Jessica moved to Nathan’s side, took hold of his hand. She heard a deep, gravelly voice thank the nurse and then she turned to see it was Chad and that he still stood just inside the door, standing there, silently observing…his son.
“I’ll be back in a few hours and will be in the hospital if anything changes,” Dr. Aldredge said. “Ginger can reach me at all times.”
Ginger glanced at Jessica, then Chad, then Nathan. “I’ll leave you to stay with him,” she said and left the room.
Jessica didn’t know what to say to Chad, didn’t know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. But she knew what the doctor said, that it may help Nathan to hear her voice. So she took his hand within hers and squeezed. “Hey, honey. Mommy is here. And I sure would love to see your pretty eyes now,” she said. “Hey, guess what,” she continued, her voice cracking from her throat closing in. “Nathan, Mommy has someone here you’ve been wanting to meet for a long time. Your daddy is here, baby, and he’s looking forward to meeting you.”
Chapter Twelve
Chad was mesmerized. His son. That beautiful boy in the hospital bed was his—his and Jessica’s. He hadn’t known this child, hadn’t been there when she carried him in her womb, hadn’t witnessed his birth. When Nathan’s tiny hand first grasped a finger, it wasn’t Chad’s. And when he’d cried, Chad hadn’t been there to hold him, comfort him.
He hadn’t had a father…just like Chad hadn’t had a father.
Jessica sat beside Nathan on one side of the bed. She was talking to him, soothing him, but Chad barely comprehended her words. He was too awestruck by the fact that this child was a part of him. Moving to the other side of the bed, Chad scooted the chair closer and took his hand. His little boy’s hand. Nathan’s hand.
Nathan. He hadn’t named him, hadn’t been there to help Jessica select it, but Nathan seemed to suit him somehow.
His hair was sandy brown, a little lighter than Chad’s, but from what Chad remembered, it was about the same shade Chad’s had been when he was a boy. His mouth was undeniably Jessica’s, the full lower lip and tender cupid’s bow forming the top.
Back when they were dating, Chad had always wondered what it would be like to have a child with Jess. He’d visualized her pregnant, putting a hand on her stomach and feeling the baby move inside. He’d done that, with Lainey, but he’d missed that with his son.
He’d missed a lot of things.
Jessica was still talking to Nathan, saying something about a Superman notebook. She wasn’t done with her story, but Chad couldn’t wait any longer. There were too many things he didn’t know.
“When is his birthday?”
His question seemed to startle her, and Chad didn’t mind that her eyes showed how guilty she felt that he had to ask. She deserved to feel guilty for keeping him from his son.
“February 16.”
“So he’ll be six…in a little over a week.”
“A week from Wednesday,” she said. “He was due on Valentine’s Day, but he wasn’t ready to come yet.”
He could tell she’d told that a few times before, by the way her mouth inched up at the sides. And he could tell that she was hopeful that Chad would get over the fact that she’d kept him from his son. But she had no reason to be hopeful, not now anyway. The wound was too bitter and too reminiscent of a relationship filled with lies. But he had to talk to her now; that was the only way he could find out anything about his son. About the little boy he didn’t know, hadn’t met, who currently couldn’t even tell Chad his name on his own.
“What’s his name?” Chad asked. “His full name, I mean.”
Another shadow of a smile passed over her lips. “Nathan Thomas Bowman.”
Chad’s heart leaped, but he didn’t let her see how much it meant that his son shared his middle name. Chad Thomas Martin and Nathan Thomas Bowman. If he’d have only known back then, Nathan’s last name would be Martin, too.
“I was going to tell you. I was always going to tell you,” she said.
Chad blinked several times, refusing to let her see how much her words affected him. Was she going to tell him? How could he know? She’d lied for all these years. What would keep her from lying now?
A knock sounded at the door, and then Bryant Bowman, a bandaged Anna and Chad’s mother, holding Lainey, walked in.
“Mom, are you okay?” Jess asked, staying by Nathan’s side but obviously concerned about the bandages on Anna’s head and face.
“Yes, dear. But how is Nathan? I finally convinced the nurses and doctors that I was all right, and then Nathan’s doctor told us we could come back and see him.”
“They don’t know what’s wrong,” Chad said. “There’s no physical or neurological reason that he shouldn’t wake up.”
“So, we just have to wait,” Bryant said.
Chad nodded. Then his attention turned to Lainey, reaching for him. He released Nathan’s hand momentarily to take his daughter.
“Dada,” she said, grinning broadly, then instinctively laying her head on his shoulder and tucking her thumb in her mouth. He curled one arm around her and took the other hand back to his son’s.
“Mom, how did you know to come?” he asked.
“Bryant called me and told me Jessica’s little boy was hurt and that you were here,” she said. “I thought I should come. I wasn’t sure they’d let me bring Lainey back, but Bryant knew one of the nurses and said I could, for a few minutes.” She looked at the bed, and her eyes widened, then her mouth opened slightly. “Chad?” she whispered.
Apparently the resemblance between himself and his son was even stronger than he realized. He looked at Jess, then her folks. “Can I have a moment alone with my mother…and my son?”
Jessica looked at him as though she couldn’t believe he would ask her to leave.
“I’ve missed nearly six years,” he said, his voice firm and low. “You can give me a few minutes now, can’t you?”
Her shock at his tone, or perhaps his words, was obvious, and Chad felt a slight pang of regret at hurting her. But then he thought about how she’d hurt him, and he didn’t stop her from exiting the room with her parents.
They had known. He had no doubt Bryant and Anna Bowman had known. All of them had known he had a son, and all of them had kept Nathan from him for six long years. And now his mother was also realizing what she’d missed because of Jessica.
Mae Martin moved closer to the bed, her mouth trembling and her tears dribbling down her cheeks. “Your son. He’s yours,” she whispered, marveling as she took in Nathan’s features. “When—when did you find out?”
“Here, at the hospital,” he said, unaware of how much time had passed since they’d left the small prayer room. A prayer room where he’d issued a prayer for Jessica’s son, without even realizing that Nathan was his son, too.
“He—” she gave a wobbly smile, moved to the chair where Jessica had sat and tenderly brushed her hand through Nathan’s hair, then placed her hand upon his cheek “—he looks just like you did when you were little,” she said, almost reverently. “Nathan,” she whispered. “You are a very handsome young man.”
Chad’s heart squeezed in his chest. Those were the very words she’d said to him each time he got dressed up for a school function or for church, when the family had still attended church before his father left. He looked at his son, wondered how Nathan looked when he was all dressed up, and he wished he could see him that way. He wished he could see him open his eyes.
“His birthday is next Wednesday,” Chad told her. “February 16. He’ll be six.”
She nodded, still tenderly stroking Nathan’s cheek with her hand. “Born in the month for love,” she said. “Now, isn’t that special, Nathan?” She talked to him as though he was listening, and Chad hoped with all of his heart that he was.
“Mom?”
“Yes?” she asked, looking up from Nathan to peer through watery eyes at Chad. “What is it?”
“His middle name. It’s Thomas.”
Her smile pushed her cheeks toward her eyes, and the tears spilled over. “Your middle name and my daddy’s name,” she said, one handing covering her heart at the news. “I’m so—so glad Jessica did that.”
Chad swallowed, glanced back at the little boy in the bed, at the way his mouth opened slackly and his eyes remained closed, with tiny fans of sandy lashes hiding their depths. Chad didn’t even know the color of his eyes. “She kept him from me.”
His mother continued looking at Nathan, as though she never wanted to stop, but her words were to Chad. “Why did she?”
He explained the timing, from what Jess had told him, and how she’d come to tell him the truth back then on the very night when he’d opened his scholarship letter.
His mother nodded through the whole story, then said, “It must have been a tough decision on her part, don’t you think? Whether to tell you, knowing how you are, what a wonderful person you are, and that you’d have given up that scholarship to raise your child.”
Chad was a little surprised at her train of thought. He’d have thought surely she’d have been just as upset as he was to learn she’d lost this time with her grandson. “She should have told me, Mom.”
“Maybe if she could go back and do it again she would have.”
Chad waited for her to continue, but she seemed lost in thought for a moment, and he wondered where her mind had headed, looking at her grandson in that bed.
“There are lots of things people would change if they could, but then, then you have to wonder what the true results would be if you made that change.” She took her gaze from Nathan to Chad, and in that moment he knew exactly what she was thinking. If she could go back and change something, she could have chosen not to marry his father. But if she made that change, she wouldn’t have Chad or Becky.
So she’d do it all again.
And if Jessica went back and told him the truth, he’d have never left for Georgia and wouldn’t have the beautiful little angel currently sleeping on his shoulder.
“You know, Chad, we’re blessed that he’s here.” Her tears continued to flow, and she wiped her cheeks. “Jessica had more than those two options back then, you know, to tell you or to have Nathan on her own. And lots of girls would have taken another way out.”
Knowing Jessica and her convictions, Chad hadn’t even thought of that, that there would have been the option not to have the child at all or to have him and give him up for adoption.
His mother lifted Nathan’s hand and kissed it, took her eyes back to her grandson. “He’s your little boy. And I’m going to pray for him, to pray that I get to talk to him and meet him and love him the way I love Lainey.”
Chad couldn’t remember the last time he’d even heard his mother mention prayer.
“Chad,” she said, her voice as tender as it’d been when she spoke to Nathan.
“Yes?”
“I know you’re hurting, that it’s hard to believe that a person you trusted so much and that you obviously love so much could have kept your son from you, but imagine how she’s hurting now. Imagine how much she needs you now, to help her through this time. You are parents, the two of you, and you have a chance to be there for each other while Nathan needs you, both of you.” She forced a smile, but her cheeks quivered with the effort, her emotions were so strong.
“I’m so disappointed with her right now,” he said, thinking that disappointed was way too weak a word but not knowing a better one to describe his pain.
“I know she’s hurt you, but don’t—don’t make her go through this alone. It’s so hard going through raising a child alone, and that’s what she’s been doing all this time, not because you left her, but because she was trying to do what was best for you. And I know what it’s like to go through raising a child—two children—without someone there for you, without someone you can depend on, especially during the hard times. This is a hard time, and she’s got to be scared that Nathan won’t come through this okay. You can’t turn your back on her now. Jessica needs you, and Nathan needs you, too.”
Her words, straight from her heart, tore at his very soul.
“They’re praying for him, out in the lobby. There’s a big group from the church praying for him, and I’m going back out there, and I’m going to pray, too. I’m praying for Nathan, and I’m praying for you.” She kissed Nathan’s hand again, then stood and walked to Chad. “I’m sorry, Chad. I know that I haven’t been the best example for you. I gave up relying on people, and I gave up on God years ago. What happened with you and Kate caused you to do the same, but I don’t want you to go as long as I have before realizing that it isn’t good to simply focus on who to blame. I saw them out there, praying together for Jessica’s son—for your son—and I thought how amazing that must be to have someone you can trust to help you through the hard times.”
He frowned. “That’s the problem, Mom. How can I trust her now?”
“Oh, hon, I wasn’t talking about trusting a person to get you through. I’d forgotten to trust in God, and seeing them out there, all together and calling on him, reminded me that He’s there, even when others let me down.” She reached for Lainey, and Chad stood, then transferred the beautiful sleeping girl from his arms to hers. “And Jessica can earn your trust again,” she whispered. “But you need to give her a chance. And right now, you need to let her back in to be with her son, with your son. It’s got to be killing her that you asked her to go. Trust me, I know.”
A thick wave of guilt passed over him, and he nodded. “I’ll go get her.”
“And I’ll go learn to pray again, for that precious little gift from God.” She glanced one more time at the bed. “He’ll be okay. I truly believe it, if we pray, surely, he’ll be okay.”
Chad was amazed at the transformation he’d just witnessed. His mother hadn’t mentioned God, prayer or believing in God as long as he could remember, yet today, seeing her grandson and wanting him to be okay, that’s exactly what she did. Deep down, she’d known who to turn to. God.
And deep down, Chad knew he’d done wrong by turning his back on Jessica, even if she’d hurt him. And he also knew who he needed to turn to now. But he wanted someone beside him when he did.
He wanted Jess.
Jessica cradled the cup of coffee within her hands as she ambled down the hallway with her parents. She ached inside, knowing Nathan was in that room and she wasn’t there, but Chad was right; he deserved a few minutes alone with his son. She’d had six years with him, and—thanks to her—he’d had none.
“They’re down here,” her father said, guiding her and her mother down the hallway.
Jess had been so upset when the doctor brought them to Nathan’s room that she couldn’t remember the path back to the E.R. lobby. Evidently, her father did, because he continued as though he knew exactly where he was going, which was more than Jessica could say. She didn’t know where she was going or what she was going to do, for that matter. What would she do if Nathan wasn’t okay? And what would she do if Chad never forgave her?
A tall man wearing a baseball jersey similar to the one Chad had been wearing met them in the hall before they made it to the E.R. He looked familiar, his red hair peeking out from beneath the cap and his face a ruddy mass of freckles so dense that he appeared to have a tan.
“Jessica?” he asked. Then he moved closer and repeated, “Jessica. How is he? How’s your little boy?”
She hadn’t seen Mitch Gillespie in years, but that didn’t matter. The friendship they’d shared was still right there, and his caring question proved it. “Still unconscious,” she said and amazingly held back her tears with the words. “How did you know about him?” The question could have meant two things. One, how did Mitch Gillespie even know she had a son, and two, how did he know Nathan was here, hurt, in the hospital.
“I was with Chad when he got the message,” Mitch said. He bit his lower lip, then asked, “So, Jess, is it true, what they’re saying out there?” he indicated behind
him, where she assumed the E.R. lobby was. “Is he Chad’s?”
Jessica’s shock must have been easily displayed, because Mitch quickly backtracked.
“I’m sorry, Jess. Small-town talk and all. I shouldn’t have said anything, but, well, I know how much that would mean to Chad, and I just wanted you to know that Jana and I are here for you, for both of you now.”
Mitch had never been very good with tact, always managing to be brutally honest instead of thinking things through a bit before he blurted out whatever was on his mind. However, even though his first question had taken her off guard, the sentiment that he would be here for them during this tough time, touched her heart. “Thanks,” she said. “That means a lot.”
Mitch peered past her. “Where’s Chad?”
“He’s with Nathan,” she said and again wished that she were there, too.
Mitch nodded. “You coming to the lobby? I can show you the way.”
Her father had been leading, but she now noticed that he and her mother had stepped to the side while she had the rather uncomfortable conversation with her old friend. “We’d appreciate that,” her dad said, and Jessica joined in step with him, Mitch and her mother to continue down the hall.
They rounded a corner, and she viewed the two large doors identifying the lobby. Mitch pushed a button on the wall and the doors swung open…revealing a lobby overflowing with people who appeared to all be waiting for her.
“How is he? How’s Nathan? What did the doctor say?” The questions came quickly, and Jessica did her best to answer. Then she noticed Chad’s mother, sitting in a corner chair with Lainey, still sleeping, on her shoulder. Jess walked to her, sat beside her.
“I’m praying for him, for Nathan,” Mae said, her hand stroking Lainey’s soft hair as she spoke. “And for you and for Chad.”
“I’m sorry,” Jess said, “for keeping him from you.”
Mae blinked a couple of times, her eyes soft and warm. “Oh, honey, you had some tough decisions to make, and I’m not sure what I’d have done in your shoes. But you’ve given me a grandson, and I’ll always be grateful for that. And Chad will come around, dear. He’s just, well, he’s just been hurt a lot. It’s tough to get over something like that. But I’m praying for him.” She smiled thoughtfully. “Been a long time since I’ve talked to God, and it feels pretty good.”
Her Valentine Family Page 16
