Her Valentine Family

by Renee Andrews

  “So…” her mother prompted.

  “So, either tomorrow or Friday, I’ll tell him about Nathan. I don’t know which, but I’m hoping I’ll know whenever the time is right.” She fought the tug of apprehension pulling at her heart. “And I pray that everything goes well, that he’ll love Nathan instantly and that he’ll forgive me.”

  Her mother turned, peered out the window at the picture-perfect scene in the backyard. The sky was growing dark, and apparently the guys had noticed. Nathan wiggled out of the swing and nearly lost his jacket in the process; then he fell into his granddaddy’s arms. Jessica’s father laughed and tugged the small denim coat back up his arms. Then he kissed Nathan’s forehead and turned toward the back door.

  “I don’t know why I can’t seem to stop worrying. Chad will love Nathan,” her mother said quietly. “How could he not?”

  “I know he will,” Jessica agreed.

  But will he love me?

  Nathan, as usual, was a bundle of energy when he came in from playing, and the family chatted freely through dinner, but Jessica could barely make out the conversation. And the potato soup was delicious, she assumed, since her mother was an excellent cook, but she didn’t taste a thing. On the contrary, her mind couldn’t concentrate on any words spoken or any food eaten. Instead, she churned over the fact that she’d be sharing her secret with Chad before the week ended.

  By the time they’d finished dinner and started the drive to church, Jessica’s stomach was knotted and her head pounded relentlessly. She started pondering what would happen if they showed up at the church and found that Chad was there, that he’d finished his papers and decided to go.

  It was the first time in her life that she actually hoped someone she cared about wouldn’t attend church. How awful was that?

  God, help me. I have to tell Chad before he sees Nathan. And I have to get over this fear of what he’ll feel toward me because of what I’ve done. Dear God, if it be Your will, help me to find the courage to tell him. And help him to understand and forgive me. And I know this is a selfish plea, God, but if at all possible, help us to be a family, a real family. For Nathan and Lainey—and me.

  Often, especially since she had Nathan and had been working full-time, Jessica found herself tired in the middle of the week and not overly eager to attend the midweek Bible study. In fact, when she first moved to Tennessee, she’d gone several months being content to attend the Sunday morning service and letting that suffice for her weekly spiritual nourishment.

  Then, as the baby inside her stomach began to move and she realized that the precious life was certainly a gift from God, she decided that she needed more, she wanted more. God hadn’t turned his back on her, but she had attempted to slowly turn her back on Him. And she needed Him then, while she was away from her parents and away from Chad, more than ever.

  She’d gone back to church on Sunday evenings and then also added the midweek Bible study to her regular weekly schedule. And even though she was often tired from the pregnancy and from the hours she put in at the Tennessee day care, she learned that the Wednesday class gave her that something that was missing in her daily routine. Faith that things were going to get better and assurance that God would see her through. She simply needed more than a once-a-week acknowledgment of her faith and that midweek service gave her the push she needed to get through the remainder of the week.

  She’d rarely missed a Wednesday service since, and she was uplifted at each and every one. Tonight the auditorium class taught by Brother Henry was perfect, focusing on drawing nearer to God and having full assurance of faith. The main point was to leave our troubles to God and be assured that He will respond and act in the way that is best for us. She underlined the key verse, Hebrews 10:22, in her Bible and decided that Scripture would be her guidance for this week and specifically for the moment when she told Chad the truth.

  Near the end of the lesson, Brother Henry dismissed the parents of young children early so they could pick up their kids from class. She exited the auditorium with the other parents, many of them couples walking hand in hand toward the classroom halls, and found that being a single parent seemed a little more pronounced at her church. It wasn’t as though anyone was making her feel out of place, though she did notice a few of the women she’d seen whispering in the lobby Sunday glance her way as she left the auditorium. It was more that it seemed she should have a man beside her here, maybe because every dream she’d had as a little girl of coming back to her home church and raising her family had involved not only herself and her children but a man who loved God as much as she…and a man who loved her.

  She watched a young couple who appeared to be her age, mid-twenties, pick up their daughter from the toddler class, and she immediately thought of Lainey. Jess had bonded with the little girl today, even before she realized that Lainey was Chad’s daughter. Jess noticed that classroom had a fish theme, with fish swimming in blue construction paper waves on the door and a fish net hanging from the ceiling in one corner of the room. The teacher at the door handed a boat made of craft sticks to the parents and explained that their daughter had learned about Peter, James and John fishing with Jesus.

  Jess admired the tiny boat as she passed. She wouldn’t have known it was a boat if the teacher hadn’t said so. Basically, it was three craft sticks held together with an abundance of blue glue, but that was part of what made it so adorable. The teacher beamed at the little girl, proudly pointing at the boat she’d made for the Bible fishermen.

  That would be the class Lainey would attend when she came to church, and that would be the class where Jessica and Chad would pick her up if they all came together.

  A glimmer of hope flickered through her at that happy image. What if, after she told him, that was the type of vision Chad saw, too? What if those dreams, those childhood fantasies of the perfect family, would actually come true soon? And, with Lainey added to the picture, she’d actually have two children to pick up from Bible class.

  She entered Nathan’s classroom smiling and believing that everything might work out after all. She even felt a little eager about telling Chad the truth in the next couple of days and then spending Saturday together, all four of them, as a family.

  A real, complete family.

  “Hey, Jessica.”

  Jessica’s father had dropped Nathan off at class earlier, so she hadn’t seen his Wednesday night teacher. Now a petite girl with a light pink dress and mint cable sweater smiled at Jessica as though they were old friends. She wore a light green floppy hat embellished with a crocheted rose that perfectly matched the color combination of her dress and sweater. And she’d added dainty ballet slipper shoes that also pulled everything together in a sweet, simple look.

  But Jessica couldn’t place the pale, tiny girl.

  “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t remember…” Jessica started, but then the girl’s brown eyes lifted with her smile, and Jess recognized Hannah Taylor, who had been just a year younger than her in school. They’d gone to church together their entire lives. Hannah had been very athletic at Claremont High, cheering and running track. Back then, she’d been more toned, less frail. And not nearly as pale. She also had shiny brown hair that fell in gorgeous waves to her waist. Jessica had always admired Hannah’s long hair. Now, Jess realized, her hair was gone. And she suddenly noticed the porcelain pink ribbon pin attached to the top of her sweater.

  “You remember me now.” She hadn’t missed the signs of recognition on Jessica’s face.

  “Hannah,” she said, controlling the emotion swelling in her heart. Her mind drifted back to middle school and the memorial service at the church for Hannah’s mother after she lost her battle with breast cancer. And she also remembered that when she left Claremont, Hannah’s sister had also been diagnosed with the disease. She didn’t want to ask about Hannah’s sister. She was afraid of the answer.

  “It’s okay,” Hannah said, again smiling, which brought attention to the cheekbones that were a b
it more accentuated than they’d been when Jess had last seen her six years ago. “I’ve changed a bit since you left town.”

  Jessica blinked to keep tears from pressing forward. Was she in remission? Or was she beyond that? And how did you go about asking?

  “I’m Nathan’s regular Wednesday night teacher,” Hannah said. “I’ve been out the past few weeks, so I had a substitute filling in.” Her shoulders rose in a subtle shrug. “I have good days and bad days, but I really try to get here when I can. It helps being with the kids.” She took her attention from Jessica to a couple who’d entered the classroom behind her. “Jeremy, your mom and dad are here,” Hannah said, and a black-haired little boy working on a Noah’s ark puzzle with Nathan and a few other children looked up and then ran for the door. Hannah gave Jeremy’s parents a brief update on how he did in class, handed them his take-home papers and then returned her attention to Jessica. “Don’t look so sad. I’m actually doing a little better, and I’m going to a new doctor next week. He’s supposed to be one of the best around.”

  “I’ll pray that he’ll be the perfect doctor for you,” Jessica said, and Hannah smiled.

  “I’d appreciate that.” She looked toward Nathan, still busily working on the puzzle. His brows were drawn in concentration as he rotated a piece until it fell into place and formed one of two fat gray elephants within the oversize boat.

  “Yes!” he exclaimed and then picked up another piece and drew his brows back together again.

  “Nathan is a sweet little boy,” Hannah said. “You know, I didn’t even realize you had a son until your dad brought him to class tonight.”

  “Well, I had him after I left Claremont,” Jess explained, but she knew when Hannah looked back at her that she suspected there was more to the story.

  “I guess maybe it’s because of the cancer or maybe from losing my mom as quickly as I did but I tend to notice things more clearly than I did before. My sister and I have been discussing that a lot lately, since we’re both going through this together.” She moistened her lips, sighed and then smiled at one of the children who’d pointed out how well they were doing on the puzzle. “Good job,” she said to the boy, then continued to Jessica. “It’s kind of like we’re making sure we don’t miss anything because we realize you never know how much time you have or when you may see someone for the last time.” She paused and looked at Jess. “You understand?”

  Jessica swallowed. “I think so.”

  “Anyway, now I’m a big believer that if you need to do something, or say something to someone, then you shouldn’t waste time,” Hannah said, as another set of parents entered the room, thanked her for teaching their daughter and then took their little girl.

  There were three children remaining: a set of twin boys and Nathan. The three were obviously determined to complete the puzzle before they had to leave, and Jess wasn’t about to take Nathan right now. She wanted to hear more of what Hannah would say, and she wanted to talk to her, to tell someone about what she was about to do, about how she needed to say something to someone and about how she’d been wasting time.

  “Hannah,” she started. Then the father of the twins poked his head in the door and called, “Matthew, Daniel, let’s go.”

  “Bye, Nathan,” they both chimed and followed their dad out of the room.

  “Bye!” Nathan yelled. Then he asked, “Hey, Mom, I’m nearly done. Can I finish?”

  “Sure,” Jessica said. “If that’s okay with your teacher.”

  “Of course,” Hannah said. “I need to straighten up in here before I leave.” She moved to a table covered with crayons and started placing them in square plastic baskets.

  “I’ll help you.” Jessica helped collect the crayons and pencils that littered the kid-size tables in the room.

  “Our Bible lessons this quarter are covering families in the Bible,” Hannah said. “Tonight we learned about Abraham and Sarah.”

  “And baby Isaac,” Nathan chimed in from the puzzle table.

  “That’s right,” Hannah said. “Good job remembering, Nathan.”

  He looked up from the puzzle and told Jessica, “They were really, really, really old when they had a baby.”

  Jessica laughed. “They sure were.”

  “Like, he was a million or something,” Nathan said.

  “More like a hundred,” Jess clarified.

  “But God helped them have a baby anyway, because He can do whatever He wants,” Nathan said, the last s dragging out in a lisp.

  “That’s right,” Hannah said. “He can.”

  “Nathan loves learning,” Jessica said.

  “I can tell.” Hannah’s hands paused as she picked up a pink crayon. “You know, he reminds me of someone.”

  “He does?” Jessica examined her little boy and knew that Hannah had probably put the pieces together. Had anyone else in town? Had anyone else at church?

  “Did you know Chad Martin moved back to town, too, not long ago? He’s got a little girl now.” Hannah’s voice was very soft, low and protective.

  “I know,” Jessica said, looking toward the door. No one was there, but she still kept her eyes focused on the opening to the hall. She didn’t want anyone hearing Chad’s name associated with Nathan—not until she’d told him.

  Hannah put the crayon in the basket Jessica held, then laid her palm on Jessica’s wrist, causing Jess to look back at Nathan’s young teacher.

  “I always thought the two of you would get married. I think everyone did. And then you left, and then he married someone else.”

  “I know,” Jessica repeated. So much had happened in the six years since she’d left. Hannah didn’t look anything like the girl Jess knew in high school, the one who was the picture of health. Moreover, like her sister, she now had the disease that killed her mother. And Jessica had left the father of her son behind, and while she was gone, he’d met and married someone else.

  “But he isn’t married now,” Hannah continued. “I don’t know what happened, but from what I hear, he was hurt when it ended. The talk from the town gossips is that his wife treated him very badly and that he has custody of their daughter. She didn’t try to keep her and doesn’t even come to see her. But I’ve seen him with that little girl, and he’s terrific with her.”

  Jessica didn’t know about the rumors, though she suspected that Chad would tell her when he was ready to share that part of his life. But she knew one of Hannah’s statements was true. He is very good with her.

  “He’s a good man,” Hannah said. “He deserves to be happy, and so do you.”

  Jessica’s mouth rolled inward, throat pinched.

  “You should tell him,” Hannah said softly. “About Nathan.” She paused, apparently waiting for Jess to say something. When she didn’t, Hannah continued, “He doesn’t know, does he?”

  There was no use denying the truth. Jessica shook her head. “Not yet.”

  “Don’t wait too long,” Hannah pleaded. “Remember, I’m a big believer that you shouldn’t waste time.”

  “I won’t,” Jess said.

  Her parents suddenly appeared at the door, both of them smiling as they saw Nathan pop the last piece of the puzzle into place and exclaim, “I did it!”

  “You certainly did,” his granddaddy said. “And now I see why we’ve been standing in the lobby and waiting for so long. I’m betting you had to finish the puzzle before you were ready to go, huh?”

  “Yep,” Nathan said, splaying his arms to show off his work. “What do you think, MeMaw?”

  “It’s absolutely amazing. Love all of those animals.”

  “Me, too,” Nathan said. “But I bet that boat smelled yucky.” He grabbed his take-home papers from a nearby table.

  “Thank Ms. Hannah for teaching you,” Jessica’s mother instructed.

  “Thanks!” Nathan said excitedly.

  “You’re welcome,” she said as Nathan moved to the door.

  “You coming, Mama?” he asked.

  “Be right
there,” Jessica said. She let them start down the hall, out of earshot, then said, “I want to thank you, too. I needed a little encouragement, and you’ve given me that. I plan to tell him the truth this week.”

  “Well then, you say those prayers for me, and I’ll say some for you. We’ll call it even.”

  “You sure you’re still a year younger than me? You’ve got a lot of wisdom for someone who’s only twenty-two,” Jessica said with a grin.

  “Cancer ages you quick,” Hannah admitted, “but it’s not always a good thing. Coming here, to church, helps my disposition most days, but I have to admit that sometimes I get a little mad at God. Then, when things get really bad, He’s the one who gets me through, and I come back around. It’s kind of hard to explain.”

  “I think you explained it great,” Jessica said, then hugged Hannah before turning to go.

  “One more thing,” Hannah said.

  Jess stopped at the door. “Yeah?”

  “Ask Nathan to show you his paper from tonight. It touched my heart, and I think it’ll touch yours, too. He—well, he really wants to know his daddy.”

  Jessica swallowed thickly and wondered what Nathan had put on that paper. “I know he does. And he will, soon.”

  “And something else,” Hannah said.

  “What?”

  “He looks like him. I mean, I wouldn’t have known so quickly if I hadn’t known he was your son and hadn’t remembered how close you and Chad were, but knowing that and then looking at Nathan…it was pretty easy to tell.” She smiled. “That isn’t a bad thing, at all, but I thought you should know.”

  “Have you heard anyone else say anything?” Jessica felt dread trying to creep its way into the joy of knowing Nathan looked like Chad.

  Had anyone else noticed?

  “No, but I’ll let you know if I do. Then again, after this week, that won’t matter, will it? He’s going to meet his son.”