Colin Meets an Emu

by Merv Lambert

  The Galpo captain shook hands with Olivia and Colin and patted Sammy on the head. The policeman kept shaking his head in admiration and was heard to say more than once, “Unbelievable! Unbelievable!”

  Soon they were back at the hotel and were greeted by Sharon, Milo and Aaron, while Quark was quickly being escorted back to the Galpos police spacecraft.

  As the blue moon shone its strange light upon them, Sharon said, “Olivia, Colin, you do realise that there is a huge reward for the capture of those escaped prisoners?”

  “Yes, it’s three trillion space dollars,” interrupted Aaron excitedly.

  “Well,” said Colin, “Olivia and I won’t be able to spend it. It’s really quite difficult to explain.”

  Olivia picked up the story. “You see, we are from another place and another time.” She glanced at Colin and then continued. “Where we come from the space dollar has not yet been invented. We would like you, our friends here to have the reward.”

  Aaron was so delighted that he rushed forward and kissed Olivia on the cheek. He was quickly followed by Norm and Milo. To Colin’s surprise, Sharon repeated this treatment on him. She said, “Thank you. Thank you. The Galpo captain is a friend of mine. I’m sure he will be able to arrange it all, but I’ll get a letter made out for you to sign before you go.”

  Twenty Earthminutes later, as Sammy ran round and gave their four new friends a farewell lick, Colin said, “It’s time for us to go. Goodbye, my friends. Goodbye.”

  “Goodbye,” echoed Olivia. She could see that M was waiting impatiently by the shuttle ready to return home.

  Sometime later during the space flight home, while M was invisibly watching a 3D DVD about African wildlife and Sammy was snoozing in his Doggy Home, Olivia took hold of Colin’s hand. “We have a lot to talk about,” she said, “and one thing in particular.”

  “What’s that?” asked Colin.

  “I think we’ve got a wedding to arrange.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes, ours. Otherwise we’ll be about 100 years too late!”

  “O.K.” murmured Colin.

  The next thing he remembered was waking up in his armchair with Sammy on his lap. The bookmark was glowing in his pocket, and his mobile phone was glowing too. There seemed to be a family photo on it. He and Olivia were on it, so were Sammy and M. He would have to find out who those other people were. No doubt he soon would, but that’s another story.

  The Attack on the Library

  Thud!

  Colin woke up with a start. He must have dozed off with his favourite book on his lap. What had awoken him? He gazed around and frowned, realising that he was at work. He was in the library! He glanced up at Mr. Jellysox, who had just come in. Something was odd about him. Yes, he was dressed like a Red Indian, as Colin had been brought up to call them, or as an American native tribesman. He wore two feathers in a headband. Colin glanced at his own clothes. He too was wearing deerskin trousers and a deerskin jerkin and comfortable moccasins. The bookmark seemed to be glowing, safely tucked away in his pocket. He put a hand to his head and found that he too was wearing a headband, but there was only one feather in it. Well, Mr. Jellysox was the chief librarian, so perhaps he was entitled to two feathers. Perhaps it was a fancy dress day at work to raise money for charity – but no, it wasn’t, because suddenly there was another loud thud and Colin saw that there were two arrows stuck in the top of his desk in front of him and one of them was still quivering from the impact. He looked round quickly. Was Sammy safe? He never brought him to the library, but this seemed to be the start of another adventure. At that very moment in walked Olivia with Sammy on a lead.

  “Hi, Olivia. Hi, Sammy,” said Colin, squatting down and making a fuss of his little dog. “What are you both doing here?”

  “Oh, Billy and Jilly are outside. We were taking Sammy for a walk, but what’s going on?”

  “I don’t know,” replied Colin, “but something unusual is,” and he pointed to the arrows stuck in the top of his desk.

  “Well, there are several horse-drawn wagons trundling around outside and they seem to be full of very strange cowboys or very strange Red Indians!”

  “Oh!” said Colin. “We’d better get Jilly and Billy inside. They could be in danger.”

  Olivia handed Sammy’s lead to Colin and hurried outside to find the children. Moments later Billy and Jilly came running inside, followed by Olivia and M.

  “I was just wondering where the arrows came from,” Colin told them.

  “Oh, that’ll be the cowbinjuns,” answered Jilly.

  “Cowbinjuns?” Despite all the reading he had done this was a word Colin had not come across before. “Cowbinjuns? What are they?”

  “Oh, it’s my word I invented for them. They look really silly. They are just cowboys pretending to be Indians.”

  “Perhaps they are playing at being Indians,” said Colin.

  “I don’t think so,” said Billy. “As we came in, one of them fired an arrow at me. It’s stuck in the wall out there.”

  At that moment Colin looked up and happened to notice a movement at the nearest window. A face under a stetson hat with feathers in it had been there and now was gone. M had seen it too, but just then who should come into the library but Mrs. Biggle, only she was not dressed like Mrs. Biggle. She was not wearing her usual brown hat, but was dressed as a Red Indian woman. This mystery was immediately solved by Mr. Jellysox, who appeared out of his office. He beamed at her.

  “Good morning, Squaw Big Gull,” he said.

  “Greetings, Chief Jellysox,” she replied cheerfully. The others all looked on amazed. She went on, “What are all those wagons doing outside circling the building?”

  “Really? I don’t know I’m sure.” He went to peek through the window. Meanwhile M had already squeezed through the door that had not been shut properly and dashed, invisible to the Big Chief and the Squaw, outside into the street. They were astounded by what they saw next. It looked to them as if the man, whose face Colin had seen at the window, was leaning back, supported by nothing but thin air, his body stiff and straight and with his eyes closed and his hat tilted forward over them. Balanced only on the backs of the heels of his boots, he was moving slowly backwards into the library. It was as if he were being dragged by an invisible force. In fact he was, and that invisible force was M, whose beak was holding him by the back of his coat collar. It looked really weird! The emu put the limp body down on Colin’s desk next to the two arrows. To Chief Jellysox and Squaw Big Gull he just seemed to float there.

  However, Colin and Chief Jellysox were very surprised by what happened next. Squaw Big Gull seemed to shake herself, as if to clear her head. Then she said, “I’ll get him a drink of water.” It was no sooner said than done. Quickly she returned with a tin mug full of water, which she gently placed at the man’s lips. He was now half awake. He took a few sips and seeing Squaw Big Gull his face froze in fear. She was perhaps the most terrifying nurse he had ever seen.

  “It’s all right. You are safe here,” cooed Squaw Big Gull. “We won’t harm you. What is your name?”

  The prisoner replied hesitantly, “B…B…Billy. Billy the Kidder. I’m in the Wild West Show.”

  “Wow! My name’s Billy too!” Colin’s young cousin exclaimed. “What do you do in the show?”

  “Well, I guess I’m a sort of clown. You know, the guy that falls off the roof of the bank, when the shooting starts.”

  “Oh, a stunt man!”

  “Yeah, I guess so. I think what’s happening is kinda my fault. Some of us got a little drunk. We put feathers in our hats and pretended to be Injuns doing all sorts of stupid things and it kinda got out of hand. It was me that fired the arrows through your window. I didn’t mean any harm. It was just a joke really, but now you are in trouble.”

  “Why?” asked Billy, who was intrigued by his new acquaintance. />
  “Well, you’ve captured me and the boys will be riled up, real mad.”

  Colin meanwhile was shaking his head in wonder. He had never seen Mrs. Biggle, or rather Squaw Big Gull, behaving so kindly to anyone. What was going on? Was he in the middle of some strange dream? The bookmark seemed to be glowing happily enough.

  Olivia, however, was far more fierce. “What are all those wagons doing outside then?” She could see that there was more to Billy the Kidder than he was telling them and she detected a sneer behind the answer.

  “It’s obvious. We…er…They are planning to attack this place.”

  “I don’t trust him,” said Olivia.

  Chief Jellysox agreed, and suddenly producing a ball of string, tied Billy the Kidder’s thumbs behind him just like Colin had once explained to him. “We’ll keep him in the basement under guard.”

  Sammy gave one of his surprisingly deep, menacing growls.

  “Yes, Sammy, you’re very good at that,” laughed Colin.

  Chief Jellysox led the prisoner away with Sammy trotting at his heels. Soon he was back. “Oh dear! Oh dear!” he said. “We’d better lock all the doors and windows, if we are going to be attacked.”

  “We’re already doing that,” replied Olivia calmly, but they had not been quick enough, for just at that moment three large cowboys, all with feathers stuck in the bands around their stetson hats, strolled in. They stopped in front of Colin’s desk.

  The bookmark was glowing steadily and there was a hard gleam in Colin’s eyes. “Good morning, gentlemen,” he said. “How can I help you?”

  The largest of the three men, clearly the leader and spokesman, thrust his jaw forward menacingly and said, “We want to join the library.” He paused, then turned to his two companions and added mockingly, “Don’t we, fellas?”

  They grinned, showing horrible yellowing teeth, and said, “Yeah, Brucie.” They were all lazily chewing wads of tobacco, and one of them spat some of it onto the floor.

  “Hey! This is a library! You can’t do that!” Chief Jellysox was incensed.

  “Yeah?” sneered the culprit, and then all three cowboys spat tobacco juice on the floor.

  “So what are you going to do about it?” jeered Brucie.

  Chief Jellysox glared at him. “Ask you to pick it up. Well? Go on then.”

  “Nope.” Brucie folded his arms and stood there grinning smugly – but not for long.

  “Aaaargh! Yuk! Ewww!” he gagged. M had swiftly stooped down, picked up one of the gobbets of tobacco in his beak and stuck it forcibly into Brucie’s mouth between a gap in his teeth.

  The big man continued to splutter. “Yuk!” he said again. “That was his!” and he pointed at one of the other cowboys, the one with the toothbrush moustache and the most bedraggled-looking feathers in his black stetson. “How did you do that? Darn it! Now I’ve gone and swallowed it!” Next he was overcome by a fit of coughing and retching.

  “Well, you were asked to pick it up.” Colin was smiling broadly. All of his friends were laughing, but Chief Jellysox and Squaw Big Gull were again looking on amazed.

  “It’s up to you, gentlemen,” went on Colin. “We’ve asked you once to pick it all up.”

  Brucie was choking with fury. His two friends started to bend down to pick up the remains of their unpleasant, squelchy tobacco, but they were stopped by Brucie’s angry squawk. “No you don’t!” They froze at his command, both bent forward. Again it was not for long. One of them seemed to turn a double somersault in the air. M had picked him up, flipped him over and pushed him head-first into the waste-paper basket. His hat had fallen off and the basket was jammed fast on his head. He was making weird sounds, presumably words, but they all sounded the same. “Groo! Groo! Groo!”

  Meanwhile with Olivia’s help Chief Jellysox had again performed his trick with the string and the third cowboy stood trussed and helpless. He couldn’t run away, because Squaw Big Gull was standing on his feet.

  “Tcha!” hissed the troubled Brucie. “You pesky Redskins are all the same. You can’t be trusted! We only came in here to join the library!” He glared spitefully at Colin and was about to turn around to make his escape, when he felt a strong grip on his arm. It was Colin. The bookmark was glowing merrily.

  “Just two questions,” said Colin. “Can you read?”

  “No.”

  “Then you would find it doubly difficult, if you did join this library, as nearly all the books here are in Redskin languages, such as Navajo and Sioux….”

  “And Jellysox,” interrupted the Chief.

  “Yes, even Jellysox,” laughed Colin. Then, still gripping Brucie firmly by the arm, he asked, “But why are you wearing feathers in your stetsons?”

  “You Injuns really are stupid!” sneered Brucie, still defiant. “It’s obvious. We can blame the attack on you Injuns. It wasn’t us at all, was it?”

  He tried to shrug his arm out of Colin’s grip, but to his surprise, found he could not.

  This time it was Billy and Jilly, who performed Chief Jellysox’s string trick, and as the big cowboy was being led away to the basement by Colin, he was still defiant. “Buffalo Brian won’t like this!” he roared.

  “Buffalo Brian? Never heard of him,” remarked Colin dismissively.

  “You will! You will!” snarled Brucie. “He’s our boss. He’s real scary. Brainy too. He can read and write as well. He’ll make you pay for this!”

  “Ooh, we just can’t wait,” squealed Jilly, who was thrilled by this adventure.

  Colin thrust Brucie through the doorway into the basement. Sammy gave a loud, deep, threatening bark, and all four of the prisoners jumped, especially the one with the waste- paper basket stuck on his head.

  “Listen, everyone,” called Chief Jellysox. “I suppose I’m in charge really, because I’m a chief and also chief librarian, so I think we must check all the entrances and windows are locked and secure.”

  “Already done,” said Billy. “And look! I’ve found Billy the Kidder’s bow and arrows.”

  “Good! Good!” approved Chief Jellysox.

  “But what we need is a plan,” said Olivia. “I think there are some things we could try. First of all we need to find some things we can use as weapons, although I think we’ll probably be O.K.” As she said this, she was looking straight at M, who seemed to nod his head in reply. Quickly she explained her ideas and Colin made sure everyone was in their agreed positions in the library. The bookmark continued to glow warmly.

  Outside there seemed to be a strange drumming noise.

  “Oh no!” exclaimed Chief Jellysox. “Wardrums!” Then he listened again and his face broke into a broad grin. “They can’t even get that right. The drummers are telling them to wash their socks, their…ha….ha…ha…stinky socks! Ha, ha, ha! Hee, hee, hee!” Despite the danger they were in his laughter was catching and they all began to giggle.

  “Quiet, everyone!” Billy was nearest the front windows. “Something’s happening outside.”

  Jilly ran to join him and said, “Some men are unloading a large parcel from a wagon. It’s very big and very wide and it’s wrapped in brown paper.”

  “Yeah, with lots of string,” added Billy.

  “It’s got a big label on it,” said Jilly, “and it’s really heavy. They’re staggering up the street with it.”

  Olivia had joined them at the window. “They’ve left it outside the front door. The label says ‘Property of the Library’.”

  Chief Jellysox and Colin looked at each other and nodded. They understood what was happening.

  The chief librarian said, “They must think we’re extremely stupid.”

  Colin replied, “Yes, to them we’re just ignorant Injuns, who’ve never heard of the Trojan Horse.”

  “Is there a horse in that big box or parcel or whatever it is?” asked Squaw Big Gull, who ha
d just returned from the basement, where she had just finished roping all the captured cowboys together, so that they were all sitting back to back on the floor in a tight bunch, unable to move. They were scared stiff of her and also of Sammy, who kept prowling round them with little steps and emitting his frightening impression of a lion’s roar.

  “No, there isn’t a horse in there,” replied Jilly.

  Her brother added, “Yeah, we learned about the Trojan Horse at school.”

  Colin explained to Squaw Big Gull. “Their plan is quite simple. They think we will drag that big parcel in here, and when we open it the men inside will jump out and overpower us.”