  “Sage, baby!” I cry as my insides clamp down around his dick, pleasure crashing through me like a freight train.

  He growls, and I feel his cock swell and twitch inside of me as he fills me with his release. I’m trembling from head to toe, holding onto him with what little strength I have left—my head buzzing, and my heart so completely full. He’s the first man who has ever spilled his seed inside of me, and I am unequivocally aware that this feels right, and I’m not sorry that he took what he wanted, what he needed—I’m not sorry at all. I belong to him. I love him, and I’m his to mark as often as he pleases.

  “Fuck,” he mutters, yet again, before he glides out of me with ease.

  I look down between my legs as I feel his cum dripping out of my center and onto the floor. I bite my lip, a little unsure how we’ll explain that, and then I look up at him. When I do, I see that he’s already zipping up his pants.

  “Sage—”

  “Don’t speak,” he demands, gripping my jaw with one hand. I seal my lips closed, confused by his tone of voice. “Fuck.” He kisses me, hard, and then pulls away from me abruptly. “Goddammit. I’m so fucking pissed at you.”

  As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he lets me go and storms out of the bus, slamming the door behind him.

  I PAUSE FOR JUST a second, reaching down to button my jeans closed before I head for the street. I have no idea where the fuck I’m going to go, but I know I
sure as shit can’t stay here. Unfortunately, I don’t get very far before I hear the sound of familiar voices calling my name, their shouts accompanied by the noise of running feet.

  “Sage—hey, where are you going?” calls Knox.

  “Where’s Millie? What’s going on?” I hear Violet ask.

  “The fuck, Sage—stop!”

  I whirl around to face them only after Maddox grabs hold of my shoulder in an attempt to get my attention. When I see them all standing there, every single one of them, I want to yell at the top of my lungs for them to mind their own damn business. Derrick speaks before I get the chance.

  “What gives?”

  “I need to get out of here. Now,” I grunt.

  “What the hell, Sage? What about Millie?” Violet protests.

  “I can’t deal with that shit right now.”

  “What do you mean? Did you talk to her?”

  I move to turn away from them, no longer wishing to engage in this conversation, but Maddox pushes against my shoulder with a scowl.

  Violet eyes me up and down before she gasps, “Oh, my god—tell me you didn’t just get your dick wet and then leave her in there.” I clench my jaw closed tight and then watch as her face scrunches in anger. “You asshole!” she cries before she hurries back toward the bus. She stops when she’s halfway there, turning back and pointing an accusatory finger at me before she yells, “Now I know why she was scared shitless to come see you even though she’s missed you like crazy. I told her over and over that you’d be happy. Didn’t know you had it in you, Sage.”

  I don’t say a word as I watch her walk away, but her words hit me square in the gut. I feel them, and the regret that follows is like acid pumping through my veins. Even so, I know I can’t go back there. Not now. Not yet. The numbness is gone and everything that it repelled before is now crashing down all around me. It’s too much. I need to get out of here—away from the catalyst herself.

  This time, when I start to head for the street, no one stops me. I don’t think anything of it until I hear the footfalls of my company. I look over one shoulder and then the other, spotting a Bradley brother on my right and on my left.

  “Go away,” I grumble.

  “Like hell,” Maddox scoffs.

  “Maddy—”

  He grabs hold of my arm, spinning me around before he lays into me. “Don’t Maddy me. I don’t want to hear that bullshit. You’re about to fly off the handle, and we’ve got your flank, whether you want it or not, so deal with it.”

  “I don’t need your supervision,” I mutter, furrowing my brow in frustration.

  “You ever been to L.A.?” asks Knox. “Do you have any idea where you’re going? No! You’re pissed, you’re hyped, and we are not about to let you loose three hours before a gig in a city where your pretty ass could get raped and beat to a bloody pulp in some gang related shit you stumbled into because you’re being a jackass.”

  I stare at him like he’s lost his mind before I say, “You’re stupid.”

  “Ha, right. The girl you’ve been moping about for the last three weeks just flew out here to surprise you and you left her ass high and dry—and I’m stupid? What does that make you?”

  Another jab to the gut. Another shock to the system. Another injection of acid through my veins.

  I don’t argue before I continue my journey to nowhere in particular, in a city I don’t know, with my boys at my flank.

  “Sage—you pain in the ass—stop walking like you know where you’re going. We’re hailing a cab,” Maddox announces, grabbing a fistful of my shirt at my back.

  “Like you know where you’re going?” I bite back.

  He smirks at me before looking down the street for a taxi. “I know enough to know we’re about to hit an In-N-Out Burger. When in Rome, loser. When in Rome.”

  THE NAUSEA I FELT before I saw Sage is long gone, now replaced with a desire to cry—and cry hard. I don’t. I can’t—but I want to. Instead, my state of shock leaves me walking through the motions, completely numb.

  I slide off of the counter and reach for my panties before searching the bus for a bathroom. I barely make note of the place the boys and Alex call their home on the road, too worried about cleaning myself up before someone makes an entrance. Once I’ve gotten myself straightened out and I’ve mopped up our mess in the kitchen the best that I can, I hear a knock on the bus’s door. I don’t move to answer it, feeling like it’s not my place, but Violet only waits a second before she invites herself inside.

  “Millie? Hey…”

  One look into her dark blue eyes and I know Sage is gone. That’s when the tears hit and I cry—hard. I sink down onto the couch, covering my face with my hands as my whole body shakes with my sobs. I know that I brought this onto myself. I know that I’m the reason he’s pissed. I know that I can’t blame him for the way he feels, not after the weeks of silence I forced onto him—but he’s never treated me like that. Not ever. It hurts in a way I wasn’t prepared for, and I can’t even begin to figure out how to fix it. Now that I’m here, and after the way he fucked me, it all feels so much messier than before.

  Violet sits down beside me, running her fingers through my hair as I allow myself to wallow in my tears. More than ever, I long for Sage. The taste I got just a minute ago was ripped away from me too soon, and the ache of his absence is exponentially worse than it was before I got here.

  I hear someone clear his throat, and my head shoots up to see Derrick, JJ, and Alex standing in front of me. Alex’s dark eyes look at me with a sadness I don’t know how to interpret, JJ’s eyes are trained on Violet, and Derrick looks angry; though, not in a way that scares me, especially when he speaks to me softly.

  “Why don’t we get you out of here. Have you eaten?”

  I sniff, shaking my head at him as I reply, “I’m not hungry. I think—I think I just want to go back to the motel.”

  Derrick nods as Violet says, “Okay. We could let you get some rest and then pick you up before the show.”

  “I don’t think I should go to the concert,” I mutter, standing to my feet. “He won’t want me there.”

  “You’re almost all he thinks about,” Alex chimes in hesitantly. “I think he would want you there.”

  I remember the look on his face just before he left, and I’m forced to swallow the knot in my throat as I reply, “No. I can’t. He’s not—I’m not—no. I’ll just stay at the motel. When he’s ready—if he’s ready, he’ll know where I am.”

  “He’s being a dick,” Derrick declares. “It was good of you to come.”

  I blink and a couple renegade tears escape from the corners of my eyes, falling down my cheeks. When I can’t find my voice, I force the tiniest of smiles. It’s a pathetic response, I know, but it’s all I have to give.

  He nods, as if he understands, and then assures me, “We’ll take you wherever you want to go. Come on, darlin’.”

  MY HEAD FEELS LIKE the size of Texas, and there’s a pounding at my temples that makes me want to whine like a fucking pussy. I don’t, but I sure as hell want to. I draw in a deep breath instead, suddenly aware that I’m stretched out, face down, in an unfamiliar bed that smells way too good. I open my eyes and see nothing but a wall. With a groan, and a great deal of effort, I twist my neck and rest my head on my opposite cheek. Now all I see is someone’s jean-clad, little ass; or, rather, the side of it. I force my eyes to look up and I recognize the person sitting up next to me is Alex. I scrunch my brow in confusion, wondering where I am and why Alex is here.

  “Morning, sunshine!” she yells.

  “Holy shit, don’t do that,” I moan, sealing my eyes closed tight as the pounding in my head intensifies.

  “Sorry,” she laughs. “I couldn’t help myself. You deserve far worse, but I’ll be nice.”

  I grunt, not sure what she means by that, and then I try and think back over last night. I’m still not sure where I am or how I got here. When I attempt to retrace my steps, I realize that I don’t re
member anything after the show. Not a damn thing.

  “Where am I?” I grumble, peeking open one eye to look up at her.

  “On the bus. In my bed.”

  “That explains the smell.”

  “Pardon?”

  “You smell good, Zip.”

  “Oh. Thanks.”

  I sigh, closing my eye again, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. “Why am I in your bed, Zip?”

  “You refused to go to the motel and your bunk was too much of a challenge to conquer. And when I say that you refused, I mean Mad Lips is going to wake up with a shiner this morning because you were so damn adamant that you were not going to the motel.”

  “Shit,” I mumble with a scowl.

  “Yeah. You have quite a few people to apologize to today. You were kind of a douche.”

  I sigh, no longer sure that I want to know the details of last night.

  “Why are you in your bed? Why aren’t you at the motel?”

  “Someone had to stay with you to make sure you didn’t fall asleep and choke to death on your own vomit. You didn’t puke, by the way. Thanks for that. I genuinely appreciate it.”

  “You volunteered for Sage watch?” I ask, opening my eyes to peer up at her.

  “I’m the only one you weren’t being a complete jerk to. Don’t get me wrong, you were being a pain in the ass, but I didn’t want to take a swing at you, so, yeah. Here I am.”

  “Shit,” I sigh.

  “You’re welcome,” she says with just a hint of sarcasm.

  “Sorry, Zip.”

  “Ah, one down, six to go. You’re doing good, Sage. Want some coffee?”

  “Fuck, yes.”

  She laughs and then informs me, “I’ll be right back.”

  While she’s gone, I manage to roll over onto my back. My entire body protests as I push myself up to sitting, leaning back against the wall as I look around the room. I can’t see far without my glasses, and I squint at Alex when she re-enters the room.

  “Oh, glasses?” she asks, picking them up off of the table beside her bed before handing them to me. I slide them onto my face and she hands me a mug full of steaming, black coffee.