by Jessica Marx
“No one thinks you’re dumb. No one that counts anyway.”
“I just hate having everything between us so public. It makes things so much more complicated. It’s like everyone is rooting for you to fuck up even if it means my heart gets broken in the process.”
Jax looks broken. He may be able to fix things with Nadia, but being in the public eye is a part of his life he has no control over.
“Syd. I don’t know what to say. You know how I feel about you. I would never let anyone come between us. You have to believe me. All I have is my word. Unless you want to ask Nadia.”
I roll my eyes, “no. I don’t want to ask her anything. I don’t even want her knowing I’m upset.” Tears roll down my face. I can’t stop them. I feel so betrayed. Jax wipes them away with the back of his hand.
I blurt out, “Why shouldn’t I believe what I’m seeing and hearing. You were never into one girl. Why me? Why now?”
“Why not you, Syd?” he asks, seriously.
“I don’t know. You aren’t known to be a one woman kind of guy.”
He looks at me with big eyes, “True. I never have been. Not in the past, but I never had any reason or desire to be. You’re just different.”
I roll my eyes.
“Don’t underestimate yourself, Syd. Everything about you is amazing and special. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before - ever. I feel like a better person when I’m with you. I thought you felt it too. How could you question that?”
I shrug, “sometimes a girl needs reassurance,” I add with a coy grin.
Holding my hands in his, Jax takes one step closer. He leans down so we are face to face and looks into my eyes, “I love you, Sydney. Everything about you. Nothing is going to change that.”
“You love me?”
“I do. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jax.”
“Are you sure, or are you just saying that so I don’t feel bad?” he asks, trying to lighten the tension.
“How could you even ask that?” I reply, mocking his playful tone.
“Sometimes a guy just needs reassurance.” Jax’s signature crooked smile forms on his lips.
He leans in and places his lips on mine. We kiss softly, thinking about the words that were just spoken. He loves me. I smile to myself and he kisses me again. I slip my tongue between his lips and our kiss deepens. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me in closer. Our kiss is passionate and full of the love we just made so much more real by saying it out loud.
Jax presses his lips to mine once again, then backs up slightly.
“You know, I’ve never said ‘I love you’ to anyone before.”
“I must be special,” I kid.
“You are,” he says, kissing my lips once more, “plus, you body is bangin’.”
I laugh, “so that’s why you really love me.”
“Sure is, sweet tits,” he laughs.
He wraps me in a bear hug, holding me tightly against him. I hug him back just as tight.
I love the way we can go from a serious conversation to a light hearted joke. I love how real and honest Jax can be. I love that I can be myself around him - that I don’t have to be afraid to speak what’s on my mind. I simply just love him.
Jax’s touch and kiss - and his words - sidetracked my train of thought for the moment, but the warm, loving feeling is overcome by fear and doubt again.
“What?” Jax asks, noting the change in my face.
I take a small step back and look up at him, “I love you, Jax, I really do. It’s just, I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?” he asks, offended.
“I don’t know if I can lead the kind of life you live. I don’t want to be in the public eye. I don’t like the feeling of having people watch our every move. I don’t want to have to worry all the time that someone is waiting to manipulate their way into your life and take my place.”
“That’s ridiculous, Syd.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah - it is.”
“Well, I don’t think it is. I want my simple, private life back. I don’t know if it’s possible to have that with you.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that this experience has really opened my eyes for what is to come if we stay together.”
“So, you’re breaking up with me?” The sweet, loving feeling we just shared has clearly passed.
“I don’t know.” I really don’t know.
“Syd…” Jax is at a loss for words.
“I just need some time to think things over. If we’re really going to do this, Jax, I need to be sure.”
“But, I love you - and you love me - or was that bullshit?” Jax is pissed.
“I do love you. I do.”
“You have a shitty way of showing it.”
“What if there is some truth to what Nadia said? What if once you’re done laying low in this small town, you decide I don’t fit in to your life anymore?” Tears are streaming down my face.
“What the fuck, Syd? Where is all this doubt coming from?”
“I don’t know. Nadia put thoughts in my head and I can’t just let them go. Then, I started thinking about more things. Maybe we’re just not meant to be together.” I can’t believe the words that are coming from my own mouth, “I just don’t know if love is enough.”
Jax stares at me open mouthed, “let me know when you’re done thinking about things.” He quickly walks to the front door.
“Jax,” I call softly through my sobs. It’s too late, he’s already closed the door.
I look out the window. He’s driving away. What the fuck did I do? Even I wasn’t expecting these emotions. I thought we would talk it over and be done. What happened? Why am I freaking out over something so silly. I mean, is it crazy? I love Jax. I want to be with Jax. I just don’t know if I can deal with all the baggage that comes along with being his girlfriend.
No one is perfect. I know that. It just feels like there’s always going to be a ‘Nadia’ or jersey chaser or whoever. Someone is always going to be trying to knock me down and take my place. People everywhere will be watching our evert move and waiting for one of us to fuck up. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. I don’t want to always be fighting for what we have.
Fuck. What did I just do?
Chapter 33
JAXSON
FUCK. What is she thinking? We love each other - and that is enough. Why is Sydney trying to complicate things? She has to come around and see that she’s acting crazy. She doesn’t want to leave me - I know she doesn’t. Right?
Right now, I have to deal with Nadia. Fucking Nadia. Who does she think she is? I’m just not sure exactly how to handle it. Technically, she works for me, but she was hired by my agent. I’m going to have to tell Aaron what she did and take it from there. I send him a text and wait for him to call.
In the meantime, I have to get to practice. It’s playoff time and we have a very good chance of making it to the Superbowl. Imagine, me as the star quarterback, playing in the most important football game of the year. I smile at the thought. Hell yeah, I can picture that. Superbowl ring on my finger, Sydney by my side. That would be a dream come true. My smile fades. Without Sydney, it won’t matter.
My phone rings while I’m driving the short distance to the stadium.
“Hello.”
“Jaxson, it’s Aaron.”
“Hey, how are you?”
“Pretty good. I got your text, what’s up?”
“Just having a little issue with Nadia. I need her gone.”
There’s a quiet pause, “it’s not that easy. Does it have something to do with the photo that was leaked?”
“It’s a little more complicated than that.” I explain the exchange between Nadia and Sydney and wait for Aaron’s reply.
“Nadia is the best in her field. I can’t imagine her doing anything unprofessional like that. Are you sure your girlfriend isn’t just jealous?”
&
nbsp; “Definitely not. She’s not like that.” I can almost hear Aaron’s eyes roll through the phone. “Seriously. Nadia is fucked up. I think she’s the one with the jealousy issues.”
“This is a tough one, Jax.” He hesitates before answering, “we hired Nadia to clean up your image. She seems to have done an amazing job with that so far.”
“Let’s not give her all of the credit. I think I had a lot more to do with my image than she did.”
“True, although I will give you all of the credit in tarnishing your reputation to the point of needing someone like Nadia Tate in the first place,” he answers sarcastically.
“Touche.”
“But, when all is said and done, I work for you. I would advise you to keep her around, but I think you’re in the clear at this point and know what is expected by your coach and your sponsors. Superbowl is around the corner. Do you think you can hold your shit together until then?”
“I do. So, I can give her the axe?”
“If you like - or I can do it - likely with a little more finesse too.”
“Thanks, Aaron, but I’ll take care of it. I don’t need you to do my dirty work.”
“That’s what I get paid for, you know.”
“No worries. This one will be fun.”
“That’s what scares me.”
“I got this. Thanks for your help.”
“No problem. I’m sure I’ll hear all about it. Good luck in the playoffs. I hear the Rattlers are a favorite for the Superbowl this year.”
“Hell yeah. Keep your fingers crossed.”
“Always do. Take care, Jax.”
“Thanks.”
I had already pulled into the parking lot in the middle of our conversation. I grab my gear and jog toward the entrance. I can’t wait to confront Nadia and kick her to the curb. I bet that doesn’t happen to her too often.
Most of my teammates are already in the locker room getting changed. We have a big meeting today before practice so being late is not an option - not that it ever really is.
“Hey, stranger. Seems like the only place I see you these days is in here or on the field,” Jake says, walking up behind me.
“Yeah, been a little busy lately.”
“Girlfriend has you on a pretty tight schedule, huh?”
“Nah, coaching and tutoring a lot - and yeah, spending time with Sydney too.” My heart sinks at the thought. I don’t have it in me to tell anyone what happened with us yet. Hopefully, I’ll never have to.
“Sucks, bro.”
“I’m sure you’re getting along just fine without me. If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn’t be out partying anyway, not with Nadia on my ass.”
“She’s still cracking the whip?”
“Not for long. Cutting her loose. I think her work here is done.”
“Sure is. You’re like a whole new man these days.”
“I guess. I have to say, bro, I really like it. I’m happy.”
“Good for you. If you’re happy, I’m happy for you,” Jake replies honestly, “me? I’m still enjoying having my choice of which and how many women I get every night.”
“It’s not the worst life,” I assure him.
“Definitely not.”
We’re interrupted by Coach Taylor calling us all to his meeting. We look at each other and jog out of the locker room. We all take a seat and get ready to listen. Coach doesn’t waste any time getting right into his speech. I’m fully immersed in what he’s saying. With his leadership, our skill, and some serious practice, we just might be the next Superbowl champions.
At the end of a long day of strategizing and running plays, we’re back in the locker room. Jake tries to pick up our conversation where we left off.
“Why don’t you try bringing Sydney around after our next game? The couple of times she’s come out with you, she seemed pretty cool.”
“She is pretty cool,” I muse, “Oddly enough, she doesn’t mind hanging out with you guys. Maybe next time.” She better be back in my life by the next game. I can’t live that long without her.
“Then do it. It would be nice to see more of your ugly ass around. It’s good for morale.”
I laugh, “your mom didn’t think I was ugly last night,” I joke.
“Fuck off.”
I pick up the phone to call Syd on my way out and let her know I’m going to have a drink with a few of the guys. I don’t finish dialing. She doesn’t care what I’m doing. She doesn’t want to right now. Fuck. I have to get through to her.
Before we get to the bar, I call Nadia and leave her a message that I need to meet with her. I could tell her everything over the phone, but it would be more effective in person. Plus, I want to see the look on her face when I call her out.
Chapter 34
JAXSON
Nadia returned my call last night while I was out and left a message that she was free around three. I send her a quick text before leaving for the gym and let her know where to meet me. I don’t want to drive to her office - it’s out of the way and I have to train with my own team today, then go to practice with the high school team. I’ll have to be a little late. I need to talk to Nadia today. I don’t want to wait.
I take a quick shower after training and drive the short distance to the local coffee shop where I asked Nadia to meet me. She is already there, waiting at a small table. I don’t bother getting anything, I don’t plan on being here very long.
“Hello, Nadia.”
She begins to stand, but I gesture for her to stay seated. I take a seat across from her.
“To what do I owe this pleasure, Jaxson? You’ve never requested my presence before.”
“I wanted to see you in person so we can clarify a couple of things.”
“Sure,” she replies, taking a sip of her coffee.
“Did you leak that photo of you and me to the press?”
Nadia’s hand flies to her chest, “Jaxson, why would I do something like that?”
“I don’t know. It was just very convenient that a photographer was in the parking lot and snapped a picture of something that looked much more suggestive than what it really was.”
“That’s preposterous. How can you even accuse me of something so catty?”
“You sounded pretty desperate that night. I wouldn’t put anything past you.” I let that last sentence hang in the air. Nadia has no response.
“What did you say to Sydney the other night?”
She looks up like she’s trying to recall what she said - or thinking of something smart to say. “I just thanked her for helping you polish your image, just like we planned.”
“Anything else?” My tone suggests that I’m not happy. I can see Nadia starting to falter.
“I just let her know not to expect you to stick around once the season is over,” she says casually.
Does she know what she sounds like or the scope of what she’s implying? Does she care? Probably not.
“How is that any of your business?”
“You are my business, Jaxson. As a woman, I thought I should give her fair warning that she shouldn’t get her hopes up.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” She looks at me like I’m crazy. I wonder if anyone has ever told her she was wrong before.
“I don’t understand.”
“No, you don’t,” I lean in for effect, “first of all, my relationship and intentions with Sydney are not your business. Getting involved at all was completely unprofessional of you.”
“Jaxson, I…”
“Don’t bother, Nadia. You’re done. We’re done.”
Her face turns bright red, “Jaxson, I have done wonders for your career. You were on a very slippery slope when Aaron called me. If it wasn’t for me…”
I cut her off again, “if it wasn’t for your help, I wouldn’t have had the push to do what I’m doing now. I also wouldn’t have met Sydney - and for that, I thank you.” Nadia stares blankly. “So thanks for all of your help, but you’re fired.”
<
br /> She moves back, “fired?”
“Yes. I will no longer be needing your services.”
“Is that really your decision to make? I believe it was your agent who hired me in the first place,” she replies defensively.
“Sure is. So, again, thanks. Good luck.” I stand up.
“You’re going to regret this, Jaxson.”
“Is that a threat?” I ask, smirking.
“Of course not,” she says, backing down, “I just think you’re making a terrible decision.”
“I don’t know, I feel pretty fucking good right now,” I say smugly, “the only bad decision was the one you made when you decided to try and sabotage my relationship.”
I wait for a response, but Nadia is speechless. Possibly for the first time in her career. Just to seal the deal, I take her silence as an opportunity to maybe get an honest answer, “so why did you do it?”
“What?” She was lost in thought before I interrupted her.
“Why would you try and cause drama in the first place?”
“Just speaking the truth. You know as well as I do that you will never be tied down.”
“You don’t know shit, Nadia. Here’s some advice: in the future, try doing your job and not making things personal. It’s petty and unprofessional.”
I turn and walk out of the shop. I don’t need to hear what she has to say - it doesn’t matter. I’m pretty sure Sydney was right in the first place; Nadia’s jealous. She wants a piece of me - she did anyway. I think that conversation pretty much ended any feelings she may have had toward me.
Silly girl. She let her feelings get in the way of her job.
I get in my car feeling completely liberated. Having Nadia watching my every move - even from afar - was suffocating me. I didn’t notice how much so until I cut her loose. Now Sydney has nothing to worry about either. She can rest assured that I’m with her solely because I want to be. There won’t be any reason for her to doubt that again.
