by Jessica Marx
I walk the long stretch back to where the locker rooms are. There aren’t many people left, but Jax must have come out while I was gone. I see him and Nadia speaking. They’re standing very close to one another. I wouldn’t have cared before, but now the scene is affecting me like nails on a chalkboard. I hold my head up high and walk right over to them.
“Hey, baby,” I say to Jax as I approach.
He smiles when he sees me coming, not paying attention to whatever Nadia is saying anymore. “Hey, babe,” he greets me.
I step closer and he kisses me. I thought I may have to put on a show for Nadia’s sake, but I don’t. Jax does it for me.
I catch the exaggerated eye roll Nadia makes while she waits for us. I realize, maybe it’s not that she wants me to think Jax is acting, perhaps she believes he really is. I mean, how could Jax fall for someone like me when he can have someone like her, right? As if.
Remembering she’s there again, Jax turns to Nadia, “are we all set here?”
“Yes, Jaxson. We’ll talk again, when you have some alone time.”
“Sure,” he says, slightly confused by her tone. I’m sure she sounded much more amicable before I got here.
“Bye, Nadia,” I say smugly with a little wave.
Nadia walks away without replying to me.
“She’s acting extra strange today,” Jax comments.
“Is she ever normal?”
“No. Not really, she’s just different weird today.”
“Whatever. She’s almost run her coarse with you anyway, right? How about we get out of here?” I suggest.
I don’t think it’s the time or the place to talk to Jax about the conversation I had with Nadia. Whether she’s right or wrong, he’s going to be pissed. Hopefully at her and not me. I’m pretty confident that’s how it will go, but he’s on a high from his win right now, and there are still some team mates lurking around. I’ll wait until later to bring it up.
“Sounds good. I’m starved. Let’s go, babe.”
Jax takes my hand and we walk out of the stadium. He better not be acting his way through this relationship. I really like him. No - I love him, and I know he loves me - I mean, no one can be that good a player, right?
Chapter 30
SYDNEY
Jax was so pumped about winning the game, I didn’t have the heart to bring up Nadia’s conversation with him. Besides, I need to talk to someone else about it and make sure I’m not crazy first. Maybe I shouldn’t even mention it to him at all. I don’t know - I’m not used to having drama in my life - or my relationships.
Several times during dinner, Jax stopped to ask if I was okay. He said I didn’t seem like myself - which I wasn’t. I couldn’t get Nadia out of my head. That was probably her plan all along - plant the seed and let me sabotage my own relationship. Bitch.
I just told him I wasn’t feeling great and had him take me home after dinner. I don’t like lying to him - but I need to think before I speak and say something stupid. Luckily, Kelly is awake and home when Jax drops me off. Her and Tim are laying on the couch watching television.
“Hey. Where’s your man?” Kelly asks. It’s out of character for Jax not to come home with me, or at least walk me in.
“He went home.”
“Is everything okay?” she asks, sitting up.
“I don’t know. I mean, I think so, but I’m not sure.”
“What happened?”
I look at Tim. He stands up.
“I’m going to the bedroom. This sounds like a conversation for the ladies.”
Tim walks into Kelly’s room and closes the door. I wouldn’t mind if he listened, and I’m sure Kelly will tell him everything anyway. It doesn’t matter. I fill Kelly in on the details of my conversation with Nadia, “basically, she told me Jax was using me for his image and would be done with me when the season is over.”
She listens with a look of disgust, but waits for me to finish before commenting.
“Okay, number one, she’s a bitch,” Kelly starts, “I don’t care how much of a professional she is - women are women and she wants your man. Bitches be crazy.”
I giggle, “that’s what I think, but then I start second guessing myself. Jax has never been with one girl. Why me? Maybe it is some kind of image thing.”
“Syd, do you really believe that? Why not you? You’re beautiful and smart and a million other things. I don’t know, I don’t get any kind of vibe from Jax other than he digs you - a lot.”
“I want to think so. I never would have thought otherwise. Nadia just put these crazy thoughts in my head.”
“I’m sure she was hoping you would take the bait and run.”
“Probably. Should I bother telling Jax? Do I need to cause drama?”
Kelly contemplates my question for a minute. “I think I would. I don’t think it will cause too much drama, but I wouldn’t be satisfied until I heard the words come from his mouth, you know? You know him well enough at this point that the look in his eyes will give you the real answer, no matter what words cross his lips.”
“You’re right, Kel. I won’t be able to fully believe it myself until I hear it from Jax. I should have just talked to him about it tonight. He knew something was wrong.” I frown.
I hated lying to him - even a little white lie like not feeling well. I can’t expect him to be honest and open if I am going to lie. That’s not fair.
Kelly smiles, “of course I’m right.” She winks. “Sleep on it tonight, then talk to Jax tomorrow. You will feel a lot better. Plus - it will put all of your feelings out on the table - and his. Everything will work out, you’ll see.”
“I hope so.”
Chapter 31
JAXSON
Something is up with Syd - I know it. She was definitely not acting like herself at dinner. She said she wasn’t feeling well but I know that’s bullshit. I’ve been racking my brain, trying to think of something I could have said or done to upset her, but I can’t.
I start to worry that maybe she just changed her mind about me, but I can’t figure out what would have caused that. Like, dating me is too much pressure, or she doesn’t like being in the limelight sometimes. Dam the paparazzi and public interest. I play football - why does everyone care so much what I’m doing in my free time?
Or maybe things are moving too fast for her. I haven’t told Sydney I love her yet, even though I’ve wanted to so many times. I haven’t even told her half of what I’ve been thinking. I may even want to marry this girl - which is crazy for a guy like me. I can’t imagine spending my life without Syd in it. I don’t want to. She’s everything to me now.
I didn’t want to scare her so I never told her all of that, but maybe I did in some other way. I feel so deeply for her, I’m sure it’s transparent. We’ve spent so much time together - maybe it’s just too much.
Shit. I’ve never had to deal with these kind of feelings before. Love ‘em and leave ‘em. One and done. That’s the way it’s always been. This love and caring shit is hard. I never knew I could feel this way. I’ve never experienced so much doubt. I need to make things right.
Syd’s not being up front with me and that’s not going to fly. I’m an open book - sometimes too much so - but I would never hide anything from her. It’s not my style. Tomorrow, I’m going to talk to her. We’re going to lay everything out on the table and get to the bottom of whatever this is.
I love her. We need to make things work. I need Sydney in my life and I will do whatever it takes to keep her there.
Chapter 32
SYDNEY
Kelly is in the kitchen already when I wake up. She’s at the table with her laptop.
“Good morning,” I say, sleepily. I make my way to the coffee pot.
“Yeah. Morning. Not sure if it’s going to be a good one, though.”
I look at her, confused, too tired to ask what she means.
“Just browsing my social media sites this morning. I saw something that might upset you,” Kelly
says softly, “but you know it means nothing,” she adds.
“What?” I ask, afraid of what I’m going to see.
Kelly turns her computer so I can see the screen.
There’s a photo of Jax and Nadia. It looks like it was taken in the parking lot after the game last night. I can tell it’s from last night from what each of them are wearing - although Nadia is always in something tight and black so I can’t be sure. They’re not doing anything scandalous, really. Nadia is leaning against his car. She appears to be trying to look seductive. Her arms are reaching for him, her hands look like they’re resting on the arms of his jacket.
The blurb underneath says ‘James seen post game canoodling with the sexy Nadia Tate of Corporate Consulting. This after party looks like it is going to be a private one.’
I grind my teeth together. I know it means nothing. I know they’re trying to make something innocent into a scandal. I just can’t help feeling like I’m being played by the both of them right now.
Kelly looks at my face contorting. “Syd. It’s nothing. It’s the media doing their best to stir the pot and make headlines. Jax wouldn’t hurt you like that.” She looks at me, my expression hasn’t changed. “Besides, even if you weren’t in the picture he wouldn’t mess with that bitch. She’s so not his type.”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“You do know, Syd. Listen to your heart, not this bullshit you’re reading. You know Jax.”
I continue to stare at the photo and try to analyze it. Tim walks into the kitchen.
“What are you ladies discussing so intensely this early in the morning?” He glances at the laptop and stops where he’s standing, “what the fuck?”
“Exactly,” I agree.
“No way that’s true,” Tim comments.
“That’s what I said. Just ignore it,” Kelly chimes in.
“Easier said than done,” I say, “I’m really not cut out for such a public relationship. This is crazy. I have to get ready for work. I don’t have time for this.” I start walking to my room.
Who am I kidding? I may not have time for it, but I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about it. How am I going to teach all day? Especially if anyone saw this post - which I’m sure they did. I am not cut out to deal with this kind of attention.
I get out of the shower and there is a text from Jax:
“Hope you’re feeling better today.”
“I am, thanks.”
“I’m coming by later. We have to talk.”
“Okay.”
What else can I say to that? Everyone knows what it means when someone says ‘we have to talk’. It’s never good news.
Oh my God. It’s true. Nadia got her slimy hands on him. She worked him and they both played me for the fool. He had to have seen the photo this morning. He knows I know - or that I will find out at some point today.
I don’t have time to think about it. I have to get ready for work. I have a full day of teaching new material ahead of me. I can’t think about Jax or let my feelings get in the way of my job.
I spend the first fear periods lecturing and writing notes on the board. I’m here, but not completely. I’m focussed, but operating more on auto pilot. I slump at my desk when lunch time rolls around. I pick at my food and read some articles on my computer, trying to keep my mind occupied. It’s half working, but my thoughts still drift to Jax.
Every time someone looks at me, teacher or student, I immediately think they are pitying me. I assume they’ve seen the photo and think I’m just another dumb girl who got played by a player. I try to pretend everything is okay. I don’t know if anyone’s buying it, but I can’t leave, so I don’t have any other choice.
When the final bell rings, I’m relieved. Jax has practice with the high school team after school. From his text message, I wasn’t sure if he was planning on coming by my classroom or my house, but I didn’t ask to clarify. I busy myself and wait expectantly for him to walk through my door. He doesn’t.
I go home disappointed and worried. I shouldn’t have anything to be concerned about. Nothing happened that would give Jax a reason to break up with me. Unless - Nadia. If she said or did anything to Jax, I will kill her. Okay, I won’t actually kill her, but I’ll be really pissed.
A million thoughts race through my head. I invent scenario after scenario about all of the different things I could have done wrong. I have nothing. I did nothing. If Jax has anything bad to say, it’s not because I provoked him.
I have to stop this train of thought. It’s silly and childish and unhealthy. I can make it through the next couple of hours without doubting myself and my relationship. Besides, wasn’t it me who wanted to do the talking?
There’s a knock on my door around six. I jump and run to open it - then slow myself down. I may have been waiting for Jax to get here, but he doesn’t need to know that. Fuck it, I don’t care. I open the door.
Jax is standing there, looking handsome as ever. He’s wearing a Rattlers tee shirt and gym pants. I glance down, knowing well enough by now that the loose fabric will give me a nice view of what’s underneath. I just as quickly draw my eyes back up to his face. This is not the time for stealing looks of his generous package. Focus, Syd.
I step aside to give him room to walk in, “hey, Jax.”
“Hey, babe.” Jax smiles and kisses me before walking passed. I don’t kiss him back. He looks a little confused, but doesn’t say anything.
What the hell? Did I get all worked up over nothing? No. I didn’t. The evidence is right there for everyone to see. It’s like he knows I have the right to be mad and doesn’t care.
I follow him to the living room. “So, what did you want to talk about?” I ask, leaning against the back of the couch.
“Right down to business, Ms. Hayes. Okay,” Jax replies. He seems a little nervous - just a little. It’s still so unlike him.
“Why wait?” I smirk. I’m not trying to be snide, it’s more of a protective gesture.
Jax takes a seat at the dining table across from the couch and faces me. “What’s up?”
I look at him, confused, “what?”
“Talk to me, Syd, what’s up? Why were you acting so strange last night? I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think you were really feeling sick.”
My body relaxes, some of the tension relieved. He’s worried about last night, not today. I feel a little better - but not completely. “
“What?” Jax asks, “why are you looking at me like that?”
“All day, I’ve been worried about what you had to talk about.”
“What could you possibly have to be worried about?” Jax lowers his head, “oh, the photo.”
“The photo was just the icing on the cake.”
Jax looks confused. He has no idea what I’m talking about. Not that I thought he would.
I can’t hold back. I lose my cool and everything comes pouring from my mouth. “Your friend, Nadia,” I begin. I exaggerate her name by using air quotes around the word ‘friend’. Jax leans back, not clear on where I’m going with this. “had a lot to say to me last night. She explained how you are using me to help your image - just like she instructed you to do. She told me how you were sent to Mesquite to clean up your image. She said that’s why you are coaching the football team and that’s why you’re dating me. She made me feel like a piece of shit. Then I talked myself into believing she was full of shit. That she was only trying to make me feel bad. I convinced myself that you would never do that - then,” I pause, trying to find the right words, my heart aching when I think of the picture of them, “then I see that stupid picture of you two from last night. She has her claws on you. It looks like you two are about to kiss or… I don’t know. It just doesn’t look good. And now I feel like an asshole because I know the whole world is laughing at me.”
Hearing the last part, Jax jumps to his feet. He’s never seen me upset like this and I think he’s scared. Honestly, I’ve never seen me]yself this upset before. Jax put
s his hands on my shoulders like he wants to hold me, but he knows it’s not the right time.
“Syd, you can’t believe any of this. You know me.”
“I don’t know, do I?”
“You do.” Jax runs his hands back through his hair in frustration, “Nadia is crazy. The whole world is not laughing at you. If they are - they’re crazy too.”
“I don’t care what the world thinks anyway. I care about how I feel and right now, I feel like an asshole.”
“You shouldn’t. You have no reason to.”
“So none of it is true?” I challenge him, “She is your image consultant and all. She made it sound like she put you up to all of it. You know, before she seduced you.”
“I’m my own man, Syd. You should know that by now.”
“So it’s not true?”
Jax steps closer to me, “She set up the coaching gig at Mesquite for me. That part is true.”
I was hoping he did that part on his own, but I’m not surprised or that disappointed. He’s a pro football player - a star - maybe doing something like that on his off season would be more likely but, it could be worse.
He continues, “I didn’t want to do it at first. I thought it would be a bother - working with a bunch of high school kids - but it became more than that. Once I made that bet with you and started tutoring Mikey, I really started to care. The team began looking up to me, his grades went up, then more of them wanted my help off the field - with school, and girls. I really enjoy it. I enjoy helping them and love that they look up to me as a role model.”
I smile, “that’s sweet.” I stare up at his face. He looks totally serious and lost in thought. “What about me - us?” I ask softly.
Jax takes my hands in his, “do you even have to question that?” he asks. He sounds genuinely hurt.
“Yes. I do. You have no idea what kind of scenarios I created in my head. It’s not like it’s that hard to imagine. It was right there for me and the rest of the world to see this morning. You weren’t here last night. Maybe I’m as dumb as everyone thinks I am.”
