Death's Widow

by Lori Aisling

  Running his hand through his hair, he turned and walked across the room to pour himself a whiskey from the crystal sifter on the minibar in the corner of the room. I could see his frustration simmering under the calm exterior while he tipped the glass back and swallowed the shot. “Yes, I saw you suffering. I knew your time was near and although I felt the ‘goodness’ in you, that was all I knew. I hoped for your time to come, I despised the anguish you were enduring. I won’t lie- I felt an attraction to your positive outlook and selfless giving, even at your end, and I admired you. At 1:52 P.M. you died, Amara. At that moment I made a split-second decision I have never even contemplated in all the eons I have lived. I brought you here. You slept for the better part of 18 hours, based on your measurement of time. In that period, I contacted Nina and arranged for your clothing and other necessities. A simple internet search showed your professional career including your preferred fashion choices in your work photos. I based my requests on that information. I saw the posts on your social media pages concerning your ex- it appears one of your co-workers was not fond of him and proceeded to air the story of his abandonment of you online to shame him. I resolved one goal while you rejuvenated- to help you start over. To make your life all it could be. He paused and his eyes met mine. There was a predatory gleam to them now and he stalked towards me. “Was there a selfish motive behind my actions? Absolutely. I wanted you. I want you more than I ever fathomed desiring another being. I’m not looking for a short-term fling to spend the weekend in Cabo with or hit a club after a sushi dinner. Oh no, love. It’s much larger than that. We are much more intense than that. I will consume you, own you, for eternity. You will be mine and I will be yours- and the mention of another man will simply never happen again as the past is as irrelevant as ashes in the wind. I am your future, Amara- you said so yourself. Does this sufficiently answer your questions?”

  His sentence ended the second he invaded my space and without a moment’s hesitation, I lunged at him, the book dropped to the floor as I sank my fingers into his hair, his hand grabbing the back of my neck, pulling me to him. Our mouths met in a flurry of passion, frustration, and pent-up anxiety. I could taste the aged bourbon on his tongue- warm and spicy, it fueled my fire. None of this made sense. You don’t feel this much for someone you just met. It’s not normal to feel as if the air around you is stifled when they leave your side- as if there’s not quite enough oxygen to be comfortable. Healthy relationships aren’t supposed to be walking the razor’s edge of obsession, are they? I don’t know and I didn’t care. I wanted him, only him, all of him.

  Crunching the Numbers

  I couldn’t get enough of his lips, the feeling of his hard body pressed against mine and I couldn’t get close enough. I climbed up his frame, wrapping my legs around his waist as he ravaged my mouth and any shred of logical thought remaining. His hand tangled in my hair and he jerked my head back, his teeth nipping a blazing trail down my neck. I wanted to be closer, I craved the feeling of his hands on my flesh. This man awakened desires inside me I didn’t know I was capable of. Granted, I always loved the feel of a hard, male body and sex was fun- but this was an entirely different level. I growled thinking of the audacity of the clothes we were wearing interfering with the sensation of his skin touching mine. Grabbing the back of his shirt, I tugged upward, needing it out of my way.

  I heard his chuckle and felt a bite on my ear, the sensation sending sparks into my core. “Easy, tigress. There is no need to rush. We have all the time in the world.”

  “I don’t require all the time in the world, I simply need now,” I breathed into this neck, inhaling the scent that was all Callon- spice, and smoke with a hint of amber.

  Sliding me down his frame to stand, he cupped my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. “Five minutes ago you were concerned I spelled you. You were questioning whether or not I had been stalking you prior to your death, Amara. Don’t get me wrong, I want this as badly as you do, but make no mistake. Once I have you, there is no turning back for you. You will be mine- forever. You need to understand the reality of this new life. You will be eternally bonded to Death. I will not allow you to take this lightly.”

  “I don’t even know what that means, Callon. What if in 50 years we aren’t compatible? What if you tire of my nagging, or I decide this life isn’t for me? Requiring an eternity of commitment after knowing you for 24 hours is pretty heavy- for both of us. Don’t you agree? Can’t we just agree to take it as it comes and enjoy each other for however long it lasts?”

  “No, I don’t agree,” he snarled. Taking a breath to calm himself I assumed, he leveled me with a steady look. “This isn’t your mortal life, pet. This is your timeless existence. I didn’t bring you here to have a concubine or a fuck buddy. All I have to do for that is walk out the door and find a willing partner in a bar. That’s easy. This is no longer about simple pleasure of the flesh- you aren’t the same as you were yesterday. That vessel you inhabited is gone. I know you see yourself the same when you look in the mirror, but you are not. This is your soul existence, not your physical life. A bonding of souls is never-ending. For a simple fuck, you are going to need to go back to the living world and find a mortal vessel to play with. To be here, with me, is a bonding of souls time will recognize as destined. You will belong to me, and I to you, for as long as we both exist. We will be like the sides of a coin- different, but the same. I understand this seems like a lot to absorb, but I need you to fully understand the level of commitment we are discussing.”

  He was right- this was really intense. There wasn’t a long list of things I wanted more than the man in front me right now, but what he said scared the hell out of me. His words doused my libido like a cold shower. “Ok, I hear what you are saying and I respect it. I will need you to explain more. You’re right, Callon. I’m new to this and I want to understand what is expected of me and what exactly I’m signing up for. Don’t think I don’t want you, and I regret coming here. To be fair to us both, I need to walk into any ‘eternal bond’ with both eyes open knowing exactly what I am agreeing to.”

  My explanation seemed to sedate the man before me. He smiled, and the smirk he was so good at leveling me with returned. “Good. You will be mine, in all ways, don’t ever think otherwise, but I want you willing and begging when you are under me. You will know exactly what you are asking for,” he purred.

  His words caused my pulse to quicken and all the heat in my body went straight to my nether regions- again. God, my attraction to him was simply undeniable. “Then tell me, Callon. Tell me all of it. Explain this world to me, my role in it, and how we move forward.” I was sexually frustrated, but still in control of my faculties enough to understand the need to educate myself on my new ‘existence’.

  He again embraced me and cupping my ass, picked me up so we were eye level. I squeezed his waist with my thighs and wrapped my arms around his neck. Walking across the vast room and into the library, he sat me down on the huge desk that housed the book I was previously unable to open. “Let’s start here,” he said. “Did you have any questions for me before we get started?”

  “Twisting around to face the giant tome, I pointed at it. “That. Why won’t it open?”

  “That’s my journal. It’s a ledger of every reaping since my inception as Death. Let me show you.” Walking around to the leather chair, he sat down and to my surprise, opened the book.

  “Wait, how did you do that? I tried to open it and it wouldn’t budge!” I hopped down and ran around to stand next to him, looking at the large, leather-bound manuscript. I could see now it was opened, and it was indeed handwritten. Callon’s penmanship was similar to a calligraphy style I could only equate to Blackletter script, or more commonly called ‘gothic script’. It was an ancient style of writing, dating back to the 12th century and it seriously called into question exactly how much older my new ‘crush’ was than me.

  “It’s good for us to start your lessons here. This book is a fine example of how different
things are here in my realm than the human world you are used to. This ledger appears to you as present and solid, and it is. However, it is simultaneously accounted for at the desk of both God and Lucifer. They are aware of every reaping and have accounted for every soul that has left the human realms to be reassigned. As you can see, on this page, 143,002 people passed from their mortal vessels on this day. That’s a lot of souls to keep accounted for. It is paramount for me to keep careful track of these numbers. Although we are all working in the same, I guess you could say, industry- I am a countermeasure for the two opposite ends of the spectrum.”

  “Who do you answer to? I mean, you mentioned God and Lucifer both, which is mind-blowing enough as it is. But which one is your boss? I mean, Death sounds scary and mean, but I know now you are neither, so do you work for God?”

  “I answer to no one, love. Due to the massive conflict that exists between the two factions, as I stated, I am the counterbalance. I am unbiased. I have no loyalty to either of them. My allegiance is to the souls. They are passed to the archangels and at that point, escorted to their next assignment. Oftentimes it’s a rebirth, sometimes it’s a waiting period. Others are moved into realms of existence that function completely outside the knowledge of mortal man. Evil or condemned souls are jailed or held in Hell.The important part is the number. There is a specific number of souls and that is it. They must all be accounted for at all times in order for the balance between Luc and JC to stay on task. We all know this; it is how everything was designed. Having what you could call ‘the accounting details’ properly outlined keeps the peace. The system runs smoothly and all souls are guaranteed to continue on their path with no meddling by either party.

  “So you don’t have a boss? How do you know what to do? Who gave you your duties?”

  “The designed plan operates on its own. My task and those of Heaven and Hell all follow the same schematics. The outline for all of our duties are just ‘known’. It is this way for all Timeless beings. Regardless of whether angel, demon, bargainer, cherub or any other life force. Our ‘job’, as you would say, is simply known. This leads back to the bond I spoke of earlier. Once we are a bonded pair, we are seen as ‘one’ in this realm. Should something happen to either one of us, the other would assume the duties of the other. Let’s say, for conversation’s sake, you were a Bargainer. If your soul were to be reassigned, I would automatically assume your role. I would not be ‘trained’ to do so, I would just know. This could be one reason there are few bonded pairs ever mentioned. Most of us simply exist day to day, completing our work and any needed pleasures are easy enough to seek out in a mortal world.”

  “When you say a soul is reassigned, does that mean ‘die’? Can we die?” The thought of it struck a chord in me I was unaware of until that moment. It disturbed me much more than the thought of my own mortal death when I was dying of cancer. I was confused as to why, but it caused distress I was unaccustomed to. Perhaps it was something to do with being so new to what I considered a ‘second chance’ that the thought of being able to lose it bothered me.

  “We are not immortal. We have souls that can be reaped and moved to a different task. Our souls are ‘different’ than those from the mortal plane. I have never reaped a soul from seraphim, cherub, or demon that was not given a similar task. I would never end up living in a mortal realm and working a 9-5 job with a family and a golden retriever. I can’t answer why, but it just isn’t done. Perhaps the knowledge we obtain living the same existence for as long as we have makes it unlikely for the soul to settle in a mortal vessel. We are, however, timeless. We will not age or sicken. If we were to be in an accident, let’s say hit by a car, we will not die. Is that what you are asking?”

  “I think so. Looking at this page, you said there were 143,002 deaths on that day. Did you collect all those souls? How is that possible? How do you remember all of them?”

  “I remember every soul. They are logged in this ledger when I return. I’m sure that sounds overwhelming to you, but this is my daily routine. I was designed for this role and it comes naturally to me. Should something ever happen to me, it would be the same for you if we were bonded.”

  “Oh, wait! Are you telling me if we bond and you die, I become Death?” My hands started to shake and the thought of what he just said was causing some intense feelings of anxiety. Couldn’t anything be easy for me? Couldn’t the ‘other shoe’ that dropped be the stereotypical ‘I have three kids and a baby-mama’ conversation?

  Callon shot me a comforting smile and he grasped my hand, his thumb stroking my wrist. “Don’t worry so much, pet. I have existed forever, basically. I can’t even remember my life before this one- if there was one. I am confident the chance of something happening to me is somewhere between slim and none. Trust me when I say if I thought my life would lead to hardship for you, I would have let the archangels take you.”

  “I still don’t understand how this all works. If you are the referee between God and Lucifer, then how could God have designed everything? Why would he not give himself the ultimate power?”

  Callon smiled and gave me a knowing look as if he knew I would ask that exact question. “Things are not always what they seem, Amara. Many myths and legends are taught as fact in the mortal realms. The truth is, no one really knows. God, Allah, Jehovah- whatever name you know the supreme being as happens to be part of the team. Not the coach. Do you get what I’m puttin’ down?”

  I could have been knocked over with a feather with that statement. “There is a being higher than God? Who? Have you met him? Or her? Holy shit, is it a ‘her’ because that would be amazing!” I gushed and rambled- I was really overwhelmed.

  “It’s not a ‘her’. Or a ‘he’,” Callon added. “It’s hard to explain. It’s a life force, but not an entity. It’s the beginning and the end, but not a manifestation. I assume that is why all Timeless suddenly just ‘know’ their duties. It’s as if we wake with all the knowledge we need to perform our ‘job’. There has never been a time someone did not accomplish their role, or fail at their task.

  I stood there unmoving, not exactly sure what to say. It was just revealed to me- the greatest secret of all mankind they had been searching and praying for from dawn of time. Since there really wasn’t an actual God with a name, I didn’t know if I should feel more confused, or if it just made perfect sense. Suddenly, I realized everything Callon was saying was just so obvious- so true. Man was so wrapped up in trying to side themselves with the one true God they overlooked the most obvious answer. Life just was. It was the perfect design. Like a machine working on auto-pilot with no chance of ever breaking down. This ‘life force’ was everything and every soul created was part of the grand cycle. So even though there was something, somewhere, that indeed created and controlled every being, it was unable to be bargained with, controlled or manipulated as it was so much more than all of that. As my mind whirled like a dervish I felt so much peace. I can’t describe it any other way. It was such a relief and I reveled in the ‘rightness’ of all of it.

  Looking at Callon, I saw him watching me, his eyebrows drawn. “Are you ok?” he asked.

  “I am. I’m really, really, good. If I had to explain exactly what you just told me, I would sound like a crazy person, I’m sure. But it’s so clear and so obvious. I love it.”

  “Good. So back to the ledger. After the transfer of all souls to be escorted to their next destination, I return here and complete the journal.” Sitting down, he opened the middle drawer and pulled out a black quill pen and an ivory-colored inkwell. It took me a moment to grasp the irony of the object. It was indeed a skull. It was small, and I couldn’t place the species, but wouldn’t it figure Death would store his ink in something’s dead head? I giggled and he looked up at me with a questioning look.

  “Sorry. Just the whole ‘skull/Death/ink’ thing kinda amused me for some reason. Please, carry on.”

  Callon glanced down at the small container and a smile tipped his lips. “I guess I
never thought about it. It has just always been.” Shrugging, he dipped the quill and started at the top of a blank page and transcribed in the beautiful, ancient text I admired. He wrote the date, the year, and what I assumed was the time of the first reaping of today. When he was done, the manuscript took on a glow. It was slight but still obvious. A deep crimson light surrounded the giant tome and Callon lay the pen to the side as the pages began to fill. He seemed so relaxed, but it was as if he were concentrating and I realized what was happening. He was feeding his thoughts to the ledger. He didn’t have to actually write all 100+ thousand deaths, he remembered them and the book just manifested them. College students from all around the world would give their eye teeth for that nifty tool. Final research paper? It’s in here (taps head). And, done!

  I watched as the words began to appear on the page before me. It was as if they were being branded onto the parchment. Not one line at a time, but the entire page, just filled up with names, dates, and other details. With the page full, Callon flipped it with a finger and the smoky text began to show itself on the previously blank paper. I was awed at what I was witnessing, but it was so magical, so beautiful, to see the names and details of all those people. No one was a ‘nobody’ to Callon. Not a single death was unmentioned or not logged. Every soul held merit and was accounted for. I felt a sense of pride in the man sitting next to me. He did this- he made sure every single life mattered and that was so damn cool.