by Jessica Marx
“It’s not her fault. You know she’s not a bitch.”
“I know. It’s just…what a dick! At least you found out before you guys hooked up.”
I sigh, “I already knew. He just proved it. I can’t believe I fell for his stupid lines like an idiot. I think he just officially ended my crush.”
“Fuck him, Syd. You deserve better.”
“Thanks.”
I’m lucky to have such a good friend. Kelly could have tossed me the keys and sent me on my way, but here she is, by my side. I know she feels bad for me, but I feel worse that I ruined her night.
“I hope I didn’t screw things up with Griffin.” I look at her with big eyes, “you could have stayed.”
She smiles, “come on, you know me better than that. I wasn’t going to let you leave alone. I also told him I would meet him in an hour - if you’re okay by then.”
“Of course. I’m already fine. I’m not surprised. I told you I wasn’t going to find love in Mesquite - especially not with a guy like that.”
Chapter 2
SYDNEY
How did I let Kelly talk me into this?
Everyone in this dive is either drunk on cheap beer, or catching a buzz from the excitement. Everyone but me, that is.
Judging by the way people are acting, you would think Jaxson James is the president. I guess when you’re the best - no, make that only - big thing to come out of this small town, it is kind of a big deal.
Maybe I would be more excited if I was into football - although I’m sure most of the females in here aren’t really fans of the game. Looking at the way they’re dressed and watching them fawn over Jaxson, they’re more than likely trying to win his affections - even if it’s just for tonight. I mean, that’s his ‘thing’ according to the rumors.
Jaxson James - God’s gift to football and women. That’s what they say, anyway. I happen to think he’s a total douchebag. I try not to be judgmental, but since I had the pleasure of knowing him in high school, it’s fair to say he probably hasn’t changed, only gotten worse. Like his football career, his cocky attitude and reputation as a man-whore have gone from amateur to pro.
I’m basing my opinion on facts, of course. We all know the media does what it can to play up any story, but with Jaxson, they don’t have to do much at all. Newspapers, magazines, and social media have been plastered with stories and photos of his escapades. I wonder sometimes what made him more famous - the length of his passes or the length of his dick - both of which have been photographed and discussed in detail. Neither of which has made him humble.
Now, here he is, in the flesh. Everyone in Mesquite is in attendance to welcome him with open arms. Our home town hero, back from the big leagues. Here to help coach his high school alma mater team to victory - the very same school where I teach. There’s no way he’s doing this out of the kindness of his heart. He has to have an ulterior motive - although, it appears I’m the only one who thinks so.
I watch from across the bar as three women crowd around him. They don’t seem to mind one another. Apparently, they would rather share Jaxson than lose an opportunity to be with him. With his muscular arms spread around all three, he doesn’t look like he minds either. I take a sip of my beer, thankful to see Kelly headed back this way.
“Do you believe how crowded this place is?” she yells over the noise, “it took me forever to get to the ladies room.”
“I noticed,” I reply dryly.
“Come on, Syd, let’s have some fun. We never go out.”
“There’s a reason for that.” I roll my eyes.
“How are you ever going to meet someone if you don’t put yourself out there?”
I sigh, but Kelly doesn’t notice. “I will, but I surely won’t meet anyone in a place like this - not that I would want to.”
Mesquite is a small town outside of Phoenix. It’s the kind of town where everyone knows everyone - and their business. I would never date anyone from here. Not again anyway. I like to think of my last relationship as a lesson learned the hard way, instead of a huge mistake or waste of time - which is exactly what it was.
I’m happy to see Kelly’s boyfriend, Tim, heading our way. Now that he’s here, I can leave without feeling guilty.
“Hey, baby,” Kelly greets him with a kiss.
“Hey, lover.”
“Someone is in a frisky mood. Has seeing Jaxson James in the flesh got you all hot?”
Kelly laughs, “I only have eyes for you, baby.”
“And that’s my cue,” I say. I finish my beer and place the empty bottle on the table.
“Come on, Syd, the night’s barely even begun,” Kelly pleads with big eyes.
“I promised I would stay for one drink, and I did. Now, I’m going home,” I reply with a satisfied smile, “you kids have fun, looks like the party’s just getting started.”
Kelly and Tim follow my gaze. One of the girl’s from the threesome is now straddling Jaxson and throwing her arm around like she’s trying to lasso a calf. She looks like a fool, but she obviously couldn’t care less.
I give each of them a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for one more drink?” Kelly asks.
“Positive.” I glance over at the scene across the room again. Jaxson is standing up - probably so the women can get at him from all angles. “Get home safe, you two.”
“I’ll tell you all about what you missed when I get home.”
I laugh and give a little wave as I walk away. I twist and turn my way through the crowded room. As I near the exit, I get shoved from behind. I turn to see what’s happening and lose my balance. I stumble, but instead of falling to the ground, I face plant into something solid. I warm pair of hands grab onto my waist, helping me steady myself.
When I look up, I realize that the something solid that broke my fall was a chest. It happens to belong to the same person as the strong hands that are still wrapped around my sides - Jaxson James.
“Um, thanks,” I say. I have to look up to talk to him. He towers over my small frame.
“No problem, baby. I’m used to having women throw themselves at me.”
Jaxson’s lips curl into a cocky grin. His eyes light up with what he thinks is a humorous comment. I quickly come to my senses and loosen myself from his grip.
“Wow, you really are an ass.”
“Is that any way to treat the man who just saved your life?”
I huff, “I’m pretty sure I would have lived.”
“Either way, how about you repay the favor by joining me for a drink?”
Jaxson stares at me. He has a crooked smile on his face and his eyes bore right through me. The way he’s looking at me make me feel like I’m the only woman in the room. For a split second, I contemplate taking him up on his offer - then I snap back into reality.
“You’re kidding, right?”
He raises his eyebrows, “do I look like I’m kidding?”
I glance over to where Jaxson had been sitting. Another woman has joined his fan club. They’re watching our exchange, impatiently waiting for him to return.
“I’m actually leaving now, but thanks anyway. I’m pretty sure you’ll have no problem finding someone else to have a drink with.”
“True, but you would have been my first choice.”
“I’m sure a lot of women would be flattered by that statement.”
“Maybe. I’m not sure, I haven’t said it too many times.”
My face reddens from a combination of embarrassment and anger. I don’t think he remembers me at all. “Well, good luck.”
“Thanks,” Jaxson says flashing the same crooked smile, “I didn’t get your name.” He holds out his hand in an effort to be polite when he asks.
“No, you didn’t.”
I turn my back to him and make a beeline for the door, silently congratulating myself on winning in a battle of wits with Jaxson James. He’s so full of himself. I’m sure he expected me to melt into his arms when he caught me.
Well, I’m immune to his charms. He doesn’t recall who I am at all - not even a flash of recognition. When he flirted with me ten years ago, it only took him five minutes to forget about me. I shouldn’t be surprised.
I exit the bar and walk out into the night air. I take a deep breath expecting to inhale fresh air but instead, I inhale cigarette smoke. I cough from the unexpected smell and turn to see a woman putting her butt out on her shoe. She looks familiar.
“Sydney?” she asks.
“Yes,” I reply hesitantly, “do I know you?”
“I hope so! Janie. Janie Pearson.” She walks over and gives me a hug. I’m not a hugger to begin with, and this one is especially awkward.
“Janie! Hi! I knew you looked familiar.”
“Yeah, well, it’s been a while. What are you up to these days?”
“I’m a teacher - here in Mesquite. You?”
“Wow, still here, huh? I couldn’t wait to get out. I was in LA for a while, but I recently moved back to Phoenix.”
“I guess you’re here to pay homage to the great Jaxson James,” I say sarcastically.
“Kind of. I just wanted to see him. It’s been a long time.” She looks down.
I can’t stop my eyes from rolling. Of course she wants to see him. She had feelings for him at one time. I know - I saw it for myself. Janie must sense my disgust for Jaxson by the tone of my voice.
She responds in his defense, “I know everyone always thought Jaxson was a scumbag, but he’s not - at least - he wasn’t. He may not show it very often, but he has a big heart. I know that first hand.”
“That’s definitely something I’ve never heard about him before.”
“Of course not. The good things never make the rumor mill.” Janie lights another cigarette. “You know, I never told anyone until after high school, but Jaxson saved me one night.”
“Saved you?” I ask, wondering if it was anything like how he just ‘saved’ me at the bar.
“Yeah. We were at a party, the last one of the summer after senior year. I was friendly with everyone back then. That’s why I didn’t think anything of it when Brett Mitchell asked if we could talk - alone. I won’t get into details, but Jaxson must have heard the struggle and threw Brett out on his ass.”
I listen in awe. I know exactly the night she is referring to. But does it mean Jaxson has a big heart or that he was just flexing his muscles?
“He literally threw Brett out of the party and didn’t leave my side the rest of the night. He held me until I stopped shaking and then drove me home. I swore him to secrecy - I didn’t want to tell anyone. He must have known I would need someone because he checked in on me for weeks to make sure I was okay.”
Wow.
“That really was nice of him.”
“It was. He could have ignored the situation, or taken advantage of me when I was vulnerable - but he never did. We didn’t really stay in touch after we went our separate ways to college, but we kind of formed this weird bond. I wanted to come tonight to show my support.”
“That’s so nice of you, Janie. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. ” I feel like an idiot. I was completely wrong about what I saw so long ago. I jumped to conclusions without even asking.
“It’s in the past now. I’m just thankful Jaxson was there for me. I wish everyone knew how kind and caring he was. It’s a shame.”
Sure is.
“It’s nice that you’re here for him tonight. Maybe one day, everyone will know the truth.” I smile, “enjoy the rest of your night. I have to get going.”
“You too, Sydney. Nice to see you. Sorry for chewing your ear off.”
“Don’t be. I was happy to listen.”
Oh my God. What a story! All these years I thought Jaxson forgot about me in a heartbeat. Meanwhile, he was helping someone. He put aside his libido and a chance to fool around with a girl to be there for someone who needed him. I was so wrong.
Jaxson and I never saw each other again after that night. Griffin and Kelly hung out a couple of times after that - enjoying a final summer fling. He mentioned to me that Jaxson thought I just left the party, but he didn’t really follow up to try and get answers. I didn’t want to explain that I saw him with Janie - I didn’t feel like I needed to. Besides, Jaxson would have had to explain what happened, and now I know, he couldn’t. He obviously wouldn’t have done that to Janie. He may truly be a good guy after all.
Chapter 3
SYDNEY
I wish Kelly was sleeping home tonight. We share a small house just outside of Mesquite’s ‘downtown’. Downtown consists of a small row of restaurants and shops. It’s all of two blocks - but it’s the heart of our town. We moved in here when we graduated college and have become more like sisters than friends. She knows me better than anyone. Sometimes, even better than I know myself.
I can’t wait to tell her what I heard from Janie. It’s crazy to think that for all these years, I believed that Jaxson just left me that night. It’s not like we were dating - we weren’t even friends - yet. Who knows what would have happened or if it could have led to something more between us? I’m sure it would have been a one night thing and I would have wound up hating him anyway.
It’s too late to think about all of that. I can’t change the past. Jaxson was just a crush and I got over it long ago. I moved on and he obviously never thought about me again after that. If he had, he probably would have remembered me tonight.
I lie in bed and thoughts of Jaxson flood my mind. I try to push them out, but I keep seeing his face - feeling his hands on me the way they were at the bar. I try to convince myself that just because he didn’t something nice for Janie ten years ago, doesn’t change who he is now. It’s not working - not tonight.
I try to fight it, but I can’t. I fall asleep imagining Jaxson and I together, his strong hands working their way over my body. I used to fantasize about him like this all the time in high school. It’s familiar and fun and when I think about him this way. In my fantasy, it doesn’t matter if he has a big heart. What matters is the size of his manhood, and from what I’ve heard, it’s huge.
The thought of Jaxson naked, touching me, is too much. Oblivious to my own actions, I find my hand working its way down into my pajama bottoms. Two years without a boyfriend - or any man - and it doesn’t take much. I’m already damp from nothing more than the visions in my head. I easily find my pleasure points. Using Jaxson as my ammunition, bring myself to climax.
I should be ashamed of myself, but I’m not. As long as I keep Jaxson James at a distance in reality, there’s no harm in holding him close in my fantasies.
Chapter 4
SYDNEY
When Kelly arrived back home this morning, I filled her in on what I heard from Janie outside the bar the night before. She thought about it, but in the end, Kelly wasn’t that impressed. We agreed that that was ten years ago - before he became a big shot football player. He was always full of himself back then - no matter what happened that one night. Judging from what we’ve seen and heard since, it’s only gotten worse.
Kelly appears concerned as she listens to me go on in circles about Jaxson. She can tell that my new found information is giving me hope that he is a different person than I thought. As much as Kelly would love for me to have a little fun, she wouldn’t want me to fall for the wrong guy again. She knows me well enough to know, I’m not into one nighters or meaningless flings.
She was with me from beginning to end through my last relationship. I completely blew it for no good reason at all. Ryder may not have been the best guy for me, but he didn’t do anything to deserve the way I treated and distrusted him.
She’d love to see me hook up with Jaxson and have some fun, but only if I could do it without getting my heart broken. Knowing how in love I thought I was with him in high school, Kelly doesn’t trust that I wouldn’t fall back into love with him - fast. She kind of just blew off the whole thing and advised me to do the same. ‘Leave the past in t
he past’ were her final words of wisdom. As much as I’d like to do just that, it’s impossible.
First thing Monday morning, students and faculty are already buzzing about school. Everyone is so excited to have a professional football player on campus to assist in coaching our high school’s football team. They’ve gotten progressively worse over the last few years. Everyone is hoping Jaxson will be just what they need to get the team out of their slump.
It’s like they all just forgot about Jaxson’s reputation off the field. All of a sudden, he’s the town’s big hero. I’m sure many of the adults got to witness his display at the bar first hand over the weekend. I was surprised to see there was nothing about it in the paper - usually all of Jaxson James’s escapades are front page news. Somehow, he managed to keep this one out of the public eye.
There is going to be an assembly after lunch hour so the school can have a meet and greet with Jaxson before he starts his first practice today. The football team has already made his acquaintance, but everyone else wants a chance now too, I suppose.
Everyone except for me. I won’t be going. I went to high school with Jaxson. Those four years were enough. In fact, many of the staff members here went to school with him at some point. I guess not as many of them had a huge crush on Jaxson like I did. I’m quite sure that even if they did, he would at least remember them. No. I will not jump on the team Jaxson bandwagon. He can suck it for all I care.
My classroom is on the opposite side of the school as the gym and football field. Since Jaxson doesn’t remember my name - or even know who I am - I assume I can make it through the rest of the semester and football season without bumping into him. One time was all I needed to remind me what a conceited jerk he was - and still is. Doing one good deed for Janie doesn’t change the big picture.
I make some excuse about catching up on grading some assignments and successfully avoid the assembly. Even from across the school, I can hear the clapping and cheering. What a great idea - let’s take time away from our studies to inflate this guy’s head just a little more - if that’s even possible.
