One Thing I Know

by Kara Isaac

  “C’mon, Lace.” Lacey finally walked the few steps.

  The three of them were finally back together. By Anna’s dying husband. Could life get any more unfair?

  “I just, um, need to find a bathroom. I won’t be long.” Lacey had barely finished her sentence before she was slipping back out the door, but not before Rachel managed to catch her stricken expression.

  “Should I go after her?” Rachel looked toward the door.

  “No. Just give her a few minutes.” Anna propped up her head in her hand and peered at Rachel across Cam’s chest. “You look nice. Hope you didn’t leave anything special for me.”

  Rachel looked down at the blue of her skirt fanned across her knees. She’d almost forgotten what she was wearing. All three calls to Lucas had gone straight to voicemail. She shrugged. “Nothing important.”

  “Thanks for coming.” Anna’s voice was tinny, apologetic. “I have people who offered to come in but, it’s just that . . . you know, you get it.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing . . . everything. We were here. Thank goodness Dad had taken Libby off to get a snack, and suddenly some of the alarms started going mental. Of course everyone came pouring in. We had to go. After, well, I don’t know how long—it felt like hours—they came and told us that Cam had suffered a bleed, some kind of clot must have come loose, and that there was nothing they could do.” Anna’s thumb rubbed her husband’s hand, as if apologizing for talking about him like he wasn’t there. “They ran some tests, which all came back saying the same thing. Complete and irreversible brain death.”

  It wasn’t fair. “I’m so sorry.” Rachel somehow managed to force the completely inadequate words out.

  Anna blinked rapidly. “We’d talked about organ donation. We agreed it was what we both wanted if something like this ever happened. But we were young; it was a theoretical conversation. I never thought—” Anna’s voice broke. Then a breath shuddered through her lips. “They’re not equipped to do it here, so they’ll transfer him in the morning. So I have tonight.” Even in the dim room she could see tears pouring down Anna’s face. “I mean, it’s stupid—I know he’s gone. That I’m lying here with a dead man, but I wasn’t ready. I’ve had weeks, but I hadn’t said good-bye. And how do you explain to a three-year-old that even though her father doesn’t look any different to her than he did yesterday, today he’s gone?”

  Rachel tugged her coat closer. “I don’t know.”

  Anna swiped a hand across her cheek. “In the morning Mom and Dad will bring Libby, and Cam’s parents will come too, and one of us is going to have to find a way to explain to her that it’s time to say good-bye. He’s her whole world. She’s never stopped believing one day he would wake up.” She buried her face in her husband’s shoulder and her back heaved.

  Rachel stayed lodged in her chair, keeping watch as Anna battled her grief. After a few minutes, the sobbing subsided and Anna wiped her face on the top of the sheet. “Sorry about that.”

  For what? “Don’t ever apologize for loving your husband.”

  A tremulous smile. “Okay.” She stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a parent without him. I don’t know how to do life without him.” She pushed herself up and looked straight at Rachel. “I don’t know if you’ve ever forgiven us for what happened to your dad, but please, will you stay?”

  • • •

  LUCAS PRESSED the buzzer outside the dark hospital. Please let someone answer, please let someone answer.

  “Hello?” A woman’s voice came through the crackling intercom.

  “I’m here to see Rachel Somers.”

  “Young man, do you know what time it is? Visiting hours start at nine.”

  “Please, can you just let me in so I can explain?”

  Silence for a couple of seconds, then a buzz, and the electronic doors slid open. He walked through them and then through a second set. “I hope it’s a really good explanation.” A middle-aged nurse standing guard looked pointedly toward a security guard, who had his hand resting on his holster.

  “I just need to see Rachel. Please. It’s important.”

  “More important than a woman whose husband will be taken off life support in a few hours?” The nurse’s ebony curls sat tight against her head, bristling as if already offended.

  “Um, no.”

  “Well, then you can’t see Rachel.”

  Lucas shook his head. The nurse wasn’t making any sense. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Isn’t she with her father?”

  “No. Her father is here, but that’s not why she’s here tonight. She’s with a friend whose husband didn’t make it.”

  Lucas’s shoulders sagged. She hadn’t come here to hide from him. To talk herself out of giving them a chance. “I’m sorry. I misunderstood. We were supposed to go on a date and when she didn’t show up . . .” He gestured with a nonsensical hand wave. “I’m crazy about her. And I’d heard that she has a tendency to shut people out when they get too close. Because of what happened with her father.”

  The nurse’s face softened. “Well then why didn’t you say so, son. Lord knows we’ve all been prayin’ for years for a decent man for our Rachel. Look, I didn’t let you do this, but there’s a lounge you can wait in. If you happen to still be here in the morning waiting to talk to her, then so be it. Garrett, show him the visitors’ lounge.”

  She cast the poor security guard a glare as if blaming him for keeping them apart.

  His feet swallowed up the carpet, paintings zooming past in a blur. He’d spent the ride thinking of eloquent words, but now his mind was empty.

  “You can wait in here.” The security guard opened a door to a dimly lit room. “There’s tea and coffee and some snacks in the kitchenette.”

  “Okay, thank you.” Lucas stepped through the door into a room filled with chairs and couches. He didn’t know if he should stay or go. Rachel wasn’t here because she was bailing on him. She was here for a friend. If he charged his phone he would probably find messages telling him exactly what had happened.

  But if he didn’t stay, when would he see her again? They were due to fly to Kansas City at lunchtime, and then Tulsa was the last stop for his part on the tour. Surely Rachel wouldn’t be coming, with a friend to support and a funeral to attend.

  Finding the light switch, he flicked one of the buttons and a couple of ceiling lights flickered on.

  The door opened behind him and he turned to see Lacey walking in. “Lacey?”

  “Lucas? What are you doing here?” Lacey stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. He had never seen her look so disheveled. Her shirt half untucked and makeup smeared.

  “Rachel and I were supposed to be going on a date, but she never showed up and my phone is dead and Donna said . . .” He realized he was rambling and stopped.

  “Ahhh.” Lacey rubbed both her temples. “Well, that explains the dress, then.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I—” Lacey sagged against the wall.

  “Do you want to sit down?” She looked like it was possible she might slide down the wall and onto the floor.

  Lacey shook her head. “I just can’t believe I’m here. Again.”

  “Again?”

  Lacey looked around the room. “The wallpaper was different last time, though.”

  He really wasn’t following.

  “Do you know Rachel’s father is here?”

  “Yes.”

  She looked at him, clearly expecting him to elaborate.

  “Donna told me a bit about what happened to him. She thought that maybe Rachel had stood me up because she blames herself for what happened to her father and sabotages things that give her a chance at happiness.”

  “It wasn’t Rachel’s fault. It was my fault. Everything about that night was my fault. If it weren’t for me, we’d all be living different lives right now. We’d probably all still be friends.”

  This was ma
king no sense. “How could it possibly be your fault?”

  He didn’t think it was possible that Lacey could fold even more into the wall. “The night of the accident was my birthday. The three of us were out when her dad called. I chucked a massive fit when I could see she was thinking about leaving to go and collect him from whatever sleazy joint he was in this time. Anna took my side, so she didn’t go, and he got hit and . . .” She swiped a hand across her eyes. “Well, here we are.”

  Lucas was trying to put the pieces together. “So it’s Anna’s husband who’s here?”

  Lacey nodded. “I walked into Cam’s room and it was like everything that happened with Rachel’s father all over again. I felt like I couldn’t even breathe. What are the chances that the two of them would end up in the same place? And in a few hours Anna is going to have to turn off his life support. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.”

  Lucas lowered himself down onto a couch. “Well, as someone who has lost a few people close to me, can I offer up some advice?”

  Lacey didn’t say anything but gave the smallest hint of a shrug. He took it as permission to continue.

  “You have to go back into that room. Because this isn’t about you. It’s about Anna. And she is about to go through one of the worst things that can happen to any human. You don’t get to opt out because it’s uncomfortable or you don’t feel equipped.”

  “Ouch. Why don’t you say what you really think?” But a faint smile hovered on Lacey’s lips.

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. This is exactly why your book is going to be a hit.”

  “Can I be honest? I don’t really care about the book. I mean the money will be good, but I’m mostly doing it because it means spending more time with Rachel.”

  “I know.” Lacey pushed herself off the wall. “Okay, I’m going back. Do you want me to let her know you’re here?”

  “No. I’ll wait. For as long as she needs.”

  - 29 -

  “Mommy!”

  Rachel cranked open one eye just in time to see a Libby-shaped blur disappear behind the foot of her father’s bed.

  Rolling her head from shoulder to shoulder, she attempted to dislodge one of her feet from under her behind. Ouch. It cramped like, well, a foot that had been holding her body weight for hours. “Hey, Libby-Belle.”

  “Shhhh.” Libby’s carrot curls sprung up on the other side of the bed. “Mommy’s sleeping.”

  Sure enough, Anna lay curled up on her side, head tucked into Cam’s shoulder, arm flung across his chest, little purrs emitting from her half-open mouth.

  “Who’s this?” Libby pointed to where Lacey slept curled up in her chair. She’d gone on the longest bathroom break in the history of the world, but she had come back.

  “That’s Lacey. She’s a friend of your mom’s too.”

  Cam’s parents stood framed in the doorway, gazes stuck on their son, faces that had been buoyed by hope now collapsed and shriveled like a pair of old balloons.

  Out, out! Rachel stamped her foot on the floor, trying to bring feeling back into her leg. She stood, knee buckling for a second before it agreed to hold her up.

  Next to her, Lacey had opened her eyes and taken in enough of the situation to stand too, her clothes rumpled and hair askew.

  Outside the sky was gray and stormy, threatening rain. Appropriate. At least they wouldn’t have to say good-bye with the sun shining and birds singing.

  “I want to get up with Daddy too.” Libby looked up, bottom lip starting to drop.

  There was no space next to Anna, but on Rachel’s side there was a small patch of real estate. Right under the “no sitting on the patient’s bed” placard.

  “Come around this side, honey.”

  Libby’s head disappeared, replaced by the pitter-patter of little feet. She reappeared around the end, a smile on her face.

  Rachel ducked down, tip of her nose almost touching Libby’s. “Okay, I’m going to pick you up so you can sit next to your daddy, but you have to be very careful not to knock any of his tubes, okay?”

  While Lacey had been gone, Anna had talked about the comfort of knowing that at least Cam’s death would be able to save other people’s lives. The last thing they needed was for something to go wrong with his ventilation and for Anna to lose that as well.

  Solemn eyes studied hers. “Okay.”

  “Okay.” She placed her arms under the armpits of Libby’s pink polka-dotted dress and picked her up.

  “Ooof.” The kid was a lot heavier than she looked.

  Checking that they were clear of tubes and wires, she settled the little girl on the bed. It creaked underneath the added weight.

  Libby balanced on her side, but she couldn’t quite manage to reach her father’s face.

  “Let me help, honey.” Wrapping her arms around Libby’s torso, Rachel lifted her up above the wires and tubes and held her face close so she could brush a kiss across Cam’s cheek. “Hey, Daddy. It’s Libby.” She whispered the words, but they lingered in the room as if carried by angels. “Mommy and I miss you. And Grandma and Pops, too. So please wake up soon.”

  A muffled sob came from behind. Rachel turned her head to see Cam’s mother shove her fist in her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

  Placing Libby back at her father’s side, she wiped her palms on her crumpled skirt.

  On the other side of Cam’s chest, Anna’s eyes fluttered for a second, then opened.

  “Hi, Mommy.”

  “Hey, baby.” Anna directed a dozy smile at her daughter, then froze as reality registered.

  “ ’Achel picked me up so I could say hi to Daddy too.”

  Anna’s unreadable gaze met Rachel’s. Uh-oh. Had it not been a good idea? Then she smiled. “What a good idea. I know Daddy will be very happy that you’re beside him.” She reached up and tugged one of Libby’s curls. “Just like we used to do, huh?”

  Libby stroked her father’s hair, then his cheek. “Do you think he’ll wake up soon? I asked Jesus last night please before my birthday.” Her lower lip wobbled.

  “Oh baby.” Propping herself up on her elbows, Anna spun her feet to the floor and stood up slowly.

  And this would be the moment Rachel exited stage left. Picking up her purse from where it had fallen on the floor during the night, she dropped a kiss on Libby’s head, then swapped places with Anna.

  Anna grabbed her hand, and Rachel squeezed back. “I’ll be at the hospital. I promise.” She glanced at the clock. Just after eight. UNOS would have sprung into action overnight. Now, coming into hospitals all over the country this morning were people about to get a new lease on life, knowing that their second chance had cost another family everything.

  “Thanks.” Anna’s voice was calm, steady. “For everything.”

  Passing Cam’s parents in the doorway, Rachel tried to find some appropriate words of condolence to utter, but they lodged in her throat like cement slippers.

  Behind her, Lacey gave Anna a hug and whispered something in her ear before following Rachel.

  Lacey slid the glass door closed behind her and pressed her forehead against the wall.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No.” Lacey sucked in a ragged breath. “I have never seen anyone love someone the way Anna loves Cam. And the way he loved her back. I don’t know how she’s going to make it through this.”

  Lacey pulled out her phone and stared at the screen lit up with notifications and missed calls. “I just can’t even.” For the first time ever, she put it back in her purse without checking a single one.

  Last night felt like another lifetime. Rachel pulled her phone out and checked the screen. No missed calls. One new message from Donna. She didn’t even bother to read it. If it was important, she’d call.

  Should she call Lucas again? Explain her garbled voice messages? No. If nothing else, he would be able to decipher that she was sorry and hadn’t stood him up. Ball was in his court now.

  Wa
sn’t there something else she had to do? She sifted through her brain, trying to assemble the neurons buzzing around containing her next task. Money. It had to do with money.

  Hopefully Cam had been a smarter guy than her father and had enough insurance that Anna and Libby would be taken care of after the medical establishment had taken their cut.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Look where we are, Lace. Nothing is ever okay here.” Rachel snapped the words and immediately felt horrible. The last time she and Lacey had stood in this exact hallway she’d said even worse things.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Lacey dragged her hand through her hair. “I have something to tell you.”

  What else could there be in this day that hadn’t really even begun and was already horrible?

  “Lucas is here.”

  Rachel didn’t say anything.

  “Rach? Did you hear what I said?”

  Rachel shook her head. Was this a dream? Did she need to wake up? “What do you mean Lucas is here? What are you talking about?”

  Lacey gestured down the hall. “He’s in the lounge. He’s been here all night.”

  Rachel stared at Lacey. “Lucas Grant. Is here. In the visitors’ lounge.”

  “Yes. I saw him last night when I went to the bathroom.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me then?” Lucas had been down the hall all night and she hadn’t known?

  Lacey gave her the glimmer of a smile. “Because he told me not to. He said he’d wait for you.”

  • • •

  “LUCAS?” FOR some reason she’d thought Lacey had to be wrong, but Lucas was right there. Asleep in a wingback chair in the lounge. Legs stretched out, little snores rumbling from his open mouth. There were already a few residents dotted around the room, including her father.

  Her hands gripped a chair back, grasping for something concrete to hold on to. Her two worlds had just collided. How? How did he know?

  “Lucas, wake up.” She reached down and touched his shoulder. “It’s morning.” She didn’t even know what time it was. She looked around for a clock. Just after eight.