by Jessica Marx
“You’re only focusing on the bad things that you think might happen. What if we have something amazing together? What if we fall madly in love and live happily ever after? Take a chance on me, Ashley,” Jayson responds, holding my hands in his again, waiting for my answer.
“I’m just trying to be realistic and protect myself.” I do want him, but I’m scared to let it happen.
“We can start over—forget we ever made love. We can take it slow. The way we met, the way our lives are connected now, you have to see it’s worth it. Just give ‘us’ a chance. I promise you will never regret it.”
I remain silent as I consider everything Jayson’s said. Maybe he’s right about starting over and taking it slow. I can’t forget about making love to Jayson, especially because it’s one of the reasons I know I could love him. He’s right—we could be great together and it just may be worth the chance.
“Okay,” I finally answer. Jayson smiles at me and I see his eyes light up. “I’m willing to give ‘us’ a try—but I think taking baby steps is a good idea.”
“I will do whatever makes you comfortable, Ashley. We have the rest of our lives together, so I don’t mind taking our time for now.” He winks at me, sounding confident once again. He lets one of my hands go but maintains his grip on the other. “Shall we?”
We resume in the direction we were walking before we stopped to talk. We’re strolling hand in hand in silence, and it feels wonderful. Each of us is wearing a contented smile, feeling renewed, anticipating what is to come. For the first time since he left my apartment Friday morning, I feel optimistic about our possible future together.
We slow our pace as we reach my building. The last time Jayson and I were here together was the night we made love. I know we agreed to take it slow, but it’s going to be hard. We face each other, unsure of what we’re supposed to do now.
“When can I see you again?” Jayson asks.
“I’m off on Monday, if you’re free,” I answer, glad he said something to break the awkward silence.
“I will make myself available. Dinner?”
“Sure. Are you going to pick me up again, or was that just for our first date?” I tease.
“I’ll pick you up. Have to treat you like a lady, right?” he jokes back. “I can give you a time on Monday, if that’s okay.”
“Sure. I can’t wait.” I smile. “I’m glad we were able to talk things out, Jayson. Thanks for not giving up on me.”
Jayson moves closer to me—too close. He leans into me and puts his mouth against my ear. “I will never give up on you, Ashley,” he replies softly before seductively kissing my neck. He then kisses me on the cheek before backing away.
“Goodnight,” he says, looking pleased with himself.
“Goodnight, Jayson,” I answer. That soft kiss and his voice in my ear make me wish I could invite him up to my apartment. I want him, but I know even if I tried, he wouldn’t let me tonight. We agreed to take it slow, so that’s what we will do. And when the day comes that we can take it to the next level, I know it will be well worth the wait. I smile again and reluctantly let go of his hand to walk into my building.
__________
Sunday comes and goes. The restaurant was busy with brunch and large family meals and parties which kept me busy throughout the day. I was thankful for the distraction because otherwise my mind would have been spinning with thoughts of Jayson, as it does all the time now.
I sleep in on Monday since I don’t have to work and enjoy my coffee on the couch and catching up on some reading. It’s kind of pointless. I’m not really paying attention, anyway. I’m too busy going through scenarios about my date with Jayson tonight.
As much as I appreciate his willingness to take things slow, I don’t know how we are going to do it. Not after we’ve already had sex—amazing sex. I had trouble being close to him without touching him before so I can’t imagine how it will be now. I know how good his body feels and how incredible he makes me feel. It’s going to be hard, but knowing we aren’t going to touch each other makes it that much more erotic—at least for me.
As if on cue, my phone alerts me I have a text. Can I come by at seven to get you? It’s from Jayson. I smile.
Of course, I answer. I can’t wait. I don’t want to sound desperate, but at the same time, I’m genuinely excited.
Me either, he replies, adding a smiley face. See you then.
I finish my coffee and tidy up my apartment a bit. I decide I should run some errands so I clean myself up, throw on some clothes, and head out.
A few minutes after I leave my apartment and start walking toward the grocery store, my phone rings. I know from the ringtone it’s my mother.
“Hey, Mom.” I answer cheerfully as I continue walking.
“Hi, Ashley. Where are you off to today?” she asks.
“Just running some errands and taking care of a few things. What’s up?”
“I know I said I was going to come in for lunch this week, but Tom asked me this morning if I wanted to go out east for a few days. If you don’t mind, can we push it off until after the weekend?”
“Of course! Have a great time. We can get together next week, for sure,” I answer. I’m actually thankful to have some more time before I see her. I have a hard time lying to my mother, and there is no way I can tell her about Jayson—not unless there is something serious to tell. There is also no way I can not tell her, because she has that motherly way of knowing when I’m hiding something.
“Oh, thank you, Ash. I feel terrible but a week on the beach sounds nice too. I will call you as soon as I’m back home.”
“Sure. That sounds fantastic. Enjoy your time with Tom and I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.” I love hearing Mom sound so happy.
I make the few stops close to my apartment, getting some groceries and picking up some of my cleaning that I forgot about. I stop at a little deli and have a sandwich in between, since it’s past lunchtime.
By the time I get back to my apartment it’s four o’clock. I have plenty of time to kill before I get ready for tonight. I laze around for a while and have another cup of coffee just in case it winds up being a late night. Then I shower and begin to get ready.
I had bought that new dress for our last date, but this time I don’t know what to wear. I try on several different outfits before I decide on a fitted black skirt and a silky blue tank. I put on my favorite black heels and add some jewelry. By six thirty I am finishing my makeup. Since I’m ready before seven, I decide to wait downstairs for Jayson. I’m just going to be pacing up here anyway. I take my keys and purse and have one last look in the mirror before stepping out to the elevator.
I arrive in the lobby, and only a couple of minutes pass before I see a town car pull up outside. The door opens and Jayson steps out. He looks delicious. I’m glad I get to see him before he comes in so I have time to take it all in. He’s wearing his now signature-style jeans and a fitted, black button-down. I get a nice view of his perfect ass when he turns to close the car door. His top isn’t too tight, but snug enough that I can see his muscles underneath.
He turns toward my building and strides up to the door. I am walking toward him at the same time. Jayson sees me as soon as he pulls the lobby door open.
“Well, hello.” He smiles at me, holding the door open for me.
“Hey,” I reply, shyly smiling back. I’m suddenly nervous for tonight. It feels like a first date all over again. The door closes behind us and we walk the short distance to the car.
“You don’t plan on making this easy for me, do you?” Jayson asks as he opens the door and lets me get into the car.
I raise my brows. “What did I do?”
“You’re just… you,” he replies, gesturing at my outfit. I feel my cheeks flush and I look away. The car starts moving as we make our way to our destination.
“Thanks. I think.” I smile up at him again. “Should I have worn my sweatpants to dinner?”
“I think that would
have been a safer choice.”
“Well, you look pretty good, too.”
“I try.” He grins at me, still drinking me in with his eyes. “So, how do you feel about having some Thai food tonight?”
“I feel good about that. I actually love Thai.”
He beams. “Good, I know a great little place. I think you’ll love it.”
A few minutes later, the car slows down and comes to a stop in front of a Thai restaurant.
“Oh! I’ve heard this place is fabulous,” I say as Jayson opens the door and steps out. We walk into the restaurant and are seated quickly.
After we order drinks and decide to share some dishes, we begin talking. The conversation flows naturally. I’m no longer nervous and there is much less tension than I was expecting.
Jayson tells me more about the job his company will be doing and I enjoy listening to how excited he is about it. I tell him about my mother’s phone call this morning and how her and Tom are going to relax out east for a few days.
“That sounds great,” he tells me. “I can’t wait until we can do that one day.”
“I bet that would be a lot of fun,” I answer, smiling shyly. I know Jayson wants to be with me, but I didn’t realize he really thought that far ahead.
“Oh, it would,” he says slyly now. “I’ve fantasized about having you all to myself in a beautiful, secluded setting many times.”
I blush again. “I can only imagine what happens in your fantasies.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll show you one day. Knowing I won’t be able to have you again any time soon is leaving me a lot of time to come up with my own scenarios. I’m actually kind of enjoying it, like a mind-fuck.” He winks at me.
“You’re teasing me.”
“I know,” Jayson answers, grinning again as our food is delivered to the table along with another round of drinks.
“That’s not fair, Jayson,” I tell him after the waiter walks away.
Jayson shrugs. “I said we could take it slow and I stand behind that one hundred percent, Ashley. But I can’t change who I am or how I think. I know what it’s like to have you, and I can’t just forget that. If I have to wait until our wedding night to make love again, I swear I will, but I can’t stop what happens in my head.”
“Oh, so we’re getting married now too?” I ask. More than any lewd thing that’s come out of his mouth, the words “wedding night” have surprised me most of all.
“Maybe. We’ll see how dinner goes, but it’s always a possibility.”
I’m taken aback. “Well, it seems you’re going to make this harder for me than it already is, saying things like that.”
“And you’re making me hard. I mean, you’re making it hard for me,” he says, cleverly faking a Freudian slip while taking another sip of his drink.
I laugh. “You’re an ass.”
“It’s part of my charm.”
We spend the next few minutes picking at our dishes and smirking to ourselves. This little game we are playing is pretty amusing for both of us. I like that we can talk about everyday things one minute and enjoy some sexual banter the next. It suppresses the sexual tension between us and lightens the mood at the same time.
We finish our food and only have a couple of sips left in our glasses. The waiter comes over to ask if we’d like dessert but we’re both pretty full already. Jayson declines and our waiter goes to get or check.
“So, what now?” Jayson asks me.
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“Dinner is over, we’re not going back to your place because we know what happens there.” He grins. “And I’m not ready to end our night yet. So, what do we do now?”
“How about we go to your place?” I ask boldly, shocking Jayson silent for a moment.
“My place?” he repeats.
“Yes. I don’t think you live far from here, right? Why don’t we get some ice cream or have another drink, or whatever?”
“I like the ‘whatever’ part.”
I roll my eyes. “No. I mean really have dessert or drinks. Nothing else. I think we can do that, don’t you?”
He narrows his eyes incredulously. “I’m only a couple of blocks away. But don’t think anything is going to happen. I won’t let it, Ashley.”
“I don’t think that at all. I just want some ice cream and another glass of wine,” I joke as we get up from the table and stroll to the exit. “Besides, we both have work tomorrow, so I can’t stay late.”
I really don’t know why I suggested going to Jayson’s apartment. I think it’s a dangerous move, but we’re adults and should be able to be alone together without any debauchery—I hope. He seems pretty serious about not letting anything happen between us, anyway, so hopefully he will stick to his word even if I can’t.
We walk hand in hand again in the direction of his building. I’m not sure exactly where he lives, but I know this is a much nicer area than mine. We are coming upon a convenience store, so Jayson suggests we go in and pick up some dessert.
“I always have some wine at home, but food, not so much,” Jayson tells me as we walk in. We go to the freezer and pick out some vanilla ice cream, and on the way up to the register he grabs some chocolate syrup. The clerk rings us up and he pays.
We step back outside and continue another block to his building. He stops in front of his entrance and opens the door for me, allowing me to step over the threshold into the bright, marble lobby of his building. Jayson nods at his doorman as we pass him and presses the button for the elevator. We step in in silence when it arrives and the doors open. He pushes the button for the eighteenth floor and the doors close.
“Remember, Ashley—hands to yourself,” Jayson teases me as we arrive at the eighteenth floor.
“Please. I’m a lady. You’re the one who should be getting the warning,” I tease back much more confidently than I feel. Being alone in this elevator is torture enough. What was I thinking coming here?
The doors open and there are only four apartments on his floor. He strides over to the second door, fumbles with his keys, and unlocks it. Again, he holds it open allowing me to go in first.
I can’t help but look around in awe. It’s not the hugest apartment I’ve seen in New York City, but it’s big. There is a long wall of floor-to-ceiling windows straight ahead overlooking the river and a beautiful skyline view. I walk toward the window to get a better look and pass through a great room sparsely furnished with low leather couches and a glass dining table. There’s even a gourmet open kitchen on my left.
Jayson walks over to the island and puts the grocery bag down. I continue to the windows to look out and hear Jayson opening a bottle of wine.
“Wow. Your view is incredible,” I say, awestruck. I don’t know anyone who lives in an apartment like this.
“Thanks. I can’t lie, it’s pretty awesome,” he replies, taking out a couple of wine glasses from the cabinet and filling them.
I take one more look before walking back to the kitchen and sitting on a stool at the island. Jayson is standing across from me.
“Cheers,” he says, holding up a glass. “To another successful night together.”
“Cheers,” I reply clinking his glass. “But the night’s not over yet.”
“Don’t try to be a bad girl, Ashley. I told you, I won’t let anything happen.”
“Don’t call me a bad girl again, Jayson. It kind of turns me on.” Maybe I should lay off the wine. I think it’s making me bolder than I should be.
“Now who’s being a tease?” Jayson asks. “Just wait, Ash. You have no idea what I do with bad girls.” He smirks, looking right at me. “Would you like that ice cream now?”
“I would. Thank you.” I turn on my stool to check out the rest of the great room while he pulls out some bowls and spoons.
“Chocolate syrup?” Jayson asks as he pours some over his own bowlful.
“Of course.” He pours some over mine, puts a spoon in and slides it over to me.
“I’m glad we came here,” I admit, taking a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. “I like knowing what your home looks like. I feel like I know you better now.”
“I’m glad you came here too. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, Ashley,” he answers genuinely. “You’re so easy to talk to and I can just be myself. It’s nice.”
“Yeah. You’re pretty cool, too.”
We continue eating our ice cream. I have a little more wine, but I think I’ve reached my limit. Surprisingly, I get to the bottom of my bowl. I stand and walk to the windows to look out over the city again. Jayson walks over and stands next to me.
“It’s crazy that in this huge city filled with people, I met the one guy who might be my brother one day.”
“Come on, Ashley. We would barely be related. It’s silly that you even think it’s an issue.”
“I guess you’re right,” I say. “It’s still a little strange. But life is funny like that sometimes.” I look up at him. “I think I’m going to call it a night. I had a lot of wine and I’m getting tired.”
Jayson smiles down at me. “Sure, I’ll call a car and get you home.”
I want to kiss him so badly. I know he can see it in my eyes. With the view from the window and Jayson looking back at me, it’s the perfect scene. Instead he squeezes my hand and walks back to the kitchen. I follow a few steps behind and help clear the bowls and glasses while he puts the ice cream away.
“We should go downstairs. The car will be here shortly,” Jayson informs me.
“Okay.” I don’t want to leave, but I know I should. We’ve played it safe all night and it’s been great. I don’t want to ruin it.
Jayson takes his keys and walks to the door, holding it open for me. We step up to the elevator and press the button.
“I really had a great time tonight, Jayson,” I say. “I think I really like you.”
“Thanks. I know I really like you.” He winks at me. “Tonight was perfect.”
We step inside the elevator when it arrives, press the button for the lobby, and lean against the wall next to each other, staring ahead. As we start to descend, he turns toward me.
